My Name is Lindsay and I'm a Food Addict - Day 1

ellelit

hello, and thank you all for coming with me on this new journey of self discovery, food addiction recovery and self- healing.

over the last two months (but in reality, about 25 years) i have been plagued with what i really beleive is the DISEASE of food addiction and compulsive overeating. i am an addict like anyone else, as those who suffer from bulimia, anorexia, narcotic addiction, alcoholism, gamling etc. are. these are changes i need to make on my way to recovery, and binging regularly with the trump card of "tomorrow is a new day" has been my downfall for years. there is no tomorrow, there is only today and i a resoncible for the path i take today, my actions today and not succumbing to the demons of addiction today.

as an addict, en route to recovery i have to banish all of my "trigger foods", those which cause me to binge uncontrollably. after careful thought and research into my past habits and behaviours, i have identified these ad my trigger foods:

high fats
take out pizza
fast food, especially DQ
high sugars
large quantities of meat
large steak dinners
highly salty foods

as i enter into the process of recovery, starting today, i am not eating these foods anymore. after 21 days of abstinence of my trigger foods, i will then be in "recovery" and well on my way to managing my addiction successfully.

in the morning of the following day, i will document how the previous day went, and move forward with the plans for today. yes, i am starting weightwatcher, but that is to manage my food intake. my foray into the "overeater's anonymous - twelve step" mentality is something i will have to deal with numerous times a day, and will focus on the mental aspect.

here is to today and looking for meaning in my life beyond the confines of my addiction.

ellelit

hello, and thank you all for coming with me on this new journey of self discovery, food addiction recovery and self- healing.

over the last two months (but in reality, about 25 years) i have been plagued with what i really beleive is the DISEASE of food addiction and compulsive overeating. i am an addict like anyone else, as those who suffer from bulimia, anorexia, narcotic addiction, alcoholism, gamling etc. are. these are changes i need to make on my way to recovery, and binging regularly with the trump card of "tomorrow is a new day" has been my downfall for years. there is no tomorrow, there is only today and i a resoncible for the path i take today, my actions today and not succumbing to the demons of addiction today.

as an addict, en route to recovery i have to banish all of my "trigger foods", those which cause me to binge uncontrollably. after careful thought and research into my past habits and behaviours, i have identified these ad my trigger foods:

high fats
take out pizza
fast food, especially DQ
high sugars
large quantities of meat
large steak dinners
highly salty foods

as i enter into the process of recovery, starting today, i am not eating these foods anymore. after 21 days of abstinence of my trigger foods, i will then be in "recovery" and well on my way to managing my addiction successfully.

in the morning of the following day, i will document how the previous day went, and move forward with the plans for today. yes, i am starting weightwatcher, but that is to manage my food intake. my foray into the "overeater's anonymous - twelve step" mentality is something i will have to deal with numerous times a day, and will focus on the mental aspect.

here is to today and looking for meaning in my life beyond the confines of my addiction.

pmkelly409

Hey Lindsay, what about WW? did you decide to join last week?

ellelit

i'm joining this coming saturday!

pmkelly409

That is great! All my thoughts and prayers are with you everyday!! You WILL beat this!!!

Tricia

PrincessLaundry

Hi there! I loved your note...Confession? YOU GO GIRL!!!

A friend and I were talking about weight loss a while back. We both came to the strangest agreement about our favorite "bad foods"...

1. They will always be there...
2. I already know what they taste like, so I don't have to go back and "try it" at every opportunity...
3. I can get that food when I have "earned" it, not when I just want it.
4. My goal is health and love for myself, not this food.

I think at the time french fries were my favorite. That would be my lunch, with a water. YUCK! What was I thinking? :laugh:

Now I remind myself that I can know it's good tasting, but I can get it next time, when I know it fits into my plan, and I want to be happy. YUM! It just helps me look at my favorite items and keeping ME in control, not my addiction.

pmkelly409

A friend and I were talking about weight loss a while back. We both came to the strangest agreement about our favorite "bad foods"...

1. They will always be there...
2. I already know what they taste like, so I don't have to go back and "try it" at every opportunity...
3. I can get that food when I have "earned" it, not when I just want it.
4. My goal is health and love for myself, not this food.

Wow, these are great! Why have you not shared these before girl!!? Are they copywritten or are you willing to share!?!? These should be a MFP Daily Mantra!!

PrincessLaundry

LOL Makes you look at a french fry differently doesn't it? Or chocolate? Why bother...I know what it friggin tastes like, I am an adult...I can go to the store and buy another one another day...Here kids...eat up...look at my rump...I've obviously already had one! LOL

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

timragan

Hi Lindsay,

I wish you the very best in this life long journey of recovery. I have been working pretty hard at understanding the mental side of my lifelong weight problems and have noticed that with me there are situational triggers that lead to bad choices. Sometimes the timing is immediate and other times there may be hours of delay. The important thing is to try and get in touch with them so they can be understood and better controlled. An example of this in my life is driving. I my business I spend a good deal of time driving to client locations, local and 500+ miles away from home. Over the years I have eaten almost every kind of food you can list in my vehicle. As I began working up to my recent lifestyle changes I realized that the simple act on getting into my SUV triggered me to begin the quest for food. I have a new rule - I don't eat while in the car unless the circumstances are very specific. I drink only water and decaf, unsweetened coffee while in the car. There are other examples but I don't want to bore or belabor.

Best of luck to you. It can happen.

