The "death" of your heavier self...

numinousnymph

Though this is more of a support issue, I'm posting this in the success stories board because I'm specifically looking for people who've already lost weight. I've lost 71 lbs from my highest weight, and I do look very different in this new body, as would be expected. Especially in my face, where the weight seems to go on and come off first. I feel like I look like almost a completely different person, and since I never want to go back to my heavier self, I kind of feel like my old self has died, or is buried, something I'm casting away and moving on from.

In a weird way, this makes me feel sad, almost mournful. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am now that that other person is gone, that person whose body I inhabited for most of my life. I'll look in the mirror, and think, "who is that person? Is that really me?". I get some sort of depersonalization, and it feels unsettling. I feel like a whole new person, but it doesn't feel as good as you'd think. Anyone else who's lost weight (especially enough to drastically change how you look) experienced this? Has it gotten better over time?

blukitten

I cant quite identify yet but sort of can cause while I haven't hit my goal weight yet, it has been one of my "fears" I guess you could call it of losing the weight. I fear I will not know who I am or not be myself. I consciously know this is ridiculous and know I will still be me but will I?

mandymack14

I had a very similar experience in a different context. Someone I talked to at the time gave me a wonderful metaphor to help me come to grips with the changes I was undergoing. She said:

"Imagine yourself as a rose bush, and the parts of you that have "died" were the old flowers. They were beautiful but their time was over. The rose bush can look a little bereft for a while, however, it survives, and grows, and will have even more blooms. The new flowers will be just as beautiful - but it might take a little while for you to recognise them as such."

I often think of this and now know it was completely true.

jrline

I still see my fat self in the mirror even though I am 10" smaller in the waist. I was always a husky kid. When I see pictures of me now I am surprised that I am not that fat guy any more.

ndwildbill

It sounds like you are grieving the loss of your heavier self. Something you probably need to work through, so you don't hold onto the person you were. A suggestion, (I do some grief counseling professionally), look at the relationship you had with your heavier self by graphing the positive and negative memories of that relationship as far back as you can remember your heavier self. From that, make a list of the things you feel you need to apologize to your heavier self for, a list of the things you need to forgive your heavier self for, and all the other emotional statements you would like to say to your heavier self. From those lists, write a letter to your heavier self, apologizing, forgiving, and saying whatever else needs to be said. Read that letter to a person you trust. Just a suggestion, a process I know works to help people through grief.

Zerodette

It sounds like you are grieving the loss of your heavier self. Something you probably need to work through, so you don't hold onto the person you were. A suggestion, (I do some grief counseling professionally), look at the relationship you had with your heavier self by graphing the positive and negative memories of that relationship as far back as you can remember your heavier self. From that, make a list of the things you feel you need to apologize to your heavier self for, a list of the things you need to forgive your heavier self for, and all the other emotional statements you would like to say to your heavier self. From those lists, write a letter to your heavier self, apologizing, forgiving, and saying whatever else needs to be said. Read that letter to a person you trust. Just a suggestion, a process I know works to help people through grief.

I'm nowhere close to needing this, but it sounds like a great idea!

numinousnymph

It sounds like you are grieving the loss of your heavier self. Something you probably need to work through, so you don't hold onto the person you were. A suggestion, (I do some grief counseling professionally), look at the relationship you had with your heavier self by graphing the positive and negative memories of that relationship as far back as you can remember your heavier self. From that, make a list of the things you feel you need to apologize to your heavier self for, a list of the things you need to forgive your heavier self for, and all the other emotional statements you would like to say to your heavier self. From those lists, write a letter to your heavier self, apologizing, forgiving, and saying whatever else needs to be said. Read that letter to a person you trust. Just a suggestion, a process I know works to help people through grief.

wow, that sounds powerful. i should try it.

JesseFiguried

I'm not to that point yet but I'm down nearly 60 pounds and kinda having the opposite thoughts. Now I feel like even after all this weight that I still have so much more I could do and feel kinda depressed about the fact that there is still much further to go. I'm not fat anymore by a long shot but if I really had to, probably another 25 would be great...but what if even after that I feel like things aren't where they should be?

I guess in the end we all need to feel comfortable in our own skin and not look for perfection or compare to what we may see in magazines or TV or online...we are all human, have flaws, and even the best in shape could still see improvement in some area or another. Got to stay focused, take it day by day, and just make sure it's a life change and not a yo-yo plan that many of us have been through before.

One and Done! Turn around for life! Accept it...this IS the new YOU!!! Enjoy Think about the accomplishment you just got through and be happy. If there were any health issues you may have had at the heavier you, look back and realize those things are long gone now. You really have so much to be thankful for.

Polishprinsezz

I have lost 90lbs so far and I do not grieve or miss that old body. I do feel like a new person. It does feel weird. I am not quite used to it. I really enjoy the freedom from that weight. It held me down and I wasted too much time on that body. Life is great. I feel alive