Way off topic...Any advice?

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2

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  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Hmmm....

    We all have our own opinions and stories.
    We will all tell you either to do one or the other.

    What really matters is what you want.
    My opinion/experience shouldn't determine how YOU want to live your life.
    No ones should.

    Give you insight into what WE dealt with on individual basis...sure....BUT that isn't YOUR situation that you are currently in. Just one element to YOUR story that we all have differing opinions on, for whatever reasons.

    Do you think you should move in together 6 months after you started dating and knowing that your parents would struggle with the choice?
  • LokiFae
    LokiFae Posts: 774 Member
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    Something else that has been helpful is we instilled a 25 cent fine for each time one of us does something that the other finds annoying, like leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving shoes in the middle of a walkway. The fines go to a vacation fund, which now has upwards of $150 :blushing: It's helped us to train each other in a way that ultimately benefits us both.

    That is an AWESOME idea. I am so going to incorporate that.
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
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    Something else that has been helpful is we instilled a 25 cent fine for each time one of us does something that the other finds annoying, like leaving the toilet seat up, or leaving shoes in the middle of a walkway. The fines go to a vacation fund, which now has upwards of $150 :blushing: It's helped us to train each other in a way that ultimately benefits us both.

    That is an AWESOME idea. I am so going to incorporate that.

    That's just what I was thinking!
  • Nich0le
    Nich0le Posts: 2,906 Member
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    I am one that thinks you need to listen to your inner voice and decide if it is right for you. It can make or break a relationship, and in a very short amount of time.

    I am not the best example, but I met my husband through some friends and hung out in similar places but rarely spoke for about two months, he asked me out on a date and eight days later I moved in with him, and we have been married for 15 years this July. We lived together for two years before marrying and it didn't take any fun out of getting married and it hasn't taken any joy out of 17 years together!

    I have had friends that were questioning the idea and some make it and some didn't. One friend waited until she got married to live with her long time boyfriend (they dated for 5 years) and ended up in counceling because she couldn't stand that he took his clothes off and left them next to the bed and his spitty tooth brush on the sink.

    Look inside and you will find the answer that is best for you.
  • flcaoh
    flcaoh Posts: 444
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    The old saying "You never REALLY know someone until you live with them" is oh so true!!! My guy and I dated for several months then I left and enlisted in the Army. We dated long distance off and on for a few years then when I got out of the Army and settled down, he decided to move across the country so we could be together. I was estatic. Little did I know how incredible incompatible we would be living together.

    2 and a half year later...I still love him dearly, and we still live together. He snores like a freight train, I'm the lightest sleeper in the world. I have to sleep with earplugs. He wastes electricity like no other and I am the biggest "green" energy conscious person you'll probably ever meet. I love animals and have 3... he likes animals but could do without. There are 100 other little countless things. But I'm also itching for a ring... and he sees no rush (why buy the cow.... you know the rest LOL). So there are definitely good and bad points to living together.

    I'd say wait... atleast another 6 months. Spend as much time as you can with each other. Heck, even "live" with each other for 2 -3 weeks at a time. Being in the Army I had TONS of room mates and you really don't know someone until you live with them. Plus if you break up, it's a big pain in the patooty to split up stuff you've bought and find new places, blah blah blah. Just be sure. :)
  • barracudamuscle
    barracudamuscle Posts: 313 Member
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    Man you woman drive a hard bargain! First off, let me correct you all in saying WE ARE NOT "TRAINABLE!!!!!" If you think you can change us, there's the door, don't le tit slap you in the butt on the way out!

    Ok now that thats out of the way, I HIGHLY, repeat HIGHLY recommend you move in together just to see what it will be like before you sign on the dotted line. My last (ex) girlfriend and I were together for a year, I got my first job with my degree, she moved to Atlanta with me, I planned on marrying her pretty quick when everything was right. Our parents were conservative, but I told them if you can't respect my ideas and way of life theres the door, they all got over it in abotu a week. Well Needles to say my diamond in the rough, after 9 months of rough, didn't get a diamond. Long story short she is way different to live with then to see all the time or have over on the weekends, etc.

    I don't feel it takes the fun out of marriage what so ever, only you can be the judge of that. As soon as you become the "trainer" or "Nagger" you become the enemy. I recommend you guys sit down over some dinner or pillow talk ( beware pillow talk hell probably agree to anything, hes happy :wink: ) and discuss what you each expect out of each other and are expecting to do for each other.

    If your worried that hes going to think "why buy the cow because the milk is free" you have the wrong mindset. If its meant to be its meant to be, honestly. I am getting my milk for free and I got engaged roughly a year and a half after I met my awesome girlfriend when I got back from Iraq. You can't force someone to propose, trust me satin, i mean hitler, i mean my ex tried to do just that. I tried everything but in the long run we were just not compatable and she made it easy by cheating on me with a 17 year old! ick she was 21!

