Fiances Friends Blocking..........

barracudamuscle

Ok well Ill warn you im venting a little and it might get long and cumbersome!

My fiance were planning on going to Vegas together when I get back from a long deployment for our bachelor/bacherlorette partys as we both agreed we dont want to go up to vegas without each other as it isnt the same. Well last week i got a call from her bridesmaid saying they were wanting to plan a "surprise" bachelorette party, and the only week this is convient for them is of course the weekend I get back ( i get back late thursday, she would be leaving Friday!) I asked if they could do it earlier but no not everyone can make it work.

Maybe its just me being selfish but a man has needs ( which is her!) The last thing I want to do is see her for a few hours, then she leaves and all weekend Im alone again and shes going to be up their without me as we planned. Well Im totatally out numbered as her moms wanting to do the same thing, etc. They suggested not even seeing her until after her party saying I got "delayed" but I need my truck from her house so it wont work, and Im not waiting any longer then I have to!

My schedule is going to be really busy, the 16th I was supposed to go fly up to Big Bear for a BBQ fly in ( my biggest must go event of the year!) But now Im informed that because shes having her bridal shower the weekend after (Aug 23) her sisters birthday weekend, their celebrating her sisters birthday the weekend before (my flyin Ive been talking about all year to going to) and she wants me to go, but now her sister wants to goto sea world, which of course Ill be there for her.

I guess Im just really frustrated that Im being scheduled out and away from not only my lover but my life at the same time. Turns out they told her about the party now but now Im way bummed im not going with her. I dont think Im going to do a bachelor party now as I wanted her to go but its not financially possible with buying a house/ paying for the wedding to do both. Sad to say I think only two of my friends would be able to go anyway either their deployed or live else where so its not possible.

I guess Im just jealous but at the same time I feel kind of walked over at the same time by her friends, etc. It sucks because their planning so much stuff without even consulting me before to get my 2 cents while I've been away so long, all I want is to have my weekends free to relax with her but instead Im having to do a whole bunch of running around for this or that, or to go to this then that, which alot I cant even goto like the bachelorette party, the bridal shower, etc while I have to spend all my other free time planning and preparing for these events.

Ok Im done, probably didnt make sense to anyone but oh well, I just cant wait to be married so all this schanigans is over and done with, Im already burned out just thinking about coming home, At this rate its almost worth it to try to extend 2 1/2 months up until a week before the wedding in Oct 11th!

barracudamuscle

Ok well Ill warn you im venting a little and it might get long and cumbersome!

My fiance were planning on going to Vegas together when I get back from a long deployment for our bachelor/bacherlorette partys as we both agreed we dont want to go up to vegas without each other as it isnt the same. Well last week i got a call from her bridesmaid saying they were wanting to plan a "surprise" bachelorette party, and the only week this is convient for them is of course the weekend I get back ( i get back late thursday, she would be leaving Friday!) I asked if they could do it earlier but no not everyone can make it work.

Maybe its just me being selfish but a man has needs ( which is her!) The last thing I want to do is see her for a few hours, then she leaves and all weekend Im alone again and shes going to be up their without me as we planned. Well Im totatally out numbered as her moms wanting to do the same thing, etc. They suggested not even seeing her until after her party saying I got "delayed" but I need my truck from her house so it wont work, and Im not waiting any longer then I have to!

My schedule is going to be really busy, the 16th I was supposed to go fly up to Big Bear for a BBQ fly in ( my biggest must go event of the year!) But now Im informed that because shes having her bridal shower the weekend after (Aug 23) her sisters birthday weekend, their celebrating her sisters birthday the weekend before (my flyin Ive been talking about all year to going to) and she wants me to go, but now her sister wants to goto sea world, which of course Ill be there for her.

I guess Im just really frustrated that Im being scheduled out and away from not only my lover but my life at the same time. Turns out they told her about the party now but now Im way bummed im not going with her. I dont think Im going to do a bachelor party now as I wanted her to go but its not financially possible with buying a house/ paying for the wedding to do both. Sad to say I think only two of my friends would be able to go anyway either their deployed or live else where so its not possible.

I guess Im just jealous but at the same time I feel kind of walked over at the same time by her friends, etc. It sucks because their planning so much stuff without even consulting me before to get my 2 cents while I've been away so long, all I want is to have my weekends free to relax with her but instead Im having to do a whole bunch of running around for this or that, or to go to this then that, which alot I cant even goto like the bachelorette party, the bridal shower, etc while I have to spend all my other free time planning and preparing for these events.

Ok Im done, probably didnt make sense to anyone but oh well, I just cant wait to be married so all this schanigans is over and done with, Im already burned out just thinking about coming home, At this rate its almost worth it to try to extend 2 1/2 months up until a week before the wedding in Oct 11th!

ChubbyBunny

Dude....that totally sucks. I'd tell my friends to take a purge if they came between me and my guy.

LokiFae

Awww...I'm sorry that that's happening to you. But think of it from her friends' perspective. She's probably been really bummed since you've been gone, and they're probably just trying to cheer her up, and want her to have the best party she can. Also, since you've been gone so long, scheduling things within your schedule are probably pretty hard too, since they're not used to you being there with a schedule.

