Others sabotaging efforts to lose weight...
CheeriOkie
Posts: 6
Has this happened to anyone? You announce to your husband that you are going to try AGAIN to lose those extra pounds. You explain how much his support means to you. And then, he immediately drives through the Donut Palace and orders your favorites. Eats them in front of you and asks you if you want a bite, just one bite! OOH look! They gave us extra donut holes.
No, I am not joking and neither is he. This literally happens every time. Today I got so mad and yelled "get that garbage out of my face!" I felt bad but darn! I might mention, my husband is maybe 10 lbs heavier than he should be according to the scales, but looks amazing. He doesn't have the issues I do.
How can I change this? Help!
No, I am not joking and neither is he. This literally happens every time. Today I got so mad and yelled "get that garbage out of my face!" I felt bad but darn! I might mention, my husband is maybe 10 lbs heavier than he should be according to the scales, but looks amazing. He doesn't have the issues I do.
How can I change this? Help!
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Replies
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have you ever seen the episode of everybody loves raymond where deborah gets the donuts that ray's mother makes, and she smashes them with her frying pan??? yea, i would do something like that.0
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^^^^
This.
Also, do not make those kinds of announcements.0 -
A) Punch him in the face.
Or
Have an adult conversation with him.
If that fails see A.0 -
We all feel the same way sometimes, it is just other people living ther life around you. So your best stick to your plan youll make it.0
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my hubby doesn't "push" me to eat things or go out of his way to "rub it in my face". but he'll think he's being nice because he thought of me when he went to the store and get me a king size kit kat. Or he'll want to order food after I tell him I can't have it. But the biggest thing i think annoys me most is when I specifically ask for something and he brings me more than what i wanted (i.e. this happen the other day: I asked for peanut or peanut butter m&m's, be got me both, in king size... and i ate them.
The only thing that saved me from crying was it was my "cheat day" ) 0 -
Your husband may not have the issues you do, but he definitely has issues. The guy sounds like a real jerk.0
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I would imagine that if you want a healthy relationship, you should not try and destroy the food your husband buys for himself and tell him that buying the food, eating it in front of you, and offering it to you makes it very difficult for you. You can't ask that your husband not eat food that you think is bad for you since he does not have weight issues.
And, maybe you can plan ahead to have a doughnut hole when he buys treats. Ask him to warn you so that you can make room in your daily calorie goal.0 -
Maybe he is testing your will power and if you fails he will just eat it. My brother used to do crap like this with alcohol. You can do it. You can look at your favorites, eat in moderation, or not eat it at all.0
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YUP!!!!!
What is up with that?!!!!
This time I didn't tell him my plans I just started doing my thing. He has caught on by now, and he has tried to get me to eat something (like a mcdonalds burger) or cupcake... and I just say no thanks or accept it and then set it on the counter and "forget" about it. He's gotten the hint. Tonight is our ritualistic pizza and beer night. He got a healthier pizza for me (he likes it too) and did not buy me any adult beverages. He really means well. But sometimes I just need him to be extra and overly supportive.0 -
I struggle with similar types of behaviors at times. A peer at work buys my favorite candy and puts it in random places for me. Today, I, NICELY, told her. I love the candy, love the thought, but to stop as this was not helping my healthy journey. She recognized that she was being an enabler. I am hoping it will stop.
As far as your hubby, he loves you and wants you to enjoy the same things you used to-make sure he understands that you are on a journey and need his support. Remember, most of us are creatures of habit and most are not intentionally trying to sabotage you. Just thoughtless at times.0 -
While it does suck badly to watch others eat donuts, you have a few options in these situations.
1. Say no and suck it up and just don't eat it
2. Eat a small portion in moderation and make it fit into your day
3. Go buck wild and eat tons of donuts
I usually opt for #2. The only way he can truly sabotage you, is if she holds you down and shoves the food down your throat.
