OT - Really strange emotion

LokiFae

So right before my husband and I got together, I was pseudo-dating another guy. We never really officially DATED, just had mutual attraction to each other, hung out all the time, etc. But anyway, my "best friend" at the time decided that she liked him too, and they subsequently started dating. My "best friend" and I were sleeping in bunk beds at that time, because we were too poor to afford separate rooms, and she and him slept together for the first time on the bottom bunk while I was trying to sleep on the top bunk. Which is the reason I don't talk to them anymore. Talk about disrespect.

Anyway, I met and fell in love with my husband, we got married and had the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world. And I do not talk to those two people anymore. But I just found out, through a mutual friend, that they are getting married on Saturday.

Why does this bother me? I'm happily married, never really dated the guy...And got really hurt by both of them. Shouldn't I be thinking, "They deserve each other!!! I don't care!!!"??

But instead, I'm just...upset by the whole thing. I think I would be happier if they totally didn't get along and it didn't work out between them. The whole thing is just sending my emotions on a roller coaster. Does anyone have any advice?

LokiFae

So right before my husband and I got together, I was pseudo-dating another guy. We never really officially DATED, just had mutual attraction to each other, hung out all the time, etc. But anyway, my "best friend" at the time decided that she liked him too, and they subsequently started dating. My "best friend" and I were sleeping in bunk beds at that time, because we were too poor to afford separate rooms, and she and him slept together for the first time on the bottom bunk while I was trying to sleep on the top bunk. Which is the reason I don't talk to them anymore. Talk about disrespect.

Anyway, I met and fell in love with my husband, we got married and had the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world. And I do not talk to those two people anymore. But I just found out, through a mutual friend, that they are getting married on Saturday.

Why does this bother me? I'm happily married, never really dated the guy...And got really hurt by both of them. Shouldn't I be thinking, "They deserve each other!!! I don't care!!!"??

But instead, I'm just...upset by the whole thing. I think I would be happier if they totally didn't get along and it didn't work out between them. The whole thing is just sending my emotions on a roller coaster. Does anyone have any advice?

ChubbyBunny

Sounds like hurt pride.
Not just cause you were "pseudo-dating" him...but because they totally disrespected you and your space by having intimate relationships right there.

Side note.... your "best friend" totally SUCKS! Alright, I feel better...I would feel even better if you had punched her in the face....but I digress. I mean honestly, who goes after their "best friends" interest and THEN has the balls to sleep with them in the same room.

Truely tacky.....and trust me...I know tacky.

2Shoes

So right before my husband and I got together, I was pseudo-dating another guy. We never really officially DATED, just had mutual attraction to each other, hung out all the time, etc. But anyway, my "best friend" at the time decided that she liked him too, and they subsequently started dating. My "best friend" and I were sleeping in bunk beds at that time, because we were too poor to afford separate rooms, and she and him slept together for the first time on the bottom bunk while I was trying to sleep on the top bunk. Which is the reason I don't talk to them anymore. Talk about disrespect.

Anyway, I met and fell in love with my husband, we got married and had the most beautiful baby boy in the whole world. And I do not talk to those two people anymore. But I just found out, through a mutual friend, that they are getting married on Saturday.

Why does this bother me? I'm happily married, never really dated the guy...And got really hurt by both of them. Shouldn't I be thinking, "They deserve each other!!! I don't care!!!"??

But instead, I'm just...upset by the whole thing. I think I would be happier if they totally didn't get along and it didn't work out between them. The whole thing is just sending my emotions on a roller coaster. Does anyone have any advice?

Hmmm...maybe you had more feelings for the guy than you were even aware of? It bothered you that both of your "friends" treated you with such blatant disrespect, and deep down you were hoping the relationship failed as a form of slight revenge.

Us women are complex individuals, sometimes WE don't even know why things bother us! Thank goodness you have found your Prince and have a wonderful child together. You have come out the better!!! :flowerforyou:

PrincessLaundry

How long ago was this?

I can see where you can be annoyed, crushed, and hurt. But it has been many years and you need to...no you don't need or have to do anything...But my advice would be to let it all go. Yes, completely. Why hold onto anger that really...worked out for them AND you, and the cutie baby you have? Talk about a favor they did for you! :bigsmile:

So call her up (this is just how I am though) and say, "Hey, I know we had our differences long ago, but I heard your good news and wanted to say congrats!" Ask her her plans for after the wedding, and her colors, and so on.

Be excited that they are together and happy, verses she moved onto another person, your new man, or is left sad, broke, and alone. Why not be thankful even for people you once had a difference with? It is okay to take a break from a friend. You don't have to be her BFF, but being thankful for her and yourself will warm your heart.

You are obviously struggling with this unfinished situation, or you wouldn't be still typing about it and hurt. And that's okay.

Best of luck on what you do, I hope it works out for the best!!! I hope you can move on from this and end up with a different type of friendship with this person who was once very special to you. Why not?:flowerforyou:

LokiFae

I thought I had let it all go. I really haven't thought about them for a long long time. And then my friend called today and said something about it and...blah.

I wish I could get along with them and talk with them and still be friends, but they are both pretty heavy into drugs and have two kids. And I REALLY don't agree with that. I think if you are too drugged out to care for your children, then you don't deserve to have them, or be happy, for that matter. So, in essence, it's a GOOD thing I don't talk to them anymore, because I would have a little too much to say. So...I don't know, I guess it's just a huge ugly situation and I really shouldn't think about it, but my friend (who told me about it) has a severe case of Mentionitis, because she wants everyone to get along.

I'm pretty easy to get along with. I just have a huge problem with being a drug addict and having children. I don't care if you're a drug addict, I just won't have anything to do with you. But for some reason, I just feel compelled to take a stand when drug addicts (and drunks, for that matter) start having children, and don't turn their lives around.

And now I'll just step off of my soapbox... :ohwell:

Sorry about the rant. It's a touchy subject with me. I get very passionate about it.

Edit: By the way, thanks for the help. It helps a lot to just get it out and get some different viewpoints on it, without torturing my poor hubby with it. I think I'll just try to not think about it.

PrincessLaundry

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Well, that's a horse of a different color! :laugh: ((using my Wizard of Oz voice))



Drugs...that's so different. There is so much more than just one bad event. I guess I should have thought that too...oops! {{hug}} They still did you a favor! Even more so now!:bigsmile:

:flowerforyou:

auntkaren

I think it's just feel like unfinished business, for the way they ......as you said had no respect for you as you were friends to both of them at the time. They never came forward and appologised for what they done, while you were there in the same room.:glasses: I still have a bad feeling now and then about what a best friend done to me several years ago, and then I forget it for a long time and for some reason it pops up in my mind and I get all upset again. :grumble: I hope this is normal, but at the same time I would rather never think about it again in my whole life. :frown: You are happy with your life now and in any way possible try to shrug it off as a bad experience , they will probably never say they are sorry , so the only way to heal from it is to not think about it . PHEWY on them!!! You got a lovely child and hubby to love and think about.:happy: Hope you have a beautiful day:flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

I agree with AuntK....

Honestly, you are better off.
That doesn't mean you should be happy that his/her are schmucks and they'll be stuck together.
More that NOW you see why he wasn't the best option for you and that you have what you wanted.

I know all about unfinished business....it rears it's head when we least expect it and kicks us in the heart. The main thing to remember is that you have to move on and find some type of closesure in yourself. Maybe their weddding will do that for you. He made his choice.....was it the right one?!? We'll never know.