do unto others???

psuastro97

this evening, my neighbor asked me a very interesting question....

do unto others as you would have them do unto you

with that in mind, how do you do this without becoming a doormat, being taken advantage of, or without feeling "pride" that you did what they *should have* done (meaning you are a nicer person than they are, and so on).

i guess i never really thought about it before - as i had no answer for her. i guess i just always thought it meant to be nice and help others out, and assumed everyone was the same - meaning no one took advantage of you and your help/gestures/etc. but how to do you handle a situation where you are always "douing unto others as you would want then to do unto you", but they never recipricate?

psuastro97

this evening, my neighbor asked me a very interesting question....

do unto others as you would have them do unto you

with that in mind, how do you do this without becoming a doormat, being taken advantage of, or without feeling "pride" that you did what they *should have* done (meaning you are a nicer person than they are, and so on).

i guess i never really thought about it before - as i had no answer for her. i guess i just always thought it meant to be nice and help others out, and assumed everyone was the same - meaning no one took advantage of you and your help/gestures/etc. but how to do you handle a situation where you are always "douing unto others as you would want then to do unto you", but they never recipricate?

jenbar

yeah, my mom says that and I now say it to my children.
Maybe if everyone did this one day, this world would be a nicer place.
If everyone treated everyone else the way they wanted to be treated (kindly, with passion, with a smile, with gratitude, etc.) then we could live with peace and harmony. Cause noone wants to be treated like poop!
It's hard when there are people out there who don't recip!
As my mom also said/says...
KILL 'EM WITH A SMILE.
What are they going to do when they are being rotten and your standing there smiling!?
Maybe it'll run off on them!

sculley

I try to live by this rule, however you are right......I always feel like I am getting taken advantage of. So I get hurt alot.

You live by your morals and values if someone doesn't reciporcate then they can deal with the big man and karma.....

Keep your chin up sweetheart.

cecreech

Ahh, the idea of reciprocity. To do unto others as (in the same way) you would have them do unto you. Is a profound statement that on the face of it may look as if it is setting a person up to be a doormat. It then begs a further question. If you were doing something wrong wouldn't you want to be corrected in some gentle way. I you were involved in self-damaging or the damage of others wouldn't it be right and good and just and moral to gently (the same way you would like it done to you) correct them and refocus them? The idea is not a light thought at all but quite profound. If you are being ripped unjustly by your boss it is in the bosses best interest as well as your own to not be a door mat but speak the truth in a way that you would want to hear it. "Gee boss, it sounds like you are having a really bad day. Perhaps there is another way to see this . . ." I think it is true that the statement is a sacrificial one but not simply so, it is much bigger than that.

artnoren

I don't know if this will help you or not, but read chapters 5, 6 and 7 in Matthew's Gospel. Chapter 7 contains "The Golden Rule", but I think it helps to put it in context if all three chapters are read. If you don't have a bible handy, go to BibleGateway.com to find these passages. God bless you.

greysweatshirt

In my situation, I try to ignore one of my neighbors as much as possible. They are both SOOO negative and never have anything nice to say, so instead of "do unto others" I'm living by "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

yellow_pepper

If they never reciprocate, I either stop doing anything "unto" them and try someone else, or, if we have a history of friendly reciprocation that suddenly stopped, I ask them for an explanation and evaluate it.

For new friends: sometimes people don't know how to respond to the overtures of friendship, maybe because they fear rejection, or don't believe that you really want to be their friend.

For old friends: sometimes someone just runs into a period when she really doesn't have time, or into some kind of personal distress that prevents her from engaging in reciprocal social interaction.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt until a pattern emerges. And then, if communicating my concern doesn't cause the pattern to break, I distance myself from people who don't treat me as well as I treat them. It takes courage to distance yourself from a "friend," even if he or she is a false friend.

GinaB30

My mom always said (as does the bible!) that if someone uses you wrong, hurts you, is mean, etc than heap *coals of fire* on their head...which basically means to be NICE NICE NICE! lol
It is the HARDEST thing to do though! I've been there and done that, smiled through the times I wanted to KICK someone...it does work though...lol (the smiling, not the kicking)

BlazinEmerald

When hubby and I first got together his ex started talking about me badly to the kids. The kids would come for their weekend and be bawling and upset and telling me all the nasty things their mother had to say about me. As much as I would have LOVED to shove my fist down her throat, I didn't. Instead I gathered all 3 kids up on my lap , hugged each one and told them I loved them no matter what and they could tell mommy I still loved her too! LMAO well, they did and not once since has she mutter another foul word against me. The kids are now older and big enough to know how things work, and know I have never said a single nasty word against their mom and respect that.

Do unto others and if that doesn't work , Kill em with Kindness!

