Reaching out for OA sponsor and support

bleigh1964

I have started and stopped weight loss lifestyle changes so many times in the past and don’t seem to be able to succeed. I guess that is wrong I have succeeded with mfp and with ww, but then something happens in my life and I go back to a defensive roll and allow the weight back on due to not just emotional eating, but it seems to be the only sure pleasure I will allow. I’m considering signing up with Overeaters Anonymous, realizing step one I am powerless over food and my life is unmanageable - I’m not religious, but I do believe in a higher power the universe. I love that mfp is free and extremely easy to use.
Last year, right before turning 50, I was in a good place. I had been using mfp and ww, working with a trainer with a boot camp and new I’d finally got it. My mom had started dating and I thought what the he??, I should be doing this too. I was confident, wasn’t really looking for someone; I thought was in the perfect mind set to find someone. I reached out to a dating site and within a small amount of time started talking to someone who it didn’t really matter if it amounted to anything or not. Everything, escalated fast. I had no idea how good these (organized crime unit) scammers were. Within a six to eight week time period I fell for every bit of it and was scammed for, lets just say he double my debt. First I also want to say I am not a stupid person, and I wouldn’t have done some of these things for family members. These scammers have studied us, in such ways, that once they get their teeth into you…. The emotional rollercoaster was unbelievable. I Psychologist made me write down every one of the lies to compare it to the love I was in to this person that didn’t exist. I had 3 pages, single spaced, of lies, but I knew that I knew that I knew. The Psychologist explained I was going to have to break my heart to make it end. It is hard to believe that this person I knew was so right, that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, that omg unbelievable feeling – was with someone that was probably a group of people that studied my every word and move to see how much money they could get from me. I almost sold my car…… When it was over, I remember telling a friend thank god I’m at a good weight right now, this would have been so much harder otherwise. I think I knew then I was headed again to what is familiar, something that never hurts me, food. Sorry so long just wanted to get this out there!
I thought this might be a way to reach out for some assistance. I know that they have phone in OA meetings and online meetings so a sponsor in another city, state, even time zone, or Country is no longer an issue. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

beth535

Hello, Bleigh!

We have a few things in common. I, too, am looking for some OA support here on MFP. A few years ago I had almost an identical experience with the online "love of my life" scam. He said the most wonderful things! And he was such a hunk in his picture! I couldn't believe someone so handsome could really want to be with me. He had said he was born in Belgium and was working in some place (African continent, maybe?) as a consultant and that he traveled the world. He had a son who had lost his mother tragically and was with him, being home-schooled. The guy made plans to fly to Pittsburgh to meet me when he returned, and he would bring his son, too. A few days later he said he had trouble with whatever shipment he was supposed to be making, and asked if could I help him with some money issues. He said he needed a few thousand dollars. Now, compulsive spending is one of my issues, so I barely had money in a savings account, let alone that much to lend to someone I'd never met. When I said I couldn't help him, he suggested I get the money from my 401(k). I was more furious with myself for having been scammed than broken-hearted. My heart goes out to you for having had a smarter scammer than I did!

I've been involved in 12 step fellowships for almost two decades. I have 18 years of sobriety and continue to attend a few AA meetings each week, although marijuana was my substance of choice. Alcohol and Crohn's disease don't mix very well. But, when I did drink it was always to get drunk. Three years and 8 months ago (as of Wednesday this week) I got "smober" in Nicotine Anonymous meetings online. I'm still active in that, too.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says "...alcohol is but a symptom of our disease." It goes on to talk about how alcoholism is really a problem of how we react to alcohol once it's in our system. It's an allergy: just one drink and we can't control how much we'll drink or how we'll behave. No matter how badly we want to stop, it's beyond our human capability. It's a disease of the mind, really.

I've said for a long time I have one disease with many manifestations. Compulsive overeating and spending are two others. I use substances and behaviors to change the way I feel, or to escape my feelings. I can eat because I'm depressed or eat because I'm celebrating.

I tried OA for about a year around 2005. I was struggling with trying to quit smoking, too, and wasn't succeeding with either one. In the past couple of years, especially since I quit smoking, I've gotten very involved in service in my recovery fellowships. Step twelve is all about reaching out to those who still suffer so we can stay substance/behavior-free ourselves.

Two weekends ago I was attending a Women's AA spiritual retreat called "Road to Recovery," which focused on working the 12 steps. We had a potluck dinner Friday night. There were 45 women attending. Of course there were plenty of desserts and snacks, few of them healthy choices! I went on a feeding frenzy that was unbelievable. I was aware of what I was doing, wondered if anyone was paying attention, convinced myself I was eating because I was in a social situation, and just kept on grazing.

Sunday morning my miracle happened. There was a woman I've known with 30+ years of sobriety who is also in OA. We got to talking and I asked Ruth if she would sponsor me if I worked the OA program without attending meetings. She said no, she couldn't be my only source of support. That's when the light bulb turned on. Here I was, powerless over food, interacting with some wonderful women who understand why "WE" is the first word of the first step. We can't do it alone. It takes a Higher Power, along with working the program and the support of those who do the same. I surrendered!

So I called a close friend who was in both AA and OA and asked if she wanted to go to an OA meeting that night. I went back to Ruth and asked again and she said she wished she could but she had so many AA and OA sponsees she couldn't give me the time I deserved. She said I could call her or meet with her, though. I said I was looking for a sponsor who was also in AA. She suggested a few women.

At the meeting that night, the first woman Ruth had suggested, named Tess, who I didn't know, happened to be there. When it was my turn to share, I explained how I'd gotten back to OA and that I was looking for a sponsor who was also in another fellowship. The woman who was chairing pointed to Tess, who I realized was the woman Ruth had mentioned.

I asked Tess to be my sponsor and made that meeting my home group. I'm defining my abstinence as 1800 calories or less each day. My MFP goal is actually set for 1500, and most days I'm staying at or under that. I think I've been abstinent for six days and logged in here six days in a row. For me, that's progress!

Boy, this got long quickly! I hope I haven't bored you too much. Lol! I don't think I'm in a position to sponsor anyone, but I'd love to buddy with you. Maybe we can even attend some online meetings.

Let me know if you're interested in chatting. I'll send you a friend request. I can't take as much time as I have in writing this on a regular basis, but, if you're interested, we can talk about what might work for both of us.

Thanks for "listening,"
Beth

beth535

Ooops! I thought I'd sent that privately. New to the MFP message boards.