Pressure to lose weight

jmcniel

Lose weight because you want to, not to have acceptance from your father or his blessing. If he says no, get married anyways.

If either me or my wife listened to our parents, we would not have been married for the last three years.

FearAnLoathing

You can do it,dont worry about what anyones says.Be strong be healthy and we are all here for you!

lessertess

Wow, there's a lot here to think about.

I don't think it's reasonable for your father to expect you and your boyfriend to lose weight before getting engaged or married unless you honestly have a concern that either of you is not emotionally equiped to handle a marriage because of the problems with your weight. I certainly would not advise that you put your life/happiness on hold until you've managed to conform to your father's (or anyone else's) expectations.Make sure your father understands that you are not asking for permission, only his support and love.

Yes, unfortunately I do think your father is right that society often judges us on our physical appearance. You can't argue that attractive and slender people tend to be more successful in their careers. That does NOT mean that overweight or obese people do not have, good careers, happy lives and happy marriages. In fact, you might be able to argue that the pressure to be attractive and slim has a greater negative impact on a marriage than obesity.

As for eating disorders. I think it was good of you to say that your eating disorder could not be blamed on your parents, but, in my opinion, they own at least a part of it by making you feel this pressure to be slender. This pressure does not seem to be aimed at your health but at your appearance. It sounds like your family has been very controlling. You're an adult now, you need to take control. That means stepping away from the pressure to look or live up to their expectations and to set your own expectations. To start with, I would not plan on dieting to lose weight. instead, you should set health goals.

One more thing......at 5'5" and 170 pounds you are only 20 pounds above the accepted weight range for your height. That is not enough for you to be subject to a perception that your appearance is unprofessional or sloppy. Depending on your build and body type you may not even need to lose weight. I'm 5'4" and at 170 I'm in a size 6 or an 8 and people call me "skinny". Talk to your doctor and make sure that whatever you are aiming for is healthy for you. Also, since you've had an eating disorder you should consult with your doctor or a nutritionist to make sure that you're on a healthy plan. I'd also advise regular check ups to make sure you are remaining healthy.

I wish you and your boyfriend the greatest happiness.

forty5percent

WOW! You guys are all so terrific. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I definitely with the 'leave and cleave' advice in dealing with my family. As you can imagine, it's much easier said than done. I am grateful for a loving, supportive, and no-nonsense man like Adam.

As for relapsing from my previous ED, it is a constant struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with my body and food. I know it isn't the answer to go back to where I was, and the motivation I have felt from doing it the right way so far has beyond surpassed the pleasure in eating half of a Happy Meal per day. I'm sure we would all love a break, just one day, that we don't think about the way we look or what not to eat.

Thank you so much for all of your responses. You have given me so much encouragement and a lot to think about. Good luck in your life ups and downs, and count on me to help you along the way also.