I think I need an exercise psychologist?!

NakeshiaBeard

I've always been a giver and really struggle to do things just for myself. A big part of me feels that working out is vain, overly self-indulgent and lacks meaningful purpose in the big scheme of things... This is not entirely true, and I know it's only my mind telling me this, but it's hard to knock thought patterns like this that have been with me for life! I used to love exercise and I'm not entirely sure why, when or how I stopped working out purposefully, and when I started to hate it!

I hate this way of thinking and I want to WANT to exercise. I wish I could stop thinking and start doing. It's never that simple though...

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can become fit but also give myself the feeling of giving back to someone else or the environment? Or does it sound like I need some therapy to sort out my mental hang ups over exercise?

VelveteenArabian

I think you should seek some therapy because that level of lack of self is alarming.

However, to indulge you...
A fit you is a healthier you, which means your loved ones have a healthier you who is at less risk of getting sick, more likely to be there for them, etc.

If you want to "give back", find exercise/fitness based events that raise money for charity or do things for charity that involve fitness (such as building homes with Habitat for Humanity, taking shelter dogs out for a run, helping to clean at a rescue barn, trail cleaning, etc). If you can't find stuff like this....make some connections and organize them.

usmcmp

I'm a single mom. Before I got in shape I couldn't go on a hike with my kids. I couldn't toss them in the air. I couldn't even stand around at the park while they played without being wiped out. My eating habits were horrible.

What kind of future was I building for them? A mom that couldn't play with them and never taught them healthy eating habits?

When I started taking an hour out of my day to focus on me we were all happier. Besides just getting in shape physically it helped me in more ways than I could have ever guessed. No more snoring, depression got better, anxiety got better, heart burn got better, cholestrol dropped, blood pressure dropped and overall my blood work improved. That's far from vanity, that's serious health improvement.

You have to take care of yourself or you won't be around to take care of others.

ryanwood935

You could make a habit of running 5K charity events for causes that you support. Depending on where you live, that season might be coming to an end soon, though. Your hard work training would be keeping you in shape for the runs. My first college roommate actually raised over $1000 in pledges for his first ever marathon.

Not necessarily related to exercise, but if you are looking to give back, look at something like Habitat for Humanity. Getting your hands dirty building houses and such will burn some calories at the very least.

If you don't want to exercise, maybe you just haven't found the right activity for you. If yoga and cycling don't rev your engines, try swimming, rock climbing, racquetball, etc.

glasshalffull713

How in the world is exercise vain or self indulgent? Is doing something for yourself really that bad? There is no logic here. Would it follow that choosing a healthy meal over a less healthy one is vain too? I am not trying to give you a hard time, but just trying to point out that there is a DEFINITE disconnect there if you feel that way to the point that it is preventing you from exercising at all. I agree with the horse, I would definitely seek some therapy on this one because I think this goes deeper. You should explore why you don't feel you deserve to do something for yourself, just because you want to! What else are these feelings preventing you from doing in your life? You can still be a giver AND also nurture yourself. They are not mutually exclusive and others in this thread have already pointed out how they can actually be synergistic. That being said, there are some good suggestions already made here that could make you feel a little bit more selfless about your activity. Here's another: exercise with a buddy. Your presence will be influencing and motivating them to lead a healthier life and reach their goals too.

NakeshiaBeard

How in the world is exercise vain or self indulgent? Is doing something for yourself really that bad? There is no logic here. Would it follow that choosing a healthy meal over a less healthy one is vain too? I am not trying to give you a hard time, but just trying to point out that there is a DEFINITE disconnect there if you feel that way to the point that it is preventing you from exercising at all. I agree with the horse, I would definitely seek some therapy on this one because I think this goes deeper. You should explore why you don't feel you deserve to do something for yourself, just because you want to! What else are these feelings preventing you from doing in your life? You can still be a giver AND also nurture yourself. They are not mutually exclusive and others in this thread have already pointed out how they can actually be synergistic. That being said, there are some good suggestions already made here that could make you feel a little bit more selfless about your activity. Here's another: exercise with a buddy. Your presence will be influencing and motivating them to lead a healthier life and reach their goals too.

I completely realise the messages my brain is giving me are messed up, they make no sense at all to a logical mind. Mine is not a logical mind. I've battled with mental illness for years now and I'm on medication to help with this, my brain is unwired, that's why there is no logic in my thoughts. In saying that, thoughts can be very powerful in influencing our emotions if we give our thoughts enough power. Finding a balance between listening to rambling thoughts and following a logical path is incredibly difficult for some people (myself included). So, I thought an outsiders perspective would help me see things clearly. Anyway, no offence is taken from your comments :-)

I like the ideas of getting involved in a charity or animal shelter. I'll look into what's in my area.

Thanks!

glasshalffull713

I really do hope you find a way to address this because exercise is an act of self love that everyone deserves! I totally understand about logic vs. emotions and have fought some hard battles in that arena myself. In the meantime, I think it is a good path to find activities that will keep you physically active and also feel good about what you are doing too. Best of both worlds My boyfriend did a river clean up with our local clean water charity this weekend and he said it was pretty physically demanding. Maybe you could look into that type of organization too if that appeals to you. Best of luck!

7elizamae

Here's something that might help.

I work with preschool students who have multiple disabilities. Most of them cannot walk, cannot see, cannot speak, and cannot even eat without being tube fed. (Of course we are working hard on their progress in these areas! I am so thankful to be working with these students.)

I leave work every day so thankful for my healthy, strong body. I am determined to take good care of it. That motivates me to exercise! I want to maintain and appreciate my health as long as I can.

