Back on the "Wagon"

GrnEyz

Ok, so I joined this site like 2 or 3 weeks ago and had lost ZERO, yes count them, ZERO pounds! Yay me! :grumble:

So i got frustrated with life so I packed up my car and went on a week long road trip. And even though I had to eat cheapy fast food, which, FYI, I hate (GROSS!!)....which is good I guess because that caused to me to eat VERY LITTLE of it...anyway, I believe I've lost a tiny bit of weight (too scared to weigh myself actually).

I'm suffering from some major insomnia and was a fool and look up my ex...which if any of you have seen some of my posts...I'm still trying to get over. Well, needless to say finding out new things about your ex is NEVER a good idea. So anyway, I finally feel like I'm in the part of the "grieving" process to turn my sorrow into anger and turn that anger (or frustration really) into productive energy. I'm ready to jump back on the 'weight loss wagon" so to speak.

I've done a lot of soul searching the past two weeks and have discovered a few things about myself and how I tend to sabatoge myself, and why. I noticed when I was working on this site (or any other for that matter) I would enter my calories in so religiously that it turned into a near obsession! However, at the end of the day I would have just the amount of calories for a nice dinner and a snack....but then I went into panic mode...I quote my rediculous thoughts "OMG, I only have ## calories left, what if I want to snack, what if I get hungry....I NEED food and I don't have enough calories" lol yea, I'd do that whether I had 10 or 100 calories left. SO my new thing is to keep a loose track of everything and enter it all in at the end of the day. And then get an idea of how much I need to cut back...then when I get used to that amount of food, then when I record it, it won't be a big deal.

However, my biggest goal is really to get back to working out. I really do love to work out, its just getting past that 2 week "hump". And believe me after seeing that my ex has already moved in with his new skinny flavor of the year after only 5 months after we broke up...I'm starting to find that long lost modivation! But FINALLY I've found it for a good reason....not because I want the loser back...but because I finally see that I did/have let myself go...and frankly if I don't love myself then no one else will! Isn't it amazing how God knows how to turn your life upside down to open you eyes to everything so you can rebuild it to being 10x better?

Now the only thing I hope and pray for is when I wake up tomorrow this modivation is still here. I always seem to get that "drive" to want to do well in the middle of the night during an insomniac attack. Maybe if I just come on here and talk to people it will help...and when I feel like I have the need to munch, or fall into that ridiculous panic I can come here to the support and "Slap in the Face" that is much needed from time to time.

SOOOO, after this LONG winded message, (which I'm sure people stopped reading after the 3rd paragraph), this is me spilling my guts to everyone. I am doing this because I don't think people can really help someone unless they know a little about them. And I am finally admitting to myself that in order to lose my weight the healthy way this time...I need as much help that anyone has to offer, whether is be through friendship, or just little messages through the community.

Thanks to those who have made it through this whole thing! :flowerforyou:

Julie

GrnEyz

Ok, so I joined this site like 2 or 3 weeks ago and had lost ZERO, yes count them, ZERO pounds! Yay me! :grumble:

So i got frustrated with life so I packed up my car and went on a week long road trip. And even though I had to eat cheapy fast food, which, FYI, I hate (GROSS!!)....which is good I guess because that caused to me to eat VERY LITTLE of it...anyway, I believe I've lost a tiny bit of weight (too scared to weigh myself actually).

I'm suffering from some major insomnia and was a fool and look up my ex...which if any of you have seen some of my posts...I'm still trying to get over. Well, needless to say finding out new things about your ex is NEVER a good idea. So anyway, I finally feel like I'm in the part of the "grieving" process to turn my sorrow into anger and turn that anger (or frustration really) into productive energy. I'm ready to jump back on the 'weight loss wagon" so to speak.

