Surviving post partum depression: I did it (I think)

missyjg99

PPD is no joke. I do not wish that on anyone. I have 2 children. I was ok when I had my daughter but it was a completely different story when I had my son. My son was born in June of 2013. I never considered my depression and anxiety due to the pregnancy because it began to worsen after I ceased breast feeding in January of 2014. I felt this huge sense of sadness and was in a hightened state of anxiety all.the.time. It never went away. I gained over 50lbs from January 2014- August 2014. Yes you read that right. That was on top of the 50lbs I gained from pregnancy. So on top of the depression, I felt like such a failure because of the weight. I'm now the heaviest I've ever been. I worked full time, came home to two very needy children, my husband isn't home in the evenings much because he's a fire captain and an instructor at the academy so that takes away a lot of time with him. So after getting the kids to bed all I did was sit down and binge on food. and when I say binge, I'm guesstimating 2000+ calories within a couple of hours. I never understood why I did that, basically it made me feel like crap and it made the scale keep going up.

I went to the doctor in Feburary of 2014 and I tried numerous things. I exercised and followed a trainers regiment, supplements from a nutritionist, tried eating right (but this never ever was consistent), tried 4 different medications from a psychiatrist, 3 different therapies and even tried chiropractic and acupuncture. But still I felt like I was caught in a whirlpool and was being sucked down and nothing was helping. Then I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, just adding to the problems.

So by September 3rd I dropped every kind of supplement, therapy, and I finished weaning myself from the medications. I then went to see my family physician who I've had since I was 3. She put me on a basic depression and anxiety medication and the thyroid medication. It is amazing. I feel like I'm coming out of the darkness and am enjoying my children, finishing housework, paying the bills, venturing out of the house again.

Over the last few weeks I have also found my motivation. I have stopped binging, I rarely eat now unless I'm hungry. I really love food though so at times it's making the right choices, eh hem::: cotton candy for lunch yesterday:::. But I'm hopefully ready to tackle this weight, wait scratch that statement, I AM READY!! MFP is amazing and I was successful in 2012 at dropping 60lbs and becoming fit. I was running 5k's, ran/walked a 10k, dead lifted, did weight training and I felt strong and healthy and most importantly HAPPY. I feel like I'm back on track towards that same feeling. I joined a new gym, working with a trainer, trying to make healthier choices and to stay within my calorie budget and working towards my ultimate goal of not only losing weight but to be comfortable in my own skin, feel strong and healthy again and to be happy go lucky self I was up until last year.

I decided to write out my story b/c 1. Its good therapy for me, 2. PPD is not usually talked about, heck you should be happy and grateful, not sad!!! 3. I'm hoping to find some other "friends" who can relate or even empathize with my struggles. I'm determined. Here we go.....again.
Thanks for reading. Best of luck to you on your journey.

Realtree2429

Good for you! You are so right, PPD is absolutely nothing to scoff at and you should be so very proud of yourself!