Depression and self insecurities/dealing with significant ot

angelsandwolves09

So, I'm starting this thread because after a long look at myself....inside and out....I really just needed to vent about my insecurities with my life. To start with, I have been battling with depression since I was 13, when my parents split. Since then, I have also struggled with my weight....gain 50 lbs...lose 30....gain 40 more....etc.....and have finally decided enough was enough. I am going to turn my life around and get to my healthy point. I have severe self confidence issues....even though my fiance tells me all the time that I am beautiful to him and that is all that matters....but in reality...it's not. I need to be beautiful to myself. And I don't know how many of you like the comedian Kat Williams, but he did a show on HBO where he talked about self confidence and how women, especially, throw it around like it's someone else's fault. It's called self confidence for a reason...it is confidence in your SELF!!! That line, boy did it throw me for a loop. I started thinking about it tonight at work...and about how I'm wanting to make myself feel better by getting in shape and healthier. I look at myself in the mirror to get ready for work and automatically say...."why are you even looking....you know you look like crap". But after thinking about all I have been through, and seeing how far I have come in my battles, I really don't think I look like crap. I mean, my stretch marks...I EARNED them by carrying my beautiful baby boy for 10 months!!! And the same goes for the "baby flap" I have left over. Don't get me wrong....I still want to lost that baby flap....but I have finally come to terms with the fact that I do look good....maybe not the best I can....but I look good to ME!!! I am extremely motivated by this feeling because I don't think I could ever have said that before. I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal....but knowing now, that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder(sorry for the cliche), I don't have to look at myself and feel bad.


As for the significant other....Is there anyone else who's partner doesn't necessarily need to lose weight/already looks really good, and is worried that they might leave you??? That I think is going to be the hardest thing for me to get over. I was in a marriage for about a year and a half, which was filled with lies, cheating, and abuse. I try so hard not to let the past take over my present relationship, but, in my opinion, my fiance looks too dang good for me....And I am always wondering why he is still with me.....or if he is going to leave me if I don't get in shape. He has NEVER said or done anything to even hint in the slightest way that he is going to but I still have the worry. I'm sure it's my own insecurities, but I just wondered if there is anyone out there going through the same feelings as me....who knows, maybe venting and working together could be helpful....

MemphisMarly

I wouldn't worry about stretch marks; they are so common. I've had em on my love handles since I was 11ish and didn't know what they were. :embarassed: They'll fade to skin color with time and really aren't that noticeable.

You're very pretty, and it sucks that your coworkers tease you about your weight. That's not cool, but maybe they tease you because that's all they have to tease you about, and they know they'll be working with a stunna again soon.

If your fiance hasn't given you any reason to worry, then don't worry. He loves you and thinks you're beautiful. And most everyone who has has a baby gains weight.. at least he can see that you are working to get healthy again. It must be hard to move on from abusive marriage, but those weren't your fiance's mistakes. I think it will harm your relationship if you keep thinking of him in that light. (Just think of the song "Suspicious Minds"!) You have to learn to trust him before you can start a healthy marriage. Look into his eyes. If he says he loves you and calls you beautiful, accept it for what it is.