Reaching out for some help

MassiveDelta

Im having some trouble. It seems that when you lose a little weight like I have that there are of course physical changes that take place but also emotionally and in your personality.

I'm just really searching for some help in coping with this. I feel like I have lost a friend and am grieving but also excited and happy about who I have become. The changes physically have brought on other changes and stresses that I never expected. Emotionally I feel just completely out of whack. I feel great about who I am and what Ive become but some people/family around me are hesitant about the new me. All these new feelings and things that are happening, are a lot to handle. Dealing with attention from the opposite sex that im unused to having, and have never really had, is even causing some stress that Ive never dealt with. I just really would like to reach out to others who may have gone through this before or are even now. Its difficult for others who haven't been through this to understand what its like. Im sorry If I cant explain it better. I feel like I need some kind of support group to help me get through.

amandalc980

Pimping aint easy.

Sorry... Totally insensitive comment, but I felt like you forced my hand.

I feel ya though. Not in the same manner. I felt like growing up I was always uber tomboy but when I joined the Navy and got to my ship I had attention from the fellas coming out my ears. It was weird and I didn't really know how to behave because of it. (male to female ratio=popular girls)

No advice, just solidarity.

mrmade

I have the same feelings. I am married and I hear my husband say I look great and it is a new me. I love what he says, but is it just to keep me happy. Family and Friends are here to back me up. But do they believe in me and do they think that I can continue on my journey.

One of my good friends met my husband and I for lunch and she brought her brother that I have not seen in a while. We had a great visit and as we left to go to our cars he asked how much have I lost and that I look great. He even said that I had a nice butt now. This is not what I am used to hearing. I have never had someone like how I look to say it that way. Except my husband!


So you see it is a change of life that we are going to have to come to deal with. Both of us (at least in the long time) have not been at this weight. So it will take a little bit of time for us to adjust to some of the gestures that people make in the nice way instead of the negative way. Enjoy the nice comments is what my husband says. So I am going to try!

My goal this year is to enjoy life and do more things. Not be a slug and a couch potato.

So I know you can do it. And remember that you are not alone in your goal.

I have lost 64 lbs so far and I am on my way to lose some more. So in some ways I do know how you are feeling.

MassiveDelta

Pimping aint easy.

Sorry... Totally insensitive comment, but I felt like you forced my hand.

I feel ya though. Not in the same manner. I felt like growing up I was always uber tomboy but when I joined the Navy and got to my ship I had attention from the fellas coming out my ears. It was weird and I didn't really know how to behave because of it. (male to female ratio=popular girls)

No advice, just solidarity.

thanks for that really. The extra attention feels great but it isnt the biggest issue. Just struggling with becoming who I really am. My confidence and personality has changed and im evolving into a different person. I mean Im still me but not like I was.

so sorry for my rambling incoherence

lisabernard

It sounds to me like you are a bit on the shy side. That you are used to hiding behind your weight and are uncomfortable with the idea that people may be looking at you. All of a sudden people are paying attention to you. Where they might have just ignored you before. So... you need to work on self confidence. Smile more and be proud of yourself. But, don't let it all be about your weight. Make it more about who you are as a person and you unique qualities and abilities. Then focus on what you may have in common with these people. You will find you will have alot to talk about... and that will make you feel less self conscious. You are doing great! Don't let this feeling allow you to put the weight back on!!!

lessjess2

WHO is hesitant about the new you and in what ways are they showing this?

MassiveDelta

I'm a different person. So some people that are very close to me feel like I have changed alot. Not in a bad way, just that I'm different. I'm more confidant, More active, I would even say happier. I think its scary for people I'm close to like they are losing me to this other person. On top of all that I feel different and people treat me differently. Just having tough time.

ccgisme

You have the rare opportunity to remake your self-image and to change your life. That is no small task! You took weight loss one step and one fork-full at a time, now you have to take each flirtation, each change in behavior (wait, I'm going to run a triathlon instead of sitting on the couch?), each new goal one at a time.

Are you the kind of person who finds comfort in "rites of passage?" Maybe you find some people who are close to you and you throw a mock funeral - you burn your fat jeans or something! Or you sit privately with your own thoughts, realize you've met a major life goal and plan new goals to take the place of the one you just mastered - my guess is you've been pretty focused on losing weight, now focus on the social implications of being a stud who commands attention from the ladies by your mere presence in a room! :bigsmile:

And, I'm going to say it, if you try everything you know to try and you still can't shake that feeling, there's no shame in talking to a professional.

*steps off soapbox*

You might also go back to the Man to Man threads in the forums. Casper talks about the emotional and social side of extreme weight loss at length. He has some interesting things to say.

Hang in there!

JakeNonne

Hi Mike -

You hit the nail on the head that the changes aren't just physical, but they are also emotional and psychological. It's not unlike the other life changes that we experience when we get married, have children, go through mid-life, and the kids move out. Adapting to these life changes can causes lots of stress.

You are going through a mindset change AND physical change. Your role in life is changing. How you view yourself, how others view you, and how you fit in to the new dynamic is all changing. It requires one to adapt and become comfortable with the new changes and this requires time. Talking to others in a similar situation helps immensely.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a muscular, thinner person and I don't even recognize him. And I'm not yet 100% comfortable if only because it's different that what I'm used to seeing for the last 20 years. I need to be 100% comfortable with the new me so everyday I tell that guy in the mirror that he looks fabulous and healthy.

One interesting thing I noticed with my family is how my weight loss has disrupted the family dynamic. My brothers and I were all overweight and this was OK because we were all overweight - that was the "normal." But now I've lost some weight, it has upset the balance. By being thin and fit, I have drawn attention to their weight problems. So they are not exactly congratulatory to me: they rib me or are cynical or tell me I'm doing it all wrong.

You aren't alone, brother.

porcelain_doll

I think what you are describing is what I've been fearing I will go through when I get to my goal weight. I am also shy and lack in self-confidence, and I always blame the lack of male attention on being overweight. I'm fearing that if I get a significant increase in attention after losing more weight, that I will actually become angry that those people are now noticing me because I have a better body (I've been the same person all along, though, so I would ask myself if people really were that superficial). Maybe it's not exactly the same as what you're going through, but it is similar. Almost like a fear of success. I don't know what to recommend since I haven't gone through it yet, except to try and accept yourself in your new body since you worked hard for it, and accept the new attention graciously. Hopefully I can take my own advice when the time comes.

jennjack76

I would like to say something as someone that new you in high school. I always thought you were a confident person and well liked from everyone. Maybe it's not so much that you are changing from the old person, but more that you are getting back to what you used to be like. I think you are an inspiration to anyone that needs to get into shape, at least to me. Thanks!

MassiveDelta

Thank you all for your comments. The support means a great deal. This is not easy. I'd rather go through 90 min of grueling workout than deal with some of this. It's really hard to explain and only other people that have gone through it seem to fully understand.

@jenjack. Thanks for the flashback. However I certainly didn't feel that way in highschool