Ode to January

karot32

Got this in my e-mail this morning, gave me a laugh. Sorry if this has been posted before

Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house
nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvellous meals
I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces
and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls,
the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said,
'No thank you, please.'

As I dressed myself
in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again
to do battle with dirt -

I said to myself,
as I only can
'You can't spend a winter
disguised as a man!'

So - away
with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake,
every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like
must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces
have vanished.

I won't have a cookie
- not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew
on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits,
or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot
and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome,
and life is a bore.
But isn't that what
January is for?

Unable to giggle,
no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all
and to all a good diet!