feeling out of control

vanrunninggirl

Hi MFP buddies, I just wanted to vent here where I can remain anonymous and not bother my girlfriends. I'm feeling a little restless these days for a silly reason. I suppose women work in a different way than men, I know most of my girlfriends are on a "timeline" of sorts that men don't seem to understand or relate to. Anyhoo, I'm feeling out of control in my life because the one thing I cannot control is when (I won't dare say "IF"?!!??!) my boyfriend FINALLY pops the question. Hehe, told you it was silly!!! But it's causing me anxiety. We are a happy couple of over 5 years. We have lived together for over 4 years, have owned our home for almost 2 years together. It wasn't until July that he seriously mentioned marriage (as if it was such a brilliant novel idea I hadn't thought of already, tee hee). But now the waiting is just killing me!!! He's not a very good secret keeper so I feel like I would know if it were just around the corner and I don't believe it is. Ugh, I suppose this is a sign I'm a control freak or something, but I don't like surprises and I certainly don't like secrets. The darkest thoughts are wondering "what if he just doesn't ask?" I'm not religious but the public commitment is important to both of us. However, if he doesn't hurry up, I'd like to just move on with life without marriage. Thoughts?

Shamrock40

Are there any financial constraints where, maybe he couldn't afford a ring right now? Is there something that he feels is important that he wants to have happen first? (A certain position at his job, or a certain amount of $ saved up...) If not, I would just re-confirm with him that marriage is still something he wants, and make sure you're both on the same page. If he says yes, then flat-out ask him, "what are you waiting for?" Tell him that it's giving you anxiety and you'd feel much better knowing he's working on a ring or that it's already taken care of. Just because you know it's coming doesn't mean you'll know when!

I'm a big fan of honesty, so that's my $0.02.

littlelioness

Wow...that's crazy. I didn't know my husband very long at all before we got married and it was all very unconventional. He proposed to me over the phone and my best friend stood in for him at our wedding because he's military and couldn't make it. If it's that important to you...why don't you ask him to marry you? That's just me though. I would do that. But I'm not you obviously

SlimLittleMrs

I know how you feel (until just recently). My love and I have been together for 5 and a half years and I was always wondering - OMG will he EVER propose? and then, it happened - he took me to Mexico for a holiday in a really beautiful resort and he finally popped the question (on Jan 3). I was soooooooo shocked I couldn't even believe it, I've been hoping for a long time now and thought I would be hoping forever. It came as such a surprise to me because I honestly thought he would be a dead giveaway when he started to think about it, but I had NO clue whatsoever.

Try not to worry, one thing I can tell you is that once he does ask, it will be one of the most magical moments of your life - especially when you're not expecting it.

thefreemans28

I don't think you're crazy at all for feeling like this! I felt the exact same way when my (now) husband and I were talking about marriage! Once he brought it up, I was like, "What are you waiting for???" and was so anxious until it happened! My husband sounds a lot like your boyfriend, though, in the whole secret-keeping department. I totally knew when it was coming! And he gets so nervous so easily, that I could tell the whole day that it happened. ;-) As hard as it is, just be patient, because once it does happen, it will be so special and worth all the waiting!