Dealing with negative people

SThayer

I have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I like enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

Sheila

PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

SThayer

I have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I like enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

Sheila

PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

LML79

Yes I know EXACTLY what you mean. My mother ( who happens to live on the other side of our duplex) is very negative....all the time.. And i see her.. ALL THE TIME.. .. She has always been negative..but we have noticed the last year or so.. EVERYTHING has a negative twist on it! What I find helps..for me at least.. is distance yourself sometimes. I mean..I love my mom of course.. and love that she lives next door.. But seeing her every night when she comes home from work just to complain about her day can really take a toll on a person emotionally..it can be very draining. So sometimes i just need to distance myself.. whether it be just for a few days or whatever. ..not answering the door is hard here as once my kids see "Nana" at the door they automatically swing it open.. I feel for ya..and know what you're going through!

LML79

p.s.. perfect example of my mother...... Since starting MFP I have been working out... eating healthy and loosing a little weight.. ( My 10 yr old has been sick so we have been dealing with that too) But here's my mom..putting a negative twist on all my hard work..telling one of my aunts that I am going through such a hard time with my sons illness that I have dropped 20 pounds due to stress.... Hello.... try... do to taking care of my body..anyways..thats what I'm talking about.. so sometimes... distance is a blessing!!

tashjs21

I think we all know people like this. I have two in my family that I have had to keep at arms length. I heard something yesterday...There are two kinds of people, the Eyore's and the Tiggers...
Kind of corny but oh so true.
Just surround yourself with the Tiggers!!! :bigsmile:

SThayer

Roooooooooooooooooar

LML79

Or as Tigger would say .. " T-I- double G- errr" :laugh:

tashjs21

:laugh:

paul82682

yeah but Eyore is so meloncholy and depressing.
"good morning, Eyore!"

-if it is a good morning. which i doubt.

without all the rain you can't really appreciate the sunshine, you just sit around and gripe b/c it's too hot. that's what i like about Eyore. he brings the rain. and Pooh brings the honey. and Kanga brings Roo.

SThayer

thanks for the chuckle. Guess I was feeling sorry for myself. AND, his ears must have been ringing cause he sent an e-mail to me and said sorry for being a bear lately. . . just not feeling myself.

putting that candy bar now.

SThayer

oops - "putting that candy bar DOWN now.

gabrielled

My mother used the old saying, "Let it run off your shoulders like water on a duck's back." So now, we have a saying in our family, "Oh, that's just duck talk." So when someone starts the negative blahblahblah, just say, out loud if you need to (don't worry, most people don't get it), "OH, that's just duck talk," and walk off. :happy:

Leave them stunned.

LML79

YES.. put the weapon down.. throw the candy out the window hahaa

SThayer

didn't mean to be depressing, just needed advice on how to handle a depressing person.

Sheila

gabrielled

YES.. put the weapon down.. throw the candy out the window hahaa

Just don't throw it at THAT person!

SThayer

actually, that's exactly where I would like to throw it.

gabrielled

:laugh:

He (or she) might eat it and be fat. Do you really want to do that?? He might find you here!

SThayer

Now that was funny. Plus, I would feel guilty for causing another to stumble. :-)

Lavendersunday

I sense this person is insecure because you are happy and could be attempting to sabotage you.

That little voice inside of you is talking to you...and is alerting you to the harm to your spirit.

Spend as much time as possible around other people and activities that mirror your goals.

Eventually this person will STOP trying to engage you...because there is no payoff for them.

Wishing you all good things

~Namaste :flowerforyou:

SThayer

thanks bunches for the advice.

cecreech

When people think less of themselves it comes out in their relationships with others, usually in their speech. I would be willing to bet that this person is dealing with something deep in themselves and yet unable to correct that problem up to now. If you add to that subconscious thought to the conscious thoughts about you improving your life and doing things that change your life for the better he may be struggling more than ever with his own need to change. The greatest comfort to those who need to change but won't are other people like them who won't change. Conversely, it may make someone who doesn't want to change very uncomfortable to see someone they know, who has struggled, succeed and change.
Do not let this get you down my friend, keep on changing and you will drag the negative, nay-sayers out into the daylight with you where they must face themselves and by that time you will be happy with or without them. You go girl!

AngelicDevil80

I have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I like enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

Sheila

PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

Im sorry to hear it. If he doesnt listen to you and is still acting that way hes got a problem. Get yourself away from him until he can act right! He is probably got an issue about himself and is trying to bring you down with him. Even if it wouldnt cause you to binge eat, its just not good to be around.

Next time he says something tell him goodbye and why and then dont see or take his calls until he can act right.

Me and my on off boyfriend(I dont know how else to define it) have been this way back and forth for like 5 yrs. Until 8 months ago we both did it but finally things changed(me in therapy and him just mellowed out) so we get along good and if I feel Im going to bring him down I just avoid him for a few days.

We both have just walked away from each other during the bad times to take a break and it worked. I hope he gets his stuff together and stops. Or that you stay strong and stay away from the negitivity! :::hugs:::

SThayer

When people think less of themselves it comes out in their relationships with others, usually in their speech. I would be willing to bet that this person is dealing with something deep in themselves and yet unable to correct that problem up to now. If you add to that subconscious thought to the conscious thoughts about you improving your life and doing things that change your life for the better he may be struggling more than ever with his own need to change. The greatest comfort to those who need to change but won't are other people like them who won't change. Conversely, it may make someone who doesn't want to change very uncomfortable to see someone they know, who has struggled, succeed and change.
Do not let this get you down my friend, keep on changing and you will drag the negative, nay-sayers out into the daylight with you where they must face themselves and by that time you will be happy with or without them. You go girl!

Thanks for the support. I will continue to be me and hope that it rubs off. :blushing:

SThayer

I have a very sensitive situation on my hands. An individual whom i dearly love has started making negative comments about every thing. If I say i like he says just the opposite. Now don't misunderstand me, I like enjoy a good spar every now and then and welcome anyones opinion. However, this person is deliberate (lately) in always being negative and having an opposite view of mine. Even when i know for a fact that his views were different just the day or two before.

I've tried to explain that his negativity is causing me heartburn but he ignores my pleas. What I'm now finding myself doing is avoiding him and trying to find ways to NOT be around him.

Anyone out there dealing with or have dealt with this type situation? And if so, how did you handle it.

Sheila

PS - I don't want to start binge eating again because of stress in my life.

Im sorry to hear it. If he doesnt listen to you and is still acting that way hes got a problem. Get yourself away from him until he can act right! He is probably got an issue about himself and is trying to bring you down with him. Even if it wouldnt cause you to binge eat, its just not good to be around.

Next time he says something tell him goodbye and why and then dont see or take his calls until he can act right.

Me and my on off boyfriend(I dont know how else to define it) have been this way back and forth for like 5 yrs. Until 8 months ago we both did it but finally things changed(me in therapy and him just mellowed out) so we get along good and if I feel Im going to bring him down I just avoid him for a few days.

We both have just walked away from each other during the bad times to take a break and it worked. I hope he gets his stuff together and stops. Or that you stay strong and stay away from the negitivity! :::hugs:::

Thanks
Signed:
Staying strong in Texas