Self Sabotage

keepitoff99

Why is it when I am doing well that I almost purposely fail? I am not doing it intentionally, like - ok, now I'm going to overeat, but overeat anyways, regardless of what my brain is saying about it?

Yesterday, for example, I didn't work out because my son was sick and I was up most of the night so I only had 1200 calories to eat for the day. So, instead of saying to myself that it's okay if I go over a bit if I have to for one day, I feel depressed and just eat whatever because I feel like I can't do it. Stupid thinking but hard to control it.

There are times when I feel really good about eating right and exercising and how I feel/look and then the next day I want to eat everything and want to just give up. Any advice on how to overcome those days? I really want to lose the weight but it's almost like my brain thinks that I'm going to gain it back and I always go back to a certain weight so what's the use?? How do I keep motivated during those days?? Help.

hayley26d

Ive got no advice ...... but i know exactly how you feel

aimibean

write down somewhere, like in a diary or on your MFP profile, why you want to lose the weight - ie, to live a long and healthy life, to see your son grow up, to have more energy, to feel better about yourself.
also pop a photo of yourself at a high weight and maybe a picture of a body that you aspire to be like on your fridge/cupboards to remind you why you're doing this.
when you see the notes and/or pictures, it will motivate you.
good luck!

ouryear002

On those days when you are feeling good and exercising, are you eating all of your calories? Sometimes I have a "great" day, but then I am super hungry the next day becasue I didn't eat enough. When you find your self reaching for something off your meal plan, look at the calories and decide if it is worth the amount of exercise you would have to do to eat it and stay at your goal. I don't want to spend 40 minutes on the treadmill for a candy bar that took 1 minute to eat!

sabrads

This is a big topic that effects many people not just those that are trying to loose weight.

In some ways it is about how we deal with things when they dont go as expected. In this case you couldnt exercise so instead of just eating the calories and accepting that you had a no exercise day you ended up feeling bad that you had a no exercise say. To cope with this you then comfort ate - something that makes you happier ( in the short term ).

Try to work out strategies to use when you start to have a day that isnt going too well - you might post on here to get some motivation support, or have an exercise routine you can do instead of sitting doing nothing - find something to keep yourself busy so that you dont have time to stop and think "I am hungry"

jam3114

I've been in your shoes & th only thing I'm doing different this time is that I am keeping a diary that I fill out every night. I write up the calories used, exercise done & whether or not I've been in my goals. I've done this since Jan1st & each night I write Day 1 to me, Day 2 to Me etc so when I slipped up on Day 10 I was able to kind of talk myself back around that it was only 1 day out 10 that I went off the rails. I really don't understand why I do the self sabotage either - its like some switch says eat eat eat - :explode:
I guess you have to find what is going to really work for you - I also have my weight written down on my bedroom mirror with my BMI so I know where I'm starting from - I do look at it and say I'm not going back to that weight it was too hard to get it off (pity its too easy to put it back on!!!! )
Good Luck & don't be too hard on yourself, maybe 1200 isn't enough - allow yourself a treat each day - I can tell you that I really love my cup of tea with something chocolatey at 10pm when the house is quiet & everything is done :drinker: I usually save about 100cals for something sweet :smooched:

nicolepope11

Maybe you should try setting small goals. For example when you lose 5lbs, buy your self a bracelet or ring (even just a cheaper cocktail ring or inexpensive bracelet). That way, when you wear it, you'll be reminded of the small victories. You have to take it all in baby steps. Losing weight is hard. Once you get into a groove, it might get easier to stay on track.

I have also recruited the motivational help of my fiance. I tell him that I am planning on running or working out that day and asked him to get on my case if I don't. I sometimes get mad at him because he'll say things like, "Are you planning on running tonight?" and "You'll feel better after you run" or if I reach for that piece of candy he'll say, "Don't do it!!" It is annoying sometimes, but he does it because I asked him to and he knows how much better I feel when I lose that pound or after I work out.

Don't ruminate over the failures in the past. You CAN do this. I fall off the wagon sometimes too. In fact, this holiday season has been rough on my weight loss. I am trying to get back into my groove of working out and eating right and it has been tough in the last few weeks. But I know I can do this and so can you.

jamieseward

I have those days, we all do.....but you have to remember how hard it is to start over everytime once the weight creeps back up..... working out everyday is much easier than working out after a month of not working out!!!! If food didn't taste so good it would all be way easier :laugh:

sweetestthing

I do the same exact thing. But for me, I lose a little weight, just a couple of pounds and the old voices come back to haunt me, saying "it's ok to be bad the next few days....you're losing weight etc" KNOWING HOW MUCH this weight has affected my life in every aspect and has hurt me. WHY do we do it? Who knows?? But MFP is really helping. When I feel that way I talk to people here and get advice, then I read up on their successes and see how they have acheived their goals. I look at their workouts and it really motivates me. YOU CAN DO IT. do not give up. we are all here for you!!

