Fabulous New Diet Plan!
TomInAiken
Posts: 30 Member
in Chit-Chat
A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
I'm gonna see if I can get thrown out of K-Mart tomorrow. Retired life can be fun.
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
I'm gonna see if I can get thrown out of K-Mart tomorrow. Retired life can be fun.
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Replies
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defintely didnt see that coming.
still laughing.0 -
Now that has made my day! Does it work with other dog foods as well?0
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Oh my goodness too funny !!0
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Can't....stop....laughing! Thanks for a great start to a Friday!0
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This is hysterical. Thanks I needed that!!!!!!0
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That's been around for a few years, but it's always worth a chuckle.0
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Great to giggle first thing in the morning!0
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I love it
I'll pass this on to my american friends, they'll be in stitches of laughter....
TY, really cheered up my day
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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
I'm gonna see if I can get thrown out of K-Mart tomorrow. Retired life can be fun.
Either I'm having a major case of deja vu or I've stepped into a wormhole bringing me back in time 2 years ago.
I remember distinctly reading this here on MFP before :huh:0 -
That's been around for a few years, but it's always worth a chuckle.
Whew.
I thought this was written as it happened to OP :laugh:
No more coffee for me today.0 -
ROFLMAO :-D
And I don't care if it's been on here before, it's funny :-D0 -
Just spit coffee all over my keyboard!!! A perfect way to start off a Friday!!0
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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO WAL-MART
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!
I'm gonna see if I can get thrown out of K-Mart tomorrow. Retired life can be fun.
Either I'm having a major case of deja vu or I've stepped into a wormhole bringing me back in time 2 years ago.
I remember distinctly reading this here on MFP before :huh:
Don't you love people who think everything is written just for them?0 -
Oh my gosh! Priceless!
Great laugh to start my day! Thanks! :laugh:0
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