Regained weight and feeling down

fitjerseygirl

Hi everyone,
I have been a MFP member for a few years now and starting in January 2012 I made the promise to myself to get fit. I did not want to live the rest of my life as an overweight person. I have been overweight my whole life, since I was a small child, and for so long it shaped who I was (literally and metaphorically!) so a few years back I wanted to make the change for good. I started therapy and between Jan. '12 and December '13 I lost around 90 lbs going from 250+ to about 165 lbs. Since then, I have gotten into a serious relationship, which is great, but I have also gone through a ton of work and family stress since January of this year; hence, I have put about 35 lbs back on. I was running a lot and really keeping track of everything I ate, but once I started dating my BF (and going out to dinner all the time!) along with taking on a new job and other issues, it has been impossible to find the time or energy to get fit AGAIN. I have gained and lost weight multiple times since I was in college and I'm just so frustrated. I know I can go back down again, but it's feeling so tough and depressing. I got rid of my "fat clothes" and hardly any of my smaller clothes fit now - and the last thing I feel like doing is going out and spending money on a size I shed more than a year ago.
Sorry for the pity party, but just reaching out for some tips from those who have gained and lost multiple times. I have never done fad diets or anything crazy. I have always lost weight via diet, exercise and taking it off slowly - but maintaining it has been SO HARD.
I have thought about talking to my doctor about medication because I just can't keep doing this again and again.
Any advice?
Thanks!

floweredsteel

Im not sure what help I can be, because I am in the middle of the same journey. I recently had to go buy larger pants because none of my new small ones fit anymore. I was in denial, then depression over what I had regained in weight and lost in endurance, and ashamed to let everyone know I had regained. It was a lot harder this time to make the decision to recommit to a healthy lifestyle and diet, but eventually I did. I too will have to figure out how to make the transition to maintaining when I reach this journey's end.

Best of luck on your journey. You wont fail until you give up entirely.

deksgrl

The good news is, you lost it before so you know you can lose it again.

Take a look at why you had a hard time maintaining. Did you have an unreasonably low calorie goal when you lost the weight before, so when you started eating "normally" again you gained? Or, it is just that your lifestyle changed so much and it took you in the wrong direction regarding diet and exercise?

Think about some simple changes you can work back into your life now. How can you fit in 30 minutes of exercise a day, and plan your meals better? Obviously these are going to have to be things that you actually do to see success.

sino19

I have regained 10 of the 12kg I lost...its like the past 8months never happened :sad: . I am back to square one. in for the motivation

dlaplume2

I am in the same boat. I had lost forty pounds. I just got back into the swing of things. Here is where I am mentally, hopefully it helps.

I have thought about starting over several times, to no avail. I decided to start over and take baby steps. I started out three weeks ago counting calories. Tomorrow I am adding exercise. I really needed to take stock over where I was. Most people who lose weight like this gain it all back and then some before starting over. I am still 16lbs ahead of where I was then. I am trying real hard to hold on to that and think positive.
Maybe you could do the same. Pick one thing that you liked about doing it before. Maybe it's exercise, maybe it's the eating healthy. Start with that, then pick up the other things to add.

Best wishes

TheWorstHorse

Getting stuck in the cycle of losing and gaining is really common. But I am pretty sure that you can get out of it if are willing to make several commitments to yourself. Note that "to yourself"... you are the only person that can make, evaluate, or keep your commitments.

The first commitment is being really honest with yourself about what and how much you are eating and drinking. For almost everyone, there are only two ways to do this: logging or eating on a fixed meal plan. I recommend logging, as the alternative i is expensive and rarely sustainable.

(btw, you can't exercise your way to being lighter. I love exercise, I do all kinds but doing it to lose weight is a bad idea so whatever you do for exercise, make that about fitness and not weight loss. You will save yourself a world of suffering)

The second commitment is paying attention to the data. Setting aside all the pros and cons of various eating styles (low carb, high carb, vegan, etc) if you are maintaining a calorie deficit, you will lose weight. If you balance calories in and out, your weight will stay in a very tight band. And the only way to be sure that you stay in a deficit or balance is knowing what you are eating. By the way, if your log says you are at a deficit and you aren't losing weight, you are simply not logging accurately: you are underestimating what you eat or overestimating how many calories you are burning. Those are your two choices.