DreamingOfSize10_UK

I can totally relate to your post. I know I will have days like that. Anything worth achieving is going to be sheer hard work and feel impossible at times. Consistency is the key with weight loss and I'm not going to give in this time. I make sure that I keep some diet foods that I actually enjoy eating so that I don't get in that starvation/ obsessing with food and feel like giving up stage. No matter what don't give up, if you have a bad day, make sure you're right back on it the next. x

byers001

I think we all go through this. What I like to think about is this: Let's say you forget to brush your teeth one day (dumb example, but go with it for a moment). Are you going to say, "Oh man, I forgot to brush my teeth. I'm a failure. I'm never going to brush my teeth again cuz I totally blew it yesterday!" Of course not. You'll get up the next day and brush your teeth and forget about yesterday. Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves when it comes to weight loss ? I don't get it.........I do it too, but I don't get it. So I try to think about the toothbrush and think, "okay, I ate way too much yesterday, but that was yesterday and today's a new day. One day isn't going to make my teeth fall out and one day isn't going to make me gain a ton of weight. Hope this helps.

polo571

I know in my case when I had days I struggled I looked back at the days I didnt. Tracking your food is so important like that. If your an emotional eater certain foods trigger certain feelings. Do you remember what it was like as a kid and your mom was cooking and you have that smell engrained in your head? When you smell that smell it reminds you of being a kid and feeling good. Then you open a bag of tootsie rolls and eat the whole thing and it doesnt fill the void? I would go look at my food diary and 99 times out of 100 I could find what I ate and what I felt that day that triggered my mood. Just something to think about.

daniface

i know exactly what you're talking about i battle with this daily. you've regocnized that you do this to yourself and thats a great step. you have to stay focused on your goal and remember that just beaucase you've lost 11 pounds and your pooch is starting to disappear doesnt mean you get start eating whatever you feel like...(thats what im starting to do) you have to be a little hard on yourself, i think us self sabotagers too easily take things for granted...

BigBoneSista

To succeed at weight loss and maintain it you have to battle your old mind. What do I mean by that? When you decide to make life changes I believe we are birthing a new beginning. Just like a baby you have to protect your new beginning from outside dangers. Just like a baby you have to train them in stages.

Right now the danger is your old way of thinking, your insecurities, your willingness to give in to defeat where there is none, your willingness to just settle.

You have to fight for what you want even if your are fighting against yourself. In this fight you have to win the battle as well as the war.

You need to get you a sticky pad and put little notes to motivate yourself around your house. On your bedroom mirror, bathroom mirror, refrigerator door.

You are only a failure if you fall and don't get back up if you have the ability to do so right?

You already have taken the 1st step recognizing that you have a problem with self sabotage now you need to implement a plan to counter act that. I gave you an option and they other posters did as well. Use them. Don't start them and them let them fall by the waist side.

You have to really want this.

Get determined!!

sabrads

write down somewhere, like in a diary or on your MFP profile, why you want to lose the weight - ie, to live a long and healthy life, to see your son grow up, to have more energy, to feel better about yourself.
also pop a photo of yourself at a high weight and maybe a picture of a body that you aspire to be like on your fridge/cupboards to remind you why you're doing this.
when you see the notes and/or pictures, it will motivate you.
good luck!

As said here - being able to counter the off days with positive reasons why you want to loose the weight - how you will look - why you want to loose it will help a lot. It also helps if you associate these with a date - so by this I mean that you say I want to look like this by the 1st of July.

mrscates

Being healthy and fit isn't something you just do, you MIND has to be in it B4 you can make the changes. It took me 9 months to prepare myself mentally (i was pregnant) so I could work hard and know with out a doubt I would not give up on myself. I to am very insecure for my reasons and all my friends, husband and family can't see it--but i am. I was on meds for PPD and that has actually helped me alot with the insecurities. BUT just remember its a journey not a sprint. Your mind needs to be ready to control what your body can't. Hope this helps

Why is it when I am doing well that I almost purposely fail? I am not doing it intentionally, like - ok, now I'm going to overeat, but overeat anyways, regardless of what my brain is saying about it?

Yesterday, for example, I didn't work out because my son was sick and I was up most of the night so I only had 1200 calories to eat for the day. So, instead of saying to myself that it's okay if I go over a bit if I have to for one day, I feel depressed and just eat whatever because I feel like I can't do it. Stupid thinking but hard to control it.

