Getting Passed Self Loathing

cliffismyinspiration

So I know we all have our own personal demons, things we wish would evaporate but are always there in the back of our thoughts. I want to know how do you guys get passed being your own worst enemy? Whether it is losing weight or gaining control of addiction problems?

Gallen88

Take it literally, one day at a time. One minute at a time, one hour at a time.

I sit there and talk to myself to see where i am messing up and why i'm messing up. To see how to fix it. The more intimidating task i break down into very small parts so I won't get overwhelmed. Google your questions, seek out help. Self- help books are great believe it or not.

I hope that helps

Kalikel

You stop wallowing. Decide to take action. Then do it.

The self-hatred is self-centered and wimpy. It's unproductive.

Just stop all the thinking and start doing.

You know that line in The Fugitive, where he says, "Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate donut with some of those little sprinkles on top, will ya...while you're THINKING." I love that line. Stop thinking. Do something productive.

independant2406

I struggle with this on a daily basis. You are not alone.

There was another post about this recently. Lots of helpful feedback here. Check it out when you have a chance:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1452310-how-do-you-cope-with-the-self-loathing?

I'll share below what has helped me... some of these may sound strange/stupid but I promise they do work.

1. Be kind to yourself. And love yourself. Your probably your own worst critic and treat yourself more harshly than others around you. Would you talk down to your best friend the way you talk down to yourself? Probably not. Become your own best friend and treat yourself the way you would treat another person you really care about and value.

2. Learn to control your "self-talk" (especially the negative things you tell yourself inside). Punishing yourself mentally (or out loud) for things that are perfectly normal will only hold you back from reaching your goals. The more you can be your own cheerleader the more good days you'll have. Focus on the positive things you do and mentally praise yourself for them. If you can't manage to say positive things about yourself to yourself, then fake it and keep saying it till you believe it.

3. Forgive yourself and others. I know I grew up with a family that constantly criticized everything. They had fun picking each other to death about stupid things and nagging one another (and me) about what could be done better/faster/more perfectly. Learning to let this go, forgive myself for being (gasp) human and imperfect, really gave me a lot of relief. Forgiving the people who put these kind of ugly thoughts into your head in the first place will be harder but it will come with time.

4. Learn to let go of that death grip you have trying to control everything around you. Its not healthy or helpful to you.

5. Set smaller goals. Often when I find myself disappointed/angry at myself its because I'm too busy looking at someone else who is many years ahead of where I am now. Everyone is at different points in their journey. Your focus should be on yourself and the next 1-2 steps ahead of you.

6. Surround yourself with people and things that make you feel positive and make you feel inspired. If something/someone is dragging you down then it may be time to consider giving that person/thing a less significant role in your life. Ditch that TV show or activity or person that makes you feel unhappy about yourself or self conscious. Avoiding friends who are constantly negative about themselves and others will make steps #1 and #2 above much easier. Find friends with similar goals who will support you. Everyone has bad days and says things they don't mean sometimes but it is possible to find people who lift you up and inspire you way more often then they bring you down.

7. You are the only one that can help you. I always wanted to have support from other people, in the form of kind words or approval or whatever. Eventually I figured out no matter how much of that I attained I'd still feel unhappy. The only way to get out of my miserable mental state was to change how I treated myself and to stop looking to other people to make me feel better.

Anyway, these are the things I've done that have helped set me free from that cycle your in. I hope at least some of what I've shared will be helpful to you.

I'm sending a big virtual hug your way. You have what it takes to defeat this and to feel better. I believe in you

yopeeps025

Accept whatever it is and work on it.

Jbarbo01

Psychodynamic therapy helped me. Went into the abyss of who I am, found out why I am the way I am, took responsibility for what was my fault, forgave my parents for mistakes they made (privately and publicly for one of them), and learned skills on emotional management. You have to figure out why you loath yourself (normally stemming from world views that may have come from traumatic experiences in childhood) then figure out how to be the person you want to be and have the courage to do that. Having my husband's support, a great therapist, and a willingness to take a hard look at myself helped me get past my "self loathing". It's not easy, truly you have to be willing to look at yourself objectively and in a mature honest way. Self loathing is often a victim mentality that keeps you protected from true criticism. Its irrational to think any human is all bad or all good, very few people exist that are like that if any, so self loathing is normally a defense mechanism for something rather than true self hate. Something to think about.

Artionis

I struggle with this on a daily basis. You are not alone.

There was another post about this recently. Lots of helpful feedback here. Check it out when you have a chance:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1452310-how-do-you-cope-with-the-self-loathing?

I'll share below what has helped me... some of these may sound strange/stupid but I promise they do work.