The choice is yours.0 -
While we were dating I would tell my ex that I wanted to eat healthier and cut out sweets and ice cream. He would buy ice cream and put it in the fridge and come home with a bunch of candy bars, some for him and some for me. I would eat it then get all upset that he bought it. At the time I wasn't mentally ready to really change my habits or my lifestyle.
I got serious about making a change in my life. I decided to make lifestyle changes: clean up my diet (eat more nutritious foods and lower the amount of processed foods I ate), get regular physical activity, and stop eating out of boredom or to fill an emotional need. I still will eat some chocolate or ice cream if I feel like it but I no longer have that overpowering need to eat every bit of junk food that enters the house as soon as it comes through the door. My ex still buys ice cream and treats. I just don't partake unless I feel like it. And I certainly no longer get upset about him "enabling" or "sabotaging" me. It is my choice to eat it or not eat it, regardless of its presence in my house.
While I can't say this will work for everyone, as I know people are at different points in their journey or have trigger foods, but my success has come from changing my attitude and holding myself ultimately responsible for everything I put in my mouth.0 -
Has this happened to anyone? You announce to your husband that you are going to try AGAIN to lose those extra pounds. You explain how much his support means to you. And then, he immediately drives through the Donut Palace and orders your favorites. Eats them in front of you and asks you if you want a bite, just one bite! OOH look! They gave us extra donut holes.
No, I am not joking and neither is he. This literally happens every time. Today I got so mad and yelled "get that garbage out of my face!" I felt bad but darn! I might mention, my husband is maybe 10 lbs heavier than he should be according to the scales, but looks amazing. He doesn't have the issues I do.
How can I change this? Help!
Sounds like he is trying to get a rise out of you, which is immature. But it isn't sabotage. Force feeding would be sabotage. You can make a few treats fit into your day. But if you don't yet have the willpower to have just one or a few, that's not his fault.0 -
I hope the rest of your relationship is healthy because his behavior sure as hell isn't.0
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Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.0
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Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.
If my husband shoved unwanted food in my face, he's get slapped and the food shoved in his face along with choice swearing. If you don't want it, stick to your Nope guns. You're giving mixed messages saying no one minute, then accepting it the next.0 -
I did not accept it... I felt very proud of myself.
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Stop announcing it. Stop expecting him to hold your hand through it. The moment you start telling people you need "support", they start rolling their eyes and stop paying attention. Only you can make your choices for you. Your argument is "You can't have doughnuts because I'm on a diet". Yes it's hard to watch someone pile away the food, but stop looking at it with envy and look at it with pity. He feels so bad about HIS choices that he has to belittle you into sinking with him.
That being said, be a jerk right back. Bite the doughnut and spit it out at him. Tell him "Thank you for making me feel bad about trying to do better for myself". He treats you how you allow him to treat you. The second you stop reacting in a way he doesn't find funny, his tune will change.
He is being a HUGE jerk so I hope he's amazing in bed or has a high paying job or has SOMETHING that is so fan-effing-tastic that more than makes up for that abusive behavior.0 -
he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!"
This is unbelievable. Maybe when you're "extra strong" you'll see he's got a major problem.0 -
If that's what you think is an appropriate response to him offering someone a doughnut, you should just get a divorce. It'd be easier.That being said, be a jerk right back. Bite the doughnut and spit it out at him. Tell him "Thank you for making me feel bad about trying to do better for myself". He treats you how you allow him to treat you. The second you stop reacting in a way he doesn't find funny, his tune will change.
He is being a HUGE jerk so I hope he's amazing in bed or has a high paying job or has SOMETHING that is so fan-effing-tastic that more than makes up for that abusive behavior.0 -
Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.
Welcome to MFP!
That is bizarre behavior that you describe. I can only think of a few explanations:
- He feels bad about his own weight or health, and he wants you to eat what he eats so that he doesn't feel guilty.
- He likes you at your current weight and he wants to sabotage your efforts because he thinks you'll become less attractive.
- He is afraid that you will lose weight and then leave him for someone more attractive.
Whatever the answer, if you can afford couples counseling, it might be useful. Or if you're religious, talk to your pastor/priest/rabbi/imam/whatever, who might be able to help or to refer you to someone else.
