A Woman's week at the Gym - Funny Tale

e3slisa
e3slisa Posts: 65
edited September 23 in Introduce Yourself
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 20 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.
He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
_____________________________

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!
My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.
I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.
His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.
Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?

Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other *kitten* too.
_______________________________

THURSDAY:
As*hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.
I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.
He sent some skinny little bit*h to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
_________________________________

FRIDAY:
I hate that b*stard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the d*mn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
__________________________

SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.
Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.
I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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