People's food diaries and unsolicited advice

jessieinblue

I do not like unsolicited advice. When people who aren't my close friends try to give it to me, I attempt to be as polite as possible while (honestly) just not listening.

However, sometimes when I am rummaging through people's food diaries here on MFP, I can't help but notice quite a few women who are only netting 500-800 calories a day after exercise. It pains me because I know how extremely unhealthy such a diet is. However, I know that some people don't log everything . . .

What is the right thing to do? I would never judge anyone for his or her diet choices. I just want to help people

michelle_mareshfuehrer

I would leave it alone unless you see them post something asking for advice. I have seen people who literally only log 200 calories worth of food on here, and as much as I fear for them, I also have to realize that if they wanted my opinion they'd ask for it. If they've spent even 10 minutes on MFP, chances are they've read the advice we're wanting to give them already and are choosing not to follow it. It's a tough situation, but I don't want anyone judging me and what I eat, so I will not do that to them.

poisongirl6485

I wouldn't say anything, simply because unsolicited advice tends to push people away from whatever good advice you may be offering. People tend to get defensive and automatically tune out anything of value you might say.

If you're friends with them on here, maybe say something like how you have this great recipe and it's only such-and-such calories, or that you love this certain snack and the calorie count is low, or something like that. It's 'advice' without seeming as direct (or pushy as they may see it).

chantelleB23

I never eat my 1200 calories a day, not even on the days i work out. i physically can't do it! For me to even eat 3 main meals a day plus a few small snacks between, feels more then enough for me. I've tried to eat them all, but i feel like im force feeding myself, i never feel hungry, or if i do feel hungry i eat something, but i still never eat all my calories.
I know i should it tells me about my body going in to starvation mode, but how can i force myself to eat them?

jessieinblue

Blah. I guess I already knew the answer, but I just worry about people haha

melissa1977

It's hard because I know I assume that if someone has their diary open, they want people to view it to help them out. But I get so antsy when I see my MFP buddies using up their calories on things like soda and fast food rather than veggies and protein. They stay at their calorie goals usually, but it just looks like they're not eating enough at all. But if you offer advice, then they might get annoyed or not listen. So I guess the better way to do it is to leave your own diary open for people to hopefully read for inspiration for meals and stuff like that.

luvmypoochie

I find I am motivated to exercise, just to earn those extra calories. There is no way I could fit a latte into my diet with the current calorie range I have...latte's are something I enjoy!! I know it may be wrong to have that mind set. My girlfriend is the opposite, she doesn't eat her calories.

spacecase76

I am one of those people at least a few times a week. I am not going to skip my work-out just b/c someone thinks I didn't eat enough.

I have a HARD time eating 1200 a day. If I eat 1400 a day, but my net is still only 900...I ate 1400...that is SPECTACULAR for me. I know I should eat more. But, seriously, I start eating as early as I can (Breakfast makes me nauseated, but I usually have a snack around 10 or 10:30), and I eat about every 2-3 hours ALL.DAY.LONG. If you were a friend looking in my log, you see, I eat meat, I eat fruit & veggies, I eat carbs, I eat candy bars a few times a week, I EAT constantly. I just eat small quantities. I don't want the unsolicited advice. I know what I need to do, and I do the best I can. Just be happy for the weight I do lose, and support me when I have a hard day.

sarahbear119

I wouldn't give them advise, because they are unlikely to take it. I eat at least 1200 a day and 20 grams of fat a day, because I have arthritis and it can make it worst.

jessieinblue

I am one of those people at least a few times a week. I am not going to skip my work-out just b/c someone thinks I didn't eat enough.

I have a HARD time eating 1200 a day. If I eat 1400 a day, but my net is still only 900...I ate 1400...that is SPECTACULAR for me. I know I should eat more. But, seriously, I start eating as early as I can (Breakfast makes me nauseated, but I usually have a snack around 10 or 10:30), and I eat about every 2-3 hours ALL.DAY.LONG. If you were a friend looking in my log, you see, I eat meat, I eat fruit & veggies, I eat carbs, I eat candy bars a few times a week, I EAT constantly. I just eat small quantities. I don't want the unsolicited advice. I know what I need to do, and I do the best I can. Just be happy for the weight I do lose, and support me when I have a hard day.

This really helped. Thank you for posting.

BigBoneSista

It can be a touchy subject to some folks.

I firmly believe though that this is a support system. If you join a board like this and have made your diary public then you should be open to any suggestions offered to you as long as they are made tactfully. If you are quick to pass judgement on someone offering help then I don't know what to say about you.

Because I don't know everything there is about weight loss and because I want to make sure that I'm doing everything in the best of my ability to get this right I appreciate anyone approaching me with ways I could better myself. This is a lifestyle change I want to make sure I make the best of it.

So approaching someone I think if done properly could possibly go over well.

Sammyk50

Hey Jessie! With your great success u would have alot of good advice to offer! But I still would have to agree with not offering it with out being asked. You never know how someone will take it. Although if it's someone u are already "friends" with, like me! I don't know maybe u could tell them u have some heplful advice and ask them if they would be interested before giving it. I know I would like all the "tactful" help I can get! Actually u have already helped me soooo much and I thank u for it! And WOW on the weight loss!!!

puddle140

The way I see it we are all on here for advice. That's what this site is all about advice and support. If you see a friend making a mistake then if I were that friend I'd want you to tell me. Also, I think if you have your food diary public then that's an open invitation for constructive criticism.

missgreen74_2003

I am never able to eat all my calories.. I have been working out a lil more everyday and seems like eating less. I eat every 2-3 hours I just don't eat alot. I'm honestly not trying to starve myself, its just the way the numbers work out lol. I started on slim fast and my tummy shrunk so much that i really can't eat like i used to. I would love any advise because i'm new to losing weight and you are never smart enough that you don't need to learn new things! My rationalization for being ok to eat under my cals is that i'm 4ft 6in and so i'm thinking that i really don't need as much as a reg sized person!

ladyhawk00

Personally, I try to remember a few things when someone "becomes" my friend. If they wrote a note, I pay attention to what they said. Or maybe it was from a particular thread. And I make sure to read their profile. So, I keep those little tidbits in my head - what are they here for? What does their "personality" seem like? What do they say to other people? Obviously, there's only so much you can glean from this kind of environment. But I try to pay attention.