    Long story short, The worse thing that can happen is you find out , hey this guys the one for me and wait, I mean if hes the one whats the rush, he isnt going anywhere and probably planning on asking you anyway if he feels the same. Or find out, wow he is not who I thought he was, and he did not stick to what he said we agreed to in the beginning. Realize we all have our flaws ( mine happens to be leaving wet towels on the floor, I know cut my hands off!:noway: ) I try really hard not to do it but I do sometimes, Ive gotten better, but ocasionally I have a slip up.

    Don't let others way of thinking control your life! Don't worry what x person will think. Do they have to live with you the rest of your life? Nope its all about you and your happiness until the end, what makes you happy you and only you can decide! Good luck!:heart::drinker:
  • barracudamuscle
    barracudamuscle Posts: 313 Member
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    Plus if you break up, it's a big pain in the patooty to split up stuff you've bought and find new places, blah blah blah. Just be sure. :)

    Try dealing with a divorce, then you have alot of fees, and lost more then just some clutter, a lease, and your heart! Never been married ( at least until Oct 11th!) but I think option 1 is lookiing alot better then option b! Call me sallie but maybe its just me?
  • Koozy81
    Koozy81 Posts: 250 Member
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    If I could do it all over again, I definitely would have waited. We were together for about 1 1/2 yrs, we moved in together, we got engaged about 4 months after living together, and now ive been engaged for 2 solid years....no wedding insight- haha

    THe next thing I knew we were working overtime to pay bills, and had a baby in january!
    Things change so much when you live together, suddenly you're doing loads of laundry, picking up towels and boxers off the bathroom floor, but it also allows you to see who this person truly is. So I dont regret my life with him, but I wouldve planned the wedding 1st, haha, before I got caught up in everything else!

    Good Luck!
  • MisdemeanorM
    MisdemeanorM Posts: 3,493 Member
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    Not to be a downer, but just remember that once you have a lease in both of your names (or in one or the other) it may FORCE you to stay together even if you start to realize that maybe this is not the person you want to be with.

    I think it is harder to break up when it acutally involves 1) someone moving out 2) having to cover the other person's rent (who wants a roommate in a 1 bedroom?!) 3) breaking a lease (EXPENSIVE!!!)

    I hear you on the parents though! Mine freaked out!

    If you are into moving, how about one of you taking a month to month or a 6 month lease that keeps you closer together and then after a year together consider moving in?

    Moving in for convenience sake is a BAD idea!!
  • KrisKabob
    KrisKabob Posts: 1,250 Member
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    This is a tough one... :huh:

    I personally wouldn't do it. I've always looked at it as "why would he commit when he already gets the candy for free". Secondly, the main reason given for moving in together - so that you can see if you like living together - is a lame reason for me. I think living with ANYONE requires an adjustment and compromise. BOTH people have to do their part for it to work... that holds true with ANY situation.

    With that said... I do think living together works for SOME people. For instance, my friend had a horrible experience with her first marriage and is now divorced. She has already said that she will definitely live with the next serious guy before she marries him.

    So, I guess what I'm saying is it depends on the situation... but if you've already discussed marriage then what are you two waiting for??? If you feel THAT strongly for one another then do it... who cares about how long you've been together. My hub and I were together for 5 months when we got engaged... then married 6 months later.. we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary.

    If it's there then it's there... if it's not then it's not... ya know??? :flowerforyou:

    Good luck! :bigsmile:

    :heart: Kris
  • sindyb9
    sindyb9 Posts: 1,248 Member
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    I have lived with mine for 20 years and we have a 17year old son. He does not want to get married anymore, to me it does not matter we are happy the way we are. Hope that helps. :laugh: :flowerforyou:
  • FatDancer
    FatDancer Posts: 812 Member
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    Be careful Honey...they are always the most charming when they are setting the hook...you don't really get to know them until they've reeled you in and landed you securely in their boat!
  • maverickyanda
    maverickyanda Posts: 422 Member
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    Do what you think is best for you.

    Everyone has their own lives/stories/situations.

    :tongue:
  • barracudamuscle
    barracudamuscle Posts: 313 Member
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    ::walks into room, slowly backs out ::

    Oops sorry, wrong room, I didn't realize this was the how can I force him to marry me room.
  • Koozy81
    Koozy81 Posts: 250 Member
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    ::walks into room, slowly backs out ::

    Oops sorry, wrong room, I didn't realize this was the how can I force him to marry me room.


    oohh OUCH!! :tongue:
  • greentgirl
    greentgirl Posts: 5 Member
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    I agree moving in together is a really really big step and you need to make sure that you have a good support system around you. Because when you get mad at each other there is no place to run you need to face the person and deal with it.

    It's hard but I think it's worth it. I moved from California to NY a couple years ago and never really looked back since. I miss my family but I love my life here too.
  • iluvsparkles
    iluvsparkles Posts: 1,730 Member
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    Man you woman drive a hard bargain! First off, let me correct you all in saying WE ARE NOT "TRAINABLE!!!!!" If you think you can change us, there's the door, don't le tit slap you in the butt on the way out!