There are times when I feel really good about eating right and exercising and how I feel/look and then the next day I want to eat everything and want to just give up. Any advice on how to overcome those days? I really want to lose the weight but it's almost like my brain thinks that I'm going to gain it back and I always go back to a certain weight so what's the use?? How do I keep motivated during those days?? Help.

SarahR1984

I don't know how to over come this either. I do the same thing. Once I get noticably smaller I tend to gain it back. Although I haven't tried counting calories before. If I log everything in I will know exactly how much I am eating and exercising. So I guess this time I will not stop logging in after I lose the weight. Then it will be a lot harder to sabotage because I will see exactly what I am doing on the computer screen. At least I hope that's what will happen! Good luck, hope this helps!

mrscates

LOVE IT!

To succeed at weight loss and maintain it you have to battle your old mind. What do I mean by that? Well you decide to make life changes I believe we are birthing a new beginning. Just like a baby you have to protect your new beginning from outside dangers. Just like a baby you have to train them in stages.

Right now the danger is your old way of thinking, your insecurities, your willingness to give in to defeat where there is none, your willingness to just settle.

You have to fight for what you want even if your are fighting against yourself. In this fight you have to win the battle as well as the war.

You need to get you a sticky pad and put little notes to motivate yourself around your house. On your bedroom mirror, bathroom mirror, refrigerator door.

You are only a failure if you fall and don't get back up if you have the ability to do so right?

You already have taken the 1st step recognizing that you have a problem with self sabotage now you need to implement a plan to counter act that. I gave you an option and they other posters did as well. Use them. Don't start them and them let them fall by the waist side.

You have to really want this.

Get determined!!

mrscates

You seem like I use to be. You lose the weight and say well my work is done here--but its not. Its never done and it only gets harder to maintain/lose when you yo-yo your way to weight loss (I KNOW 1st HAND). GOOD LUCK!

I don't know how to over come this either. I do the same thing. Once I get noticably smaller I tend to gain it back. Although I haven't tried counting calories before. If I log everything in I will know exactly how much I am eating and exercising. So I guess this time I will not stop logging in after I lose the weight. Then it will be a lot harder to sabotage because I will see exactly what I am doing on the computer screen. At least I hope that's what will happen! Good luck, hope this helps!

jamaka1

not too long ago i posted a motivation to a friend of mine who is having similar issues to urs, and 2 make matters worse we are in nursing school & the program is rough. I have those days when i get so stressed out that i wanna grab some food but i either log on hear & talk, take a walk but most of all i try not 2 4get the progress i've made and how good it feels. ur fam needs u, ur no good to them if ur sick. u can do this, and u must do this. good luck, and start over now :flowerforyou:

Evarell

I've found that I sabotage myself because I feel like I don't deserve to succeed. So, I'll loose a few pounds, then slide back into bad habits just long enough to gain back that weight. That might not be the case for you, but for me, I know I'll never get past this if I don't accept that I'm a good person and deserve to reach my goals.

Overeating (any addiction, really) is a tricky self- punishment, because at first it feels like I'm indulging. Really, I'm punishing myself for shortcomings both real and imagined. And, bonus for my dark side- I've just given it another reason to feel like I'm a bad person!

Try acknowleging all the good you do for people around you, and forgive yourself for mistakes both old and new. Unfortunately, it is more of an ongoing process than a quick fix. Overeating is a symptom, not the problem, at least for me.

traceytoo

Why don't you just sometimes give yourself a break? I lost 6 stone in 18 months and during that time, though I sometimes felt like you did, I had to accept that if I wanted to get thin / stay thin, then this new healthy way of eating was forever - if you look at it like that, no-one can be a saint forever, there are days when sometimes you just can't stick to it, but that's ok, I had days like that, and I never gave up alcohol, though I don't drink loads, I was out with friends at least twice a month and got very, very drunk, but regardless of all that, I still lost the weight, more often than not, downward.

It's not self sabotage, it's just much easier to give in than to fight .. but if you give yourself some leeway, and if for one day you are bad, and I mean even if you are really bad, don't beat yourself up about it - just make the next day a whole new day and a whole new start.

I often found that bad days, and remembering how they made me feel, usually lead to a good day the next day, as long as you forgive yourself for being human, especially in tough times.

Remember, this is a way of life so you have to accept, that like life in general, it is going to have its ups and downs, you just gotta ride them out ....

xxxxx

BrownEyedG1rl

Sounds like we all go through days like that. I sabotaged myself yesterday. I've been doing SO good and feeling great about myself. We had plans to go away last night with the kids to our local "farm show". I know, it sounds redneck, but we took the kids to see all the animals,etc. So you know places like that have BAD food choices. I knew this going in. I had a vanilla milkshake and half a soft pretzel and went WAY over my calories. I didn't exercises yesterday either. Ugh. But today, I am back on track. You just have to remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day and you can start over. I have to take it day by day anyway. Good luck!