Just my two cents.

Dragn77

I agree that counseling may be in order. I will admit, I often think very little of myself, but I dont think so little of myself that I do not see the point in taking care of myself.

But even as someone who is there more for others than myself, Im aware of it that if my body fails me or worse yet, I die from neglecting my body, I wont be able to be there for anyone. Most importantly, I will no longer be there for my daughter. So yeah, thats pretty good motivation to take the steps to take care of my body so that I can be healthy for as long as possible.

DavPul

you know how when you're on a plane before they take off they start to yada yada yada about what to do in an emergency? what's the thing they always tell the parents travelling with small children.? i'll paraphrase: "YOU take care of YOU first." that's not being selfish. because if you pass out while trying to put the oxygen mask on your kids, no one is going to be able to handle the safety for the kids from that point on. put on YOUR mask first, and then you'll have the ability to put it on your children and also be awake to do what needs to be done for them for rest of the situation.

you want to save the rain forests? you'll have more time to do it if you live past age 50. you want to help the homeless? it'll be much easier if you're physically strong and mobile enough to volunteer at the soup kitchen. you want to feed the sick? works better if you're not the sick yourself.

or you can keep making excuses and then hope that someone does the things you planned on doing but can't because you're physically unable.

gmallan

Think of exercising and eating to stay in shape as being good for society because you'll be less of a strain on public resources (probably more of an argument for Australia/UK/Canada where there is a public health system). Imagine how much less of a strain there would be on hospitals/the health system if every overweight/obese person dropped to a healthy weight.

NakeshiaBeard

Thanks everyone.

Just to be clear, I'm not really talking about neglecting my body (that sounds serious!), I'm talking about considering myself important enough to push myself to create a strong and fit body. I would say at the moment I'm healthy, but not as fit as I could be. It's hard to know what is fit enough when the media is telling us we should be doing this, running/walking/cycling/swimming this far and for this long, lifting this much this many times, eating this, doing that etc... It's hard to know what is healthy enough? My thoughts seem to be: so I could spend a good chunk of my time exerting myself and lifting more weights but what is that achieving? I'll be thinner? I'll have more muscle? How is that important in the big scheme of things? How is that improving the world? Will I be any happier when I die because I spend so long working out?

Anyway, just an insight into how messed up some people's thougth patterns can be!

I've signed up for a cycling challenge for October to raise funds for children with cancer. It feels good to be doing something I enjoy and giving back at the same time :-)

refuseresist

Some local woodland trusts or forestry commissions run 'green gyms' where forestry work is combined with exercise. Not sure if that is an option where you are.

edit: a quick google found this: http://www.conservationvolunteers.com.au/about-us/our-partnerships/green-gym

FromHereOnOut

^^^What kind of life do you want?
You have to start NOW.

You don't have to have grandchildren or even children yet, to want to be around for them (and not a burden). I decided I want to be around for my grandchildren (my KIDS are only 9yo and 3yo) and suddenly my choices became less about vanity and more about something much bigger than that. And, working out was no longer a tiresome task (like I thought when I was younger and chasing vanity), but something I love to do. (I'm so sad right now to be grounded from running because of leg problems. :frown: ) Don't get me wrong, aesthetic side effects are more than welcome!

JoRocka

what's the thing they always tell the parents travelling with small children.? i'll paraphrase: "YOU take care of YOU first." that's not being selfish.

this is a significantly better way of explaining what I was going to say.
taking care of you isn't selfish- or vain. It's life- you have to take care of you. Period- there is no good or bad about that- wanting to be a better person doesn't make you vain or selfish either.

And even if I"m vain and want to look good? So what- who cares- not a bad thing in my book.

or you can keep making excuses and then hope that someone does the things you planned on doing but can't because you're physically unable.

truth.

redheaddee

Here's something that might help.

I work with preschool students who have multiple disabilities. Most of them cannot walk, cannot see, cannot speak, and cannot even eat without being tube fed. (Of course we are working hard on their progress in these areas! I am so thankful to be working with these students.)

I leave work every day so thankful for my healthy, strong body. I am determined to take good care of it. That motivates me to exercise! I want to maintain and appreciate my health as long as I can.

Just my two cents.

This. I also work with people with disabilities. This job is very good at providing prospective. Being healthy and exercising is not selfish in any way, shape, or form. It is quite the opposite as someone's picture above clearly illustrates (both women the same age...) Being out of shape results in others having to care for you. CHOOSING to be unhealthy is incredibly selfish. I recommend seeking therapy to get at the root of your cognitive dissonance, because logically, it seems you realize this line of thinking is out of the norm. Good luck.

7elizamae

Here's something that might help.

I work with preschool students who have multiple disabilities. Most of them cannot walk, cannot see, cannot speak, and cannot even eat without being tube fed. (Of course we are working hard on their progress in these areas! I am so thankful to be working with these students.)

I leave work every day so thankful for my healthy, strong body. I am determined to take good care of it. That motivates me to exercise! I want to maintain and appreciate my health as long as I can.

Just my two cents.

This. I also work with people with disabilities. This job is very good at providing prospective. \

I leave work each day so aware that a healthy body is something to be thankful for -- and that I could lose it at any time. Makes me want to take care of it!

ukaryote

The airlines tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself, then your child. I can't take care of my family unless I am in reasonable shape. Same thing for you. You are more of a burden if you are not fit.

Yes, it feels nice to have some alone time at the gym. However, my family has some extra issues which will require my help over the long haul. I was exhausted dealing with anything. I thought it necessary to get fit, not just lose weight. Part of it is for myself, part is an obligation to my family.