Is it just a bad time to try? (grief)

H_Factor

The negative stuff that's going on in life will be going on whether you make healthy eating choices or not. I have found that during these storms, when I eat better, I feel better. At least its a positive force for me while navigating through other parts of life....some of which I have no control over. When I eat poorly, however, I feel even worse because the other bad life stuff is still happening, but now I'm beating myself up because I'm making unhealthy choices about things I do have control over. Control the things you have control over (healthy eating; your health in general) and do your best to navigate through the rough waters you don't have control over...because those things are going to happen regardless.

Best of luck to you

Lottiotta

If I were in your place I'd leave it for another time, but that's me. I just wouldn't be capable, and life is not always going to be full of terminally ill loved ones - take time to care for yourself, and if that's counting calories and exercising then great, and if that's deep-fried cheese flavoured ice cream then great. Be kind to yourself, this is a rough time.

MrsATrotta

There is no better time to do this girl!!! Please understand your dad would want you to be healthy and not use his illness to create your own. When the time comes that your father does pass then maybe take some time to yourself, but YES there will always be something. STAY STRONG XXX Prayers for your dad

_SantaClause

If I were in your place I'd leave it for another time, but that's me. I just wouldn't be capable, and life is not always going to be full of terminally ill loved ones - take time to care for yourself, and if that's counting calories and exercising then great, and if that's deep-fried cheese flavoured ice cream then great. Be kind to yourself, this is a rough time.

Agreed.


& where can I get some of that Ice Cream???

LabAgility

I am so sorry.

If you can, give yourself some space without the guilt. BUT, I would keep logging if possible so that you know the choices your are making. My last time around, just before I bailed, I had a friend suggest figuring out my TDEE and allowing myself to eat to that when it was necessary. No guilt. At least that way I would know that I wasn't doing more damage.

Hang in there.

jboccio90

Sorry for what you are going through, my dad was recently diagnose with stage 4 colon cancer and we are not yet at that point but it is the inevitable unfortunately.

I am sure your dad wants the best for you and wants you to be healthy and happy. I wouldn't say screw it all together, but if you can, try to make the best decisions you can in that moment nutrition wise.

k8161819

I am sorry for the troubles you are going through right now. Having an ill parent is really hard. My mother isn't doing well at this moment and I am still 3500 miles away from home, so I feel your pain. Try your best not to let the sadness and depression keep you from being healthy. You don't always have to count calories, I understand that some days it is almost impossible to even think about it, but just try and pick healthy meals/choices without falling back to junk and high calories treats. I like what others are saying...your father probably wants you to stay healthy too. If you even need to chat or need a little push, I'm here for ya.

Alluminati

:flowerforyou:

MinnieInMaine

Sorry you're going through a rough time...

Just do your best. Don't worry so much about sticking to calories if that's just going to add to your stress but try to make the best choices you can. If you want to keep up with logging, maybe switch to maintenance for a while to give yourself some wiggle roo.

I agree with what a few above said. It's not an easy choice to make when you're tired and/or sad (they call it comfort food for a reason!) but making healthier food choices will help you feel better physically (less tired, etc). Same goes for activity. You might not feel like doing anything but I find going for a walk can help relieve stress - even better if you can find someone to go with so you can vent. Doing some kickboxing is even better - pretend you're beating someone up!

You can say screw it if you want - just know it's not the only option.

stealthq

I would try. I just wouldn't be all hardcore about it. I'd go into it knowing that if I didn't meet my goal that day, that was unfortunate but not anything to be upset about. I'd just start again ASAP. Like others have said, be kind to yourself.

For me, it would be a welcome distraction, but then that's the way I handle grief. I can only sit in misery for so long before I MUST get out and do something else, concentrate on something else, do anything else to get a break. Otherwise, I would go crazy. Meal planning could be that distraction. Exercise could be that distraction.

