I dont know were this is headed anymore

Romyarts2014

I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.


I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......

I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.


Advice?

Snypa1

"A)Feelings that are still there for his ex"

Are you a rebound that fizzled out?

heidispideymfp

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Romyarts2014

Didn't you just have a similar post about this before? the guy thought about his ex but was with her for 7 years? I think so.


Just break up........you are already showing signs you don't want to be there by questioning this relationship on a forum multiple times.

If you think you give up life for someone then they already deserve better than you. Sorry, but when you are with someone for the right reason, they make life better even if you are just sitting on the couch with them.

Multiple times?

1 posted 1 other forum about his exgf something that i have had to deal with ...
I come on here for advice... you dont have to post on here if this bothers you!

Romyarts2014

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Yea we speak about it . He just tells me hes fine and that he loves me etc... its just this look and this gut feeling I have... 1st relationship were I just cant read him

Romyarts2014

"A)Feelings that are still there for his ex"

Are you a rebound that fizzled out?

they broke up a year ago..
but he told me he still has feelings and thinks about her.. I came to the realization that I have to get used to it..

heidispideymfp

Trust yourself.
If you have doubts and you are only three months in, then you're probably better off taking some alone time .
The man you are with shouldn't make you feel like he's thinking of someone else, especially in such a new relationship

heidispideymfp

"A)Feelings that are still there for his ex"

Are you a rebound that fizzled out?

they broke up a year ago..
but he told me he still has feelings and thinks about her.. I came to the realization that I have to get used to it..

No. You don't "have" to get used to it.

lishie_rebooted

Didn't you just have a similar post about this before? the guy thought about his ex but was with her for 7 years? I think so.


Just break up........you are already showing signs you don't want to be there by questioning this relationship on a forum multiple times.

If you think you give up life for someone then they already deserve better than you. Sorry, but when you are with someone for the right reason, they make life better even if you are just sitting on the couch with them.

Multiple times?

1 posted 1 other forum about his exgf something that i have had to deal with ...
I come on here for advice... you dont have to post on here if this bothers you!

Open, public forum.
People can post if they want to.

Seriously just break up.
The fact you have to make 2 threads on 2 different issues with this guy is pathetic.

Timelordlady85

Go with your gut instincts. You don't have to accept the first decent guy that walks through the door. maybe there is someone better than him for you out there. just saying, there are other men out there that have their stuff together besides the guy your with now.

ew_david

I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.


I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......

I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.


Advice?

You need to learn how to be single. It's easier to hide yourself in a relationship, but learning to be on your own and value who you are as an individual is priceless.

gypsy_spirit

Any time you put yourself into a situation where you are financially dependent on someone that you do not really know well - it colors all your decisions in a bad way. Taking a relationship to the level you feel it is - this fast - is also problematic.

It sounds like you are looking for some one to make your problems go away and that just doesn't happen in the real world. Get back out on your own, learn to be independent, and then when you are stable - look at adding someone else in the mix.

hookilau

I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.


I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......

I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.


Advice?

I have a feeling you already know what you should do....and he does too.
Let this go.

I say this because I remember your post from a couple of weeks ago with his thoughts of his ex and all.

He doesn't want to hurt you but the truth is, you guys moved to playing house waaay too soon.
Get yourself together and move on. If it's meant to be, down the road, fate will find a way to put you two back together.
Good luck :flowerforyou:

ljones27uk

Sounds like the honeymoon period might be coming to an end... ( not necessarily a bad thing, just one of those things, relationships dont stay in those first flourishes forever..) Im not sure anyone on here can come up with answer to your problem (its a personal thing between you and Mr X), but Ill give you my view for whats its worth...

'Feelings that are still there for his ex' - Is this a hunch, or something he's said? He did spend a long time with her, so there's no denying she existed, but if he constantly bangs on about her, then that seems a bit odd. Is he still in contact? If so, how much and for what reasons?

'Every time we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough' - Do you pay what you can afford, or chip in what you would normally budget for groceries, or just let him foot the bill? I can see why that might garner some resentment if he pays all the time and you chip in nothing. The imbalance in earnings might be something you just have to work out in the long term. I can understand it feeling awkward, but there are plenty of relationships where its not in balance. Lots of women go part time or no-time when children come along, (my situation exactly) so its something the two of you need to work out.

'I cook for him, clean his house' - Has he asked you do this? Did you discuss it and agree it? If you're expecting him to foot more of the grocery bill because you do some housework, but he doesn't care whether you do or not, it could be a cause for some tension.

'He seems angry half the time' - Definitely need to get to the bottom of this... If its half the time, that doesnt sound like theres much laughter, loving and conversation going on? You need to talk...