I'm TOTALLY not justifying it, just trying to give you another perspective to think about. I would be JUST as pissed as you are.

barracudamuscle

Yea I agree but youd think they could make something work like doing it before I come back. Maybe its just me, so what if everyone but so and so can make it on x date and vice cersa on x date. Some of the people their concerned about making it she doesnt really talk to anymore anyways. Oh well, just bite my tongue, crinch and put up with it, it cant be worse then getting bamboo shoots up your fingernails so oh well. Maybe I'll find something else to do although I want that to be her!

beep

I think you should talk to your fiancee. I'm sure she wants to spend as much time with you, as you do with her. Tell her how you feel about it, in a nice way, not demanding in other words. The worst thing that could happen is, she would know how much you care and miss her... and maybe they might even change things....

ali106

oh man!!! big hugs and you're a totally cool dude you know that!!!!

my hubby would have blown his stack! lol....I think you rock and love that you're sooo ah cool about it....that will make your fiance sooo happy, drama sucks. I know if it was up to her and it should be...she'd be w/ ya....poor guy!!

Just think you two have the rest of your lives together...sans the buttinskis! sigh...hugs again!!!
Ali :flowerforyou:

laurenk182004

That really sucks Is there any way that u could go to vegas with them? I know you'll have just gotten home and you'll be exhausted I'm sure...I hear ya on the whole wedding "shaningans" I was glad when mine was over!!! lol

tlitzner

It just amazes me how insensitive people can be that have never had to deal with a deployment. I don't know the specifics of your deployment. How long have you been gone? My husband is in the army and on his third deployment. We have learned not to even tell people specific dates of when he will be home. They think they can just show up here after he has been gone for a year, and when he gets back, all that he cares about is being with me, as selfish as that sounds. Her friends are putting you in a terrible position, and that is insensitive and unacceptable. You have been deployed, and all they can think about is what is most convenient for them? Are you kidding me? I can be pretty sure that if you got home and your fiances friends made you hide that from her, she would be furious. I can't tell you what to do, I just wanted you to know that as a woman married to someone that has deployed more times then I would like to remember, I think you are totally in the right for how you feel. I would much rather spend those precious first few days home with him then in the finest suite in the finest hotel with my closest friends. Sorry this was so long.

maverickyanda

Time apart is healthy! And pretty traditional before marriage in some circles, I think

It'll be okay - you have your whole lives to be married!!

barracudamuscle

Yea, we discussed it after she told me her friends told her the whole plan. Shes really eas going which I lvoe but I think alot of why shes going with it because her friends pressured her into it. They wouldnt even tell her over the phone and made her go see her in person because they knew she wouldnt go for it, and pretty much told her your going and your going to like it.

I dont want to be a fun sucker what so ever, frankly I wouldnt be so bothered if they didnt take my first weekend back away from me. After working months traight 12-16 hours a day 7 days a week all alone you really think I want to come home to an empty house knowing my fiance is up where we were planning on going together? All the other stuff bridal shower, etc im ok with helpng on my weekends and what not becasue ill be with her, it just a busy time right now unfortionately, ill get over it.

Oh well i guess Im over it but just depressed at the same time because Imiss her so much and feel kind of strong armed, Im really easy going and frankly dont let the small stuff get to me but it just seems ive been competely penciled out of the picture aside from showing up the day of the wedding or to help make this or that or buy this or that for a bridal shower, what ever.

I guess its just getting to me not seeing her in so long and to know ill have to wait even longer now because of her friends she hardly talks to anyways want/make her. Ill get over it, maybe Ill fly down to ensenada or catalina island or something to keep busy, although shed kill me for not taking her, id just be trying to fill the void of missing her and its not ever going to happen and financially i might not be able to swing a weekend flying trip as well!

Ok im done, promise, thanks everyone for your input, I think Im just bit with the loveritous missing bug and its terminal.
Best Dishes,
Pat:drinker:

LokiFae

Weddings are SO stressful and hard on everybody. Once it is over, it will be SO much better. Just hang in there, everything will work out and be over soon. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

barracudamuscle

Time apart is healthy! And pretty traditional before marriage in some circles, I think

It'll be okay - you have your whole lives to be married!!

Im usually only home for a couple months at a time, the first year we only saw each other about once a month ( lived in different states) so weve had our time apart I feel.

I'm on a whacky deployment schedule as Im not military but in a private sector but im attached to several branchs if that makes sense? Ill be gone 6 months after only being home 1 1/2 months from being gone 6 months then home 1 month then i was gone 6 months, you get the picture.

Im working my way into being able to stay home for good but logistically speaking i dont have a choice, hopefully ill get christmas home then do a quick 6 month tour in afganistan or iraq again then that can be it.

I asked her friends about meeting up after but her friends response was " We want a girls only weekend and youd kind of be a third wheel" Third wheel? Hell the last 4 months weve been talking about how we planned on going up together with both sides and having a blast, sure we can part ways here and there so she can go watch thunder (lol) but its sometihng we both wanted which is no longer on the board thanks to good old peer pressure.