JengaJess

First, I'm so sorry to hear about your father and I know these things can be difficult to talk about, so it's good, even if it's just on an internet forum, that you're talking about it.
I lost about 40 lbs months prior to getting into a car accident where I was severely injured and my best friend was killed.
I had to spend about 6 months nursing wounds, healing bones and learning how to do basic things again in physical therapy. It was a lot of me physically, and I maintained my weight. After I was finally physically healed, a lot of emotional healing needed to happen.
I didn't make healthy eating and exercise a priority during that portion of my life. I would exercise occasionally. I took a lot of long walks, but didn't focus at all on my diet. I gained almost 20 lbs back. But I made sure I was taking care of myself in some way. I was going to therapy and working through my emotional issues- I was talking about my grief and my pain. I knew this needed to be a priority in my life and I needed to invest myself fully into that healing, and for me, exercising and calorie counting just didn't fit into that picture.
However, 3 years after the accident, I'm at my lowest weight I've ever been. I lost those 20 lbs and a few more. I think being in a better emotional state and a positive state of mind made my weight loss journey much easier. After my best friends loss, I was in a pretty rough spot. I knew that focusing on my weight loss was not something that would be mentally very healthy for me. I was afraid it would act as a distraction from the grief and guilt I needed to deal with and I knew some of the pressures of weight loss were not going to be good for my mental well being.
In terms of whether this is a good time for you to continue to try to lose weight, that's entirely up to you. You know yourself best. If you think exercise and calorie counting are something you can mentally handle and will actually help improve your mental state, then give it a shot. If you think it's going to make your grieving process more difficult, then focus on your mental state. Focus on bettering yourself, whatever that means to you.
In my opinion, weight loss journeys are most successful when they begin with a positive, clear and prepared state of mind.

Again, I'm sorry to hear about your father. Loss is always an extremely difficult thing to go through. I hope you find peace and do whatever is going to make you feel best during this time. Best of luck.

MrsATrotta

I don't claim to know everything, but I do know this----If you keep looking for the "right time" or the "best time" to start, you'll be waiting til they plant you 6 feet under. Getting started doesn't mean starting full bore with guns blazin, wearing spandex pants and a sweat band on your head with your MP3 player beltin out the theme to Rocky. It is a process that you build on and add on bit by bit by bit. Start with water intake. Water is your best friend. At least 48 ounces a day to start if you really are not into drinking that much, but build up to 64 as soon as possible. Then alter your food---cut back on the fried stuff, a little less beef and pork, a little more chicken and fish products. Move a little more----more stairs and less elevators. You got this girl. You can really do it. Just start with one thing, then follow it up with another and before you know it, BADA BOOM BADA BING!!!

^This guy's got the idea

lorib642

Thanks. I know if I keep waiting for the "right" time I won't start. I do feel better when I don't overeat and it is a distraction. I have just started so I am still taking little steps so I will just try not to go backwards.

Timshel_

I need to lose weight. But, life is getting in the way.

I facilitate life workshops and one exercise I do with folks is about priorities. I start by asking them to write down the most important things in their life. Most the time Family is at the top, with a good career, money, and health all falling right below. The second part of the exercise is to write down where they spend the most time. Inevitably, work comes in a absolute first, usually followed by family time, and health is barely a blip on the radar. The last part of the exercise is just about how we can remove barriers to aligning what we want our priorities to be, and the reality of what they are. In most instances it comes down to giving up small things to allow for more important things.

The fact of the matter is, without health you cannot meet the greatest of smallest priorities you have - not just being able to do them, but the quality of life that you desire. What turns priorities upside down is that we get caught up in working to live because it is a necessity at a certain level, and we a body can take a lot of neglect before it will break down. It is a case of ignorance is bliss.

Of course I am not saying work less, but there are lots of ways to work smarter. I am also saying that there is a great deal of efficiency improvements that can be made to scratch out one hour a day that you can dedicate to yourself to exercise. You just have to break everything you do down and find those things that can be removed.

All easy to say but not always easy to do. It is always worth trying though.

Juliarosemary66

We sadly lost my Father in law in February after he fought a long and courageous battle with cancer. It was a truly awful time but my husband and I really focussed on our own health, realising if we weren't careful our own health would suffer. We lost our appetites for a while but were very mindful that we made good food choices when we did eat and took supplements as well. Our bodies react so strangely to grief but we found good food choices and regular exercise chased away some of the demons. It was good to have something positive to think about.
Giving up your own weight lose journey at this awful time may lead to negative feelings within yourself and be harmful to you in the longer term. It might give him some peace knowing that you are working on your own healthand you are still in the position of sharing your success with him at this time.
I wish you well and I think that by making your post is very brave and honest.