Gone Too Far??

HAS415

I started my weight loss journey in April 2013. I went from 278 lbs down to my lowest of 142 which I believe was in May. At that time I started to get comments from family, friends, my trainer and customers at the deli where I work that I needed to stop and put some back on. I didn't see it then but after a collage of pictures was put together from 3 stages of my weight loss I finally saw it. I have worked hard to get my weight up to 161 with a goal set by my trainer of 165 which I need to reach by 10/18. While I'm happy I'm finally seeing a little progress toward that goal I'm uneasy because I don't want to lose control. I have a history of yo yo dieting. I have gained and lost over 75 lbs 3 times in my life and gained it back. However I've never lost this much before. This time I swear to GOD I am not gaining it back. It is a daily struggle to meet my calories and try to minimize my activity so I can reach my goal and then maintain. I am 5' 10" and currently 161. Facebook has been a double edged sword in this with me. I took ALOT of flack about going to far My bad for putting some stuff out there. At first it was a great motivational tool when I clearly needed to lose weight. Then it became a haven for drama and mean remarks, some I'm sure were given as a dose of tough love. Thank GOD the furor has died down a lot and I want to keep it that way. I understand and appreciate people's concern but it's hard to fight to get to a weight higher than I am comfortable at, but I know I have to. My doctor, trainer and family all said that is the weight I looked best at. It's a battle 24/7. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. What do I have to have today? How close will it bring me to my goal? It's awful and nobody seems to understand fully. Closest person to understanding is my trainer, but he has not experienced the yo yo syndrome as I have. Nobody I know has. So nobody I now can understand how I feel. Sure they can sympathize but they can't empathize. Unless they have gone on this journey and have experienced this themselves they don't understand. The mindset, the habits, the rituals are all so deeply set it's really hard to snap myself out of it, but I have to. I was wondering if anyone on here, since this is a site exclusively for weight loss, has experienced this kind of thing. Sort of where you think you are pretty much ok where you are or would be ok to lose more, but people tell you to stop. I'm sure I can't be the only one in the universe that feels like this but at the moment it sure as hell feels like I am and I have lost so many friends over this because they were tired of fighting with me and seeing me make no progress in returning to a healthy weight. I used to be a slave to the scale. Would get on it several times a day. Now I want to throw it out the window and don't want to be ruled by numbers any more. I just want to feel better and all my health problems that have popped up to go away. I just want my life back. Any thoughts from anyone who has experienced this? Would be much appreciated. I have exhausted all other avenues.