I've done a lot of soul searching the past two weeks and have discovered a few things about myself and how I tend to sabatoge myself, and why. I noticed when I was working on this site (or any other for that matter) I would enter my calories in so religiously that it turned into a near obsession! However, at the end of the day I would have just the amount of calories for a nice dinner and a snack....but then I went into panic mode...I quote my rediculous thoughts "OMG, I only have ## calories left, what if I want to snack, what if I get hungry....I NEED food and I don't have enough calories" lol yea, I'd do that whether I had 10 or 100 calories left. SO my new thing is to keep a loose track of everything and enter it all in at the end of the day. And then get an idea of how much I need to cut back...then when I get used to that amount of food, then when I record it, it won't be a big deal.

However, my biggest goal is really to get back to working out. I really do love to work out, its just getting past that 2 week "hump". And believe me after seeing that my ex has already moved in with his new skinny flavor of the year after only 5 months after we broke up...I'm starting to find that long lost modivation! But FINALLY I've found it for a good reason....not because I want the loser back...but because I finally see that I did/have let myself go...and frankly if I don't love myself then no one else will! Isn't it amazing how God knows how to turn your life upside down to open you eyes to everything so you can rebuild it to being 10x better?

Now the only thing I hope and pray for is when I wake up tomorrow this modivation is still here. I always seem to get that "drive" to want to do well in the middle of the night during an insomniac attack. Maybe if I just come on here and talk to people it will help...and when I feel like I have the need to munch, or fall into that ridiculous panic I can come here to the support and "Slap in the Face" that is much needed from time to time.

SOOOO, after this LONG winded message, (which I'm sure people stopped reading after the 3rd paragraph), this is me spilling my guts to everyone. I am doing this because I don't think people can really help someone unless they know a little about them. And I am finally admitting to myself that in order to lose my weight the healthy way this time...I need as much help that anyone has to offer, whether is be through friendship, or just little messages through the community.

Thanks to those who have made it through this whole thing! :flowerforyou:

Julie

TamTastic

Hey Julie!

So sorry to hear about your struggles..and honestly I think a lot of people on here could relate to your issues with food. Weight loss and getting into a healthier lifestyle is never an easy thing.

Just take it a week at a time. Figure out what your goal is but don't dwell on that at first. Just focus on each week...do what you need to do. That is what I did when I started in September at 270lbs! Trust me, I was SO intimidated and felt like it was impossible to lose the weight I had to lose. You just need to get into the frame of mind that you are worth it! You deserve to be healthy and feel good about yourself.

My relationship with food has changed completely too. I used to eat out of boredom or sadness sometimes. Now, I eat when I am hungry. And I eat foods that will satisfy me for a longer period of time. At first, all I did was watch calories, then I started incorporating more fruits and veggies, then I started incorporating more fiber, then I started making sure I drink enough water, then I started to watch my sodium intake...it's like one baby step after another until I am where I am now...which as of this past Thursday, is 87 lbs lighter! I just did it...and the weeks added up much faster than I thought they would.

You don't need a slap in the face so much as you need support! This is such a great group of people and I feel like I have become true friends with many of them. We will be here when you need us.
Just get started, take it a week or even a day at a time, eat foods that will keep you satisfied and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day. It's all a part of the learning process.

I have to say, once you get into working out, it does become addicting. I am sitting here so early this morning because I wanted to get up, drink some coffee and then hit the gym in a little while before the day really gets going. The endorphins you feel will set the tone for the whole day!! And it will get to the point that you will do whatever it takes to get that work-out in.

Let me know if you need anything! I will add you as my friend ok?

Take care and good luck!!

-Tami

Oh, and I see you are from Salem, OR!! My home state!!! WOOO!! I was born in Lebanon and raised in Albany and then went back to Lebanon for High School!! My brother lives in Salem. I am actually coming out to visit my family in early July!

ali106

wow...I think you're on the right track...and wagon Julie!!!! hugs!

I agree so much w/ Tami....and have been there too....still am sort of....its hard to get to where you are now...and I'm not gonna lie its hard to stay there too.....I think that's why I'm on here so much! lol its keeps me focused besides other things...like good ab work out from laughing!

