What if she's right?

traceywoody

What if she isn't? You decide.

shai74

My mum is 5' and I'm 5'9" and yet she said to me a few years ago "you need to watch your weight, you weigh more than me now". Yes ... thank you mum, my BMI is alot lower than yours though ...

My dad is one of 11 siblings. 9 of the 11 have type 2 diabetes, heart disease and are big. Why? Genetic predisposition? Yes. 60 years of poor diet and little exercise? Definitely. My sister had a heart attack and died 2 years ago at 37. She was a really big girl. She was also intellectually handicapped, and everyone thought it was best to just let her stuff her face for 37 years because it made her happy.

We all got family baggage. We can continue the pattern based on behaviours and attitudes we've learned from them, or we can be responsible for our own outcomes. Pretty simple really. I am not prepared to be on deaths door at 60 due to ill health and blame it on genetics. No matter what ****ty genetic card you got dealt, you will still have a better quality of life if you eat well and live well.

blossomingbutterfly

She's only as right as you allow her to be.

This.

PokeyBug

She's so wrong. Your genetics are what they are. You might have a genetic predisposition to something like obesity, but that doesn't mean that it's inevitable. My siblings and I are great examples of this. Our father had diabetes, which means that each of his three kids have a predisposition. Only one of us has developed diabetes -- the sister who doesn't worry about diet or exercise. It's only a self-fulfilling prophecy if YOU decide it will be. Don't let her bring you down.

brewinggirl_butskinnier

Well since I believe that the majority of people got overweight because of habits, rather than genetics, I'd have to say she's WRONG.


Regardless though...I'm having a hard time understanding how making such breathtakingly un-supportive comments would be something a loving parent would do. Sounds very toxic to me...is she like this in other ways? Clearly there's some bitterness or jealousy or something going on (and hey we all have our moments) but a good parent doesn't let that project onto their children.

Perhaps you should put some of her clothes on. Then show her how they don't fit. Then...distance. And I'm sorry.

libbydoodle11

My Mom used to be very thin before she had kids. She had a beautiful figure. She had children and must have decided to give up because she refuses to exercise and eats way too much and looks kind of terrible. I feel awful saying that, but it's true. It scares me for my future.
Two summers ago, I was taking an early morning beach bootcamp with a friend and was taking it very seriously. My mom asked me why I bothered because I am just going to end up looking like her anyway.

She also talks about how she and I are the same size (we aren't even close in size. At least 3 sizes apart). She is constantly trying to get me to go in her closet and find something else to wear.

It really hurts my self esteem, but in the back of my mind I'm wondering..what if she's right?

What if I am doing all this work for nothing, just to end up looking like her?

News flash! Your mother is WRONG!

Don't let that negative nelly into your head.

Taking care of yourself is something you do to stay healthy. It is something you do for you and nobody else. You don't want the diseases that come with being overweight.

Guess what else? You are worth every ounce of effort you put into it, AND THEN SOME.

Don't let your mother dictate who you are and who you want to become. You are your own boss.

Artionis

Even people we love (moms) can say very destructive, hurtful things. Wouldn't it have wonderful if your mom had said something like, "Sweetheart, don't ever get to be my size. Do your exercises and eat healthy, don't make the mistakes I did." Bummer that your mom wasn't up to that. On some weird level, predicting an unhealthy future for you validates her own failures. Would you ever predict such a negative future for your own daughter? Hell, no!

Just accept that your mom has her limitations, be sorry for her that she's so pathetic and wants company in the pathetic club, and don't let her negativity affect you in the least. Find other role models, like the many success stories here. Here are two lines from the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley for you:

I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

Repeat them daily.

La5Vega5Girl

your mom is jealous of your hard work and KNOWS that you will end up NOT looking like her and that scares her. be supportive of her, try to get her to exercise or go to the bootcamps with you if you go. moms are just little girls at heart. (trust me, i am one)

SingRunTing

As you age, it gets harder because you're metabolism slows down some, so your calorie allotment has to decrease to compensate. But, if you're still working hard and paying attention to your intake, you most certainly don't have to gain all kinds of weight in your later years. So, no, you are not destined to be just like your mother.