Good luck on your journey!0 -
If he is forcing food into your mouth, I'd seriously suggest marriage counseling. If he is refusing to listen to you, then you need someone to help y'all with your communication.Thank you all for the input. I am just going to have to be extra strong. The problem is not the fact that he buys the stuff and eats it in front of me... he will literally press custard filled donuts to my lips and say "Just take a bite!" It is bizarre but yes, I understand, it is MY problem for being overweight and MY responsibility to get healthy. I just wish he wouldn't do that. It makes me feel bad and it makes it hard to make good choices.0 -
Everyone's husband that I know does that, including mine. I think it's a few different things like he thinks I'm suffering in some way from lack of junk, he thinks I've done well and deserve a reward, he feels sorry for me because I'm not eating boatloads of foods he knows I find delicious, he's trying to be nice, etc. Yesterday I asked him to pick up some gum and he forgot the gum and bought 2 cadbury eggs for me. I told him thank you for thinking of me and remembering I love those but just get me one next time. I ate one slowly while moaning in an almost x-rated fashion and the other is on the bar. I enjoyed the first with no guilt whatsoever so I don't have to eat the second one right away.0
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I ate one slowly while moaning in an almost x-rated fashion and the other is on the bar.
Guess he won't stop buying them for you...0 -
My boss just bought us pizza for dinner after I've already eaten my high fiber/low carb chicken spinach wraps. The big jerk.0
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Thankfully no. When I'm trying to eat healthy or lose weight my guy goes out and buys veggies and fruit. Apples, bananas, etc. and then stands there grinning like a puppy because "look baby I'm helping!". He won't asks me about how much weight I've lost or anything, he just minds his own business unless I feel open to sharing and then he will cheer me on. Or he'll pick up something from the store for me on the way home if I ask.
If he started trying to shove donuts in my mouth I'd be pretty annoyed. I mean, I still eat donuts, but seriously OP, te way your husband went about it just seems mean.0 -
I ate one slowly while moaning in an almost x-rated fashion and the other is on the bar.
Lol. I'll have what she's having.0 -
Not sabotaging, per say. But just peoples attitudes when you decide to go healthy! I quit smoking and lost 15kg this year. Some were supportive. Some teased me about quitting smoking coz, well, it's a running joke between me and those particular people that we just seemed to quit and relapse again and again. But some people are just downright nasty about it! One 'friend' stopped talking to me because I was actually succeeding. Another is *very* open about the fact she's just waiting for me to put the weight back on and keeps filling me in on cheap tobaccos even though I haven't smoked in months (because obviously, moneys the only reason to quit *rolls eyes*). And even some of those who are proud of me for quitting smoking go quiet and uncomfortable when I wear something that shows off how much weight I've lost so beach seasons gonna be... Interesting.
It is valuable though, getting to experience this. Taught me not to bow to anyone's insecurities, least of all my own. And gave me a chance to find out who actually deserves to be in my life and clean out all people toxic. Coz guess what? I damn well can0 -
If that's what you think is an appropriate response to him offering someone a doughnut, you should just get a divorce. It'd be easier.That being said, be a jerk right back. Bite the doughnut and spit it out at him. Tell him "Thank you for making me feel bad about trying to do better for myself". He treats you how you allow him to treat you. The second you stop reacting in a way he doesn't find funny, his tune will change.
He is being a HUGE jerk so I hope he's amazing in bed or has a high paying job or has SOMETHING that is so fan-effing-tastic that more than makes up for that abusive behavior.
To him shoving a doughnut in her face after she's already stated she's trying to mind her foot intake, that response is a mild one. Treat people how they treat you.0 -
This is partially why I am hesitant to start dating until I'm at goal weight. Not so much of the offering the food/touching the lips with food (I can say "no" pretty easily and stick to that) but I'm sure you're well aware that couples who start a relationship tend to eat more together (especially at the start), I'm not sure how well it would work with me doing my low carb diet and she wants to eat something carb laden.0
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