I feel like a horrible person... :(

GothyFaery

So a little background. I have a storage table next to my desk at work that has become the extra food table. My coworkers fill it up with all sorts of food. I really don't mind it being that close. Just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean they have to be too. I practice my willpower and just don't eat it.

A few days ago my co-worker brought in literaly over 5 pounds of fun sized chocolate bars and dumped it in 4 different candy bowls (yes, there was that much). Again, normally I don't mind having tempting food 5 feet away from me but the chocolate was really getting to me. I've been battling a minor bout of depression lately and I've been self medicating with chocolate. Even though I always make it fit, that's not a (mentally) healthy relationship so I'm trying to stop eating it so much.

I told him I was really trying to cut out chocolate right now so I didn't want to smell it all day and moved all of it over to his desk. He told me that he was going to come back into work one night and cover my desk in it. I explained to him that I really needed to stay away from chocolate and I hope he respected me enough to not do that.

Now to the "I'm a horrible person" part. This morning I come in to find one of the candy bowls on my desk. I was furious! I dumped the whole bowl out on his chair and put a note saying "If I find this on my desk again I'm going to throw it in the trash! Not kidding!" Well, a little bit later when he came in to find a mess of candy all over his chair and desk (+a very b!tchy note), he tells me it wasn't him.

He swares up and down that he didn't do it and I belive him. Now I feel like a horrible b!tch. I just assumed it was him because he said he was going to do it and he used to do that kind of thing all the time when I first started. He would always put cake, cookies, fudge, whatever on my desk every time I would walk away. When I told him I couldn't eat that stuff right now, he would always say "You can always throw it up later". I had the begininning stages of an ED when I was in high school so that was below the belt for me.

Sorry that was so long. Do you think I'm a horrible person for assuming it was him and making a mess on his desk (not to mention the b!tchy note)?

ETA
TL;DR:
Co-worker brought in crap ton of candy.
I asked him to keep it away from me.
He said he would cover my desk in it.
Found crap ton of candy at my desk this morning, thought he did it so dumped on his chair/floor with a nasty note.
Turns out it wasn't him.
Am I horrible?

annaskiski

No, I'll bet it WAS him.

He'll get over it if it wasn't...No big deal..

Oi_Sunshine

You had a bad moment. If you think he's telling the truth, then apologize and move the candy to another area. He is the logical culprit since he has done it in the past and teased you about it recently.

I'm so glad I haven't worked in an office setting. Couldn't stand all this petty crap going on.

Jg04811

Not at all...reminds me of a story "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". He deserved it even though he didnt do it. Hopefully now he will back off and let you do your thing and maybe even start supporting you. I changed my WHOLE department. We dont even bring in birthday cakes anymore. Everybody over here watches what they eat and some have even started to work out. You just be that trend setter and dont let them choose what you eat.

jkwolly

Ho man, drop that candy off at my desk plz.

JenAndSome

No. It was natural to assume it was him since he said he was going to put it on your desk. Apologize and say, see I told you I was having a hard time. Laugh it off and move on.

MinnieInMaine

I get why you feel bad but I think it was a fairly reasonable assumption. Did you apologize and clean up the mess you made? If not, do so now - if too late to clean up, at least apologize. Lesson learned - next time, no retaliation, at least until you know the facts.

dakotababy

Do you guys work for a circus? That is what it sounds like.

1 - why on earth are people sticking candy into YOUR desk, and not their own??
2 - just offer the food back - if they dont take it, throw it out.


Sounds like you made things more dramatic than it needed to be. Not a horrible person though. I dont know what you do for work, sounds incredibly unprofessional on many many levels though.

SerendipitySkye

I think it was an easy assumption to make given your past with him. As long as you apologized for assuming it was him, I would just let yourself off the hook. It is not like he did not ever give you cause in the past to think it could have been him who did this. Please do not beat yourself up. We all have those moments especially when dieting and chocolate deprivation are concerned.

kommodevaran

You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

rml_16

But did he die?

Seriously, though, he set a precedent, so even if he didn't do it you had good reason to think he did. You dumped candy on a chair. You didn't eat his first born. You had a bad moment. You're not a horrible person.

rml_16

You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

"You Americans"? Really?

For the record, this isn't the atmosphere in every office in the country.

donkelly94

I do not think you sound horrible at all. If it really wasn't him then you may want to apologize to him. But it sounds like you were very open and honest with your feelings, more then a lot of people may have been. I can understand your reaction and believe that most of us would have assumed the same thing, and done the same thing. You can only be responsible for your actions and feelings. If you have apologize then let it go and treat him as if nothing ever happened. Keep up the good work! One day at a time!

don

Travelfixer

No of course you aren't a horrible person. I think its quite thoughtless of him or whoever to even store it near you especially if they know you are trying to lose weight. don't stress out over it, let it go. You don't really know the truth as to if it was him or not so I wouldn't worry at all about it. Just say, I'm really trying to stay away from eating chocolate right now and I would appreciate it not being anywhere near me. xx

MaddyT122

You apologized already. Forget it and move on. He probably already has.

jkwolly

You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

Not American here, but isn't the workplace suppose to be a little fun?

