Addressing someone who lost a lot in a short time...

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emmacken
emmacken Posts: 161 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I play in a symphonic band and we just regrouped after our summer break. There is an older gentleman there who I am friendly with, but in a more professional manner than close friends. He has lost a lot of weight since I last saw him. I'm cautious about acknowledging his weight loss in case it wasn't intentional. What is the most respectful way to address his weight loss? He seemed happy and talkative and performed at his usual caliber, so other than he physically being smaller, there wasn't anything to indicate that something was wrong. I'm just mortified of the idea of me congratulating him and finding out that he could be sick.

Any thoughts or opinions are gratefully appreciated!

Replies

  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    The most respectful way is to not say anything at all.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    Since you don't know him well enough for him to have shared any discussions about his body with you, it is best to not make any comments about his body.


    If he shares with you that he's been dieting or has cancer or whatever else it might be, then you can find the right words...and I'm sure if/when the time comes, you will.
  • KylaDenay
    KylaDenay Posts: 1,585 Member
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    You don't have to say anything at all, but you could give a quaint "congratulations on your weight loss." Simple. If he replies that it was unintentional and he was in fact sick, then sympathize with him and let him know that you are sorry to hear that. Some people like the compliments and some do not.

    You will never know unless you do actually say something.
  • TheStephil
    TheStephil Posts: 858 Member
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    I don't say anything unless they have brought up trying to lose weight or getting healthy to me. If you feel the need to say anything, a simple "looking good" may work but doesn't just target the weight loss.
  • brightsideofpink
    brightsideofpink Posts: 1,018 Member
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    "Hey George. You look great. Have you had a nice summer?"
  • NOW_is_my_time
    NOW_is_my_time Posts: 7
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    It's gauche to comment on somebody else's weight/body, even positively. Possible exceptions are if they have previously brought it up with you or you are very, very close to them. Otherwise, the closest I would get is to compliment their choice of outfit.
  • Josalinn
    Josalinn Posts: 1,066 Member
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    "Hey George. You look great. Have you had a nice summer?"

    Yeah, something like this. If he gets defensive like "Did I look great before?" respond with "Yes, but you just seem really happy, so I thought you had a particularly good summer. " Avoid weight at that point!
  • La5Vega5Girl
    La5Vega5Girl Posts: 709 Member
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    The most respectful way is to not say anything at all.

    ^^ agree
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,671 Member
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    The most respectful way is to not say anything at all.

    ^^ agree
    QFT
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
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    If you want, you can say "Hey, have you lost weight? You look different, but good!"
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Leave the guy alone. Talk about something else completely.
    It is rude to discuss weight like that.
  • brightsideofpink
    brightsideofpink Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I agree that it is rude to bring up weight, but it might also be nice to open a door that the respondent can choose to walk through if they wish, but in a way that doesn't push them through it or imply something you don't mean to imply.

    How many hundreds of posts are on here of "I lost 50 pounds, why hasn't anybody noticed?" with a great deal of discouragement.

    That said, I'd only offer the "you look great" as an opening if they look great overall- ie, happy, healthy-ish, talkative. So you are covering more than weight at that point.
  • Bukawww
    Bukawww Posts: 159 Member
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    Honestly, I'd like to get to goal weight and forget that I was ever heavy..i'd also like everyone else to forget as well. While it makes me feel great that people notice, I'm mortified to have ever been obese.
  • Zerodette
    Zerodette Posts: 200 Member
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    If you don't know him that well to know what's going on, there's no need to comment. It's okay to not say anything, especially if you're not super close.
  • EmmaOnTrack
    EmmaOnTrack Posts: 425 Member
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    It's kinda the reverse of "Congratulations, when are you due?!" isn't it?

    Best to stay WELL clear until/unless he wants to share with you.
  • northbanu
    northbanu Posts: 366 Member
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    My personal rule is this: I don't bring something up if I don't want to deal with the answer, should that answer be uncomfortable.

    An actual friend that lost a considerable amount weight, yes, I'd be wiling to deal with the answer regardless. Of course, if it were a friend I'd probably know why the weight loss occurred.

    Meh, it's ALWAYS safe to not discuss someones weight / weight loss.
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
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    The most respectful way is to not say anything at all.

    ^^ agree
    QFT

    ^^ This. It's nice of you to want to congratulate him/offer support, but as someone else said some of us losing weight DO NOT WANT to be noticed. I "yell" because that is how strongly I feel about it. To the point where for a long long time I didn't lose any weight because I lived in fear of people commenting to me about it (there were other reasons but that was a huge one, albeit an over-simplification of the actual reason). Not everyone enjoys being noticed and/or not everyone enjoys being noticed for their physcial attributes.

    In my experience the people who want to be noticed for their accomplishment tend to find a way to bring up in conversation that they have been trying to lose weight. Wait for his opening and then congratulate him.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    "Hey George. You look great. Have you had a nice summer?"

    This

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