I have a confession....

juliet8887

So I think I just need to vent....

I told myself that I am being healthy, but I am not. I have become obsessive with my weight loss. I have lost 75 lbs and it feels fantastic, but now I am greedy. I have been working out in excess of 2 hours a day and not eating nearly enough calories (usually under 1000.) My hair is thinning and I am falling into a depression. For those of you who have read previous posts, you are aware of the year I've had (my boyfriend passed away, emergency surgery, my grandmother passed away, etc.). This is just the one thing I feel in control of when all this chaos is going on. But I have taken control of positive things as well. I have quit smoking and am trying to be relatively healthy. I just do not know what to do at this point. The past couple of days I realized it was an issue when I felt so guilty about eating 1400 calories. I just want to actually be healthy, but NOW I am concerned that my body will not lose weight if I start actually being healthy.

Ugh, what a mess. Thanks for listening.

juliet8887

So I think I just need to vent....

I told myself that I am being healthy, but I am not. I have become obsessive with my weight loss. I have lost 75 lbs and it feels fantastic, but now I am greedy. I have been working out in excess of 2 hours a day and not eating nearly enough calories (usually under 1000.) My hair is thinning and I am falling into a depression. For those of you who have read previous posts, you are aware of the year I've had (my boyfriend passed away, emergency surgery, my grandmother passed away, etc.). This is just the one thing I feel in control of when all this chaos is going on. But I have taken control of positive things as well. I have quit smoking and am trying to be relatively healthy. I just do not know what to do at this point. The past couple of days I realized it was an issue when I felt so guilty about eating 1400 calories. I just want to actually be healthy, but NOW I am concerned that my body will not lose weight if I start actually being healthy.

Ugh, what a mess. Thanks for listening.

briblue72

Juliet - It takes so much courage to make a confession like that. The first step towards rectifying the situation is acknowledging that you have a problem. And lucky for you - you know pretty much what is causing it.

I hope you have support and people you can trust to help you in "real life", but know that your MFP family is here for you as well.

God Speed,
Bri

songbyrdsweet

Juliet, it's excellent that you've identified this as a problem, and even better that you want to change it. At this point, you either need to make the decision to eat more on your own, or enlist the help of your friends and family to aid you, and seek the advice of your doctor and/or a registered dietician. All of those behaviors are indicative of anorexia, so it's important that you take action now, before you need to be hospitalized. Far worse things than a cease in weight loss will occur if you don't improve your habits right away. Hair loss, muscle loss, bone loss, sterility, and cardiac arrest are all very real threats to those who are battling anorexia. Please please please make the change now.

thalli1

To me, it sounds like you know exactly what to do. You said it yourself that you are working out over two hours a day and eating less than 1000 calories. Whether it makes you gain temporarily or not, you need to follow the plan and eat more. The way you've been losing hasn't been completely healthy. Maybe you can really concentrate on eating more, but choosing really healthy foods like fruits, veggie, whole grains, etc. I don't know if you've talked to a counselor or not, but it sounds like you've been through an awful lot and could use some help through these difficult times. The fact that you voiced your concerns on this site tells me that you know what's going on and really deep down inside you know what to do to solve it. Good luck, and here's wishing you peace and healing.:flowerforyou:

kimber607

Hi

First off congratulations on you're weight loss
I think you're realized you have a problem and need to address it sooner than later
TRY to focus on healthy eating (enough cals) and not over-doing exc.
You know you and your body deserve it.....if you don't feel like you can control things on your own..maybe you should consider seeing a counselor
I'm so sorry for your recent losses...might help to talk to someone about this and get to the root of the problem

Good luck and ((HUGS))
Kim