How do you start believing in yourself?

fatgottago

This is where I am at. I am 39 years old and have been overweight my entire life. I used to be ok with my looks but the last 10 years I have been miserable! I really want to lose I do but it just doesn't seem attainable. I have been on this change of eating for a week and I all ready feel my self wanting to just give up and eat. Why do I do that to myself? Why can't I just get with the plan and do it? I see others that have had surgery, or stuck to it, what is my problem? You don't understand how bad I hate myself. I hate the way I look, the way my face is fat, I hate my big butt and my big hips, I hate everything! I hate to look in the mirror! So my question is how do you pull yourself out of this rut I am in?

Tab122377

Don't give up. At first it is awful grab your water bottle drink up. for me personally I had to decide to make a change. Once did I need support of my family and friends to keep me in it. Mid Jan to April i was on board working out 6 days a week. Then Life happened i felt my self slipping in to old habits. grabbing fast food as i was spending mega hours in car I grabbed my LARGE Frozen mocca coffee and BK chicken sandwich which both tasted amazing thought nothing of calories i got home and logged and realized that one meal was more then I had eaten for last 4 months, next day felt blah. started eating dragging my water bottle around. I get up and go to the gym not every day but at least 5 days i get on that Arc trainer say to my self i can do it turn up my music and start going then its a count down till over. feel better in the end. Take picture and measurements. before you see it with your eyes others will see it and your pictures and measurements will show it .. dont give up. you can do it.

cwolfman13

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

mbbseb

It's not easy, but you are beautiful!!! This is what I do about the hate yourself kind of feeling. I'm a Christian so I just thank God I have these fat thighs, arms, neck, butt, calves, there is nothing on me that I don't consider not fat. I have 50 lbs to lose. Always remember that there is someone out there worse off than you. Get up in the mornings and look in the mirror and say "I Love You". I don't know you so I'm not sure if you have a handicap or not but I also say, God thank you for my fat legs that take me where I want to go and thank you for my fat arms so I can feed myself and drive my car and type. Oh yeah and dress myself. I personally hate the word fat, I try not to use it. Even when describing someone I don't say fat. So maybe that can be a start for you. Stop saying fat.

Once again, looking at your profile picture, you are beautiful!!! take small steps one week is really nothing, this has to be a lifestyle change, its has to be something you can live with and do the rest of your life. Don't cut out your favorite foods just use portion control. So, don't cut too many calories or overly exercise because it will wear you out and you will not do it for the rest of your life. Trust me been there done that.

_sirenofthesea_

You have to keep trying and trying and trying until one day it just 'clicks' and it becomes easier -
Easier isn't easy - trust me - I have pounds and pounds to go - but until just recently I didn't think it's possible -

Today - I think it is - something just clicked - I finally called myself on all the bullsh** I've been telling myself -
and I think for today I have it figured out - some days are better than others, but I'm in it for the long haul - you've just got to get
to that place too

You can do it - Good luck!

yopeeps025

If you hate the way you look fat wise. Then change it. You know that changing eating lifestyle is the way to get to where you need to be. You have a lot of negative self talk and we all do.

Solar_Cat

You don't understand how bad I hate myself. I hate the way I look, the way my face is fat, I hate my big butt and my big hips, I hate everything! I hate to look in the mirror! So my question is how do you pull yourself out of this rut I am in?

First, notice that there's a big difference between "I hate myself" and "I hate the way I look." They aren't the same thing, not even one little bit.

See whether you can't manage to love yourself while hating the way you look. Be gentle with yourself. Relax. Stop fighting. Give yourself space to be imperfect.

From that standpoint of loving and cherishing yourself, including all your foibles, true change can start. All the best to you!

onefortyone

It sounds like you need to praise yourself a LOT. If you log everything faithfully and keep within your calorie goal for the day, throw your awesome self a mini ticker-tape parade lol. Then work yourself up to a week, etc. Going for a walk helps me clear my head, gets my blood pumping, and helps me evaluate my priorities, and totally counts as exercise, so I recommend it for everyone.

