Ladies, does HE drive u CRAZY during ur weightloss journey?

7aneena

Ok so here's the thing, I have around 30 more lbs to lose for my goal and I want that loss to be mostly fat (don't we all?) so Ive been doing a combination of cardio and strength training and lost 70 lbs in the process.
Here's the issue, whenever my fiancee hears the word weight training he panics and gets upset thinking I am doing it wrong because I will be "bulky" and look "manly" and what I should be doing is cardio and 4 lbs weights!!

I am a petite woman at 5'.05 and currently weight 160 lbs with ~29% bf and 117 LBM, which adds to my fiancee's concern because he believes I already have "too much muscle" and more lifting will only make me look masculine

I find it frustrating. I was wondering if anyone else in the same boat?

P.S subject too long, hence the "ur"

zoeysasha37

It sounds like he needs to be educated on this topic, clearly he believes many myths. Maybe try to show him pictures (there's plenty of threads on here that show pics of weight lifting females) and show him that the women that lift don't look at all bulky and look much better then those that don't. Men are sometimes visual creatures so providing pictures may help him see that he's wrong.
Also, you could print out many studies and articles on this topic and highlight the power points for him, to help him see the truth.

If that doesn't work, dump him and go find a man that knows what he is talking about...lol!!!!!!

donna1432

woman cant bulk up they dont have the testosterone... our bodies are different now if your going for body building maybe he is intimated by that LOL... but just reasure him of your goals and that YOU will always be his feminine woman but just able to kick his *kitten* hahaha good luck

figfighter

Maybe you could take him to the gym with you and he could talk to a trainer to learn about weight lifting. Sounds like he doesn't know much. Would he trust a weight lifting website? Sounds like he doesn't trust what you say about it so you might be able to introduce him to a source of information he'll trust.

heybales

Dittos to above.

Plus you'd have to be doing several years of things exactly right to even get to state of possible concerning looking strong, not because of bulking muscle though. 1 lb every 6 weeks in first year of bulking if doing everything right. That's not that much, and that ability and amount taper off. And thats when willing to gain fat along with the muscle.

When you eat at maintenance eventually, your lifting will taper off as far as progress goes - in looks and on the bar. Body needs more muscle to do more, and if you don't feed it more, you just stop at that weight amount and keep what you got. Perhaps work on more balance at that point.

Does this gal look bulky or max muscle?
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/894293-ladies-weight-lifting-will-make-something-bulky

Scroll through pages too, several others included pics.

Show him pic on page 6. Is that scary?

Edit - I've been seeing people comment no pics in other threads. You have to click the link that say "show pictures" in case unknown.

hortensehildegarde

not had that particular issue but mine does have some odd ideas. Mostly due to ignorance/poor education in the wrong items.

He was good when I talked to him about it though! I found it a scary topic to talk about (totally my issues, nothing to do with him) but once I did I had good results.

Rinny73

I've noticed that the definition of 'bulky' tends to vary from person to person. A lot of people know that women don't get as bulky as men, but some women do grow larger muscles than other women. I usually find that those who are against women weight training tend to dislike even muscle definition on female bodies (think of Marilyn Monroe's body in contrast to Madonna).

Not saying this is the case of your fiancee. He could very well have the wrong notion that you'll get as big as the Terminator. If so, then yes, you can educate him quite easily that this will not be the case for you or for any woman. But if he's just against your getting your standard fitness model type body (the kind of body I'd love to have) then that's a different kettle of fish.

chadya07

mine does that too. he also tells me how to do all kind of things he doesnt do himself.

he likes to repeat over and over to lift light but many reps, and not too heavy.

in my case though i am already a rather sturdy woman, and with a hormonal imbalance of too much testosterone, so i guess i see where he might be coming from... i mean why he might be a little paranoid.

still i do what i want.

7aneena

@heybales She is definitely not bulky but she is a little more defined than what I would like myself. I guess I sort of wanted validation that I can get the results I want without giving up lifting
@chadya07 yeah I think I will do what will get me the results, that should convince him, assuming I am doing the right thing by continuing to lift
@Rinny73 yeah he does not like definition, not quite Marilyn but definitely more towards Marilyn, think maybe J Lo or Beyonce. The only reason I'm really entertaining this is because it is the look I like myself and I am worried that's he'd be right that my methods are wrong.

So I guess the major question is, will my methods get me the result I want? Toned with very little definition?

Thank you all for responding

_KitKat_

Lifting can get you what you want. 'Toned' (is a misnomer, it translates to lower body fat to let the under lying muscle show through, it is definition) is just a lower body fat %. If you look around the site you will see many women that lift, the ones that compete...do not look like they do during competition the rest of the year. When they prep they cut to a very low bf% <15% (this is low for a female) and dehydrate in many photos taken at competition. The 'bulkier' women put a lot of effort towards muscle gains and eat in a surplus, many also have a higher bf% so the thin layer of fat over their muscles produces an even 'bulkier' look....it will not happen by accident unless you have a medical condition that cause excess testosterone.

My goal is 18-20% bf, the way I describe my goal is lean with curves (squat booty), slight shadow lines (definition) but able to flex and make my muscles and the lines show a good amount. Plus nothing jiggling unless I want it to jiggle.