'I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me.' - Theres absolutely nothing wrong with making time for yourself, in fact I think its very healthy. Good friends of mine in the past have dropped everything for the first flourishes of a new romance, when/if it all goes sour, they have little or nothing left in way of friendships or hobbies/pastimes. I know its difficult when you are head over heels, but best to keep some time for just you. Whether that's an evening a week, or a weekend morning etc, its important.. Too much of a good thing can be bad. I try to get out on the golf course once a week, its the only real 'me' time I get between, work and family commitments and I am SO much better for it.

' I want marriage and kids I want it all' - Are you telling him this? 3 months, for him, might be too soon, and it might be scaring him off a little... No need to rush into such huge commitments with a guy you haven't been with for that long. One for conversation and explain that you aren't looking to rush things, unless of course you are.. If he isnt it might be one of those unassailable things that just cant be fixed.

Other people have said it, but you really need to try and talk about these things. Alternative is to let it ride, and if you do, it might become such a big problem that either one of you walks, when in fact it was something completely separate to your relationship, that could have been solved over a decent chat.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Maryam2014mfp

Ditto what ljones27uk said. Also just because he thinks of his ex doesn't mean he wants to be with her. I still think about my ex from over 20 years ago and I hope he is well and happy; but that doesn't mean I want to be with him. I just care about him as a fellow human being and old friend. FYI

SonicDeathMonkey80

Maybe he just needs a Snickers

yopeeps025

Did OP ever say how she found out he was thinking of an ex?

randomtai

Aren't you the same OP who got upset because your BF THOUGHT about someone else?? You sound clingy. Just break up and do him a favor.

SyntonicGarden

. I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant.

Advice?

STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!

You've given up things that made you happy? Oh NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! These are the things that make you an individual. This is the stuff that you bring TO the relationship. This is the stuff that you do for yourself to be happy. When you rely solely on another individual for your happiness, you're just sowing seeds of resentment later.


And you've gone from being the girlfriend to being his wife/maid, in what? 3 months? O.o

I hate to be the one to say it, but GO BACK TO BEING THE GIRLFRIEND. Let go a little bit. Three months is a VERY short time to step into the role of wife, no matter how badly you may think you want that title.

It doesn't sound like he wants a haus frau. There is NOTHING sexy about cleaning a toilet three months in. If he's got his *kitten* that together, let HIM buy his own groceries. You're not living together, You don't "owe" him groceries. You can offer to cook dinner with what he's got in his fridge or MAYBE bring over a treat, but that's as far as I'd push it.

(If you've met his parents, what's the dynamic between him mom and dad? Does she wait on him hand and foot or is she off doing her own thing? That alone speaks VOLUMES, by the way.)


My advice:
Be a little less available. You don't need to be there EVERY day.
Make YOU the priority.
GO back to doing the things YOU love to do, the things that make YOU who you are.
And STOP BEING HIS HOUSEKEEPER!!

When you go back to being his girlfriend, you might find that things get better and are more fun.

hookilau

I have been dating a guy for almost 3 months. I know it has not been that long but when we first met I couldnt stop smiling. So perfect in every sense. Own house, job, sweet, caring and emotionally there for me. I didint technically move in with him but since the first day we met I have been with him everynight. At first sex, laughing and conversation in general was amazing. But now.. We still have great sex, laugh and conversation but theres just something I cant kick. A)Feelings that are still there for his ex Financially I am not in a good boat to everyday be in another city having to go back and worth each day . I cook for him, clean his house. I have met all of his family and friends. Lately he just seems more distant. Everytime we do groceries I try to pay but he ends up having to pay because I just dont make enough. He seems angry half the time.
I like him alot, but I also miss being on my own. But for the first time in ever I have met a man that has his **** in line and has all the atributes I want in a man. But before him I was for the first time single after years of dreaful relationships.


I was living in America and moved to Europe 1 year ago. Since I moved here I got my own apartment and am completley doing my own thing. Now that I met this guy Its like I have dropped everything I thought was fun to me. Going into the cities on my own, sitting have a cup of coffee just being on my own.......

I dont know I am just lost. He says he is in love with me and wants to be with me but his eyes tell me something different.
And with all the insecurities and stress coming from my side I dont know if I am best for him now. I dont want to hurt him with game playing. I want marriage and kids I want it all... I just dont know if he is real about his feelings and effort when it comes to me.


Advice?

I have a feeling you already know what you should do....and he does too.
Let this go.

I say this because I remember your post from a couple of weeks ago with his thoughts of his ex and all.

He doesn't want to hurt you but the truth is, you guys moved to playing house waaay too soon.
Get yourself together and move on. If it's meant to be, down the road, fate will find a way to put you two back together.
Good luck :flowerforyou:

Just wanted to add, it's probably best that you do this on YOUR terms rather than whatever circumstances happen to be when this all comes to a head. You don't want to be caught out there financially.