Way off topic...Any advice?

sindyb9

I have lived with mine for 20 years and we have a 17year old son. He does not want to get married anymore, to me it does not matter we are happy the way we are. Hope that helps. :laugh: :flowerforyou:

FatDancer

Be careful Honey...they are always the most charming when they are setting the hook...you don't really get to know them until they've reeled you in and landed you securely in their boat!

maverickyanda

Do what you think is best for you.

Everyone has their own lives/stories/situations.

barracudamuscle

::walks into room, slowly backs out ::

Oops sorry, wrong room, I didn't realize this was the how can I force him to marry me room.

Koozy81

::walks into room, slowly backs out ::

Oops sorry, wrong room, I didn't realize this was the how can I force him to marry me room.

oohh OUCH!!

greentgirl

I agree moving in together is a really really big step and you need to make sure that you have a good support system around you. Because when you get mad at each other there is no place to run you need to face the person and deal with it.

It's hard but I think it's worth it. I moved from California to NY a couple years ago and never really looked back since. I miss my family but I love my life here too.

iluvsparkles

Man you woman drive a hard bargain! First off, let me correct you all in saying WE ARE NOT "TRAINABLE!!!!!" If you think you can change us, there's the door, don't le tit slap you in the butt on the way out!

Ok now that thats out of the way, I HIGHLY, repeat HIGHLY recommend you move in together just to see what it will be like before you sign on the dotted line. My last (ex) girlfriend and I were together for a year, I got my first job with my degree, she moved to Atlanta with me, I planned on marrying her pretty quick when everything was right. Our parents were conservative, but I told them if you can't respect my ideas and way of life theres the door, they all got over it in abotu a week. Well Needles to say my diamond in the rough, after 9 months of rough, didn't get a diamond. Long story short she is way different to live with then to see all the time or have over on the weekends, etc.

I don't feel it takes the fun out of marriage what so ever, only you can be the judge of that. As soon as you become the "trainer" or "Nagger" you become the enemy. I recommend you guys sit down over some dinner or pillow talk ( beware pillow talk hell probably agree to anything, hes happy ) and discuss what you each expect out of each other and are expecting to do for each other.

If your worried that hes going to think "why buy the cow because the milk is free" you have the wrong mindset. If its meant to be its meant to be, honestly. I am getting my milk for free and I got engaged roughly a year and a half after I met my awesome girlfriend when I got back from Iraq. You can't force someone to propose, trust me satin, i mean hitler, i mean my ex tried to do just that. I tried everything but in the long run we were just not compatable and she made it easy by cheating on me with a 17 year old! ick she was 21!

Long story short, The worse thing that can happen is you find out , hey this guys the one for me and wait, I mean if hes the one whats the rush, he isnt going anywhere and probably planning on asking you anyway if he feels the same. Or find out, wow he is not who I thought he was, and he did not stick to what he said we agreed to in the beginning. Realize we all have our flaws ( mine happens to be leaving wet towels on the floor, I know cut my hands off!:noway: ) I try really hard not to do it but I do sometimes, Ive gotten better, but ocasionally I have a slip up.

Don't let others way of thinking control your life! Don't worry what x person will think. Do they have to live with you the rest of your life? Nope its all about you and your happiness until the end, what makes you happy you and only you can decide! Good luck!:drinker:

just wanted to put it out there that i think all of this was well said! way to go barracuda!

songbyrdsweet

Well let me tell you....I did it ALL WRONG.

And it turned out perfectly. :laugh:

I met my bf online...we talked for about two months before we hung out for the first time. The first night we hung out, we ended up talking until about 5am, so I stayed over (nothing "happened" though). The next night, it happened again...and so on. Within a couple weeks I'd pretty much moved in because the driving back and forth every day was such a hassle.

We've been together about 2 1/2 years now, and for some reason, have yet to yell at each other. We have had disagreements, we have had communication problems. I even moved out for 4 weeks so we could have some space during a really rough patch when we had too much going on around us and not enough communication between us...but then we worked everything out and I moved back in and things are back to being normal again.

So here's my advice:
It does take a LOT of work and a TON of compromise and an INFINITE amount of communication. I mean it...talk about EVERYTHING. Something that may seem insignificant to you may REALLY affect the other person, and vice versa. You can't expect someone to live, act, or be like you in any way. You two are entirely different people with separate lives and separate ways of living. Either live with each other, or around each other, whichever works, but don't expect him to ever live FOR you...neither one of you should have to change everything to appease the other person. Expecting that is neither fair nor respectful, in my opinion (so for anyone saying you can train anybody else...go work in the tiger cage at the zoo or something, that's the only place that belongs! :laugh: )

As far as money...everyone handles that differently. My bf and I like to go 'halfsies'. We each help each other whenever we need it, and whoever is making more at the time spends a little more (we have each had a turn at bringing home the bacon LOL). But just be wary of how you're going to split up the BIG stuff....rent, leases, furniture...if things go south, this stuff gets messy. I either have my dorm or my house to go back to, so make sure you have a plan B.

And....have fun. :bigsmile: Living with someone can be a LOT of fun if you can adjust to new experiences and let go of your unnecessary quirks to give each other a little wiggle room.

GinaB30

it kinda takes the fun out of getting married ::

I actually have thought about that before as well...Thanks for both of your opinions! :flowerforyou:

I second or third that...lol I mean, I didn't DO it...but from what I have seen (all my friends did it) than I'd say it did kinda take the *yayness* out of the actual marriage....

loreeb18

I always said I would NEVER live with a guy before getting married. My husband and I started dating in September 2005. He got an apartment in October and I started staying with him every weeked. We bought a house and officially moved in together in August 2006. We got married May 2007.

I agree with the messiness. When I stayed at his apartment, it didn't bother me as much because I thought of it as "his" place. But for the first couple months after we moved into "our" house, his messiness made me want to strangle him!

I'm glad we did buy our house before we got married though because I can't imagine dealing with the stress of moving into a new house AND a wedding at the same time. By the time we got married, we were settled into our house.

mrsyac2

I need to add this as well. I don't see anything wrong living with someone before marriage- the only thing I said was that you should wait a little longer than just being together for 6 months. I have been married to my husband for 6 years and we have been together for 8 (when I was 17 we got together) yes when we moved in together our relationship had somethings to grow through but that is part of seeing if your relationship can with stand the trials and tribulations of 24/7 non stop with each other the good and the bad and trust you will get annoyed at things he does and you will annoy him with things that you do but its a way to see if it is something you can deal with forever if you two do plan on getting married-- In the end this is your choice nobody knows what or how your relationship is-- So make the best decision for yourself


If you do decide to move in make sure you always have a reserve of money to have enough money to get your own place just in case things don't work- Alot of people stay in a miserable relationship because they dont have the funds or their own resources to leave- They say a woman should have enough money to put a deposit on an apartment at all times-- Just remember nothing is set in stone.. and don't put everything in your name because if it doesn't work out you will be left with the responsibility to pay everything.. I know this because i have seen both examples with my own eyes (not me personally thats why I make it a point to work even though my husband doesn't really want to because he wants to be the bread winner he was raised that man are supposed to be bread winners and the woman stay home HA HA HA I sure changed that up my husband never cooked did laundry nothing you should have seen his dad's expression when I came home to dinner being done and the house clean HA HA HA priceless its 2008 not the iceage it takes 50-50 to make a 100%. Good luck in your decision