These are not perfect examples because we each carry our weight differently but it does give a good idea of what different bf% look like. If you don't want super cut, then don't cut your bf% that low (eating in a deficient)....If you don't want larger muscles then don't eat in a surplus. Lifting allows you to retain more of your lean body mass while losing weight, it also allows you to shape your body how you want....you can't decide where fat builds up but you can help direct muscle formation and shape.

* the women pictured at the 2 lowest ranges are flexing....that is not how they look just standing around.

SezxyStef

no he lifts with me actually....

He loves how my muscle strain when I am lifitng something heavy and he can see them...

and funny thing is he doesn't care about weight....he married me when I was 30lbs heavier...stayed when I gained up to 205 and found me sexy and loves me now that I have lost almost 60lbs and workout and have muscle definition when I flex...

mccindy72

woman cant bulk up they dont have the testosterone... our bodies are different now if your going for body building maybe he is intimated by that LOL... but just reasure him of your goals and that YOU will always be his feminine woman but just able to kick his *kitten* hahaha good luck

Well, that's not true. Women CAN bulk up, it's just extremely hard to do. It takes a massive amount of dedication and has to be done deliberately. Heavy lifting, protein bulking, etc. It's a full time job to be done by women who specifically want to compete in body building competitions. A woman isn't going to bulk up by accident, doing heavy lifting for body recomp.

7aneena

My goal is 18-20% bf, the way I describe my goal is lean with curves (squat booty), slight shadow lines (definition) but able to flex and make my muscles and the lines show a good amount. Plus nothing jiggling unless I want it to jiggle.




These are not perfect examples because we each carry our weight differently but it does give a good idea of what different bf% look like. If you don't want super cut, then don't cut your bf% that low (eating in a deficient)....If you don't want larger muscles then don't eat in a surplus. Lifting allows you to retain more of your lean body mass while losing weight, it also allows you to shape your body how you want....you can't decide where fat builds up but you can help direct muscle formation and shape.

That's a good way to describe my goal as well I guess, but maybe closer to 20% than 18%
Thank you

heybales

Keep your rep range in the 15-20 with full range of motion can help then, since that's considered the more endurance side of lifting. About 20 though is max for actually causing gains of muscle.

But you can do any program, and as the BF is lower where you like the look, start increasing the reps, and keep the weight level where it's at, on the bar and on you.

AliceDark

OP, a lot of people think that as soon as a woman picks up a weight that isn't covered in pink neoprene, she'll she-hulk out, but that isn't going to happen. Tell your fiancee that it's important to you that he finds you attractive, and that he should let you know if you start looking too bulky. Until that point, go ahead and lift how you want to lift.

(Pro tip: you'd have to be working extremely hard TO GET BULKY ON PURPOSE to hit that point. Realistically, you won't get there on accident).

7aneena

Thank you all for the response and support, it's very helpful and I gained valuable info

GothyFaery

I have the same problem. My hubby is really not supportive at all of my lifting. I keep telling him I don't want to be a body builder and I won't get huge because I'm still eating at a deficit but it doesn't click. My only real advise is just keep going for it. Hopefully our men will come around eventually.

Rinny73

Lifting can get you what you want. 'Toned' (is a misnomer, it translates to lower body fat to let the under lying muscle show through, it is definition) is just a lower body fat %. If you look around the site you will see many women that lift, the ones that compete...do not look like they do during competition the rest of the year. When they prep they cut to a very low bf% <15% (this is low for a female) and dehydrate in many photos taken at competition. The 'bulkier' women put a lot of effort towards muscle gains and eat in a surplus, many also have a higher bf% so the thin layer of fat over their muscles produces an even 'bulkier' look....it will not happen by accident unless you have a medical condition that cause excess testosterone.

My goal is 18-20% bf, the way I describe my goal is lean with curves (squat booty), slight shadow lines (definition) but able to flex and make my muscles and the lines show a good amount. Plus nothing jiggling unless I want it to jiggle.




These are not perfect examples because we each carry our weight differently but it does give a good idea of what different bf% look like. If you don't want super cut, then don't cut your bf% that low (eating in a deficient)....If you don't want larger muscles then don't eat in a surplus. Lifting allows you to retain more of your lean body mass while losing weight, it also allows you to shape your body how you want....you can't decide where fat builds up but you can help direct muscle formation and shape.

* the women pictured at the 2 lowest ranges are flexing....that is not how they look just standing around.

Awesome. Thanks for this. I'm going to keep this in mind as I settle on my fitness goals.

FFfitgirl

https://www.facebook.com/ChristmasAbbottFanPage/photos/a.360797840649610.80621.353973871332007/740656682663722/?type=1

sardelsa

Like others mentioned, it can take years and strict determination for women to really get bulky.
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I lift heavy, that is me not flexed. Not sure if you think I look "bulky" or "manly"

knitapeace

You know, some days I get really frustrated that my husband is not the kind of man who ever comments on my appearance, either positively or negatively. Then I read threads like these and I'm glad he doesn't think he ever has any say in how my body looks.