It is hard for me to believe in myself and practice self-care, but it is something I am working on by thinking more positively about myself, and celebrating the 'little things'. Like today my hubby tried to tempt me with a McDonald's breakfast, and I said no. So that to me is a victory. It's one choice (300 cal homemade breakfast with veggies vs. a deep fried breakfast and huge latte), but I make a big deal of it in my head because it shows I have MUCH more control than I used to. So stay mindful of your choices, and heap the praise on yourself for every positive thing you do - in a few weeks you'll be like, damn, maybe I can kinda do this! And in a few months, we'll KNOW we can

Also, I don't know about you, but I tried the 'lose 2lbs a week' option on MFP and I was miserable and just needed to eat, which made me believe I was failing. So I set it to losing 1lb per week and it is much easier now. I lost 5.1lbs last month, which is a bit over 1lb per week.

JtKeil

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

Just love this!

I really can't add much but just want to say...try not to use the word 'hate' towards yourself. It may sound cheesy but speaking from my own personal experience, part of the problem is that I never really thought of taking care of myself. Once I made the mental switch that eating well and exercising was something I did just for me, to take care of me, and for my well being it became much easier. I think that saying to yourself 'I hate myself, the way I look, who I am..' and so on may end up backfiring when you start taking the steps to a healthier you. If you look at it with the 'I hate myself' attitude then eating fewer calories and getting active may seem like punishment instead of positive changes to make yourself happy.

Just a thought...good luck to you though and hang in there. I think most of us have been where you are now, and many others on here are still in your position. Reaching out and socializing may very well help :flowerforyou:

allofme32

I know how you feel. I understand the self loathing mode. The feeling miserable because of the hole you put yourself in mode. Comparing yourself with others who are more successful mode. The feeling helpless mode. I have been there and done that. I know where you are coming from.

You have come to a precipice in your life where you desire change. Where you are determined to leave the misery behind and do something about it. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that you are here because God has made you. God don't make junk. You are a special human being created by God through love and his divine purpose. Don't beat yourself up. Love yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and believe that you are special and beautiful inside and out. Believe that you deserve better. Finally decide that improving your quality of life is a priority and make the necessary changes to do it.

I tried every single diet out there. You just name it. I tried it. I find that just simply eating healthy and within my calorie range and getting off my butt and exercising 3, 4 or 5 times a week is working for me. I don't deprive myself. If I want chocolate, I eat chocolate. Just not a whole chocolate cake. I can have a slice of pizza if I want it. I just work it into my daily target. I am honest with myself and I journal EVERYTHING to be accountable for what I put in my mouth. Not counting what I have lost before I joined this site, I have lost 27 lbs since May 2014. I still have a lot to go. I realize that Rome was not built in one day and I have a long way to go but I will not give up on myself.

Please do not think that it will happen overnight. Losing 1 pound or 2 a week should be your goal. 10 pounds a month if your lucky. You don't want to lose it too fast because you want your skin to have time to catch up with you. Think of it this way, 10 pounds a month equals 100 lbs in 10 months. OR one pound a week equals 52 lbs in a year. That's a lot of weight lost!!


You can do this girl!! Just don't talk about it and take action.

Add me to your friends list. We can motivate each other.

God Bless you.

Mari

rsclause

Go for the small victories and try to win them all. I started slow and dropped a little and stayed with it. I then saw that I can change my appearance and started working harder. I then moved to where I really studied the graphs, nutrition and how exercise fit in. I found out that my weekend eating and drinking was setting me back to where it was Wednesday or Thursday before I was losing again. I went turbo after that adjustment and kicked up the cardio. That when people started to notice my change, I even had a customer say "your so skinny...are you well?". When I was close to my goal I went back to the gym to start back lifting and was greeted with "well look at skinny" and asked how I did it. I said eat at a deficit and running. This is a long journey but all you need to do is keep making slow steady progress.

fatgottago

Wow thank ya'll! You are so right that others have it worse than me. At least I can get out and walk or ride my bike and I need to stop the self pity talk! I have had a rough couple of years and feel like I am at the bottom of the barrel. I just need to find that ah ha moment so I can get enough momentum to continue.

