Just a vent...

etherah

I find this very rude too. I have a friend, whose mother had gastric bypass surgery. I'm not sure what she looked like before but she's morbidly obese now, so clearly it didn't work. And she has the nerve to make jokes about how her son is overweight, and he's not nearly the size of her. She's never been a good mother, but that's another story. But when she says things like that, I could kick her!

Luckymam

How irritating!

I recently read an article about 'addiction transfer'. It seems that a lot of people who have had gastric surgery develop addictions to drugs, alcohol, etc. The theory is that they've had an addiction to food and now that they can no longer abuse food to ease their feelings, they turn to other substances to alleviate their cravings.

Also, imagine never being able to go out for a meal ever again. Never being able to have a romantic dinner for two seems terrible!

You're losing weight the right way, the healthy way. You're 'friend' probably recognises this and feels like she's cheated her way to weight-loss. To make herself feel better, she's mean to you.

Lose weight the way that's right for you xxx

Lizzgeorge77

It's normal for somebody to feel empowered and excited to see the pounds start melting off - particularly after such an invasive procedure. It may even be natural for her to want to brag to you or anybody else about her results. But comparing her journey to yours (when both the method used and your goals are clearly SO different) is completely unfair - and to do so in a public forum without your permission is unacceptable.

You are already a healthy weight - she is probably insecure about that and maybe even jealous that you did it on your own - the hard way, as she says. She took "the easy way out" by her own admission and obviously doesn't feel great about it or she wouldn't be defending it so vigorously.

If I were you I probably wouldn't be able to resist a jab at her along the lines of "Um, I'm glad you've come so far on your journey, but it's not really fair to compare us. I started out much closer to my goal weight, so of course I've lost fewer pounds overall. " I might just leave a comment on her facebook post along those lines.

minni2906

Completely agree with everyone else on here. Your "friend" is insane. Taking the easy way out will not give you the satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment that taking the hard way will. Pay no attention to them.

Scarletblue

I would just reply on her facebook that "if I had 200 pounds to lose I would also be losing a dramatic amount of wieght quickly as well but alas I do not have at least 50 pounds to lose to qualify for the easy way out, and if I could have it now how great I'd be at my goal weight within the month".

I personally think it is great no matter how a person chooses to lose wieght as long as it is a healthy way, and I find it insulting that she calls it an easy way I know alot of people don't consider it an easy way, but it is something they HAD to do.

I have loose skin but I will do everything in my ability to tighten up my stomache before I even consider taking the "easy" way of having a tummy tuck. The surgery, the pain,the cost, the possibilities of complications, yep easy.

celebrie2

hi, am in the same situation. a close family member weighed 325 and had gastric by pass and has lost 75 pounds (she does not eat healthy food, just small portions of junk food, alot of fast foods and processed foods). she lives with me and is always on me now about my weight since shes now smaller than me, for the first time in her life. I have always tried to eat healthy, all my tests are good, but have a pain disorder snd have a hard time excercising, but am going to do it this time. I have now made a pact with myself to disregard anything sshe says to me about my weight because I know that i'm doing it the right way, hard or not. Keep your chin up and keep on keeping on, feel good about yourself,a nd remember that sometimes your need to get rid of the "toxic" people in your life.:flowerforyou:

KayakDeb

Go ahead and vent - you have a right to!

Some people are "Energy Givers" - they are supportive and bring light and happiness into your life. Other people are "Energy Suckers" - you feel tired and worn out after being with them. If this "friend" is more of an Energy Sucker (sounds like it) - then maybe you need a little distance from her.

Congrats on your 20 lbs!!

secostley

Sounds like you need a "friend bypass." You have work to do and shouldn't let anyone interfere with that. Tell her how you feel and if she doesn't like it, "bypass" her.


Shawn

jbootman

please please read The End of Overeating by Kessler, he was surgeon general a few years ago, in it he dissects the causes of overeating and the american food industry, we are being drugged by food here and this addiction is terribly hard to control, you cannot just say no to food and never eat again, what other addictive substance does one 'have' to use every day?

the situation with overeating is that it is in the brain, the neural highways of salt, sugar and fat have been carved wide and deep in us,

and the only real way to normal eating requires work, sure miss stomach staple thinks she is fine, but unless she is seriously confronting the basic food addiction she will not change her brain chemistry,

this site provides us with a way to examine and account for the foods we eat, proteins, fiber, fat etc.

