Tired of the endless diet....ready for real change.

caysea

Tired of the endless diet and ready for real change. It's not the first time I've said it. My life has been one endless diet sans pregnancies. And there have been 3 for which I can boast a combined weight gain of 130 pounds total. Some has been lost, much has remained. Now five years after my youngest is born, I have no "babies" to claim responsibility for the "baby weight". So here I am, just older and not much wiser since nothing has changed. I still cringe at my reflection, suck it in to button my pants and cling to the distant "slim" person I REALLY am inside my head. But I still haven't lost the weight.

So what's different this time? I'm not quite sure I can put a label or a name on what's different now. It's a stirring inside me, like a bear coming out of a long, slumbering hybernation. I'm not at the "guns blazing", "ready to take on the world", "this weight has got to go" place that I've been so many times before. You know, those times where I have done so well then fizzled out eventually, whether it be in 6 months, 6 days or 6 hours. No, this is different.

Have you ever laid in bed when it's quiet and heard a soft buzzing somewhere in the house? Like when your refridgerator switches on to make ice or you left your computer running in another room. It's kind of like that. I can hear it. And I want to find it. I want to find "her." She's a little like the "her" I used to be when I was young, vivacious and didn't have a care in the world. Although at a whopping 130 lbs, that ***** thought she was chunky! The "her" that's coming is a little different. She's stronger, she knows more about herself and the world, she's known love that only a mother knows, she's been hurt and disappointed...disallusioned and even been bitter. But she's survived it all. Now she just waits for me to find her. That's what's different now.

I haven't figured out how it is I make it to "her." But I'm here and I know if I record my intake and exercise consistantly, that I'm on the right road. Not sure how long the road will be and I know it will be bumpy for sure. I just pray that I can keep my eyes on the road, stay awake at the wheel and keep driving in the right direction.... towards "her."

erin6026

I hear ya! Honestly I think we forget that emotional weight is often the biggest road block in physical weight loss.

I've struggled with anxiety the last couple years, so I started seeing a therapist. Making that first appointment was the scariest moment of my life! I felt like a failure and loony-bin for needing that appointment, but now I'm a total convert! I think we'd have world peach if everyone saw a therapist!

Maybe try a session or two? I bet even if you limit it to that, you'll figure out what's going on with your self-esteem and overall attitude with life and its stresses.

I will say, diets work best for me when I have peace of mind and am trying MORE to love myself and be my own best cheerleader. When I'm in a darker place and hating my body is when diets end after 2 weeks.

Good luck!

rnroadrunner

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: