Very Sad Girl

neverbeenskinny

Hey guys,
I haven't been on the site this last week, haven't even logged my food or anything. I've just been very depressed and of course, eating my sorrows away (which didn't work). I thought that I should post this here because I know that you guys are such great and supportive people, and I also know that it would help.

I broke up with my friend this last week. He is such a wonderful man, he is active, fun and very supportive of me, I can't even say enough about him. But he lives 4 hours away. It was great at first, since I don't like to be smothered, I thought it would work out, but as we got more serious, I found that a long distance relationship is not for me. The emotional rollercoaster is more than I can bear, I am on an extreme high on Fridays knowing that I will see him, then on Sunday morning I start getting depressed and I mean VERY depressed. Five months of this is more than I can stand. And with winter coming, we won't be able to see each other much as we will have to travel through a mountain pass.

To add to it all, he is a full time single father to a single child. He has always spoiled her and she is 17 years old...very dependent of him and extremely possessive of him. She has done all she can to wedge herself between us and I have had enough of it. He tries to get her to stop, but being stubborn and 17, she just keeps at it, or she acts out and gets in trouble on purpose to get his attention.

It's been horrible this week, I've either ate way too much of the bad food, or I don't eat at all. I can't seem to stop it and feel that I've been abusing my body. I haven't even seen the gym for a whole week, which is unusual for me. And forget hiking, it just reminds me of him. Sleep? What's that? I need some help. Do you guys have any wise words for me? :brokenheart:

neverbeenskinny

Hey guys,
I haven't been on the site this last week, haven't even logged my food or anything. I've just been very depressed and of course, eating my sorrows away (which didn't work). I thought that I should post this here because I know that you guys are such great and supportive people, and I also know that it would help.

I broke up with my friend this last week. He is such a wonderful man, he is active, fun and very supportive of me, I can't even say enough about him. But he lives 4 hours away. It was great at first, since I don't like to be smothered, I thought it would work out, but as we got more serious, I found that a long distance relationship is not for me. The emotional rollercoaster is more than I can bear, I am on an extreme high on Fridays knowing that I will see him, then on Sunday morning I start getting depressed and I mean VERY depressed. Five months of this is more than I can stand. And with winter coming, we won't be able to see each other much as we will have to travel through a mountain pass.

To add to it all, he is a full time single father to a single child. He has always spoiled her and she is 17 years old...very dependent of him and extremely possessive of him. She has done all she can to wedge herself between us and I have had enough of it. He tries to get her to stop, but being stubborn and 17, she just keeps at it, or she acts out and gets in trouble on purpose to get his attention.

It's been horrible this week, I've either ate way too much of the bad food, or I don't eat at all. I can't seem to stop it and feel that I've been abusing my body. I haven't even seen the gym for a whole week, which is unusual for me. And forget hiking, it just reminds me of him. Sleep? What's that? I need some help. Do you guys have any wise words for me? :brokenheart:

tdroseler

neverbeenskinny...i don't know if i have any wise words for you hun, but i have been there...
I remember people telling me "you'll get over it" and i felt like giving them the finger, so i won't say that one.
It sucks...it really does. We give our hearts to something, or someone, and there is always the risk. But when you really think about it, and in time you will, you will know it was worth it.
Take you time...the time that you need, but no more than that. Don't let it rule you. There is a need for time to grieve and breathe. Then get at it girl.
Find your way back to you. Get back to what is important to you, and the rest will take care of itself. It sounds hard to believe, but it does work, at least it had for me.
And remember, you have friends here...and we are with you every step of the way.

Ileanak

Neverbeenskinny, let me add to (and send kudos to) tdroseler. I've been there. I fell very hard for someone in in the AF and who was stationed overseas. Let me tell you, I went into this with open eyes and arms. But the distance was too much, the time spent away pays tricks with your head and then your emotions. With people like us, who go to comfort food, it is a emotionally devistating experience. I can only offer a virtual hug :flowerforyou: and hope youfeel a little better every day. Once I came to the realization and then made the break, I was in an aweful state and it took alot for me to get past it. I am not trying to pander to the "you'll get over it" crowd, but the saying is true. Time really does heal all wounds.... but they leave scars. I chose to think of that scar as a reminder of what I am looking for and what I must have in a relationship. Even the best of people cannot clear certain hurdles in our lives. When we are able to see those hurdles, we can make clearer decisions about how we approave the people available to us (for example, after my ordeal, I no longer agreed to date anyone more than an hour away... friends, yes, boyfriend, no).

NBS, you are with friends here (albeit virtual ones), many of us who get it..... Don't beat yourself up about the food or the gym, both will fall back into place if you start anew... and this is as good a day to do that as ever!

Ileana

mechanicmom

Neverbeenskinny,
I don't know how much of an encouragement I will be to you but I did want to let you know that we are here for you. What you have gone through is a very difficult thing, and it will take some time for you to feel yourself again. I know that a walk really helps me, even if I am not walking fast. It clears my head and gets rid of some of the stress. Try to go for a walk if you can. I am praying for you! Hang in there!
Melissa

cardgrl

I feel your pain, Skinny!
I remember going through heartache that I thought I would NEVER get through. Albeit long, I always came out the other side. Sometimes it took longer than others, and sometimes I had more bruises than others. It happened all of a sudden. One night, I went to sleep on my own (WITHOUT passing out) and one day, I stopped overeating to comfort myself. One day, I started hanging out with friends again instead of sitting at home or driving around all night by myself. One day, I started having fun again. You will, too, Skinny...take it one day at a time!
We are here for you and thank you for speaking up!

time2wrk

It is so, so hard to go through what you are going through. I don't know that I have any wisdom, so to speak, but I am thinking about you and pulling for you.

neverbeenskinny

Thank you everyone, thanks for all the thoughts. I know that this is a natural part of life and I just have to go on and keep believing in myself. I'm going to try to get back on to healthy eating today. We'll see what happens.

filergirl

The thing that has helped me most in getting over the depression associated with a failed romantic endeavour (and I had a huge one; a crash and burn scenario), is to remind myself that I'm in control of me. I can't control how other people act, but I can control my actions and to a certain degree my emotions. I can choose to wallow, or I can choose to do something constructive. In my experience, each constructive item (no matter how miniscule -- it could be as simple as summoning the energy to go for a walk, or completing some chore around the house), is a small victory that builds confidence that you're okay, you're a valuable human being who is self-determining. That builds confidence in yourself and pretty soon you are feeling better about everything.

Feeling sad sucks, and it can be a long struggle to "get over" things. It's kind of like weight loss, in a way: as in so many things in life, there are no dramatic, overnight changes. Getting to a healthy emotional state is cumulative, the result of small acts of emotional self-discipline and kindness to yourself and others every day.

Word!

diannholland1965

I think we have all been there, and as said, there are really no direct words of wisdom.
Knowing how you felt about this man, kinda stops the Sucess is the best revenge saying.
Try to get to the gym, Keep yourself busy will get your mind off him being gone. NOT TO MENTION that you NEVER know who you might meet at the GYM! I read recently that excersive is a great motivational uplift, that it works better than antidepressents to lift moods.
When I broke up with my ex of 7 years, I wrote down what I was looking for in a man, and all of the things that I would NOT consider in a mate. Then I set out to find him. And tree month later I started dateing Michael. 3 years, and we are still together and still very much in love.
Humans have this way of filling the void left by someone or something with something else.
For most of us on this board...Food is the item of choice.
When we break that habit, we need to replace it wit a good habit. An apple instead of a candy bar, Just plain nuts instead of the peanut butter icecream treat. etc. If we must watch TV try sit ups during the commercials.
I know one girl that has made herself do deep knne bends when she was peeling potatos.
But I digress. Go out there, take a walk, do some yoga, center yourself. and day by day you will start to feel better. AND ALWAYS KNOW! We are all here for you!
Now, take your left hand and put it on your right side, your right hand and put it on your left side, and squeeze. That is a big hug from all of us! :flowerforyou:
--Diann...

tdroseler

Thank you everyone, thanks for all the thoughts. I know that this is a natural part of life and I just have to go on and keep believing in myself. I'm going to try to get back on to healthy eating today. We'll see what happens.

Good for you!!!
we are behind you, beside you, and all around you.