each day of recording, learning to plan our meals, to cook differently, to share with each other, to reach out and to be supported is golden,

I am also 'losing the hard way', holidays come and I am learning how to deal with them, I am choosing different vegetables, I am tweeking my menus, my grocery shopping trips are different, I look at a bag of cheetos very much differently, I have noticed I do not have to go out to eat every time I go the mall, I try to avoid the kitchen for the present, it was my favorite room of the house,

I do not know if my cravings will ever ease, but it is easier now after 6 months to say no to myself,

dry your tears, you are doing the hard and necessary work of brain retraining, do not lose hope, yours is the work she will have to do eventually whether she knows it or not, surgery does not work long term without 'doing it the hard way'

think of all the $$$ you have saved not having surgery and give yourself a kiss for working so hard

ZebraHead

:flowerforyou: I feel bad/angry/evil for you.

Everyone has their own way. I don't agree with surgery personally except as a very last resort, and not to be taken lightly. That doesn't seem to be the case here with your 'friend'.

I know there are some folks on MFP who also have 'lap bands'(??) and are also using MFP for support and watching their intake.

I don't think you will find any of those folks who would claim that they are taking the 'easy way out'.

If you were like me I would expect that you are minus one 'would be' friend. (I would have put my foot in their *kitten* by now!!) So feel free to add me to your friends list to take her place.

Marbar

Congrats on doing it the hard way. Venting is needed every once in a while! Stay strong!

tater8589

I'm angry reading that she would do that. I think you need to have a private discussion with her about how she is acting and hurting you. If that doesn't work, I'd stop spending time with her. What she did was TOTALY uncalled for, rude, and a violation of friendship. You are doing it the right way and in the end will have better health and a much better body. She can drop all the weight, but so fast is unhealthy and will leave her skin stretched. Losing slowly allows any skin thats stretched time to tighten back. Plus as you go on you are going to build muscle and tone.. I'm assuming she is not working out at all-- she may drop lbs, but that doesn't mean she will look good!

JillyBean819

What a jerk. Who says that to a friend (or anyone for that matter)?

If it makes you feel better, I'd rather do it "the hard way" than shell out tons of money to have a major surgery.
There's no guarantee that she will not gain the weight back in the future, therefore, she should choose her words wisely.
She might lose weight and be small for 5 years then gain weight. You will lose the weight and keep it off forever.

riley711

That doesn't sound like a friend to me. But here's the flip side....many people who've had the weight loss surgery end up gaining much of it back, because they've taken the easy way out but haven't learned anything. You, on the other hand, have learned tips and tools about food, nutrition and overall healthiness that will be with you for the rest of your life and will help you to maintain your weight loss. I'm proud of your efforts, and I'm sure everyone else is too. Keep up the good work, and don't let her immaturity sidetrack you or distract you from your goals!! :happy:

efalcon1

I think everyone is spot on. I would say firstly if it's easier block her status updates on facebook for a start!! Some people only know how to bring people down with negative comments, some horrid woman said to me "have you lost weight or have you been ill". Nice, but ultimately I can change my weight, she will always be a horrid person! Just think of all the hard work you have put in and remember if you want a treat - you can have one without it making you feel poorly ;-)

TrainerRobin

I had gastric bypass in March, 2003. Lost 70 pounds, but gained it all back and then some...your friend will soon find out "the easy way out" does not last. On the other hand, I have lost 61 pounds in 6 months with the help of MFP and friends. This time, I decided to "take the hard road" and get it done once and for all. You are doing great, hang in there, you can do this. Remember, it needs to be a lifestyle change, not a diet.

Amen. Thanks for sharing. I see people all the time, taking the surgical route and it never seems to turn out quite like they wish, and I've yet to see anyone look as HEALTHY and FIT as someone whose done it the hard way. The surgical route is not without complications, very often makes it hard to get adequate nutrition and stay healthy looking (even though they're shrinking at an amazing rate!), and so often I see these folks eventually gain it back.

Doing it the old fashioned way is so preferable if you can do it. It takes a lot of strength, and it is indeed a lifestyle change, but your health will thank you. The health benefits you get from every ten pounds you lose is amazing, as are the benefits from exercising and working out.

I admire you doing it the hard way. Just remember the old tortoise and the hare story and push forward.