I am so thankful for mfp, and the support of others. I have a couple of friends that support me and I need to recognize that. I need to stop looking to others for acceptance and start looking inwards at what God did indeed create. He makes no mistakes.

Baby steps.....

WickedPineapple

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

I agree with this, except the order at the end (I had to work on myself mentally before I could change physically).

In all honesty, the believing in yourself comes later. What comes first is the decision to be healthy and the acceptance of that responsibility. People usually describe this as the "click". I had to lose some weight and inches before I really believed "I can do this". Then once I got further in my journey, it changed to "I can do whatever I want" (within reason, of course).

fatgottago

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

yopeeps025

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

The way I predict my weight goal was to go get a accurate body fat % test. Then you kind of have to use other people to compare how you might look at a certain weight.

Also my finish line had a lot of mental obstacles in the way that I had to overcome before even starting the journey.

deksgrl

It's a choice you have to make every day, and you have to keep making. When I choose to make diet and exercise a priority, I can do it. When I allow other things to get in the way, then I don't make progress. The key is to start making the right choices again before it gets out of control again.

It isn't going to be easy, and it isn't going to be fast. There are no quick fixes. But, your health is so worth it. So, make a decision, make your choices, and keep making them. Build the positive and push out the negative. You will build a track record for yourself and this will help you to believe in yourself.

fatgottago

Wow ... great advice. Everyone advice is great!

MyOwnSunshine

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to do a 180 overnight and do wholesale changes. That is a recipe for disaster...this is called a "journey" for a reason...it's not about changing your life overnight, it's about your path and your journey, not only to losing weight, but health and wellness overall.

Another issue here is the tendency to make things extremely black and white...this is "good" and that is "bad"...this is "healthy" and that is "unhealthy"...when in reality, there's a whole lot of gray. In reality, matters of nutrition and fitness and overall well being are hardly this black and white...context and dosage are very important. For example...eating nothing but "junk" food day in and day out...probably not so great. Having a "junky" treat now and then as a part of an otherwise balanced, wholesome, and nutritious diet...pretty much irrelevant to the whole. Eating an entire large pizza for lunch...probably not so good...having a slice with a salad, no big deal.

A lot of this is simply going to be a learning process and baby steps. Don't focus on the number on the scale...focus on better nutrition...being more fit, etc. Focus on being a better you today than you were yesterday...sleep well in the knowledge that you will kick some more *kitten* tomorrow. Losing weight and being at a healthy weight, etc is largely a bi-product of good livin'...when you're good livin', all of that stuff tends to just fall in line.

This is a process...this is a "journey"...it is not an overnight kind of thing. I've been on this little safari of good livin' now for almost two years, and guess what...I'm still working on things. I've recently come to the realization that I've focused primarily on my physical well-being to this point...I've lost a good bit of weight and I've learned a lot about nutrition and fitness...I eat well and exercise regularly...and now that I have my physical health under control, it's time to start looking at my mental and spiritual well being which have been neglected. See what I mean...it's a process...the betterment of yourself is never ending...it is a journey...a life long journey.

This. This! Exactly this!!

It is a very slow process that begins with liking yourself and feeling that you deserve good things -- time outdoors, some healthy food that tastes good, sleep, love... and pizza and cookies once in a while.

With time and practice, you progress to loving yourself, and feeling strong, and believing that you deserve more good things -- a fit body, enough protein to maintain your muscles, fresh fruit and veggies (even if they're out of season and a little expensive), the satisfaction of finishing a 5K, a better relationship with your loved ones, the opportunity to serve as a good example to others, LOVE, a rewarding career... and bacon cheeseburgers, fries and a shake once in a while.