Yea I kind of wish some outsiders had to go through what we do. I laugh when people freak out when their lover goes away for the week and their a mess, then they turn around and don't worry about my weekend. I guess its just a drop in the bucket another weekend but like you said that first weekend back is critcal. Its akward at first for both of us after being gone so long, and usually overseas you can only talk to them via email and rarely on occasion via phone. Sorry seems this post might be getting a little out of control, i dont want to come off as a control freak( Im not) or anything like that, like i said i think its just getting to me, oh well. Thanks everyone it will be fine, shell do her thing, ill spend a few weekends buying party supplies, table decorations, etc for the bridal shower i cant goto.

maverickyanda

Oh...okay.

I'd be upset, too, I guess I was trying to be the cheery one in the thread

Do you think it's a good idea to be married if you have only spent about a month together in your whole time together (if you added it up?) ?

I mean, what does SHE think?

I'm so confused.

Where are you now and where is she?

Did her friends know about your plans?

Does she know about this 'surprise'?

Can you just put it aside and be happy for her? Will she be disappointed?

can you send her a gift to her hotel room from you so she knows your thinking of her and are being a good sport?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee suxors.

maverickyanda

you're not supposed to go to her shower anywhos :P

beep

Time apart is healthy! And pretty traditional before marriage in some circles, I think

It'll be okay - you have your whole lives to be married!!

Im usually only home for a couple months at a time, the first year we only saw each other about once a month ( lived in different states) so weve had our time apart I feel.

I'm on a whacky deployment schedule as Im not military but in a private sector but im attached to several branchs if that makes sense? Ill be gone 6 months after only being home 1 1/2 months from being gone 6 months then home 1 month then i was gone 6 months, you get the picture.

Im working my way into being able to stay home for good but logistically speaking i dont have a choice, hopefully ill get christmas home then do a quick 6 month tour in afganistan or iraq again then that can be it.

I asked her friends about meeting up after but her friends response was " We want a girls only weekend and youd kind of be a third wheel" Third wheel? Hell the last 4 months weve been talking about how we planned on going up together with both sides and having a blast, sure we can part ways here and there so she can go watch thunder (lol) but its sometihng we both wanted which is no longer on the board thanks to good old peer pressure.

Yea I kind of wish some outsiders had to go through what we do. I laugh when people freak out when their lover goes away for the week and their a mess, then they turn around and don't worry about my weekend. I guess its just a drop in the bucket another weekend but like you said that first weekend back is critcal. Its akward at first for both of us after being gone so long, and usually overseas you can only talk to them via email and rarely on occasion via phone. Sorry seems this post might be getting a little out of control, i dont want to come off as a control freak( Im not) or anything like that, like i said i think its just getting to me, oh well. Thanks everyone it will be fine, shell do her thing, ill spend a few weekends buying party supplies, table decorations, etc for the bridal shower i cant goto.

I'm sorry. This is tough. It's hard enough being gone all the time, and then looking forward to getting home, to find your bride gone People who have never deployed have a hard time understanding the longing, the waiting, the withholding. We're here for ya, bud.

barracudamuscle

Oh...okay.

I'd be upset, too, I guess I was trying to be the cheery one in the thread

No worries, I appreciate every bit of it!
Do you think it's a good idea to be married if you have only spent about a month together in your whole time together (if you added it up?) ? Yes, been around the world many times, gave up long story short we both know its right, weve had alot of time to get to know each other low and high times.

I mean, what does SHE think?

Shes been in love with my ever since we met, as have I, long before anything got physical.
I'm so confused.

I am somedays too,lol!
Where are you now and where is she? Luckily Im stateside this time in Fargo, which shes coming out in exactly 2 weeks to visit for the wekeend.

Did her friends know about your plans?
yes, but they disregarded them as something they wanted to do more

Does she know about this 'surprise'?
yes, they decided just to tell her becasue i wasnt going for the hide from her idea and it would work anyways!

Can you just put it aside and be happy for her? Will she be disappointed?
Yes, like I said I really want her to be happy, i dont want to be a fun sucker, and yes shes kind of disappointed about having to wait the first weekend im back, but i keep telling her shell have fun, and whens the lst time shes had a girls night up in vegas with all her friends toether? ( i try to put the brighter side on things for her, as its a no win situation for me so may as well go with it and just forget about it, a year from now it wont matter so much anyways!

can you send her a gift to her hotel room from you so she knows your thinking of her and are being a good sport? Oh course! I do this all the time. I send her flowers, cookbooks( she loves these more then flowers, shes my racheal ray but hottier and funnier!) many things, maybe ill send her a stripper just for good measure,lol!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee suxors.

maverickyanda

there ya go, atta boy.

i mean its your wedding and she's way stressed anyway, probably checking theknot.com 100000000000 times a day no matter what she tells you. don't add any stress even if it's not your fault.



her girls are probably like "oh crap she's getting married 1) we have lots to do 2) we're kind of losing our friend 3) this is also an expense for us too 4) party time etc".they probably don't know how much they're being boob-heads.

:sick:

maverickyanda

ps get her a gift certificate for victoria secret :blushing: for her return, forget the cookbook