RMinVA

I have a friend who is driving me insane. She weighed 350 and had gastric bypass surgery. She is loosing weight like none other me on the other hand started at 170 and have lost 20 in 4 months. She keeps asking me how much I have lost and than brags about how much she has lost. Yesterday was the absolute worst... I ended up in tears cause she posted on her facebook how much she had lost "taking the easy way out" and than used my name and how much I had lost "doing it the hard way"! Claimed that she had to have way more will power to loose hers that I had to loose mine!

Ok that was my vent... Sorry if I offened anyone!!

I think I would be losing 300# of friend really quick!

I put this on another thread several days ago, but will respost here too. I know 3 people that have had gastric bypass: 2 guys and a gal. Guy #1 is as big as ever and guy #2 (who I met after his initial weight loss) has been packing on the pounds this past year or so. Haven't seen him in several months, but quite frankly, I am expecting him to be HUGE again the next time I do. The gal is a friend from high school, and I have to say, she looks fantastic (10 years after surgery). She did however struggle with other issues: she just traded one addiction for another. She is doing great now.

Bottom line is that bypass is just a tool, the behaviors still have to change.

jkestens63

Okay- well hate to say it but your "friend" sounds like a b**ch. I've had friends do the WLS and all did lose weight, they haven't all kept it off. Eventually, they say their stomach "pouch" stretches again, they get over the "dumping" from sugar, and they can go back to eating the way they did because they didn't make the lifestyle changes they needed to make. Like watching portions for the rest of your life, like exercise. So for those of us who do it the "hard" way, yea, it is harder and slower but often more likely to be maintained.

As for willpower - where is the willpower when you have the stomach the size of an egg and you simply can't physically eat vs. pushing yourself away from the table or not buying those cupcakes when they call your name.

Stick with supportive people in your life and YOU will be successful!

portlandsundevil

Why did the easier way require more willpower? The "friend's" logic seems as poor as her manners.

I was thinking the same thing! And to say it on Facebook? Just proves her low self-esteem.

chris808

Two things:

1) You've done brilliantly yourself. Whatever your friend says makes no difference to how well you've done. You don't need to validate your own achievements against your friend. Keep doing what you're doing as it's working.

2) Maybe talk with her face to face about how her comments make you feel.

Chris

anu_6986

Don't Let her upset you! Kudos to those 20lbs you have lost! And also remember that you will take longer to gain this weight back than your "friend" ! And if she is at 350lbs probably the weight is falling faster because of that. The more you lose the more difficult it gets to lose further! Good luck! You are doing great.

ladybu6205

I applaud you on doing it the hard way and not taking the easy way out. I agree with the other posters, it was very rude of your "friend" (I say that lightly, because a true friend would not have said and done as she did to you) to say the things she did. I believe you are going to be the one to win the battle. You are going to be the one that will have the healthier lifestyle because YOU choose to take the long road... I wish you the best of luck in your continued Journey to be healthy. BTW, Great Job on the accomplishments you have made thus far! Outstanding job!

That_Girl

One of my bestest friends from childhood had the surgery 6 years ago. She was at her heaviest around 350. I never said anything negative about it OR shunned her when others did.

I was about 110 then had a baby and was up to about 170.

She would brag and stuff, which is normal-- she'd never had a 'normal' social life.

Then she just got *****y and rude and I had to talk to her about her attitude and behaviour.

She said, "You're just jealous that I'm thinner than you are now."

:-O

We didn't talk for about 3 years. Then she called and apologized.

The moral of this? Talk to your friend. If she's a real friend, she'll cut the crap.

And congrats on the 20 pounds!

kao708

Just remember, you are doing it "the right way" and will be able to maintain your loss better than she will. You are proving that you have the willpower to eat smaller portions and better food without some surgical method forcing you to do so! If you ate the miniscule # of calories she is able to consume per day you'd lose weight that fast too but IT'S NOT HEALTHY in the long run. You will be much better off doing it "THE RIGHT WAY"!

It will be interesting to see if she can maintain the weight loss once she gets to goal.

Oh, and I'd reconsider how good of a friend she really is. If she's not supportive, I'd unfriend her and block her so she can no longer drag you down!

Good luck!

midmomike2

1rst, congrats on the 20 lbs lost, that's AWESOME! 2nd, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. 3rd, it is my belief (and experience) that our destination often times isn't nearly as important as our journey there.You're doing great and the hard work you are putting in will change you not just for today, but will give you the strength and encouragement to change your life!

chelcscarbrough

That was terrible and you EARNED your 20 pounds lost! That's an amazing accomplishment and don't let her make you forget that!