It is not a linear journey, and you likely won't progress in a straight line and make all your deadlines. It is a process that will take forever if you stay committed and connected to your self.

sherambler

Honestly, I had to go see a therapist to deal with the problems you're talking about. For me, the way I perceived myself and my commitment/dedication to the weight loss process went hand in hand. But also feelings of not being good enough, not deserving, self image, etc. affected me beyond just my weight loss efforts. When you're in that negative mindset, it's hard to see the reality of the situation and its easy to be convinced that other people are capable of change, but you aren't. It took almost a year of therapy to work on these issues before I could really get a hold of my my weight loss efforts and believe that is possible. Most people can do them side by side, but I couldn't. Don't get me wrong, I was still trying to watch what I ate and exercise, but it was a sporadic effort.

I think there's an aspect of blind faith in the beginning. I wasn't sure I could do it because I didn't have any track record that showed that I could. It's certainly easier said than done, but I think it's a combination of blind faith, the reassurance of others who have been there and succeeded, and the fact that I'm starting to see results which is proof posititve that I can do it.

Everyone has ups and downs. My therapist used to say that many people looking to lose weight get caught up in the world of absolutes, that everything is black and white and that that somehow makes it easy, or that a weight loss journey is supposed to be a steep downward line, but in reality, weight loss is a bit of a jagged line with lots of ups and downs. In the beginning, I think it's really important to find happiness with the small changes you're making. They do add up and they build the foundation for more monumental changes and milestones.

My therapist also said that acceptance doesn't necessarily equal perfect happiness or that you're completely satisfied with the thing that you're accepting. Acceptance is just that...being okay with it, learning to live with it and stop dwelling on it. I'm perhaps not articulating this correctly, so my point might not be coming across all that clear, but what I mean to say is that once I accepted my body how it was in that moment, I could forgive myself for the previous false starts, which let me clear the slate and move forward. I used to be crippled by how things could've or should've been, instead of focusing on how things are. I accepted my role in gaining all the weight, stopped blaming others, found ways to call myself out on my excuses, and now I finally believe that it's possible.

Hope this helps.

C5North

I bet I've had a dozen (at least) failed starts over the last 15 years. I ballooned up to 365. For me, and I don't pretend this will work for everyone, but for me it took being 100% BURTALLY honest with myself and shamelessly admitting that I am not only overweight but dangerously, disgustingly WAY FAT. And I mean BRUTAL honesty. I embrace it now, it fuels ME to lose. You must never quit. This isn't just some time period where you lose weight and then go back to "normal" whatever that is. I am now looking at this for what it is, a lifelong journey. Yes, I want to be skinny NOW. It aint going to happen that way. It is going to take WORK. It took work to get to 365 and it is going to take work to get it off. PERIOD. But if you never take the first step or quit you will never achieve your goal.

There is no diet.

I waved goodbye to the 360's, never to return.
I waved goodbye to the 350's, never to return.
I waved goodbye to the 340's, never to return.
I am on the verge of waving goodbye to the 330's, NEVER TO RETURN.

All in about 3 months time. I know for sure that had I not decided to take the first step 3 or so months ago I would STILL be 365 pounds. This is no longer acceptable and I WILL NOT accept it. If I meet my goals this is going to take me another year and a half. You know if it takes me 2 or 3 who cares? I am daily moving in the right direction. I'll never stop. One day, not too long from now I'll wake up one day step on the scale and see 190 pounds. This DRIVES me. It will be done.

But if I had not taken that first step...

And if I can do it ANYONE can do it. You can do it.

I DO NOT hate myself but I am very disappointed in myself for allowing my weight gain. Never hate yourself. We certainly don't hate you. I applaud and respect you. You are here, you are trying. Don't stop.

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step.

JtKeil

My problem is I can't see the finishing line. Ive been on this ride for over 20 years and never lost it. Once I lost 40 pounds but gained it all back. I think everyone is right. Once I accept me for me things might change.

Don't think in terms of the finishing line. As you lose weight your goals may very well change, also what looks and feels good may not match the number on the scale. I've changed my goal at least a dozen times, think lifestyle changes and baby steps.