1. Be kind to yourself. And love yourself. Your probably your own worst critic and treat yourself more harshly than others around you. Would you talk down to your best friend the way you talk down to yourself? Probably not. Become your own best friend and treat yourself the way you would treat another person you really care about and value.

2. Learn to control your "self-talk" (especially the negative things you tell yourself inside). Punishing yourself mentally (or out loud) for things that are perfectly normal will only hold you back from reaching your goals. The more you can be your own cheerleader the more good days you'll have. Focus on the positive things you do and mentally praise yourself for them. If you can't manage to say positive things about yourself to yourself, then fake it and keep saying it till you believe it.

3. Forgive yourself and others. I know I grew up with a family that constantly criticized everything. They had fun picking each other to death about stupid things and nagging one another (and me) about what could be done better/faster/more perfectly. Learning to let this go, forgive myself for being (gasp) human and imperfect, really gave me a lot of relief. Forgiving the people who put these kind of ugly thoughts into your head in the first place will be harder but it will come with time.

4. Learn to let go of that death grip you have trying to control everything around you. Its not healthy or helpful to you.

5. Set smaller goals. Often when I find myself disappointed/angry at myself its because I'm too busy looking at someone else who is many years ahead of where I am now. Everyone is at different points in their journey. Your focus should be on yourself and the next 1-2 steps ahead of you.

6. Surround yourself with people and things that make you feel positive and make you feel inspired. If something/someone is dragging you down then it may be time to consider giving that person/thing a less significant role in your life. Ditch that TV show or activity or person that makes you feel unhappy about yourself or self conscious. Avoiding friends who are constantly negative about themselves and others will make steps #1 and #2 above much easier. Find friends with similar goals who will support you. Everyone has bad days and says things they don't mean sometimes but it is possible to find people who lift you up and inspire you way more often then they bring you down.

7. You are the only one that can help you. I always wanted to have support from other people, in the form of kind words or approval or whatever. Eventually I figured out no matter how much of that I attained I'd still feel unhappy. The only way to get out of my miserable mental state was to change how I treated myself and to stop looking to other people to make me feel better.

Anyway, these are the things I've done that have helped set me free from that cycle your in. I hope at least some of what I've shared will be helpful to you.

I'm sending a big virtual hug your way. You have what it takes to defeat this and to feel better. I believe in you

This is a great post. The only concept that I (in my personal opinion) take issue with is the "love yourself" mantra. Who really loves themselves? Sounds like narcissism. Try this concept instead: self-respect. Respect who you are as a person in this world. Self-respect is earned. Earned by being someone of value to other people. Earned by contributing something positive to the world. Go out today and do something kind for someone else. Be brave, be generous, be gentle, be loyal, be respectful, stand up for a principle and you will have have earned self-respect and have earned respect from others. I don't waste a microsecond "loving" myself, but I do respect myself.

Need2Exerc1se

Psychodynamic therapy helped me. Went into the abyss of who I am, found out why I am the way I am, took responsibility for what was my fault, forgave my parents for mistakes they made (privately and publicly for one of them), and learned skills on emotional management. You have to figure out why you loath yourself (normally stemming from world views that may have come from traumatic experiences in childhood) then figure out how to be the person you want to be and have the courage to do that. Having my husband's support, a great therapist, and a willingness to take a hard look at myself helped me get past my "self loathing". It's not easy, truly you have to be willing to look at yourself objectively and in a mature honest way. Self loathing is often a victim mentality that keeps you protected from true criticism. Its irrational to think any human is all bad or all good, very few people exist that are like that if any, so self loathing is normally a defense mechanism for something rather than true self hate. Something to think about.

This is a really great answer.

moya_bleh

In because I really need to read some of the answers on here to kick myself in the butt.

MandaLeigh123

I finally got health insurance and was able to find a good cognitive behavioral therapist. She's helped me help myself with different CBT techniques. I also love a book called The Four Agreements.

unapologetically_crystal

day by day i try to figure it out. losing weight has helped me gain a little more self confidence. i have come so far from something i deemed impossible. i also FEEL better. i have good days and bad days.. i try to take the good days and hold on to them as much as i can and be in that moment. i dont care if i seem narcissistic.. im trying to fall in love with myself.. and be okay with who i am. that doesnt make me a bad person. i take selfies alot.. i like photography and sometimes i see pure beauty in my pictures. i grasp those pictures and hold on to the fact that its not just an image.. i really AM beautiful.

i personally internalize everything.. and worry way too much. i never think im good enough. but i am kind of over that. truth is, people beat you down because THEY are miserable... not because anything they have to say is true.

anyways, good luck dealing with your own thoughts.