My mother must hate me

GrnEyz

Ok, I really have to vent so I don't go off on my mom! She KNOWS I'm struggling to lose weight and KNOWS that it's hard for me to do so when we eat out all the time. So what does she do EVERYTIME I come over to see her? "Oh, lets go out to lunch/dinner!" I'm seriously getting fed up. It's ridiculous. And then she always has sweets (which she knows I have a major hard time saying no to) Laying around the house. You'd think a mother would WANT her daughter to be healthy and feel good about herself, but it's as if she wants me to be heavy right along with her. I can't cook, so it's really hard for me to turn down going out to eat, when I have lean cuisine frozen food waiting at home! and she refuses to cook dinners! I swear I'm never going to lose weight until I'm 1000 miles away from her :explode: :sad:

GrnEyz

Ok, I really have to vent so I don't go off on my mom! She KNOWS I'm struggling to lose weight and KNOWS that it's hard for me to do so when we eat out all the time. So what does she do EVERYTIME I come over to see her? "Oh, lets go out to lunch/dinner!" I'm seriously getting fed up. It's ridiculous. And then she always has sweets (which she knows I have a major hard time saying no to) Laying around the house. You'd think a mother would WANT her daughter to be healthy and feel good about herself, but it's as if she wants me to be heavy right along with her. I can't cook, so it's really hard for me to turn down going out to eat, when I have lean cuisine frozen food waiting at home! and she refuses to cook dinners! I swear I'm never going to lose weight until I'm 1000 miles away from her :explode: :sad:

emtink

i think moms have an inherent urge to constantly feed their kids:laugh:

don't give up! you can eat healthy when you're eating out. as for sweets around the house, can you eat just one? my evil/wonderful husband is always eating chips in front of me, so i eat one and the 'i can't have that' urge goes away...

stay strong:flowerforyou:

walnut

What if you stopped agreeing to go to dinner with her? Maybe you could take some cooking classes together and learn how to cook healthy meals. Or ask her to hide the sweets somewhere you won't find them. Have you tried talking to her about how she is affecting you?

GrnEyz

Yea, I'm the type of person that it's better for me to not have it at all, because once I have something sweet it turns into a full blown binge! As for talking to her...my mother is the GUILT TRIP QUEEN. she takes it as a personal insult as if I'm putting her down for wanting to eat out all the time, so I'm screwed either way! :ohwell:

CyclingDiva

Yes you can and yes you will. You don't have to move away!
My first suggestion to you is...LEARN TO COOK!
It's cheaper and healthier for you.
Secondly you need to be firm, but respectful to your mother and explain to her what your trying to do for yourself. Hopefully she will respect you enough to understand.

If your affraid of eating the junk food when you go to see her take a baggy of carrot with you and pull them out and eat them if you have temptation...just a suggestion!
I could be just as guilty. Granted I have 3 very lean teenagers that I stress good health to all the time, but I make them homemade cookies every weekend. It's a crazy motherly thing I guess...aawwww! LOL!
Hope things get better for you,
Kel~

auntkaren

Your mother loves you very much, it is her way of showing love, believe it or not. My mom was the same way, she felt that if she fed everyone that she was doing something special for them. It was her only way she seemed to know how to give. Is there a way you can look up the foods at the places you go to to eat, and pick out the healthiest and lowest calories? As for the sweets, it is up to you to not give in to temptation. Just say your full, and just can't eat another bite. Some kind way of not hurting her feelings and stay on track to. I hope you can find a happy medium with your mom , let her know how much you appreciate her for the things she does, but you really need to lose the weight and order salads instead of hamburgers. Have you had a chance to tell her about MFP? Good luck hun, I know moms can be a little over board about some things be patient.:flowerforyou: When your 60 years old , your still her little girl.:happy:

HappyathomeMN

Maybe there is a little bit of jealousy there since you say that she might want to see you stay heavy like her. It's not always easy to see someone else doing something that you want to do for yourself too. My mom has lost 150 pounds and it drives my sister in law crazy, but is very motivating for me.

As for sweets, if it's really something you have to have (I know I do) then plan it into your calorie count for the day. Find the ones that are lower in calories and make sure you have one!! Total withdrawl makes me binge on it later, which I hate. Don't keep the bags of the "good Stuff" in the house, buy 1 at a time.

Keep working, you'll get where you want

GrnEyz

Thanks guys! :flowerforyou:

Katy009

Learn to cook!!! It is really not that hard, and quite fun to experiment once you get brave enough.

After you can make a few healthy meals, invite your mom over to your house for lunch/dinner, or bring it over to her house to eat together.

Benson

All I can say is You can't always control your circumstances but you Can ALWAYS control your response

Good luck to you

rogers8702

not to sound witchy but it was funny that you said 1000 miles away from her--i really did move 1000 miles away from my mom and sisters who are all very overweight and i have lost over 30 lbs, just thought that was a little funny. not that you should move away from your mom--it was my fault i weighed almost 200lbs not theirs

you just keep telling yourself you are doing this for you and you deserve it!!!!

eHarris

Ok two suggestions on the cooking thing....

1. Start with foods that have recipes. Look on allrecipes.com or recipezar.com both places will give you step by step instructions on how to cook things so there's no worries about not doing it right. You can teach yourself to cook with a little patience and effort. Its just taking that first step thats so hard.

2. If you can't/ don't want to cook when you're at your mothers, stop and pick up something on the way. That way you have something YOU know is healthy, and there's no reason to go elsewhere. You can stop at a grocery store and get a Chicken (not fried) and a salad mix or frozen veggi mix for a side. Doing this means YOU set the rules for eating and you provide yourself with less temptation. You can also get yourself some healthier treats while your there. If you like sweets you can try the 100 cal. keebler snacks to satisify your cravings.

As for how to deal with your mom, I agree with the others. Be respectful but firm. Explain that your decision has nothing to do with her, that you are doing this for yourself and your family and that you hope she will respect that! If she can't put a little distance between the two of you. Not ignore her, but maybe see her a little less until you build up your strength more.

Your doing the right thing by taking care of yourself, don't let someone (even a loved one) ruin all your hard work! :flowerforyou: