Living like a monk

PepsiGal

Hi all, I'm in my 3rd week here on MFP. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. All this calorie counting, restrictive eating, working out is HARD and not enjoyable. I started out at 145 lbs and my goal is to get down to 135, maybe 130 if I meet my first goal. I'm 5'5 1/2 feet tall and don't like the way I look in the 140s. I resolved to lose 10 lbs when I saw that I needed to go up one size in jeans. I didn't want to wait until I gained 20-30 lbs to get back on the healthy eating lifestyle thing.

I feel like I'm living like a monk. Eating different or smaller meals from my family members, working out at home everyday, cutting back on going out to eat and socializing with friends. I feel alienated and deprived. I'm caught up in numbers: with calories and the scale. There's got be a way to make this process a little more enjoyable.

To make things even more challenging, I don't have the support of my friends and hubby. They think I look fine the way I am (weighing in the 140s). I hate going to the gym because I feel self-conscious when guys glance at me. I work out at home using my elliptical and Jillian Michaels DVDs. I can't go to my best friend for support because she's struggling with anorexia nervosa and workouts 2 hours daily and restricts her fat intake to 10-15 grams a day. Her lifestyle is too excessive/obsessive for me to try to recruit her as my workout buddy. I'm thankful for my supportive 'virtual' friends on MFP but I feel I'm on the verge of giving up. Sorry to be a downer, but gotta vent.

Loki182

I'm no expert in the subject but last week I read a thread here on MFP that seems like it might be applicable to your situation. Maybe you can get some helpful information from this thread. I know it is long but it is full of very good advice.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/113609-relatively-light-people-trying-to-get-leaner

taletreader

OK, so how are you going about this? You're within the "normal" (some call it "healthy") BMI range. Do you have a clear idea how many calories you would need to *maintain* your current weight? You should know two figures -- overall (including all your exercise) and without the extra exercise. If your exercise is let's say 200 cal a day, and you shave off 200 cal a day of your baseline without the extra exercise, you'd be set up for an average loss between half a pound and a pound per week, which you sure shouldn't try to go over.

I'd guesstimate that this would at the VERY least come out to 1600-1800 cal/day -- and frankly, you don't have to live like a nun within these limits. Simple portion control and some avoidance of particularly large portions of high-cal (or high carb) food, privilege given to the lean proteins, and relegating cake and sweets to once every week or so should work.

nlfrancis

I know how you feel - it get's frustrating when I see my family eating whatever they want in whatever quantities they want because they are always active and on the go. I am 5'9" and weigh 148 and would like to get to 140 but somedays I wonder if it is worth all the agony I go through. I still go out to eat, but I try to find what is healthy at the restaurant I am going to - not as much fun as sinking your teeth into a big slice of strawberry cheesecake, but I feel better.

Hang in there - at the end of the journey it will all be worth it :-)

lutzsher

You are not alone. I am a sociable person, work in a VERY social industry, and often feel like I am missing out because of the restrictions I have imposed to try to lead a healthier lifestyle.
Everyone at work goes out for big calorific lunches, including drinks, there are constantly functions to attend . . . we have a milestone today happening and the kitchen looks like a snackers dream. The tables are FULL of donuts, donut holes, muffins, cupcakes, cookies . . . you name it.
I made a quick exit after getting my coffee, closed my office door, and enjoyed my grapefruit in private.

I often go home and work out alone, go swimming alone, walks at lunch alone . . . I do have a wonderfully supportive husband but as he has a physical job he does not want to come home and work out so I often do feel quite alone in this journey.

I truly value my MFP friendships and support for this reason. Knowing that so many are on the exact same "page" as I am really helps during these moments.

Goal_Seeker_1988

I've been there. It gets easier. Wish you were able to get the support you need from your friends and family. However, you will be able to get the support that you need here. Exercising is fun, maybe you aren't doin something right. You need to make it enjoyable otherwise it's not worth doin at all. If your mind isn't in it then you will never be able to reach your goals.

mandijo

I agree, you don't have to feel deprived. You can easily go out to eat as long as you plan your meals--share with a friend, box half up and take it home, or just plan for your extra calories that day and plan out the rest of your day accordingly. Exercise doesn't have to be miserable. I hated exercise until I found a zumba class nearby, and it is the most fun I've had in a long time. Find something you can enjoy--even with your family. If you are only doing this as a "diet", you are bound to gain it back once you reach your goal. Best of luck to you! Add me if you would like some extra encouragement!

scagneti

Hi all, I'm in my 3rd week here on MFP. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and discouraged. All this calorie counting, restrictive eating, working out is HARD and not enjoyable. I started out at 145 lbs and my goal is to get down to 135, maybe 130 if I meet my first goal. I'm 5'5 1/2 feet tall and don't like the way I look in the 140s. I resolved to lose 10 lbs when I saw that I needed to go up one size in jeans. I didn't want to wait until I gained 20-30 lbs to get back on the healthy eating lifestyle thing.

