Dealing w/ Unsupportive People
Kristierlong
Posts: 163 Member
I find I am having a hard time dealing with unsupportive people (mainly my bf) throughout this journey. For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have a supportive family or significant other how do you deal with the constant remarks without letting yourself get discouraged?
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Replies
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I find I am having a hard time dealing with unsupportive people (mainly my bf) throughout this journey. For those of you who aren't lucky enough to have a supportive family or significant other how do you deal with the constant remarks without letting yourself get discouraged?
it took me a long time...I just ask myself, do I want to be healthy or a people pleaser.0 -
That's unfortunate that your b/f is not supportive of your healthiness journey!
Keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for YOU!
You only get one life to live so live for yourself.
My mother always encouraged me to live my life so I never asked myself .... what if!
All the best
Karen0 -
You know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.
Do it for yourself. You deserve it.0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
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You know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.
Do it for yourself. You deserve it.
True that! He's not much of a boyfriend if he's not supporting you.0 -
haha...couldn't have said it any betterYou know, he's a boyfriend.....you don't have to keep him.
Do it for yourself. You deserve it.
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Lose BF: that's got to be at least 150 pounds (what a great weight loss). And then you can get on with your journey unencumbered by the BS from the old BF.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
It really sucks when you have negative people around you but we all know that they will always be there. Try to rise above it and like others have mentioned remember that you are doing this for yourself and that it doesn't matter what others think/say. Good luck!0
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haha sally you're right! you don't have to keep him...losing weight is one of the most important things you can do in life...if he can't support you in that, he can't really support you in life. I have a hard time too, not so much with my BF, but my sisters and in laws...but really stop and think, do you really care? are you looking for a pat on the back from them? are you setting yourself up for failure? My motivation is that I'm going to be skinny minny while they have to roll their fat @ss out of bed every morning and squeeze into a pair of size 22 pants. Sure they eat what ever they want, how ever they want it...but that's why they're HUGE! stay strong, the smaller you get the worse it's going to be...don't give suggestions or mention what they're eating is 1500 calories...just go on your merry way and enjoy what you're doing. You're doing it for YOU! and meanwhile maybe check out a few hotties at the gym...at least they're leading the same lifestyle0
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I have found that the people making the negative comments are usually the ones that are unhappy with themselves, their health/weight, etc. If you can identify that, it makes the comments hurt less.
Hopefully when you start making progress, people will recognize you're serious. You can always tell them: "I am serious about getting healthy. This is important to my happiness. What that means is if you are my friend (or family), I need you to be supportive. If you can't be supportive, please abstain from making negative comments. This is truly important to me."
And as far as the boyfriend, say the same thing. If he cares, he'll support you. If he doesn't, kick him to the curb, girl! You need a strong support structure somewhere and he should be the primary source, especially if he lives with you.
Remain positive and positivity will follow you. I know it's hard; my entire workplace is terrible. You CAN do it! This is important FOR YOU.0 -
Lose the boyfriend.0
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My boyfriend thinks that I'm doing this so I can dump him after I lose all the weight - he says that is what women do! (we have lived together for 9 years). I told him that the only reason women do that is because their boyfriends treat them like dirt and they get the confidence of feeling better and healthier and sick of putting up with the crap. I think it is definitely an insecurity issue on their part. I use to try to lose the weight for all of the wrong reasons and this time there is only one reason - ME!!! - He needs to lose weight as well, but I can't want it for him. Hang in there and use this site for support - it is what gets me through the days I don't think I want to do it anymore!! - I have made wonderful friends here and YOU/WE ARE WORTH THE EFFORT!!! - Best of luck!!0
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I had a bf that was the same way about 7 years ago. He was insanely jealous. He would ask me, "what guy I was trying to impress by losing weight?" or tell me, "to just eat that piece of cake, he thought I was perfect and that should be all that mattered." As some else said, he is just a bf you can get rid of him!! My guess is if he isn't supportive with this, he isn't going to be supportive in other areas of your life. You're doing this for you and if he doesn't understand dump his butt!! You'll be way happier that you did!!0
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realize you're doing it for you and keep doing it, and if they dont like it thats their problem. in the long run he probably wont be around long (if he cant support you trying to better yourself you dont need him) and if you listen you'll be the one stuck with the weight etc. so make up in your mind that you're gonna do this thing and let nothing stop you.0
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I think it depends on HOW he is being unsupportive...is it lack of interest on your bf's part, is he actively trying to discourage you from losing weight, does he feel somehow threatened that you are trying to change him too?