GravyGurl

My grandfather used this interpretation for that verse when I was little... Do unto others... basically it's saying that God said don't be an a**hole to others if you don't want them to be an a**hole to you. :flowerforyou: So that's how I take that verse.

peej76

Hmmm, I am one of those people who do unto others, and I never really look for payback or anything like that, but yep, I am so the doormat. I am the person who gets called to give a ride, babysit, lend stuff, everyone knows Penny won't say no, and usually it doesn't even fase me, but lately I am starting to feel really used!! The thing is, I feel like if I start backing off and saying no, people may not have a use for me anymore. Or think I'm really mean. How sad is that???? Working on the confidence thing guys lol!!

shorerider

I like the version Christ gave at the Last Supper better--"Love each other as I have loved you."

That means to love despite how you're treated--and yes, sometimes people might treat you really really really bad, but never ever ever stop loving them because in the end, love always triumphs!

This doesn't mean you stay in an abusive relationship or other situation but that you should always respond with love.

You have to understand, too, that this was Jesus' response to the Law that said "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth." Jesus' teaching is that we are never to strike back or act bad towards others to get even but always to respond with love because that's how God responded/responds to us.

BlazinEmerald

Hmmm, I am one of those people who do unto others, and I never really look for payback or anything like that, but yep, I am so the doormat. I am the person who gets called to give a ride, babysit, lend stuff, everyone knows Penny won't say no, and usually it doesn't even fase me, but lately I am starting to feel really used!! The thing is, I feel like if I start backing off and saying no, people may not have a use for me anymore. Or think I'm really mean. How sad is that???? Working on the confidence thing guys lol!!

I've finally learned to sya NO, and I wont lie , I lost a few "friends" but if thats all they wanted me for then they weren't truly friends at all. I'm tired of being taxi diver,baby sitter, loaner outer without so much as a thank you. It was always a what can you do for me kind of relationship with these people. And I am now happier without them. I was sad and hurt at first that they no longer wanted my friendship when I no longer wanted to drag myself at the door at 10pm because they wanted to go somewhere. But I now realize that isnt what friendship is or is about. I've always been the type to try to make everyone else happy even if it leaves me miserable but no more, I'm living my life for me now and am much much happier! :flowerforyou:

psuastro97

my neighbor e-mailed our pastor (united methodist) and this was his take on it. note this is a bit long....but i think well worth the read

The golden rule is really easier said than done. There are several things we must ponder. Here are some of my struggles especially in living the golden rule in the context of a family.

1. I always try to look at my motives behind living it out. For instance I ask myself, Why am I seeking to do this? Is it because I feel this is something God wants me to do? Am I doing it out of an attitude of unconditional love? Do I have expectations conscious or unconscious? I rephrased the golden rule one time saying, I am going to do unto others in hopes that they do it back. Good idea but it does not work that way. Expectations often rob us of the joy of doing it and make us feel as if we are doing more and getting less from others. Then we feel like a doormat and not appreciated for what we are trying to do. When I start feeling that way then I ask myself those questions again. It's really hard. My new phrase is: I am going to do unto others as I would want them to do to me regardless of their response. Like Jesus did by going to the cross. He did it regardless of the people's response. Jesus' perspective is what keeps us from being a doormat or resentful.

2. The family-husband part is hard. There are so many feelings and emotions mixed up in that one. I have a harder time practicing my faith at home because I do have a lot more expectations. It is just a reality for me. I am human. I recommit myself to the golden rule and many other teachings of Christ over and over again at home. Living out of unconditional love at home is hard because I have expectations and others have expectations. I make more mistakes at home. But I am ok with that because relationships are hard and complicated. Even my personal history (securities and insecurities) effect my ability to keep perspective.

3. My ability to keep personal boundaries are sometimes an issue too.

4. I think of other scriptures like Jesus saying if someone asks you to go one mile go two. (without being asked). Paul, told believers struggling with the same concerns, do not grow faint in doing good. In doing good you may heap coals of fire on those you are doing good to. That is my favorite verse when I resent doing good things to people who are not responding to my good works like I want them too. ( told you I am human:) ). I do think of how Jesus must have felt.

5. Prideful feelings only come in play for me when I have a holier than thou attitude or when I brag about how I am living the golden rule. For me, it goes back to the questions in #1.

6. I realized that if I am struggling with these things that it's not bad. It means God is at work in me. If I did not care and if God did not care I would not be feeling as if I needed to grow more. If I am struggling that means I am growing. That's pretty cool. Of course, I do not like struggling either because it makes me think I am doing something wrong or makes feel bad about myself. That's when I know the devil is working on me. Those feelings are not generated by our Lord.

songbyrdsweet

I take to to mean that, if you're pleasant to others, they'll be pleasant to you. Similarly, if you're a jerk to others, they'll do the same to you. If you don't want to be used, don't try to use others, but don't LET yourself be used either. You have to respect yourself in order to have respect for others, because then you realize what attitudes/actions/expectations are acceptable and what aren't, and you don't ask too much of yourself or others.