Dealing w/ Unsupportive People

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Kristierlong
Kristierlong Posts: 163 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I find I am having a hard time dealing with unsupportive people (mainly my bf) throughout this journey. For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have a supportive family or significant other how do you deal with the constant remarks without letting yourself get discouraged?
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  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    I find I am having a hard time dealing with unsupportive people (mainly my bf) throughout this journey. For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have a supportive family or significant other how do you deal with the constant remarks without letting yourself get discouraged?

    it took me a long time...I just ask myself, do I want to be healthy or a people pleaser.
  • SweetPandora
    SweetPandora Posts: 660 Member
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    That's unfortunate that your b/f is not supportive of your healthiness journey!

    Keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for YOU!

    You only get one life to live so live for yourself.

    My mother always encouraged me to live my life so I never asked myself .... what if!

    All the best

    Karen
  • sallyLunn
    sallyLunn Posts: 381
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    You know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.

    Do it for yourself. You deserve it.
  • littlelol
    littlelol Posts: 539
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    why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
  • Consmomluv
    Consmomluv Posts: 13
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3
  • PokenStick
    PokenStick Posts: 204
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    You know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.

    Do it for yourself. You deserve it.

    True that! He's not much of a boyfriend if he's not supporting you.
  • KadieA
    KadieA Posts: 167
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    You know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.

    Do it for yourself. You deserve it.
    haha...couldn't have said it any better :)
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
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    Lose BF: that's got to be at least 150 pounds (what a great weight loss). And then you can get on with your journey unencumbered by the BS from the old BF.

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • kld4239
    kld4239 Posts: 186 Member
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    It really sucks when you have negative people around you but we all know that they will always be there. Try to rise above it and like others have mentioned remember that you are doing this for yourself and that it doesn't matter what others think/say. Good luck!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    haha sally you're right! you don't have to keep him...losing weight is one of the most important things you can do in life...if he can't support you in that, he can't really support you in life. I have a hard time too, not so much with my BF, but my sisters and in laws...but really stop and think, do you really care? are you looking for a pat on the back from them? are you setting yourself up for failure? My motivation is that I'm going to be skinny minny while they have to roll their fat @ss out of bed every morning and squeeze into a pair of size 22 pants. Sure they eat what ever they want, how ever they want it...but that's why they're HUGE! stay strong, the smaller you get the worse it's going to be...don't give suggestions or mention what they're eating is 1500 calories...just go on your merry way and enjoy what you're doing. You're doing it for YOU! and meanwhile maybe check out a few hotties at the gym...at least they're leading the same lifestyle
  • turboandrea
    turboandrea Posts: 108
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    I have found that the people making the negative comments are usually the ones that are unhappy with themselves, their health/weight, etc. If you can identify that, it makes the comments hurt less.

    Hopefully when you start making progress, people will recognize you're serious. You can always tell them: "I am serious about getting healthy. This is important to my happiness. What that means is if you are my friend (or family), I need you to be supportive. If you can't be supportive, please abstain from making negative comments. This is truly important to me."

    And as far as the boyfriend, say the same thing. If he cares, he'll support you. If he doesn't, kick him to the curb, girl! You need a strong support structure somewhere and he should be the primary source, especially if he lives with you.

    Remain positive and positivity will follow you. I know it's hard; my entire workplace is terrible. You CAN do it! This is important FOR YOU.
  • edorice
    edorice Posts: 4,519 Member
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    Lose the boyfriend.
  • netter43
    netter43 Posts: 110 Member
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    My boyfriend thinks that I'm doing this so I can dump him after I lose all the weight - he says that is what women do! (we have lived together for 9 years). I told him that the only reason women do that is because their boyfriends treat them like dirt and they get the confidence of feeling better and healthier and sick of putting up with the crap. I think it is definitely an insecurity issue on their part. I use to try to lose the weight for all of the wrong reasons and this time there is only one reason - ME!!! - He needs to lose weight as well, but I can't want it for him. Hang in there and use this site for support - it is what gets me through the days I don't think I want to do it anymore!! - I have made wonderful friends here and YOU/WE ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!!! - Best of luck!!
  • kjensen15
    kjensen15 Posts: 398 Member
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    I had a bf that was the same way about 7 years ago. He was insanely jealous. He would ask me, "what guy I was trying to impress by losing weight?" or tell me, "to just eat that piece of cake, he thought I was perfect and that should be all that mattered." As some else said, he is just a bf you can get rid of him!! My guess is if he isn't supportive with this, he isn't going to be supportive in other areas of your life. You're doing this for you and if he doesn't understand dump his butt!! You'll be way happier that you did!!
  • mrmarius
    mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
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    realize you're doing it for you and keep doing it, and if they dont like it thats their problem. in the long run he probably wont be around long (if he cant support you trying to better yourself you dont need him) and if you listen you'll be the one stuck with the weight etc. so make up in your mind that you're gonna do this thing and let nothing stop you.
  • junebug523
    junebug523 Posts: 196
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    I think it depends on HOW he is being unsupportive...is it lack of interest on your bf's part, is he actively trying to discourage you from losing weight, does he feel somehow threatened that you are trying to change him too?

    Bottom line is, focus on your goals. You are doing this to become healthier, and someone who loves you should want that for you too. I'd say the only thing you might watch out for is talking about it a lot...it can get old for people who are on the listening end.

    Good luck! Stay focused, and don't let people phase you. You're worth more than that.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!

    Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to <3

    Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?

    Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.
  • Kristierlong
    Kristierlong Posts: 163 Member
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    why, wot does ur boyfriend say?

    He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
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    I'm married to one of those guys. I started working out, losing weight and getting serious about my fitness. I lost 90 lbs and he said, "you looked better when you had a little more weight on you" and I was by no means underweight at that point.

    I would fix a healthy dinner and he would say, "where are the potatoes? where is the gravy?"

    SO I got sick of it. I didn't lose weight for him. I didn't get in shape for him. I did it because I want to see my kids graduate from college and I want to play with my grandkids one day. I did it for my own selfish purposes.

    So now when he says, "I was a deep fat fried something or another" I tell him, "we aren't killing ourselves in this house anymore, if you want grease and fat, Burger King is 5 minutes away."

    Since I've been a little pissy about it, he's lost 30 lbs (without complaining) and he's stopped asking for gravy and potatoes.

    The point is, you have to do this for you. You have to believe in what you're doing. This guy is NOT your life and really, his opinion shouldn't bother you that much. If he had any respect for you, he'd be encouraging. If he can't be encouraging about this or ANY of your goals, what does that say about him?
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
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    OMG, if any of your boyfriends are really being that emotionally abusive to you "you need to hit the treadmill" or "you are just trying to find someone else", they need a reality check and so do you. That is serious emotional abuse, eff them >:/.


    My boyfriend tries to feed me, but I am so thankful he would never say those things to me. He has been really supportive of my journey. I hate your guys boyfriends. I hope they get hit by a hardcore hail storm >:/.

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