I feel like I'm living like a monk. Eating different or smaller meals from my family members, working out at home everyday, cutting back on going out to eat and socializing with friends. I feel alienated and deprived. I'm caught up in numbers: with calories and the scale. There's got be a way to make this process a little more enjoyable.

To make things even more challenging, I don't have the support of my friends and hubby. They think I look fine the way I am (weighing in the 140s). I hate going to the gym because I feel self-conscious when guys glance at me. I work out at home using my elliptical and Jillian Michaels DVDs. I can't go to my best friend for support because she's struggling with anorexia nervosa and workouts 2 hours daily and restricts her fat intake to 10-15 grams a day. Her lifestyle is too excessive/obsessive for me to try to recruit her as my workout buddy. I'm thankful for my supportive 'virtual' friends on MFP but I feel I'm on the verge of giving up. Sorry to be a downer, but gotta vent.

Other than the lack of hubby support, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm around the same height as you and in the 140s and 10lbs off the frame would feel fabulous! But it's vanity weight so there's less sympathy than someone who needs to lose the weight to make them healthier. You can't convince others why you're doing this (same way that they can't convince you that you look good and have no need to lose the weight!) so you have to plug at it alone. Remind yourself why you're losing this weight. Tell yourself that when you wake up early to exercise. Even vanity weight gets me out of bed at 5:45am!

As for meals with family -- yes, you're eating smaller/different meals, but that doesn't have to be bad. Eat much slower than they do. Put down your fork and drink lots of water between bites . If your family dinners are anything like mine were, it's likely too much food anyways! (my dad was the worst for that -- I think he thought I was a 40 year old football player and not a little girl!) Socializing doesn't have to be sitting in a bar drinking alchol. Suggest another form of activity -- knitting or sewing (if you guys are into that sort of thing!), hikes or similar activities (again, if that's your thing) or even just dancing (you don't have to be drunk to dance!!) Even going to a movie doesn't have to involve supersized popcorn or jugs of soda.

If you'd like a friend with very similar start and goal as you, feel free to send me a friend request! :flowerforyou:

misskate1971

Please don't give up! You are doing something for yourself, and no one should deny you that! Just know that there are people here who want to support you whether they have 10 pounds or 100 to lose. Everyone struggles with body image and self-esteem. Find something that makes you feel good about you. Maybe change up your exercise routine. I am going to start yoga--it is good for the body AND the spirit!

You can eat on this program, but you have to be creative. I have seen a lot of good ideas in the recipe posts here. You can also allow yourself to eat something you love, and try not to feel guilty about it. If you need a piece of chocolate, please have one (just not thewhole bag!). Treat yourself to something nice every now and then.

Don't give up. Believe in yourself, and know we're all here for you!

Kate

ouryear002

Why are you eating different meals than your family? I am the only one trying to lose weight, but my whole family can benefit from eating healthier food. I adjust the portion size to match what we all need. If we eat differnet food, what am I going to do at goal weight? I'll gain it back if the family is eating fattening food. You husband my be concerned that you are going to follow your friend and be unhealthy. Maybe if you focus more with the familty on becoming healthy instead of losing weight, you will have more support.

Chalktawmom

Okay so I'm going out of my comfort zone here and going to comment....

I think you are in a real hard place here because for me at least (can't speak for anybody else) you look AMAZING and I am struggling to get where you are! Actually about 10 -15 lbs more is my goal! LOL!

Anyway with that said, I realize everyone has their own comfort zone, goals, ideal weight etc.....so good for you not settling for where you're at! I'm still envious though

I COMPLETELY understand the feeling isolated thing. I'm eating different than my family for the most part, I really didn't want our usual friends over this weekend for football watching and I'm even dreading my weekend getaway this upcoming weekend with my husband and friends because FOOD will be on the agenda! UGH!