As far as thinking you are the same size, she's just in denial. Many overweight people don't realize how big they truly are. That's why they continue to gain. That's also why a lot of bigger people hate getting their picture taken. They don't realize how big they are and the picture doesn't lie. I know that was true for me.

galprincess

OK my mum has 4 children we are same height and before children were both tiny she went on to have 4 children in 3 pregnancies( my sis and I twins) well I have 3 hers were small babies mine were huge she had us at 34 I had my last at 28 and im done my smallest baby weighed almost 1lb more than her biggest she ended up 14-16 (uk) im 10-12(uk) she yo-yoed and smoked I don't yo yo or smoke so yes genetics are part of it but your lifestyle foods etc are different they do factor in, what if you do end up the same size but shes got a higher body fat percentage you wont look the same size you m8ight weigh the same. What if by taking on a healthy lifestyle your way means you wont? if it was me id want to be the healthiest me I could be regardless of size genetics etc and so that mindset is different to your mums what you got to lose other than proving your healthier?

toadg53

what she is trying to say to you is no different than some people claiming they are big boned, or bloated, or just retaining a lot of water, or on prednisone. not to say that people aren't all those things. But if you do have a larger frame, that alone is not going to account for an additional 50 pounds or more on a 5' 3" woman. OR you're not going to bloat or retain 50# of water. Yes, taking some medications can trigger you to eat more or can cause other changes in your body and you will gain weight. It happened to me. But I don't think it was JUST the meds that did it. It was coupled with an increase in food AND a decrease in moving around that also contributed.

at any rate, as people on here so often say ... it's food in and exertion out that will determine what ultimately your weight and body will be. sounds to me like YOU are the one on the right track. as long as you stay there and show how it's done, maybe and hopefully your mom will see and realize that she's been mistaken all these years, come around and get healthy herself. you can only hope. I came around late in life, so it does happen.

rachelrb85

She could be right if you choose like her and decide to let yourself go after having children. Don't let her be right.

lanton5110

Genetics only make up part of your physical health- you control the rest Keep at it! You're doing this for YOU not for her. It's not for nothing.

smantha32

Well, you control your own destiny. You are in charge of how much you eat and if you exercise. You said that your mom stopped exercising and ate poorly. Don't do those things.

This.

scottacular

She's not right. The reason she says those things is that she wants them to be true because it will validate what she has told to herself, which is that she was destined to be at the size she is at now and shouldn't try to fix it.

My mom also does this.

If you lose weight, then it might mean that she should try to change, also. If you get heavier, then the status quo is all good.

You need to ignore her and focus on your goals. You can lose weight if that's what you want to do.

This.

I know so many people who insist they can't lose weight like it's somehow out of their control. This person, like them - is merely seeking legitimacy for their excuses. Nobody's weight is linked to anyone else's, only you control how your body ends up.

_Tink_

Genetics are only part of the equation. The person I am genetically most like in my family is my paternal grandmother. I got so much from her - my looks, height, large frame, big feet, etc. I am most like her. Except that she was morbidly obese. She had diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. She had 2 heart attacks and a stroke before she died; after the first heart attack she lost 100 pounds and was still obese. In my whole life, I don't ever remember seeing her standing upright - she would get up from the recliner and shuffle to the door, hunched over, when we came to visit, and then hobble back and sit again. In fact, I had no idea she was tall until I was in my 20's and asked my mother where I got my height from.

In contrast, I'm a size 2. I'm fit and healthy and I've pretty much always been. She had 4 kids, but I had 3 and the 3rd was just last year, at age 40. I live a healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise and a well-rounded diet. Over the years people have asked me why I bother to eat right and work out since I'm already thin (that's a rant for another day). Besides all of the obvious answers about health, I'm well aware that genetically, I could have ended up like my grandmother. I choose not to.

Don't listen to your mother. You are what you choose to be in terms of your health and fitness. No one is locked into a future of obesity just because another family member struggles with it.

Mischievous_Rascal

I started to look like my mom, and then I started to eat right and exercise and now I look better than I did in high school. (My mom is still adorable, though. )

She's wrong, the choice is yours, and you may want to talk to her about how you feel about her words to you.

MinnieInMaine

If she's right, then you must be insane. Either you two wear the same size or you don't. She says you do, but you insist that you don't. So, one of you is off your rocker.

But even if you're the nutty one, you can still lose weight.

I love this reply! So true and :laugh:

She's not right and you know it so stop using letting her mind games get to you. If it was my mother, I'd tell her that straight up and probably even prove it by putting on her clothes and showing how they were too big for me. I don't let my Mom get away with BS like that.

erincatfacemeowmers

Your mother may have self-esteem issues of her own that she feels she has no control over and thus those feelings get projected onto you. No one should ever be shamed into not taking care of their physical and mental health.

Maybe propose that your mother try a gentle or meditative yoga class or DVD with you, and/or keep a feelings and food journal and share them with each other every week. You could use this as mother-daughter bonding time and a way to encourage her to be healthier.

If your mother continues in this vein of argument, just find a gentle way to communicate that being healthy is a way to show the people in your life that you care about THEM; you take care of yourself so that you can live a long, healthy life because you want to be there to care for and enjoy your family and friends for as long as possible. This may help to change her tune about your healthy efforts, and maybe even her own.