Bottom line is, focus on your goals. You are doing this to become healthier, and someone who loves you should want that for you too. I'd say the only thing you might watch out for is talking about it a lot...it can get old for people who are on the listening end.
Good luck! Stay focused, and don't let people phase you. You're worth more than that.0 -
Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?
Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.0 -
I'm married to one of those guys. I started working out, losing weight and getting serious about my fitness. I lost 90 lbs and he said, "you looked better when you had a little more weight on you" and I was by no means underweight at that point.
I would fix a healthy dinner and he would say, "where are the potatoes? where is the gravy?"
SO I got sick of it. I didn't lose weight for him. I didn't get in shape for him. I did it because I want to see my kids graduate from college and I want to play with my grandkids one day. I did it for my own selfish purposes.
So now when he says, "I was a deep fat fried something or another" I tell him, "we aren't killing ourselves in this house anymore, if you want grease and fat, Burger King is 5 minutes away."
Since I've been a little pissy about it, he's lost 30 lbs (without complaining) and he's stopped asking for gravy and potatoes.
The point is, you have to do this for you. You have to believe in what you're doing. This guy is NOT your life and really, his opinion shouldn't bother you that much. If he had any respect for you, he'd be encouraging. If he can't be encouraging about this or ANY of your goals, what does that say about him?0 -
OMG, if any of your boyfriends are really being that emotionally abusive to you "you need to hit the treadmill" or "you are just trying to find someone else", they need a reality check and so do you. That is serious emotional abuse, eff them >:/.
My boyfriend tries to feed me, but I am so thankful he would never say those things to me. He has been really supportive of my journey. I hate your guys boyfriends. I hope they get hit by a hardcore hail storm >:/.0 -
My advice would be to stay strong and committed to your own beliefs in this situation. Explain how uncomfortable you feel in your own skin and that you just want to feel good about yourself. If your boyfriend really cares for you then he should attempt to understand that. I deal with an unsupportive father (also my boss) that tries to force me to eat really unhealthy food. If I refuse he actually gets angry with me. It's hard to go through but he's not the one that has to fit into my clothes everyday.0
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once I had a boyfriend who wouldn't eat anything low fat. I told him he could cook his own dinner.0
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I know you don't want to hear advice on love etc, I've been with a couple of guys who would not only discourage me when I was trying to do something good for myself, but also told me I was being selfish.
Finally, I realized, I wasn't doing it for them I was doing it for me. I gained so much self esteem I kicked em to the curb and now I'm delighted to have found a boyfriend who is not only incredibly supportive, but will go out of his way to buy me healthy things and eat them with me even though he may not like the taste or the idea. He ate soy noodles for me and, let me tell you, those things smell and taste like *kitten*.
If he isn't supporting you when you need it the most, he isn't a good boyfriend. Do this for yourself, make yourself happy and someone will love and support you for who you are.
Good luck!0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.