Then I take that and run with it. If they seem like someone who is really seeking info or has a particular challenge, I'll offer advice. If they seem to have a handle on it or are more "independent", I'll simply try to support them without saying anything specific. But either way, I try to be tactful and make it constructive. Ya know, you just don't ever say something like "O-M-G What in the hell are you doing???" If I see something like a lack of water, I might ask if they are drinking and not logging, or not drinking. If I see they're really high on something they are trying to work on, I'll offer suggestions for something to eat instead, or maybe just commiserate with how hard it is to meet that goal.

Beats me. I'm sure I've said things that annoy someone or that they ignore. But I'd rather tick off one person and help 10, than not be able to help anyone. Nobody's kicked me off their friends list yet, far as I know. :laugh:

Randee75

LOL I just had this issue with a "friend" on my list. Scolding me like a little child because my sodium was too high.....I realize I have a problem with sodium thats why I have it with my calories, carbs, fat, fiber etc.....Then they started giving me other advice like using some method of birth control Mirena to be exact. I have to say that really pissed me off to no end and I finally ended up taking them off of my friends list. As far as someone going under their calories I just won't tell them way to go if I think its too much under. I am not going to encourage them to keep taking drastic calorie cuts......Some days it is very hard to meet all requirements for calories.

Randee75

LOL I just had this issue with a "friend" on my list. Scolding me like a little child because my sodium was too high.....I realize I have a problem with sodium thats why I have it with my calories, carbs, fat, fiber etc.....Then they started giving me other advice like using some method of birth control Mirena to be exact. I have to say that really pissed me off to no end and I finally ended up taking them off of my friends list. As far as someone going under their calories I just won't tell them way to go if I think its too much under. I am not going to encourage them to keep taking drastic calorie cuts......Some days it is very hard to meet all requirements for calories.

I would like to add I don't mind the advice.....I do have my diary so friends can look at it. But out of the blue to tell me that I should consider getting birth control to help aid in my weight loss. I think that was a bit too far.

sarah44254

But out of the blue to tell me that I should consider getting birth control to help aid in my weight loss. I think that was a bit too far.

??? that is really odd for me to read. In all the ladies I have spoken to in the 6 years I've been on birth control, MORE women have gained weight (considerable amounts!) than the women who have not. and not ONE lady has mentioned to me they lost weight! so yeah, very odd for me to read!

but yes I agree, as hard as it is to look at what some folks are eating, unless they ask for help, keep it inside I want to help everyone!! but not many people want the help.

jessieinblue

There are so many really excellent posts here. I will think hard about the best way to approach (or not approach) a friend if I am genuinely concerned about something.

spacecase76

I wanted to come back to this post and talk about my day.

I had coffee with sugar and creamer for "breakfast"

I had an egg & cheese wrap for lunch.

I had a kit kat

I had some chips

I had a hamburger steak & gravy with rice, greens, and fresh baked bread with real butter.

I had "original" yogurt (no fat-free for me!)

I did an hour of zumba, and I have drank my 8 glasses of water today, and 2 glasses of sweet tea.

Could I have had more veggies? probably. Could I have eaten a fruit? sure. Maybe. I feel like I have eaten absolutely all day long.

My goal is 1320. I have eaten 1391, but, minus my zumba calories, my net is at 791. It would take another whole, LARGE meal for me to hit 1200 net.

Is it right? maybe not. I don't eat much "low-cal".. my stomach is only so big, there is only so much that will fit in there. But, I am rotating my exercise daily, and I am seeing a difference. I am losing weight. For now, this is working for me. If / when it stops, I will look into something else.

My point is that I am not starving myself. I am eating. everything is within my goals. I am not heavy on fat, or calcium, or anything. It's all pretty balanced (well, maybe except sodium, I don't track it, I have pretty low blood pressure).

But, this is part of why my diary is not public :laugh:

jkestens63

Can't fix others, can only offer support so I would not say anything.

Shamrock40

I'm with you. I have 3 friends who requested people look at their diaries and help, I looked at their food diaries and then wrote what I thought might be helpful, and said that I love to cook and I'd be happy to share some low cal recipes. One lady was stuck at the same weight, going back and forth with one stupid pound. I said, hey, why don't you try eating your exercise calories back, or going over your alotted calories one day? She has lost 4 lbs in less than a week! By eating MORE!!

I think for me, I have a sister-in-law who struggles with anorexia, and it's awful for me to see people who do what she does. Exercise like crazy and barely consume enough calories to sustain. She is doing much better, but she has no muscle mass, she's always freezing, she has extremely dry skin, sporadic menstruation ... the list goes on. It's the borderline obsessers who worry me. Many are treading on thin ice, but as difficult as it is to see, I don't say anything because chances are, they know.

Me, I welcome ideas and routinely tell people to look at my diary because, frankly, I find a lot of people's diaries super boring. I'm a total foodie, and I love to cook, so in order to be successful, I have to enjoy what I'm eating. I never have trouble meeting my calorie goal or eating back my calories, Nope, not this girl!