Sure, dude went too far, but little pranks sometimes can get the energy levels up and get you through the day.

Then again I work with 80% men so maybe I am used to it. Meh.

BrianSharpe

Has the workplace become a kindergarten??

beat me to it! :laugh:

YourFairyGlamBoss

I don't think you are a horrible person at all. I assumed it was him as well, and as a matter of fact I still believe he did it, but none the less don't beat yourself up about it. People should respect your wishes.

pennyks88

You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

I can promise you, not all Americans are like that. I am American and this whole thing sounds ridiculous. OP, just apologize and move on.

rachelrb85

First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

Second of all, tell him it was a joke. He'll get over it.

FeefWV

NO! Not at all. Actually, I'd have done the same thing. Instead of helping you (supporting you) it seems they want to keep you from succeeding. I'd have tossed the "garbage" in the trash if it landed on my chair - actually I did that before. Just because people want to abuse their bodies doesn't mean you have to. Maybe bring in a tray of fresh vegies with dip or a fruit bowl full of nice crisp apples. I feel so badly for you that your co-workers did that to you.

I'm SO GLAD I'm finally retired. No more stupid antics like the one you have described.

Good luck with your life-changing habits.

God bless!

MizTerry

Could it have been the cleaning crew? It doesn't matter, your point was CLEARLY made...don't give the woman acting like an itch any chocolate. At all. Ever.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

parkscs

You Americans are crazy :noway: Has the workplace become a kindergarten?? How do you stay energized through the day when you eat candy all day and how do you keep focused on your assignments when there is candy right in front of you? What do your employers think of this?

He's lucky he didn't get shot. Candy dumped on the desk? Pfft, that's tame for Americans.

GothyFaery

I get why you feel bad but I think it was a fairly reasonable assumption. Did you apologize and clean up the mess you made? If not, do so now - if too late to clean up, at least apologize. Lesson learned - next time, no retaliation, at least until you know the facts.

I was actually away from my desk when he found it (I start work before him) so he had to clean it up by himself. I did apologize and explained why I instantly thought it was him. Still feel bad about it though.

20yearsyounger

Apologize. But next time they know not to mess with you

UsedToBeHusky

No you are not a horrible person. I'm inclined to believe it was him and that he is lying about it.

Don't beat yourself up. You were respectful up until you were disrespected.

GothyFaery

First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.

beautifulwarrior18

I would have skipped the part where you put it on his chair and just threw it in the trash. Let's be honest, no one in your work place needs 5 lbs of candy. Don't feel bad and I would just not talk to him about your lifestyle. He sounds like an *kitten*. You don't need an excuse for not wanting certain things on your desk. If he asks next time tell him it makes your desk feel to cluttered.

UsedToBeHusky

First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.

You are completely justified in omitting a food item from your diet for whatever reason you choose. Don't apologize for not wanting chocolate and not wanting to be around chocolate. This would be different if you demanded that no one in the office eat chocolate around you. Your desk is your personal space, and by law, is acknowledged as your space. If you don't want chocolate in that space, no one has the right to force that on you.

Edited to add: This behavior, if it continues or escalates, can constitute as "hostile work environment" by law. I would recommend you report him to your HR department if he doesn't respect you from this point forward. You have made it known that this behavior is not welcome.

ItsMeBlue

hmm....OP, I'd say hindsight is 20/20..I'm certain i'll overreact in the future as well, so who am I to judge...I will say that, if he had any sense at all, then he will realize he asked for it by making a stupid comment within earshot of other people. If it wasnt him then it was someone who doesnt like him and wanted to set him up. either way, he will get over it or he wont...i would say that an office lesson was learned .... listen when you say no to chocolate.

rml_16

First of all, I think fitting chocolate into your daily intake IS a very healthy mental relationship with food. Avoiding it all together and moving it to a different location is not.

Normally I would agree with you. I always try to fit a bit of chocolate in my day. But like I said, lately I've been in a really bad slump and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. The first thing I think about when I wake up is "I need chocolate to get through today" and it comes up several times a day.

So for me right now, the best thing I can do is just cut out my "fix" and deal with my mental issues myself. Once I'm back to a normal me, I'm going to have chocolate again. I just don't like feeling like I have to have chocolate or I will be miserable and depressed all day.

You are completely justified in omitting a food item from your diet for whatever reason you choose. Don't apologize for not wanting chocolate and not wanting to be around chocolate. This would be different if you demanded that no one in the office eat chocolate around you. Your desk is your personal space, and by law, is acknowledged as your space. If you don't want chocolate in that space, no one has the right to force that on you.

Edited to add: This behavior, if it continues or escalates, can constitute as "hostile work environment" by law. I would recommend you report him to your HR department if he doesn't respect you from this point forward. You have made it known that this behavior is not welcome.

I agree.

There are certain things I can't just eat in moderation. I cannot stop eating Oreos after I have that first one. I can eat an entire thing of mousse tracks ice cream. I don't have an issue with binging in general, but some food just really tastes good. So I don't keep it in the house. It works and there's nothing wrong with that.