I really wish you luck you are not alone...at all! and very strong...you keep remembering that when it gets hard....you're stronger than the cravings...then they negative thoughts...than the lazies....we all get them...but we have to fight them...together...we have strength in numbers LOL


hugs and good luck!
Ali :drinker:

GrnEyz

thank you guys for the support
:flowerforyou:

ariannedavis

Julie,

This is the point of this site. We are here to help you get through the rough times. I had a bad call with my mom mid-week and fell off the wagon. Normally my emotions would dictate the type of food & how many bottoms of the bags I would see. I surprised myself with control and only cheated a tiny bit. After a few e-mails & posts from my friends here, I'm back with a vengance!

Hang in there and keep us updated!
You are an amazing woman, you can do it!
Arianne :happy:

flachix

grneyz
welcome back to the wagon. I just jumped back on myself last week. I am also an emotional eater. and have many serious issues. but yesterdays mail brought the july issue of muscle and fitness. and in it they have the rock hard challenge for 08. its a 12 week course and the issue has all the food and exercises and everything for month one you need. and being drawn to weight lifting I have decided to try that. mostly cause as everyone here knows I am a moke for anything with a time limit!! :laugh: seriously though, it lays it all out step by step, when to eat, why you are eating it, I will have to tweak the calories cause its set for a 180 pound man, I think there is even a 2500 grand prize. Now, I am not going to kid myself into thinking at 54, 210 pounds and 5 ft tall I am going to be any kind of cover girl, but I am going to enter it and follow the plan to the T. and who knows this time next year I can enter a senior fitness contest. (do they have a geezer division in body building?) :noway: by using the body building website for information, and this one for support I believe this time I will be successful in a way I never dreamed possible. so, pick your self up, dust yourself off, step away from the oreo's and move forward. we are all here for you.

GrnEyz

Yay!! I actually did pretty good today. I only went 100 calories over (Which considering the last month is REALLY good). But I need to vent. My mother is sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME eating my favorite ice cream...and there is as usual family drama going on.....HELP! :grumble:

ariannedavis

Did you stick it out? When that happens, go exercise. Do some push-ups or crunches; by doing something it will take your mind off the food. And maybe make mom feel a little guilty

peej76

Don't worry, I've spilled my guts to everyone a few times here, which always makes me feel a little vulnerable, and even though I have teetered on and off the wagon ever since I've been a member (March I think) it always makes me feel better to bare my soul. Not only am I getting some much needed support, but also I learn a little about myself each day. So my point to my response, is to let you know, I think once you've been honest to yourself and everyone around you, you'll get up on that wagon and have an easier tim staying there!!! Good luck!!!!

GrnEyz

I'm so proud of myself. I sat next to my mom and watched her eat her whole thing of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and I didn't cave in. I just had a glass of water.

BUT......

Today wasn't so great. I had to wake up at 5am to drive my sister somewhere and I am NOT a morning person so I had starbucks and a low-fat muffin. Then later on we were running around all day with my brother and he loves to eat out, so we had lunch. I was good at lunch...having 1/2 of a wrap and a salad. I figured I'd just have something simple for dinner, since I know that restaurant food has a lot higher cal and fat then you'd think. Well then my family decides after running around all day they didn't want to fix dinner, so we went out for dinner too....mexican! Talk about your heavy food! My mom and I split a chicken burrito and the rice and beans....but I did have a lot of the chips. So I'm already back to my old pattern.....Do good one day, blow the next, do good one day....blow the next!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is SOOOOOO frustrating to be surrounded by people who love to eat and don't really care about their weight! If I want to spend any time with them I have to go to restaurants. Talk about annoying. :grumble:

beep

Hang in there, Girl. You are starting ahead of where I've been the last 30 years, yo-yo dieting, eating too few carbs, going into depression because of the lowered seratonin levels from the lack of carbs, etc etc etc.

I use this site when I'm tempted to go to the pantry. Instead I get on here and read people's success stories; sometimes while munching my 110 calorie Pria bar snack in the afternoon. It's working for me, and it will work for you, if you just hang in there and provide yourself with some alternatives. Snack on a Pria bar while your mom is eating ice cream.....

You can do it!!!!!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: