Have I hurt my 8 year old's self image???

dlaplume2

I think you are doing the right thing. You are teaching her to make better choices and to eat healthy. You are doing a great job doing it now. You said she came to you about the kids teasing her. She feels safe and pro active. You are teaching her to do something about it. Unfortunately kids are cruel. They are also honest. If you child is chubby and they are pointing that out to her in the way that kids do. It is something she can change. If it were something she could not change, like a handicap, you would teach her how to respond too, wouldn't you?

I think if you are teaching her to eat properly in a positive environment you are doing her a world of good. Plus you are doing it too and leading by example. That's even better.
Keep up the good work.

ZebraHead

I don't know anything but:

I think you have not hurt your child. Your own efforts to change your lifestyle and the willingness of your child to join you can only be a positive move on your part.

Good on ya!!

RMariaT

My opinion is to try not to talk about how over weight she is but put it in terms of making changes to be healthy.

I have a daughter too that needs to loose weight so I try encourage her to work out with me so we can be healthy. I don't call it a diet but rather healthy food choices so our bodies stay healthy. If she eats a cookie one day don't be dissapointed she is a child just make sure she stays acive and understands that staying active will keep her weight down. Kids are cruel but her weight should not define who she is. I think it's great that you both are doing this together. Keep telling her she is beautiful!!

Lisa0711

I wish someone would have told me about eating healthy as a child. It would have saved me a lot of torment growing up. I also credit being overweight to making me shy throughout school, which made things even more difficult.

You're doing the right thing. As someone else noted, make this about being healthy and active rather than weight loss. It will help teach her extremely valuable information that she will carry with her.

Continuing with her bad habits is what could ruin her self image. We all know you can't change the past, but picking up here and trying to show her the right way is (IMO) the best thing you could be doing!

RochelleBlack

I think talking openly and honestly with your daughter about healthy food choices and fitness will NEVER hurt her. My daughter is only 4 and she already understands about healthy food and working out. I think girls have was more pressure from society to look a certain way and I want my child to not succumb to that pressure in unhealthy ways (like starving herself, etc) and to learn to love the body she was given by keeping it active and fueling it with delicious, healthy foods instead of processed foods and sugar.

I also think, at 8, your daughter is old enough to understand what a healthy weight range is for her (and for her parents!). Obviously she is going to hear about these things elsewhere...children are very cruel I prefer my children learn too much at home than too much from their peers.

You are doing the right thing and being a good mama! Don't be hard on yourself!

spuzo

I think you're taking the right approach. It's all in the message and the delivery. I've been obese all my life and my mom would constantly put me down because of it - call me an embarrasment to the family, say she wished I was never born, etc...I actually never thought I had a "problem" until she started telling me I did.

You're not doing any of that. I wish my mom took the approach you did and make it a lifestyle change and something we worked on together [she was obese too].

Keep doing what you're doing - you're on the right path [take that from someone who was lead down the wrong one for many years].

reneeot

Instead of making it about losing weight, I would try to make it about making healthy choices and exercise. Just jumping rope and playing outside are great calorie burners. Try to promote a healthy body image no matter what, everyone is different and beautiful.

I agree try not say we are dieting... Just talk about healthy choices. And do not say anything NEGATIVE about YOUR own appearance!! If you say you don't look good, she will say the same about herself!! Yuu are doing a great helping your child!! Be proud!!

Chelsrf

As long as you're making a lifestyle change and educating her on proper ways to eat and care for her body, you aren't harming her. If you were to tell her she was heavy and put her on a strict diet without teaching her, THAT would be harmful. It sounds like you're doing the right thing, good for you!!

Edit to add: I have a 7 year old daughter and I spend a lot of time teaching her about what is good for her and what is bad for her in terms of food. She is very athletic and slender, but it's important that they learn how to care for themselves properly so they don't wind up overweight adults like we are.

I agree I do the same thing with my 8 year old daughter she is very athletic, tall and thin but I am trying to teach her about making good choices when it comes to food.

glittersoul

I agree with everyone else. I think you are doing the right thing by trying to show her how to make healthy choices. And especially by doing it with her. I was a really big kid and teased all the time both at school and at home. I wish my mom would have tried to be active and healthy with me instead of giving me diet books to read and figure it out on my own.

scagneti

Since this is about getting your child down to an appropriate HEALTHY weight and not about trying to get a couple pounds off her so you can live vicariously through her in pageant circles, then talking to her openly and honestly about healthy foods compared to "sometimes" foods is the only way to go, IMHO. It's when parents get perfectly healthy kids to start fretting about a few pounds that the problems start.

STOP buying the sweets and things that aren't healthy for her. Explain that they are TREATS, which (by their very definition) mean that they're eaten infrequently for special occassions. A child should not be expecting a handful of cookies to tie them over until the next meal or a big slice of cake after dinner (unless it's a birthday or a special occassion). Because of her age, you don't have to go into the health problems associated with obesity, but not having the food around would be a huge step in the right direction.

superwmn

A message of healthy living is amazing for your child to hear. VERY empowering. Teach her to love herself with healthy foods and fun activities. This is a wonderful gift to give your child.

It's the message of 'needing to diet' solely to change one's appearance that is negative. That teaches that it's acceptable to not like what we see in the mirror. That we should not be content with it. That if we lose weight, we WILL be content and happy. THIS is the message that put me in therapy for 30 years.

Charmagne

sbwood888

http://www.parents.com/kids/teens/weight-loss/how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-losing-weight/


http://www.education.com/reference/article/how-talk-your-child-about-weight/

Check these out it might help you !

THANK YOU!

TropicalKitty

I'll first say that I haven't read the other comments in this thread, so sorry if I reiterate. Here's my side/story:

You have to tread carefully in how you approach things. I was put on Weight Watchers in 5th grade. My mom had eating issues, still does and took me along on the ride when I was a kid. I've been taught by my family that unless you are on a diet, you aren't eating healthy (and most of the diets my mom has done aren't healthy!) and you aren't worthy. It's horrible. I've fought with that my whole life - diet pills, restriction, binges, crazy diets.

The thing I would do if I could go back and be in charge when I was younger would be support me. I needed the support and love from my family - not being told I wasn't right, that I was defective in some way because I wasn't skinny enough. I would have been so much better off if we had done more things together (I loved swimming, so why not get me on the swim team? I liked tennis, why not get me to keep doing tennis?). I also would have been better off had my mom not pushed or touted her diet regimes. Teach me the wonderfulness of veggies and great foods - not diet foods, real foods. Teach me to listen to my body (because diets teach the kid not to listen to their body). And remind me that I am a good person who deserves love, regardless of what the stupid kids at school are doing.

You can love your daughter and teach her great things - arm her with the ability to ignore the stupid kids at school.

JillyBean819

Seems to me that you are doing the right thing! As long as you encourage her and don't say anything negative she'll understand and come out of it okay.

sunbeam11

I think you are on the right track and talking about it has got to be better than NOT talking about it. As young as she is, it will be so much easier for her to lose the weight now and not have to carry it into adulthood where it can really hold her back.

I grew up a chubby kid too from about age 11 on and had no self-esteem, but I think it came more from peer pressure and feeling inadequate/unwanted because of the weight. My parents pretty much ignored it and never addressed my weight issue at all and I was left to form my thoughts around what my classmates had to say about it. You can give her a firm foundation that will help build her self-esteem and equip her to better deal with distasteful remarks from others.

It sounds like you are approaching it from a positive light, by making it into teamwork for the two of you. Just focus more on nutrition than dress size. (Like for example, don't say "don't eat that because it's fattening", but focus on the positive rather "eat this because it's so good for you!") Teach her that healthy food = healthy bodies, and exercise makes us strong. She'll learn to consider the effects of poor eating habits and learn to make healthy choices.

I think this is a good approach for all of us, regardless of age and that it has a better chance of bringing about those lifestyle changes that we need that will ultimately make the difference. We shouldn't view ourselves as objects and worry so much about our "sexiness" as we should our HEALTHINESS.

Best wishes to your family and I'm sure together you will strengthen each other to reach your goals. :flowerforyou:

mascaracurtains

Talking honestly and openly about food, exercise and a healthy lifestyle is the best thing you could do for your daughter! Not only talking, but doing. I wish I had that kind of guidance and support as a child - it is very important for young people to know what is healthy and what is not. Pretending that there are no problems with being overweight is damaging to self-image, learning how to be healthy is not damaging - it's repairing.

TrainerRobin

Tips that I've seen work with several families:

-- Make it about you. Our old bad habits were about us and our kids absorbed them. The same will slowly happen with healthy habits.
-- Consider telling your daughter that you struggle with eating the way you should to be healthy and that you'd like her help.
-- When you are shopping, let her know that you think she's smart and that it would be cool if she'd help you figure out the healthiest XYZ to buy. For instance, look at peanut butter labels and compare ... noting things like how almost all of them have hydrogenated oils (partly or fully) but that Skippy Natural (for example) doesn't. That's choosing a healthful choice for a reason other than pure calories. Do the same with bread and cereal --which has the most protein and most fiber? You'll be teaching her to read labels and make smart choices based on things other than just calories.
-- Explain that you aren't buying unhealthy snacks (including junky kids cereals) because, even though she might be able to have them, if they're in the house, you'll be tempted and get off track. Find a way to bring healthier snacks into your house (fruits, etc.).
-- Ask her to help make sure you get out for some exercise, maybe even taking a walk with you to be sure you make it all the way to the corner or other marker.

Kids love to make sure they supervise us and these kinds of things make an opportunity for them to do exactly that, and meanwhile, they also (coincidentally) become healthier and learn that this is all really about healthier and not just weight. The goal is get them to realize the a healthy weight, follows healthier choices.

I've seen that when people make it about them, and solicit the helpfulness and intelligence of kids, the whole family benefits.
Hope it helps. The kids sure love it!!

kathdela

I have actually been the 8 yr old in this situation.

The advice I would give is to not obsess over weight loss. And don't make it about weight loss. I resented my mom for wanting to make me her diet buddy all the time. She never intended to hurt me or anything, but I was definitely seeing it as "you're too fat, we need to worry about your weight now." She was more on the low carb and calorie stuff, though. Teach portion sizes and when it's okay to eat certain things. Don't give her restrictions, just encourage a healthy lifestyle.

And for the love of God, DO NOT act like being fat is the worst thing that could happen to her. Teach her to love her body no matter what and to take care of her body, which can do amazing things for her if she cares for it.

That's what I would do, and I know if my mom did that to me, I probably would not have been so resistant.

Also, get your husband in on it. Make it a household change. She will learn to eat and and enjoy healthy foods because it will be what she grew up with. As an 8 yr old, her options are pretty limited beyond what is given to her in her home.

steampunkgirl

My daughter is 10 and is being teased at school as well. I have been using this site for 2 weeks and it has really helped me. I struggled with this deliema too because I didn't want her to develop an eating disorder. We have talked about healthy foods and not so healthy foods being ok once in awhile but not everyday. Yesterday she told me she didn't feel like we were on a diet because its all foods she still likes just not as much and that we are both just more active. She doesn't like sports but she loves Just Dance 2 on the Wii, swimming in the summer and going for walks.
I think you are doing hte right thing and continue talking to her. The way I see it encouragement in a positive way to be active in ways she enjoys and being honest about our relationship with food can only bring positive results.
Good Luck

mrscates

This is GREAT advice and my son is only a year old, but I will take this forever. Once he can understand my fear of weight gain I will have to watch how and what I say

Tips that I've seen work with several families:

-- Make it about you. Our old bad habits were about us and our kids absorbed them. The same will slowly happen with healthy habits.
-- Consider telling your daughter that you struggle with eating the way you should to be healthy and that you'd like her help.
-- When you are shopping, let her know that you think she's smart and that it would be cool if she'd help you figure out the healthiest XYZ to buy. For instance, look at peanut butter labels and compare ... noting things like how almost all of them have hydrogenated oils (partly or fully) but that Skippy Natural (for example) doesn't. That's choosing a healthful choice for a reason other than pure calories. Do the same with bread and cereal --which has the most protein and most fiber? You'll be teaching her to read labels and make smart choices based on things other than just calories.
-- Explain that you aren't buying unhealthy snacks (including junky kids cereals) because, even though she might be able to have them, if they're in the house, you'll be tempted and get off track. Find a way to bring healthier snacks into your house (fruits, etc.).
-- Ask her to help make sure you get out for some exercise, maybe even taking a walk with you to be sure you make it all the way to the corner or other marker.

Kids love to make sure they supervise us and these kinds of things make an opportunity for them to do exactly that, and meanwhile, they also (coincidentally) become healthier and learn that this is all really about healthier and not just weight. The goal is get them to realize the a healthy weight, follows healthier choices.

I've seen that when people make it about them, and solicit the helpfulness and intelligence of kids, the whole family benefits.
Hope it helps. The kids sure love it!!