Distressed

sparkyspal

Oh I need encouragement and motivation..This is probably not the right forum..but I know my boyfriend is starting to play tickle and giggle on the internet and phone with someone..I feel like I am ugly, cannot compete, and I need to get my game back on. Obviously I am not enough.. oh.God..the same thing happened in my marriage.. I just don't know how to approach him or this.. I guess my first step will be realize that whatever happens I have to get my "package" back in order and be happy about myself..
I don't know if I should confront him and tell him what I know and give ultimatums.. I love him.. Can I make this work or is this a lost cause..

Grokette

If he feels the need to go else where, then he doesn't respect you and he doesn't deserve you.

You can not lose weight for him, it has to be fore YOU!!

You deserve more than that!!!

You are a beautiful woman and if he doesn't see that, then there are plenty of men out there that will see it!!!

Don't let him or his situation tear you down.

Remember that you are a queen and your body is your temple! Don't let him steer or cloud your thinking as otherwise.

♥Violette♥4Ever♥

I had the same thing happen to me last summer. I approached him and dumped him immediately. I am alone now because I'm over a hundred pounds most men don't want to date someone who looks like me but that's ok. I'd rather be alone than living in misery with a man who does not respect me, my love, and our relationship. I say....get rid of him. Lose the weight to make you feel better and the when you see him, flaunt it. Don't llive with a disrespectful man. Don't let him make you feel the way you are feeling. It's better to be alone, there is always someone else out there.

clioandboy

I agree with the above he'll do what he's gotta do but you must do what you got to FOR YOU! you have choices only you can make them but your destiny is in your hands - use your power wisely in whatever direction you know to be right for you, good luck!

baker_c

You need to love yourself enough to tell people (including your boyfiend) how you want them to treat you and If he has to go to the internet or the phone inorder to get what he wants that is unacceptable. You need to write down on paper what you deserve AND What you would say if your best friend came to you with the same situation and asking for your advise. Often we treat our friends and loved ones better than we treat ourself - but it's time to love yourself! You are worth it and you deserve the best.

Good luck - I'll be rooting for you.

:flowerforyou:

gperry227

If wants to play around behind your back, let him, but in no way should you stick around and tolerate it. I wouldnt even give him an ultimatum. I would tell him that it is time for him to go and then you need to stand by that decision. Do not falter because he will see that and know that he can get away with crap like this. There are so many men out there willing to love you for you and what you are. Stop settling for these guys and for goodness sakes, stop underestimating your selfworth. Perhaps it isnt you or what you are or not doing, perhaps it is just his personality to tickle and giggle..... dont be so quick to blame yourself. There are three sides to every story: HIS, HERS, AND THE TRUTH.

Another thing: Just because a pile of poop was delivered at your door, doesnt mean you have to accept it-send it back, return to sender. No one can pack your bags for a guilt trip!!!!!!!! Dont let these people on your bus!!! :bigsmile:

taletreader

OK, I'll take the risk of offending you and be blunt. I could hardly believe what I read. Life is not a marketing campaign for your... "package". You're a whole lot more than a set of measurements and skills.

If you think your boyfriend is looking elsewhere, confront him and be ready to leave him. Get a sense of what you're willing to work with (none of us is perfect after all) and what cuts into the core of what your relationship is about. You may be mistaken, in which case honestly saying what hurts your feeling could make your relationship evolve.

I see from your profile that you've already been through a huge amount of weight loss, and you should be extremely proud of your achievements. Taking off the 40 or whatever pounds that have crept back on is something that's going to be a LOT easier. But... it's YOUR life, not your boyfriend's. Of course, if that's the kind of person he is, you can also work on your packaging and just hope you can entice him into not leaving you for a few years yet... maybe only once you fall ill or become visibly older! But you'd be wasting useful years that could be based on self-esteem and a meaningful life for *you*.

(As a recommendation for you, take a look at this podcast: http://fat2fitradio.com . They promote "living like the thinner, healthier, fitter person you want to become" -- lifestyle change instead of dieting. It sounds to me as if you could find useful.)

gperry227

BTW, ................. GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hollyb9871

First off, he isn't cheating because you're aren't enough or you can't compete. He's cheating because he is lacking. He's lacking in respect of your relationship. Whether you are at your ideal weight or not is irrelevant. You ARE enough, the men in your life are the ones who aren't measuring up. Have confidence and respect yourself. Women tend to gravitate towards the same type of man in their relationships. It could be the man you have now is very similar to your ex-husband. Take care of yourself first, and yes you need to have a talk with the boyfriend. A rational talk not an ultimatum talk. No one should stay with someone out of fear, only love. I hope things work out for you for the best. Don't give up on yourself!

Holly

mfkfoster

I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened in my marriage. I'm still with him. He told me after having the crap scared out of him. Only you can decide what to do. My husband apologized and said he would never do it again. He doesn't want to jeopardize his life, my life or our relationship again. I still don't trust him but I'm working through it. It's been very hard living with a person who betrayed me so badly but now I have 2 children with him and it wouldn't be fair to them if I left him.
Like I said before it's your choice. Only you can decide what's best for you. I was married and have kids you don't. Thank about your future and your well being. Then decide.

♥Faerie♥

If he is doing what you say he is, why be with him?. It is better to be alone than with someone that is that disrespectful. Why waste your time? You need to focus on yourself, and find that self esteem that is buried in there somewhere.....

unckat09

If he is doing what you say he is, why be with him?. It is better to be alone than with someone that is that disrespectful. Why waste your time? You need to focus on yourself, and find that self esteem that is buried in there somewhere.....

Exactly. I know that it can be hard to walk away from a situation where you feel comfortable. And, to be honest, it is not easy. There will be nights where you will be lonely and questioning your decision. However, during this "crying" time, you will be growing stronger emotionally, gaining confidence, and, most importantly, learning to love yourself. I think weight loss is about loving yourself. I am FINALLY learning this myself, and I want to spread this knowledge to as many people as I can.

Cristy_AZ

First off, you are a beautiful girl and you should in no way whatsoever believe or think that his actions are your fault!! My personal opinion on cheaters is “once a cheater, always a cheater”, but you’d have to make that judgment call yourself. If you think he is worth it; the relationship is worth and he’ll mend his ways, then maybe you should sit him down for a serious talk. But be ready to stand your ground and pack your bags if he does not react in a HUGELY positive way. Again, though, you really, really need to love and respect yourself (flaws and all) before you can expect anyone else to give you the love and respect you deserve!! If you loose a bunch of weight you will look and feel better, but you are still the same person on the inside and that person deserves better than a man who won’t respect her!! And if the way he would act or treat you changes because of the way you look, well then he is just a very shallow man!

backinthenines

Maybe you're jumping to conclusions due to your previous bad experiences?

Maybe you're being paranoid and there's nothing going on or it has nothing to do with your weight??

I think communication is the real issue here.