BrownEyedG1rl

To succeed at weight loss and maintain it you have to battle your old mind. What do I mean by that? When you decide to make life changes I believe we are birthing a new beginning. Just like a baby you have to protect your new beginning from outside dangers. Just like a baby you have to train them in stages.

Right now the danger is your old way of thinking, your insecurities, your willingness to give in to defeat where there is none, your willingness to just settle.

You have to fight for what you want even if your are fighting against yourself. In this fight you have to win the battle as well as the war.

You need to get you a sticky pad and put little notes to motivate yourself around your house. On your bedroom mirror, bathroom mirror, refrigerator door.

You are only a failure if you fall and don't get back up if you have the ability to do so right?

You already have taken the 1st step recognizing that you have a problem with self sabotage now you need to implement a plan to counter act that. I gave you an option and they other posters did as well. Use them. Don't start them and them let them fall by the waist side.

You have to really want this.

Get determined!!

What she said! Couldn't have said it any better!

suedong

I totally understand where your coming from but try eating more fruit and drink more water it will stop the hunger pangs.

Or alternatively find a new hobby or read a book, go for a stroll, basically something else to put your mind to, hope this helps.

Give yourself little targats and treat yourself. Keep a photo of yourselft on the fridge of what you looked like before you started.
Look in the mirror and see how well you have done

keepitoff99

Thanks for all your posts. Very helpful. Love the toothbrush analogy!

I agree that we have to love ourselves and give ourselves a break. This is a way of life.
I just find myself doing the same song and dance over and over the years. I know it takes a mindset that you just have to get up the next day and try to keep to tracking/exercising.

So, thanks for the support. Still struggling through today with the urge to eat junk but I'm thinking about all you there to support me and going to keep to it today!!

BigBoneSista

Remove the junk from your home and replace it with healthy choices. If you are eating healthy then so should your family. Eating healthy can be tasty if you take the time to plan out the meals and snacks. I have a 18 yr old, 10 yr old, and 9 year old. They eat healthy. Their treats are fast food once a month (only Wendy's). Pretzel M&M's (150 calories) twice a month. The rest of the time its fresh fruit, home cook meals (no processed foods), water, milk, 100% juice (no sugar added). They exercise everyday by playing Just Dance 2, Dance Central and other video games on the Wii and Xbox Kinect. We also have 3 lbs weights that they like to lift. they even brisk walk through the house. I don't make them exercise. They do by watching me and they think its fun. I join them in the game playing so I'm shedding calories as well.

I want you to succeed at this because I know how it feels to go every year making myself promises and then breaking them...beating myself down because I felt like a complete failure. We damage ourselves so bad with our own thoughts and we bury them in our core. I want you to try daily to dig yourself out. Don't worry about tomorrow. I just want you to get through today. When tomorrow comes then fight that war.

For you to even start this thread shows you have some strength and desire to break the chains....

I may not know you personally, but I believe in you. Now believe in yourself and you abilities to achieve your goals.

ymhand

Prepare your meals and snacks ahead of time. Eat smaller portions more often thru the day, you cant really say Im hungry if you just ate 2-3 hours ago. Call a friend when you feel the urge to over eat and just talk and maybe it will pass, take a walk when you feel your going to go over board, get out of the house away from the kitchen......instead of eating something with a ton of calories eat a bunch of celery until your full.

Sasssy69

I do the same exact thing. But for me, I lose a little weight, just a couple of pounds and the old voices come back to haunt me, saying "it's ok to be bad the next few days....you're losing weight etc" KNOWING HOW MUCH this weight has affected my life in every aspect and has hurt me. WHY do we do it? Who knows?? But MFP is really helping. When I feel that way I talk to people here and get advice, then I read up on their successes and see how they have acheived their goals. I look at their workouts and it really motivates me. YOU CAN DO IT. do not give up. we are all here for you!!

Yep, me too! Now I plan what I'm going to eat all day first thing in the morning, and I stick to it. I always try to go at least 150 calories under my goal, just in case I get a late-night munchie attack. I always have a plan for what I'm going to eat when this happens.

I've found that I too react to stressful situations by over-eating, and I beat myself up too. I think a huge part of it is positive self talk. When I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see, the negative self talk IMMEDIATELY begins. What I've started to do now is counter that by saying, "I USED to be that way. And yes, I still have all that flab and cellulite. But I'm working on it. I'm making a change now. I've seen positive results, and it's not going to happen over night. I'm good because I'm making the change, and I'm going to stick to it." This helps me a bit.