P.S. It won't always go well but I read something recently that made a lot of sense to me: If you are driving down the road and run are unable to avoid running over something that destroys a tire you'll probably think "i should have been able to avoid swerve around the object". Does it make sense to slash the other three tires? Of course not. I know that I've had many times where I made some pretty bad decisions about food/drink and allowed it to completely derail my past efforts. Not anymore. Fix the flat tire, forget about it, and get back on the road.

TanyaH

Thank you all for the honesty!! I often wonder what is wrong with me. I know what to do, I am smart enough I should not be in this position. I go to food for comfort. And let it win every time. I am struggling with how to over come that and win once and for all. So thank you for this post.

sweetandstormy

Lindsay,

Congratulations on admitting your addiction. It's not going to be an easy road but it seems like you're really ready so that should make it somewhat easier. Just like with any drug, there will be withdrawals. Just try to take it day by day and minute by minute if you have to. We're all here to support you.

ellelit

i should add that this is not the first time i've done the OA method. after my dad died in october of last year i went to a meeting and got right on track. the withdrawld were not too bad, and i was VERY successful and went into full recovery, which lasted for almost 5 months. then i got my inheritance. i was sad, had money, and nothing irresponsible to spend it on lol. for me, the best answer was food. worst mistake i've made. i was so on track and so in the zone for life long change, but i let it slip away...i lost almost 40 pounds, and have since gained 20 of it back... i know i can do it, it's just a matter of doing it and not falling off the wagon. i need to learn how NOT to fall of the wagon. when something good, or bad happends, i reward myself with food, and i need to break that destructive habit. thanks for the tips!

TanyaH

i know i can do it, it's just a matter of doing it and not falling off the wagon. i need to learn how NOT to fall of the wagon. when something good, or bad happends, i reward myself with food, and i need to break that destructive habit.


This is exactly the way I feel. It's just nice to know I am not the only one, and hear (read) someone say it. :happy:

PhotographerOfNature

Lindsay: This is something I dealt with many years ago. I weighed 217 pounds and by exercisng, and restricting myself to 800 calories a day and 4 grams of fat a day and not eating after 6 p.m. I lost down to an amazing 135 pounds and looked really HOT! Then one day I went on a trip with all of the other military wives to Louisianna to see my husband graduate from Leadership School. We pulled into a McDonalds and everyone got off. Of course I was stressed because I had not allowed myself to go into a McDonalds for a very long time, let alone, order food. At that time, they didn't know what a salad was. So, all the wives were ordering their cheeseburgers, Big Mac's, french fries and I thought, you know, they are skinny and look good, why can they eat like that and I can't. So, I ordered a cheeseburger and french fries too and fell very hard off the wagon. I fell so hard, because I had screwed up and ate something that I wasn't allowed to have and immediately started gaining weight and also the anorexia that I had been controling with my diet plan erupted again. So, I went into the viscious cycle of bingeing and puking and consistently gaining weight. Yes, I was back up to 2?? in no time. Why I am telling you this is because of the statement you made about never eating those foods again. I am scared for you to tell yourself NEVER, and not working some items into your diet. I'm not saying to eat a bunch of fried foods once or twice a week, but you know the saying "we always want what we can't have"? Know that you can have it once in a while in moderation and that takes the pressure off. Just like this last weekend when my husband and I went out for our anniversary, yes, I ate things I wouldn't normally eat, but that's ok as long as those special occassions aren't everyday. Then, Monday I got right back on the plan. Everything in moderation. I worry that if you say NEVER to some foods, that, that will come back to bite you. And trust me, the bite hurts really bad. I wish you luck in your healthy qwest. You can do it!

ellelit

i understand what you're saying, but for this type of recovery i really can't ever have those again, because i will spiral out of control. i'm not saying i'll never have a piece of chocolate, i'm saying i'll never have a piece (or all) of a chocolate cake. the point of this program is not to let yourself get into a situation where you have no choice but to fall off the wagon. take today for instance, everyone at work is going out for lunch and they asked me if i wanted to go. i smiled, and said no confidently, becaise i brought 3oz of pork chops in a low lat mushroom sauce, 1 cup of mashed potatoes, 1/2 cup steamed broccoli and a tossed salad with my favourite dressing. sure i could have went for lunch, but as it is not part of my plan i'm not allowing myself to go there becuase i know it would trigger a whole day of bingeing... i hate to use this analogy, but a recovering alcoholic doesn't go into a bar, so why would i go into a DQ or Wendy's or Mc Donalds ever again?

GravyGurl

:flowerforyou: Good luck on your new journey and you know we will be right there with you to help you if needed or to listen.

briblue72

As I began working up to my recent lifestyle changes I realized that the simple act on getting into my SUV triggered me to begin the quest for food.

This was the same for me and smoking. Every time I got in the car, the first thing I would do was light up. And when I moved down to Vegas and got stuck in the morning commuter traffic, I could easily chain smoke 3 or 4 cigarettes on a 30 minute drive. A big hurdle I had to cross when I quit a year and a half ago was the urge to smoke in the car. I actually bought a bag of Dum Dum suckers to keep in the glove box and would compulsively suck suckers on the way to work, but I eventually got "off" suckers too. And every once in a while, I still get the urge to smoke when I'm in the car, but frankly, it's just not worth it...

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

timragan

Our minds can do so much to help and undermine efforts to change bad habits.

Not much we can do about that except try to understand our own motivations.:happy: