How to approach someone at the gym?

Sued0nim

Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.

" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.

Really?

I personally don't go to the gym to make friends, I go to have my own space and time and to work out.

Why do you think that your need to talk / make contact outweighs my need to find my own peace and equilibrium?

If I'm honest, I think it's rather ridiculous being that unaware of other people's social cues and having that little respect for their desires.

onelonelysocknoble

The way I'd feel about folks approaching me for a chat whilst I'm at the gym is highly influenced by how many people are hogging the weights. If I can't work out the way I want, then I'm just grumpy.

Having said that, and something that no-one seems to have mentioned, is to have a chat to the gym staff and personal trainers. Get to know them a tad better. They're normally very happy to chat, especially if you have any questions about working out!
In my personal experience, they know all of the friendly approcable people. I've been introduced to several folks because of the staff.

cdoesthehula

I spent quite a few years living on a boat. I was travelling from place to place every couple of weeks. So I know what it's like to be somewhere where you don't know anyone.

Talk to people whenever you can, but I wouldn't consider a gym an ideal place to do that. I know with work spare time becomes precious, but you have to get out there. Bars and pubs are flawed because the people you'll see regularly are drunks or looking to get laid.

First, Have you joined meetup.com? It's good because it isn't a dating site. You join groups of people and go to do interesting things. I've never been to a meetup group and not had someone make an effort to talk to me.

Second, learn a musical instrument or join a choir. Honestly. Musicians are interesting, cool people. You don't have to be any good, just go along and soak up the atmosphere.

It seems hard from where you are right now, but try either of the two things I've suggested. You will have all sorts of adventures!

Cc215

If you go on a regular schedule then you'll start to see the same faces over and over - just say hi to start off. I find most of the conversations I've had have been either in the changing rooms or in the jaccuzzi - but this may be because if I'm mid work out I'm not looking to start chatting away.

I have the opposite problem. I go to the gym on my own - I want to work out alone. But I have friends keep suggesting the join my gym so we can go together. How do it tell them to bog off and leave me alone!! I'd much rather have their company at another time. Actually I think I just answered my own question - I'll tell them I'd rather have their company another time and suggest something else to do!

jessicagrieshaber

Thanks for all of the insight, guys! I think the best idea would to be just read peoples cues. I completely understand that the gym is not the ideal place to strike up a conversation - but it's where I spend the majority of my time outside of work.

I'll consider joining a class or a meetup group (per suggestions by a few people) to see if that helps too.

samammay

You can approach just about anyone by introducing a conversation topic.

"Hey, I love those socks - where did you get them?"

"I noticed on your shirt that you ran in the XXX 5K. Is that local and an annual thing?"

"You have amazing calves. What is your secret?"

Its just like meeting someone in a bar. Just start talking. "Hi - I'm Steve." Best opening line ever. But yes - read the cues. If someone is in the zone, let them have their space.

MinnieInMaine

Doing weights - I might if I'd observed them for a while and can gauge their rest time between sets. Maybe make a quick comment about something they're wearing, hair style, asking what app they're using to track or quick advice on form.

Doing cardio - I'll strike up a conversation if the mood hits as long as they're not wearing headphones. That to me is a cue that they want to be left alone. It's not always true but I'd rather not bother them just in case.

fallingwave

I've made a lot of friends because of the gym -- but I do group classes. After going for so long and seeing the same people conversations would strike up. Maybe try those and see what happens.

chadya07

i dont like much when people talk to me on the floor... cause i am in the zone, yep.

but classes are a great place to meet people. people tend to be a lot more open to conversation is a setting that is group oriented.

alligatorrawr

I have social anxiety and I have a hard time talking to strangers. But I REALLY wanted to tell this girl how much I loved her pants. Sooooo I tried to tell her and she told me (in spanish) she doesn't speak english. I spent 3 minutes trying to figure it out in Spanish and when I finally did she was so excited! so it might brighten their day too don't be scared

pscarolina

This is why I'm happy I teach Jazzercise. We not only work HARD (think Zumba but better cueing & strength training), but also make a point to introduce people in class who may have something in common, especially if they're new. We also schedule a monthly ladies night, dance at halftime at professional football & basketball games, & just generally make our workout friends part of our social circle. I know dance aerobics isn't everyone's cup of tea & everyone's group exercise experience is different, but it helped me make new friends when I moved to Charlotte, NC years ago.

So...as someone said earlier, classes might be a better place to strike up a friendship. Who knows, you might even get a new lifting partner & make the whole gym experience more enjoyable.

levitateme

Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.

" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.

Some people have to be out of the gym by a certain time to get to work on time and don't have time to casually chat with anyone, at all. I am one of those people. I don't think there's anything ridiculous about that.

ruffnstuff

I live in the Chicago suburbs and I know some single friends who've met both friends and others through doing things with Events and Adventures. I've heard commercials on the radio, but otherwise don't know much about them, but perhaps it's worth checking out. At least it's another way to potentially meet people outside the gym, and do some fun activities, too.

beertrollruss

I stopped wearing headphones except for the treadmill, so I could make friends at the gym. Sometimes I might ask someone about an exercise they're doing or just comment about something going on at the gym. Asking to work in can be an ice breaker some times. If someone seems to be free, you could ask them to check your form on an exercise. I feel like I should know someone before asking for a spot. Some people get grumpy about spotting and a lot of people just aren't good at spotting.

Last time I spotted somebody, he was benching heavy and his breath smelled of cigarettes.

I turned somebody down on spotting toward the end of a leg workout once. The dude looked at me like I was being a **** but I was really exhausted and sweaty and I would have dripped sweat all over him. Maybe I should have just gone ahead and dripped on him.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

I make the most headway with gym people in classes. Other than that, just go talk to someone. In between sets, in the locker room, or in the stretching area pretty much the only appropriate avenues to take in starting convos in the gym.

jennifer_417

Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.

" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.

I see your point, but to be fair, if you're lifting and not paying attention to what you're doing, you could seriously hurt yourself.

Alidecker

If they have classes, go to those. I have met several people in classes that I go to regularly. We whine and groan together and become friends.

I have been at the same gym for 5 years now and have several friends that I am social with. It is a fairly small gym and I go at the same time during the week, so I see the same people a lot. We are friendly, but only a few that I am social with outside of the gym. Most of those I met when my trainer and I crossed from being just trainer/client to friends and hung out socially. This however, lead to a complete group of friends that I hang out with on the weekends...only one of which was an actual gym member before. I think when I talk to people at the gym it is during stretching or after the workout when getting ready to leave.

ThatMouse

Classes are a definite way to make friends - they're in a group situation and, unless it's something where talking is frowned upon (certain types of yoga/more intense classes/your gym has a culture of "head down, get to work, get the **** out"), most people will be open to some small conversation.

I'm a fairly head-down person at the gym when I'm actually working out, but I'm open to certain types of conversation - namely those with seniors (for whom I have a soft spot). NEVER is it about form or technique - I've never been asked - but it's usually "hey, how's it going?" and then, after a few months of that, it's "I'm Mouse, nice to meet you." with a handshake. If it goes somewhere from there, awesome. If not, stick to hello.

I have a handful of friends at my gym, all of which have just gradually become friends through the four months of workouts at the same time. I go both at 6:45AM and at lunch (varies, but usually between 11-2) and I find that the morning crowd is generally more talkative - we have a bit more time and we're all in the same mindset of "I want to go in the morning, the gym is my favourite time of day". I see the same people and, after a few months of head-nods and hellos, have had meaningful conversations with about three people. Two of them have exchanged emails and numbers and agreed to coffee outside of the gym. Now, we're all ladies and most of our conversations happen in the lockers after we've worked out and are getting ready for the day. I'm in too much of a rush at lunch to want to talk to anyone.

Just like in any other scenario, don't force yourself on anyone. Greet people, be open, make eye contact if it happens. NEVER interrupt someone's work out or offer tips on form (for me, unless I'm being strangled by the bar, let me flounder - I don't give a **** if I'm about to hurt myself, let me make my goddamn mistakes on my own), don't be a creep and stare them down, and don't take things personally. If someone's too head-down-work-out, let them be. Some people don't want to spend a second longer than they have to at a gym. For others, we love the place.

Cathalain

Some people take the gym so seriously. I take the gym serious too but no one has time to have a simple conversation? Some people need to unwind a bit and and take your foot off the gas and enjoy these things in life.

" I'm here to work out and work out only , I don't talk to any one, head phones on not one word spoken blah blah". People are ridiculous.

I have a VERY tight schedule - and I mean down to the MINUTE, sometimes (a 3 hour commute, a 10 hour work day and graduate school will do that to you). I speak with people all day long (some of whom most don't WANT to talk to - think convicted felons). My workout time is the ONLY time I get to myself, literally, and the last thing I want to do is talk. I want to work out, relax (it IS relaxing for me), and take that time for myself.

If that makes me ridiculous, then I will happily be so. You can add "selfish" to the description too, for all that, and I'll be the first to agree with you.

You can't make a broad assumption that everyone who's in a rush or has headphones on is antisocial. That's just absurd.

MuayThaiMaMa1

If you do social media like Facebook I'd see if your gym has a facebook page and possibly make connections that way. My gym does and people actively post on the page.