Diary of a Compulsive Overeater - Day 38

ellelit

so yesterday was a bad one. i binged again. no rhyme ro reason, just had to eat. it's strange because i binged after i had already eaten a filling, healthy dinner. funnier still, it was when i was watching the biggest loser last night that i felt i had to binge. :noway: here is how yesterday went:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 egg
1 slice toast
1 tsp. becel
1 cup milk

snack:
banana
1/2 peanut butter sandwich
1 small yogurt

lunch:
1 cup of basmati rice
1 cup of chili
1 tossed salad with tomatoes and cukes, 2 tbsp dressing

snack:
1 apple sauce
mini carrots
100 cal pack of cookies

supper:
1 grilled chicken wrap, with little bit cheese, little bit sour cream
1.5 cups tortellini salad with veggies and chipotle mayo dressing

snack:
1 small milkshake
1 dq ultimate burger
1 medium fries
1 large gravy

so there it is. i was feeling great after dinner! happy, healthy, glad i had stuck to my plan for the whole day... but about 2 hours later i just couldn't stand it! i had to stuff my face.

i was standing my the door looking in the mirror, basically arguing with myself about going... i do that all the time and i always lose the argument. or win, depending on how you look at it.

today i am feeling sick, headachy with cramps, but i am generally happy. while i am not happy with the choices i made yesterday, i am trying to stay positive.

- it's friday
- it's beautiful out
- i have a little bit of moola to enjoy myself this weekend
- i go on vacation on tuesday
- i have a day full of fun meetings, a lunch out with the girls and some me time tonight
- i have people like my mom in my life who love me no matter what, and will listen to me when i've had a bad day

lots of reasons for me to be happy today...and only one to be unhappy

- i'm 284 pounds.

so, obviously the good outweighs the bad, so i just have to keep on truckin'. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
2 slices whole grain toast
4 tbsp natural peanut butter (i measured out 1 tbsp for each slice but it was soooooo dry)
1 cup skim milk

- i am liking the bigger breakfasts... they are hard to get through, but they really do keep me fuller longer.

snack:
1 banana
1 yogurt
mini carrots

lunch:
out with the girls. going to get some grilled chicken wrap or sandwich... promise to get salad, not fries. i promise promise.

snack:
1 banana (they are going to go bad)
1 apple sauce
22 almonds

snack:
100 cal pack of cookies

supper:
pork stirfry with 1 cup rice
steamed broccoli
mushrooms and peppers

so today i am looking forward to...it's a new day, new slate, new chance to have a great day. if i mess up i mess up, but i am not going down without a fight...

ellelit

so yesterday was a bad one. i binged again. no rhyme ro reason, just had to eat. it's strange because i binged after i had already eaten a filling, healthy dinner. funnier still, it was when i was watching the biggest loser last night that i felt i had to binge. :noway: here is how yesterday went:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
1 egg
1 slice toast
1 tsp. becel
1 cup milk

snack:
banana
1/2 peanut butter sandwich
1 small yogurt

lunch:
1 cup of basmati rice
1 cup of chili
1 tossed salad with tomatoes and cukes, 2 tbsp dressing

snack:
1 apple sauce
mini carrots
100 cal pack of cookies

supper:
1 grilled chicken wrap, with little bit cheese, little bit sour cream
1.5 cups tortellini salad with veggies and chipotle mayo dressing

snack:
1 small milkshake
1 dq ultimate burger
1 medium fries
1 large gravy

so there it is. i was feeling great after dinner! happy, healthy, glad i had stuck to my plan for the whole day... but about 2 hours later i just couldn't stand it! i had to stuff my face.

i was standing my the door looking in the mirror, basically arguing with myself about going... i do that all the time and i always lose the argument. or win, depending on how you look at it.

today i am feeling sick, headachy with cramps, but i am generally happy. while i am not happy with the choices i made yesterday, i am trying to stay positive.

- it's friday
- it's beautiful out
- i have a little bit of moola to enjoy myself this weekend
- i go on vacation on tuesday
- i have a day full of fun meetings, a lunch out with the girls and some me time tonight
- i have people like my mom in my life who love me no matter what, and will listen to me when i've had a bad day

lots of reasons for me to be happy today...and only one to be unhappy

- i'm 284 pounds.

so, obviously the good outweighs the bad, so i just have to keep on truckin'. here is the plan for today:

breakfast:
1 cup oatmeal
2 slices whole grain toast
4 tbsp natural peanut butter (i measured out 1 tbsp for each slice but it was soooooo dry)
1 cup skim milk

- i am liking the bigger breakfasts... they are hard to get through, but they really do keep me fuller longer.

snack:
1 banana
1 yogurt
mini carrots

lunch:
out with the girls. going to get some grilled chicken wrap or sandwich... promise to get salad, not fries. i promise promise.

snack:
1 banana (they are going to go bad)
1 apple sauce
22 almonds

snack:
100 cal pack of cookies

supper:
pork stirfry with 1 cup rice
steamed broccoli
mushrooms and peppers

so today i am looking forward to...it's a new day, new slate, new chance to have a great day. if i mess up i mess up, but i am not going down without a fight...

sapphyre0702

Good Luck!

Don't be so hard on yourself, think about how far you have come over the past few weeks! Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is the transition for healthy eating.

As long as you keep trying the progress will keep happening! And you have already lost 21 lbs in 38 days! In 76 more days you could lose 42 pounds (not scientific, just basic inspirational math) how cool is that?!?!

Enjoy your friday!

rogers8702

i just wanna say i think it is awesome that you plan out ur day like that. that is HUGE!!!!! i could never be so disciplined nice job!!!! hey we all mess up once in a while. enjoy ur weekend and vaca.

sweetandstormy

ellelit,

Have you ever considered that the reason you can't resist the urge to put junk in your body is because you're dealing with an addiction? It took me a long time to see that food to me is just as dangerous as alcohol is to an alcoholic. Reading what happens to you on a daily basis is just like reliving so many of my own days. I still have them. Heck, I had 2 of them last week.

Katy009

GOOD LUCK :flowerforyou:

ellelit

oh, i know i have an addiction... honestly i don't know how to stop it. i've tried to abstain from my "trigger foods" and it worked for about 4 months, but when i fell off the wagon, i went into basically a 2 month long food bender. trying to free myself fromt he addiction is one of the main things i'm struggling with. a girl's got to eat right? i just have to find out how to balance what i'm addicted to with that which nourishes me... ah....

rogers8702

it sounds like maybe you should try to find something you like to do such as read, knit, paint, color, or whatever so at those times you can keep your hands busy with something else--i know its got to be hard but hey it is worth a shot right:huh:

5KNohno

it sounds like maybe you should try to find something you like to do such as read, knit, paint, color, or whatever so at those times you can keep your hands busy with something else--i know its got to be hard but hey it is worth a shot right:huh:

Nighttime is definitely my worst time so I've started writing a book online. It's hard to eat and type at the same time.