Maybe if he was better educated about the process and your goals he'd be more understanding. IDK. MEN can't live with em can't bury them in the back yard. LOL>
My man who currently is unemployed watches me do the p90x videos and after says stuff like wow that one looked hard and you did really well. He knows when I'm happier with myself he gets the benefits. I feel better, I have more of an interest in the "love" department etc. He sees the win win in the situation. Once I got a striptease workout video and he liked watching that one too. LMAO. 19 years married and yes we have our moments but for the most part he's my rock and encouragement. His motto, happy wife happy life. Smart man 0 -
Keep the people that care about you! If it's a constant cycle of you pleasing people one sided, then take a good look at that. I'm a big one for that. The worse they are, the more I try. My Mom taught me to do that. Other people's feelings were more important and if I'm being "good" then I'm last. How wrong is that? Now I'm trying to find people that are good for me, and drop the people that are not good for me. Relationships aren't one way things. I've tried to teach my kids what real friends are, and to allow the self centered ones to float off on their own importance.
Having said that! I have a very black and white husband. He just is no shade of gray! If I ask him something he's going to answer it like a robot, without really understanding the parts I didn't need! I say "look at this great body!" and he scans me like a computer and wiggles my bat wing arm! Damn! I've had to train him!! Mostly untrainable, I realize, but he tries! Men...0 -
Agreed, Its a never ending battle) 0
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Yikes, my bf is the MEANEST (about my body) In front of his fam he'll say- uhm looks like you got hit my TWO hail storms! LOL, MEAN! So I know the feeling.... He will say "uhm ya you need to hit the treadmill". Mean remarks really lower your self esteem and make you more upset when you work hard and dont see results!
Keep your head high- I think this is a great place to find your support, everyone wants to lose wieght. 5-200 lbs, thats awesome- its good so support one another... especially when a negative-nancy boyfriend isnt going to
Ok just a question, but why would you let him talk to you like that especially in front of others? Do you make fun of his love making skills in front of others? or his man part size?
Really life is too short to hang out with mean people and a man that loves you deeply loves you if you're overweight or perfect. Life is hard enough without that bs. If my man told me something like that I'd cry then I'd figure out an exit strategy. That's just mean.
AGREED. That is not love or respect. No offense but there are WAYYYYY better guys out there. Don't settle. You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.0 -
why, wot does ur boyfriend say?
He just doesn't understand the whole needing to log calories/exercise. In his words "it's becoming an obsession". He doesn't make rude comments about the way I look or anything along those lines, but its more along the lines of "you don't need to lose anything, so why are you doing this". I just don't think he gets this is more of a journey to get healthy and fit instead of just getting skinny. Very frustrating.
I agree with Beth (previous poster) about educating him. Show him MFP and that it's not just about calories but nutrition, to be sure you're eating right and healthfully; Explain to him that it's not so much weight loss you're after but rather just being healthier all the way around. It sounds to me like there's a misunderstanding about your objectives and motives, whereas if you sit and have an earnest conversation and clear all that up, it may suddenly go from being obsessive to accountable.
Now, if you've already had that conversation and he's still using language like that, then it sounds like a more serious conversation is needed about his word choices and how that makes you feel. He may not realize how hurtful he's being.
Based on what you've said, I'd start there if I were in your shoes.
good luck!0 -
Hang in there and stay confident in yourself. I have a wife who I'm trying to convince that it's important to take care of ourselves, but she's been very resistant for a long time, and I think it's because she 1-was thing and pretty her whole life until the babies came, and 2-she gets frustrated when the results don't come quickly enough.
I'm not going to give love advice, except to say that people show their real personality when threatened by someone else's success. That's when you see the real person. If they are loving and supportive, they will stay that way. If they say they are, then are challenged by your success, the bad comes out.
Keep up the effort!0 -
Honestly other people are generally either trying to undermine our efforts (push treats on us) or sarcastic (make us doubt success). Either way they may be nervous to see us change or afraid to look at their own need to get in shape themselves. Let's assume they mean well but just don't know how to be properly supportive
Best way I find is to keep my weight loss efforts to myself around BF or family or friends. I find I can monitor my eating without announcing anything to others. I can workout without making a deal to others why I'm doing it.
Thankfully we can interact with others on this site as a safe place. Let our family, friends and BF's just be surprised at how wonderful we are looking. No discussion needed.0
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