    Ok now that thats out of the way, I HIGHLY, repeat HIGHLY recommend you move in together just to see what it will be like before you sign on the dotted line. My last (ex) girlfriend and I were together for a year, I got my first job with my degree, she moved to Atlanta with me, I planned on marrying her pretty quick when everything was right. Our parents were conservative, but I told them if you can't respect my ideas and way of life theres the door, they all got over it in abotu a week. Well Needles to say my diamond in the rough, after 9 months of rough, didn't get a diamond. Long story short she is way different to live with then to see all the time or have over on the weekends, etc.

    I don't feel it takes the fun out of marriage what so ever, only you can be the judge of that. As soon as you become the "trainer" or "Nagger" you become the enemy. I recommend you guys sit down over some dinner or pillow talk ( beware pillow talk hell probably agree to anything, hes happy :wink: ) and discuss what you each expect out of each other and are expecting to do for each other.

    If your worried that hes going to think "why buy the cow because the milk is free" you have the wrong mindset. If its meant to be its meant to be, honestly. I am getting my milk for free and I got engaged roughly a year and a half after I met my awesome girlfriend when I got back from Iraq. You can't force someone to propose, trust me satin, i mean hitler, i mean my ex tried to do just that. I tried everything but in the long run we were just not compatable and she made it easy by cheating on me with a 17 year old! ick she was 21!

    Long story short, The worse thing that can happen is you find out , hey this guys the one for me and wait, I mean if hes the one whats the rush, he isnt going anywhere and probably planning on asking you anyway if he feels the same. Or find out, wow he is not who I thought he was, and he did not stick to what he said we agreed to in the beginning. Realize we all have our flaws ( mine happens to be leaving wet towels on the floor, I know cut my hands off!:noway: ) I try really hard not to do it but I do sometimes, Ive gotten better, but ocasionally I have a slip up.

    Don't let others way of thinking control your life! Don't worry what x person will think. Do they have to live with you the rest of your life? Nope its all about you and your happiness until the end, what makes you happy you and only you can decide! Good luck!:heart::drinker:

    just wanted to put it out there that i think all of this was well said! way to go barracuda!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    Well let me tell you....I did it ALL WRONG.

    And it turned out perfectly. :laugh:

    I met my bf online...we talked for about two months before we hung out for the first time. The first night we hung out, we ended up talking until about 5am, so I stayed over (nothing "happened" though). The next night, it happened again...and so on. Within a couple weeks I'd pretty much moved in because the driving back and forth every day was such a hassle.

    We've been together about 2 1/2 years now, and for some reason, have yet to yell at each other. We have had disagreements, we have had communication problems. I even moved out for 4 weeks so we could have some space during a really rough patch when we had too much going on around us and not enough communication between us...but then we worked everything out and I moved back in and things are back to being normal again.

    So here's my advice:
    It does take a LOT of work and a TON of compromise and an INFINITE amount of communication. I mean it...talk about EVERYTHING. Something that may seem insignificant to you may REALLY affect the other person, and vice versa. You can't expect someone to live, act, or be like you in any way. You two are entirely different people with separate lives and separate ways of living. Either live with each other, or around each other, whichever works, but don't expect him to ever live FOR you...neither one of you should have to change everything to appease the other person. Expecting that is neither fair nor respectful, in my opinion (so for anyone saying you can train anybody else...go work in the tiger cage at the zoo or something, that's the only place that belongs! :laugh: )

    As far as money...everyone handles that differently. My bf and I like to go 'halfsies'. We each help each other whenever we need it, and whoever is making more at the time spends a little more (we have each had a turn at bringing home the bacon LOL). But just be wary of how you're going to split up the BIG stuff....rent, leases, furniture...if things go south, this stuff gets messy. I either have my dorm or my house to go back to, so make sure you have a plan B.

    And....have fun. :bigsmile: Living with someone can be a LOT of fun if you can adjust to new experiences and let go of your unnecessary quirks to give each other a little wiggle room.
  • GinaB30
    GinaB30 Posts: 725 Member
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    it kinda takes the fun out of getting married ::

    I actually have thought about that before as well...Thanks for both of your opinions! :flowerforyou:


    I second or third that...lol I mean, I didn't DO it...but from what I have seen (all my friends did it) than I'd say it did kinda take the *yayness* out of the actual marriage....
  • loreeb18
    loreeb18 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I always said I would NEVER live with a guy before getting married. My husband and I started dating in September 2005. He got an apartment in October and I started staying with him every weeked. We bought a house and officially moved in together in August 2006. We got married May 2007.

    I agree with the messiness. When I stayed at his apartment, it didn't bother me as much because I thought of it as "his" place. But for the first couple months after we moved into "our" house, his messiness made me want to strangle him!

    I'm glad we did buy our house before we got married though because I can't imagine dealing with the stress of moving into a new house AND a wedding at the same time. By the time we got married, we were settled into our house.

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