Doesn't feel like the whole freaking world revolves around food? I mean don't get me wrong..,I've pretty much created that world for myself. I love wowing my husband with good home cooked meals and all of our friends know if they come to our house there will be good food and plenty of beer to go with it! Who's famous for the pecan pies at holidays? Yep that's me!

This really sucks in A LOT of ways...did I mention I haven't even seen results yet? BUT, we can do it! And when we do it will be totally worth the new size _ swimsuit this summer!

One thing that has been kinda of working for me is rewarding myself every evening that I stay within my daily calorie allowance and I have worked out with a Skinny Cow ice cream cup. It's the best 150 calories of my day Or if I've been bad...maybe a 60 cal sugar free pudding cup.

Well thanks for listening to ME vent:laugh:

sunnysonny

Dont give up!! Maybe join a class at the gym, over time you will hook up with some women at the gym and get your support there! That has worked with me so far! Also, remember its harder to lose weight when you only have about 10 pounds. Dont compare yourself to people who want to lose over 50 pounds because its easier for them to lose weight than us. I hope this helps you and thanks for your honesty:)

myofibril

I feel like I'm living like a monk. Eating different or smaller meals from my family members, working out at home everyday, cutting back on going out to eat and socializing with friends. I feel alienated and deprived. I'm caught up in numbers: with calories and the scale. There's got be a way to make this process a little more enjoyable.

There is a way to make it more enjoyable. Extend the timeframe within which you expect to see success.

I'm of the opinion you should adopt the way that best suits your personality and situation. Some people thrive on an aggressive short term routine where they work out everyday, maintain an aggressive deficit and essentially are at war with their bodies. This however, can be very mentally and physically taxing. If you fight your body it will put up it's defence mechanisms and fight right back by trying to hold on to its fat stores as much as possible.

Then there's the slow and steady "lifestyle" approach. This is far more suitable to most people. Let's crunch a few numbers here and I will show you why:

1lb of fat = 3,500 calories. Let's say I put on 28lbs of weight in 2010.

28 x 3,500 = 98,000 calories. That means I consumed 98,000 calories more in 2010 than my body needed to maintain itself. Sounds a lot until you divide that figure by the amount of days in a year. 98,000 / 365 = 268.5 calories per day. That's roughly the equivalent of a chocolate bar. In essence, I could have eaten exactly what I ate in 2010, including the takeaways, the beer, the cakes etc I would have remained the same weight if only I hadn't eaten one bar of chocolate less a day.

Let's go further. Let's say I had ditched the chocolate bar and introduced moderate exercise of 30 mins, 3 times a week as well. In each exercise session I burn a modest 250 calories, making a total of 750 calories per week. 750 calories x 52 weeks = 39,000 calories. 39,000 / 3500 calories = 11lbs loss. I would have lost 11lbs eating exactly what I ate in 2010 if I had only eaten one less chocolate bar a day and did some moderate exercise.

Now, let's get a little crazy here. What if I also introduced a very modest calorie deficit of 150 calories per day below maintenance? 150 calories x 365 days = 54,750 calories. That's equivalent to an additional 15.5 lbs loss per year.

So, in summary, if I ate one less chocolate bar, did 90 mins of moderate exercise, and had a deficit of a meagre 150 calories per day I would have lost a total of 26.5 lbs last year if I had just stuck to it consistently. Would it have been painful? Hell no.

There's a lot to be said for the slow and steady approach...

rhondajean43

Caught up in the numbers game.........Letting the scale measure our progress and dictate how we feel about ourselves. After "depriving ourselves all week, and working out like crazy" only to have the scale say we did NOTHING!!! Wth?!!!

What would happen if we measured our progress on setting workout goals....did you get all the workouts in or almost?
How did your jeans fit compared to 3 weeks ago?
Do you feel more energetic?

Ask yourself why you are doing this again..........
If you were more toned and firm.....would that make a difference? Since you are at your proper range of weight...Would resistance training be more beneficial at this point? Maybe booking a session with a personal trainer could be a step in the right direction?

I get very discouraged to.....we all do.....We do need to find balance and something attainable and enjoyable......And we need to constantly strive to better ourselves.....But do we need a damn scale?!

sandy4720

Don't give up! Keep at it!!