Spouse traveling a lot?

justcat206

Does anyone else have a spouse who travels frequently? I feel like I could use some emotional advice.

My husband, within the last year or so, has started traveling a lot for work - usually 1-2 weeks every month, sometimes up to 5 weeks in a row. He witnesses tests for his work so it's a major part of his job description now - and we're all incredibly grateful that he has a job he enjoys with a good salary that provides for us well. However, I expected eventually to adjust to his being gone so much, and so far 8 months in, I'm really not. I'm finding it very stressful that we can't really make any long term plans because he usually doesn't receive travel plans till a couple weeks before he leaves - I can't ever tell the kids if he'll be able to attend any of their events or activities because we really don't know till the last minute.

Anyway, my question is this. I'm very emotional about food and I've found it's presented the following problems:

1) when I feel abandoned and lonely, I get really munchy. Ordinarily when hubby is home, I put the kids to bed and then we hang out together. But when he's gone, I put the kids to bed, then tend to raid the kitchen and snack a bunch while I kill time until sleep. I'm trying to find things like sewing, or taking a hot bath with a cup of tea to keep me occupied, but after a long day with the kids and the farm I tend to cave and "unwind" with a treat and tv instead.

2) When hubby used to travel occasionally, I'd help myself adjust to the idea by planning exciting and yummy meals to eat while he was gone (like take-out japanese food, brownies for dessert, pizza, easy lunches like hot dogs or mac'n'cheese). That worked ok when he traveled one or two weeks a year, but not now that he's gone one or two weeks a month.

Soooo - does anyone have advice on dealing with the emotional junk without using food? I'm trying hard to meal plan better and/or leave calories for bedtime snacking or treat meals, but somehow when push comes to shove and I'm in a hurry or lonely or stressed, I'm always WAY over on calories. Anyway, just looking for empathy and advice I guess.

floweredsteel

Im on the other end~~im the one traveling. Its just as lonely on the road. I usually expect to be gone, so when i do get to be home its a bonus. Emotional eating is tough for most of us. I like the tea and hobby idea. Something that keeps your hands and brain busy will help. I play internet games (when im not stuck working in the hotel room). I also try to take the time to call my bf or other friends who are awake~~feeling more connected might help. Best of luck.

justcat206

Thanks! I totally didn't mean to imply it wasn't also lonely and hard for him. I know he hates being away I'm sure as much as we hate having him gone. I guess I just need to give myself a kick in the butt and exercize more self control.

ddrhellbunny

I'm pretty much right in the same boat as you.

My boyfriend is a pilot and can be gone for days at a time at ANY given moment. He's actually been gone for 2 months now for training, so i do understand the loneliness.

It really sucks at first, but after awhile you sort of just get used to it. Maybe it's a bit easier for me because I am somewhat a loner anyway, but it still doesn't make is easier to miss him. I like to raid the kitchen too if i'm lonely or bored so I need to stop that, haha.

I just usually find projects to keep me busy, go for walks, explore the city, draw, watch shows etc. When he finally does come home we don't usually feel the need to PLAN anything per say, we just enjoy each others company, cuddling and watching shows. I don't need to DO anything with him, just being with him lifts my spirits.

Maybe you just need to appreciate the time you spend together, doesn't have to be anything fancy or extravagant, just enjoy each others presence, seems to work for me. It's not always easy but at least he isn't gone for MONTHS at a time. So there is that :]

MyM0wM0w

I live alone and I always did the same thing. 'Treat' myself to a nice take out dinner and dessert then come home and lose myself in front of the TV.

When I couldn't nosh in front of the TV anymore I had to find something else to do.

I puzzle. It sounds silly but I bought a few 1000 piece puzzles and a felt thing to roll them up in (I have cats that would trash the pieces if I left them out). I don't want to get food on my fingers because I love the pictures and frame them so I don't want to get them grubby. Can't eat and puzzle at the same time.

I say find something to do while you watch TV that doesn't allow you to eat.

Now I also crochet, knit, puzzle, or do other crafts while I watch TV.

tehman

I also was on the other side, being the one traveling. For me I always worked very hard to have a specific time each evening to call when the kids were awake and then a second time each night after the kids asleep to just connect with the far better half. I had these times in my calendar since the times changed each evening depending on sports, meals out, etc. Another thing to know is that it took some time to figure out these calls only had to be 5 to 10 mins each. that way the call is more conversational and natural, versus a long call which got monotonous over the days and kind of a reminder that you are not there again.

logg1e

You know what's happening, perhaps read up a bit more about Emotional Eating - knowledge is power and all that. The problem with comfort eating is that eating food doesn't actually satisfy your emotional hunger, so you over-eat and are still left with the original sadness. For your mental health, you need to find other ways to acknowledge and address your feelings. Eating is just a short term "fix.

For those evenings when you know you'll be tempted to comfort eat - plan your food. Filling, satisfying evening meal followed by an allowance of healthy snacks and an unhealthy fix. Otherwise, I think it's a case of building habits that keep you occupied and happy. Hobbies, physical activities etc.

pleasurelittletreasure

My husband went through a stint of endless traveling for work and it was so hard that the dog even climbed into his suitcase when he was packing - she was determined to go with him! So, yeh, as nice as it is for them to have a job they like, we just want them home! I had the opposite problem because I am an emotional non-eater, if that is a thing. (It is now. I declare it so.) I would just forget to eat if he wasn't around. Just as bad as pecking away at stuff because I'd end up with outrageous headaches. No fun either way. Hopefully, his work will steady out into something that feels like a routine. Meanwhile, what to do about the munchies?

Since you are tired at the end of the day, perhaps you could use a bit of that down time to pre-plan your meals the night before? And log it in. That way, you don't have to try to do it in the morning as the day begins or try to remember the craziness that was your day at the end. It's already there. I do that when I know I am going to be truly crazy-busy. Sometimes I mark it out in my notepad in my purse since I eat a lot of the same things each day and know the calories - like a rough draft.

Then throughout the day you've planned, leave wiggle room in case you feel a little hungrier mid-day or know you'll be watching a movie that night and wanting some popcorn with the kids. And if you always plan a deficit, you can have a little 'extra' at the end of the day if you feel the need without risking going over.

mhollencamp102012

My husband travels alot as well....he can be gone anywhere from a week to two months at a time. usually 2 weeks at a time. It is hard, at first....he's been doing it for 3 yrs. it will get easier having him gone, but when he comes home is when it will be hard...what i mean is this...

When he is gone, the kids and I get into our own rutine. Kids have thier chores, school schedule, we eat dinner at the same time every night, everything runs smooth.

when dad gets home.....that rutine and schedule gets completly turned upside down because we dont get him home for very long so we just kind of play everything by ear.

My kids are older 17 and 10 and are used to dad traveling so him being gone isnt too bad. however, we do have one benifit of being able to fly out to see him when he's gone for a long time. Dad will fly us all out to where he is for the weekend. or if he is with in a 6 hour drive we will drive out.

Hope it gets easier for you, sometimes you just have to tell yourself.....he's doing it for the family and it's a sacrafice on him too...

good luck