The third commitment is making it a change for life. The things you do to maintain a healthy weight are things you need to do every day, like brushing your teeth. Let go of the idea that it's a diet because it is not: you are learning how eat in a way that keeps your weight steady. (You may also be eating in a way that makes you healthier but that's another topic.) You are committed to doing what you need to do in order to make that happen.

The fourth commitment is the hardest one: if you aren't losing weight, commit to changing something. If are gaining weight, change something. Double down on the first three commitments. Don't let depression, anxiety, work, your partner, your family, what other people say and so on keep you from affirming those commitments immediately. And the way you double down is you do something to change what isn't working.

You will stumble. We all do. You may have days or weeks where you don't have control of what you eat or when. We all do. You may get sick. We all do. And the only difference between people that have long term success in spite of getting sick, or losing their job, or getting dumped by the bf, or whatever is that they do their best to keep their commitments to themselves.

[Edited for nonsense in second paragraph]

Deipneus

Sometimes I re-read this.

AliceDark

The good news is, you lost it before so you know you can lose it again.

^This. And, you only regained 35 pounds, which means you were successful at keeping off 55 pounds! That's an accomplishment in itself.

WorkoutJunkie1

I understand how you feel. Trust me, I am somebody who struggles with my weight constantly. I haven't gained a lot of weight since losing 100 pounds, but I have gained a few pounds. I don't know how much of that is just fluff from water and excessive sodium, but it makes me depressed to know I gained even one pound.

You can't give up. You have to remember it's a constant lifely thing. We fall. We get back up and start riding again. We have to remember whether it's school, relationship, family, or whatever that life always is going to be there. Life throws curveballs, trials, and good times. We have to make sure we still eat according to whatever life throws at us. Like, when I get depressed--it's so easier to eat bad foods. I have to learn how to go after healthy foods when I am depressed.

If you ever need a friend to lean on or talk to, you can hit me up anytime you want. Don't let the little weight gain get you down. Just tell yourself, you are going to work out harder. You going to be that much better from this little setback. That's all it is: it's a little setback. You are still going to shine.

SoniaSchreyack

I am just like you and do understand how you feel BUT just think you are still 50 lbs less than you were 2 yrs ago. So now continue on and please don't give up. That is what I am doing, beginning again. Since you go out for dinner a lot, I know it is hard but you can plan ahead - know what you are going to have and stick to it. Put it down on MFP before you even go and don't be swayed to eat other stuff. Remember - YOU have a choice - what is most important to you. That is what I keep asking myself. And remember all the compliments you received before - don't you want them again? I do - so make the choice to lose! :flowerforyou:

fitjerseygirl

Hi all,
Thank you SO MUCH for these kind and helpful words. I hadn't logged onto see replies in awhile and I am so glad that I did. I have started logging again (if a bit irregularly) and I am working on exercise. I am trying to retrain my brain to take other measures (e.g. choose other/healthier foods and exercise) when I am stressed, down, overwhelmed - whatever. A big challenge for me is that over 30+ years I have turned to food for comfort so working hard on not doing that is part of the journey.
Thank you for reminding me that I have kept 50 pounds off. I seem to have forgotten that! I am just going to do what has worked for me in the past with some small tweaks. I am going to focus on the first 10 lbs I want to lose and take it from there - the big change for me is that I am not going to restrict my calories so much (I exercised 5xs per week and ate only 1,200 per day = that is just not sustainable for me) - so, I am increasing my calories to 1,500 a day which I have learned keeps me satisfied. I am also not thinking of exercising as a way of "punishing" myself but as taking time out to do something that is good for me, clears my head and that I enjoy; so, instead of working out in the gym on a machine for 30 mins (which I never loved) I have been taking hour long walks which I enjoy much more. I feel like I am trying to do the things that will keep me in the healthy mode for life as opposed to a "diet" that will take the weight off, but not keep it off.
Again, thank you for the motivation. It REALLY helps.