question about my mother

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bhelmreich
bhelmreich Posts: 254 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My mom is 50 and really unhealthy. I am not sure how much she weighs but she is a 3x, diabetic, and on many different medications. She's been "attempting" to lose weight but I know she sabotages herself by eating when we are sleeping. I am so scared she's going to die before I'm even married. I've already lost my dad and my grandparents, I do not want to lose her. How can I talk to her without feeling like I'm being mean? I know she has to do it for herself but she could die at any minute and I do not want her to need a near death experience to change her life.

I've seen people on here bigger than her and they've lost the weight! Whats helped motivate them?

Replies

  • CarterGrt
    CarterGrt Posts: 289 Member
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    I empathize with your situation. I think the only thing you can do is tell her how much you love her and your concerns without becoming accusatory or confrontational. Sadly, I don't think it is something you can "do" for another person. People have to decide to change on their own.

    I face this same challenge several times over in my own family. I know how hard it is.

    Good Luck!!!

    --Carter
  • BigGail
    BigGail Posts: 465 Member
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    Can you bring MFP up on the computer when you're at her house and show her some of the B & A pics? You could say "wow Mum, look at this lady she's gone from a 3x to a size 8 (or something like that). Then if she asks what site you're on you can say "oh this is the site I'm on to help me with my fitness" maybe you could do it together?
  • smuehlbauer
    smuehlbauer Posts: 1,041 Member
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    I can only suggest leading by example.
    Make sure that you are living a healthy life.
    Most times people have to come to the conclusion on their own that they need to make a change.
    Good luck.
    Steph
  • cc_campbell81
    cc_campbell81 Posts: 622
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    Although it may be a tough conversation you could try telling her you are concerned about her health and you are afraid of losing her. She may not change for a while but keep encouraging her. Invite her to go for walks with you or volunteer to cook and make healthier foods. A lot of women eat because of emotional issues, maybe helping her to deal with those will help with eating. She may get defensive but if you are polite but honest she will hear you. good luck.
  • TaneeisFitforLife
    TaneeisFitforLife Posts: 433
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    I would just lead by example....for me, I know I would have taken it the wrong way if a family member came to me with their concerns.
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
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    Maybe go to a doctor's appointment with her? I know it can be difficult to talk to others about serious topics, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and be honest, even if it sounds mean. She needs to know how you feel and that you care about her health.

    A friend of mine lost her dad just before Christmas. He was diabetic, very overweight and did not take care of himself at all. When he died he had liver cancer and was in renal failure. I know it was very hard for her. But the thing that gets me is that she's heading down the same path. She's overweight, had gestational diabetes while pregnant, yet continues to eat whatever she wants and doesn't exercise. It makes me really sad because I don't want her son to go through what she and her siblings just did, knowing that it could have been prevented.
  • kimcat73
    kimcat73 Posts: 687 Member
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    I can tell you that it may not be easy, but you should try. I wish I had talked to my mom earlier. She was diabetic, probably size 30/32, and no exercise. Unfortunately I didn't live close to her so she only heard about my small successes. She was very encouraging about it but I guess wasn't motivated enough for herself. Unfortunately I lost her last year to a heart attack. It was devastating to me and my family and her passing completely derailed my weight loss for over a year. I am finally back on track but I have so many moments when I wish I had said something about it. It's an uncomfortable topic to discuss, especially with a parent, but please try.
  • dustiemorris
    dustiemorris Posts: 35
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    I have the same problem with my mother ad she is a truck driver. It took me along time to finally say this was enough, but the more she sees me stick to eating heathly she has come around alot more. But she has to be ready and thats something you cant do for her
  • baypathgradLyns
    baypathgradLyns Posts: 639 Member
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    Can you bring MFP up on the computer when you're at her house and show her some of the B & A pics? You could say "wow Mum, look at this lady she's gone from a 3x to a size 8 (or something like that). Then if she asks what site you're on you can say "oh this is the site I'm on to help me with my fitness" maybe you could do it together?

    I like this suggestion :)
  • twistygirl
    twistygirl Posts: 517 Member
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    Introduce her to MFP heck my 26 year old daughter is on here too. We are doing the Mother and daughter thing. I am 50 the same age as your Mother bring her aboard so she can meet others in her same boat. Heck misery loves company. Perhaps she will log on and read peoples success stories that will give her the energy to start thinking like minded she can do this too.
  • ladybug91254
    ladybug91254 Posts: 232 Member
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    IF she has talked to you about her attempts to lose weight you could bring it up and say you have joined this site and that a lot of people lose easier doing it with someone and offer to help by doing it with her. That's actually how I found this. I had discussed with my daughter that I HAD to lose weight because I knew my health was failing...although I wasn't on any medicines. I had gotten where I couldn't get through the grocery store without being exhausted, couldn't do much of anything. My knees hurt, my feet hurt...I knew I was going to die or become an invalid. After talking to my daughter she was concerned and she knew she needed to lose a little too so she found this site and we have been on it together. I have always loved my daughter tremendously but it was actually brought to a new level when I knew she cared enough to research AND put herself on the line to help me. Possibly something like that would help your mom. However, having said all this...back to what others have said, she also has to be ready and willing to do it. My heart goes out to you both and I hope your mom can do something before it is to late.
    Deb
  • 2bFitNTrim
    2bFitNTrim Posts: 1,209 Member
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    How about writing her a letter explaining how much you love her and want her to live life to the fullest? Tell her how much her being in your life means to you. It's a difficult situation for sure. In the end, she has to want it for herself. You can only tell her how much it would mean to you to have her be healthier. If she shows any attempt, be her #1 supporter/cheerleader. Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • bsshaw1
    bsshaw1 Posts: 44 Member
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    I agree with Gail. I showed my wife the before and after pics on this site, and it really got her motivated. Since were are eating healthy together, it has been much easier for me, she is motivated, and we are having a blast planning meals and cooking together.

    She decided not to use this site as she wanted something more structured and decided to use Jillian Michaels site. This has benefited me as well as it has good ideas for meals as I tend to stick to a couple of different meals.

    To continue her motivation, I plan to have some before and after pics held in reserve in case I see her loose her motivation. I thin can spring those on her.

    Good luck in your goals and my prayers are with your mom.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
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    Keep everything very positive. Praise her whenever you "catch" her making heathy choices. Spend time with her in healthy activities, maybe ask her to walk with you a few days a week during the next year.
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
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    Can you bring MFP up on the computer when you're at her house and show her some of the B & A pics? You could say "wow Mum, look at this lady she's gone from a 3x to a size 8 (or something like that). Then if she asks what site you're on you can say "oh this is the site I'm on to help me with my fitness" maybe you could do it together?

    TaneeisFitForLife is a PERFECT example to show her. Look how awesome she looks and how much better she must feel, physically. This is one incredible Before and After! Good luck with your Mom, and TaneeisFitForLife, you have done an amazing job...I am very proud of your accomplishments. Hope you don't mind that I suggested using your B & A as an example.

    Happy New Year!
  • TaneeisFitforLife
    TaneeisFitforLife Posts: 433
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    Thanks :) I don't mind lol

    I do need to point out that when I changed to a healthier life style, it's trickled down through out my family and friends. My dad is eating way healthier now than ever before & all I had to do my thing & be as open as possible about it (he lives next door to me). You know how your mom is & if this is something you can approach her with. It's something that she is going to have to change though no matter what you tell her.
    Since she hides and eats I can assure you that she is embarrassed (I was like that too). Embarrassed people get defensive. So tread carefully or you may trigger her to do it more.

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