Just can't do it... :o(

Laceylala

I agree with starting off small. Why don't you pick one meal and change it per day, plus 10 minutes of exercise. Just do a day to day thing. That night, make a goal for the next day. It will build your confidence that way without making it too much to think about and get overwhelming.

Also, you have to want to do this for YOU, not anyone else. If you can't make yourself change for you and be happy, nobody else will be able to do it either. You just have to get your mind there, starting small is a good way to get going.

You can do it and we are all here to help!

bromk

I heard a key word in your comments...depressed. It sounds like there may be some underlying issues beyond just motivation that are impacting what's happening for you. Since you have an upcoming appointment with your doctor, I suggest you talk with him/her about depression. There are many things you can do to begin to combat this (not just medication, although, it can be a huge help), and once you begin to feel better emotionally, it is easier to find the motivation to get moving. If depression is part of the problem, it really can become a vicious cycle until you get to the root of the problem.

I hope you find the answers you are seeking, and I wish you luck in your journey.

Mrs_McFadden

I agree with bromk, you sound very depressed. As someone who has been severely depressed (clinically) you really have to make sure you get your mental health evaluated to make sure that it doesn't get worse dear OP. Please at least get a consultation with a psychologist.

As to your post- I think you need to apply some cognitive perspectives to your issues..

Of course you are tired and life is dragging you down etc- you're living in an unhealthy body, you're overworked and under appreciated- which almost all mothers are, aren't we? I'm a SAHM and it's tough for me to get everything done- I only have three kids but two of them are 3 and 6 months old. Even though I'm home all day I still struggle finding enough time to get on a treadmill. I can be on the internet b/c my baby son sleeps in my arms when he nurses!

I don't like being ogled while exercising either, I have social anxiety disorder and I'm somewhat of an introvert. So I totally understand your issues with it. But I keep my treadmill in my gameroom of my house where the kids can play so my 10 year old can play with the baby while I hit the treadmill. Is it humiliating? Yes and no. I fend off a lot of questions from my little ones b/c my treadmill had to be dusted off recently so I could use it, so for them it was a completely novel experience to see me using it LOL. But- the way I see it- I'm teaching my children if nothing else, that you don't just give up. Just because you've made mistakes (me, cumulatively, by allowing myself to get to 200 lbs) doesn't mean you excuse yourself from not trying to rectify the situation. And yes! If you fall off the horse you dust yourself off and get back up.

Life is so short and tomorrow is never promised. Try to feel joy that you have the opportunities to alter the fate of your body. Try to envision that as you age, if you steward your body toward a healthier state, you will have a higher quality of life for your grandchildren and to enjoy those golden years! Think about all of the things you'd like to do that would be *nicer* if you were fit!

Losing weight is definitely not the panacea for happiness everyone seems to think it is- but it's probably natural that many overweight people face up to emotional baggage that they haven't over the years because if you invest in the process deeply from a mental perspective that is bound to happen, and in that way, you can grow as a person even as you shed your superficial sacrifice to the world: your fat.

appleshells

do not lose weight for your partner, do it for YOU.

junkfoodsux

Maybe you should change your username to "I CAN DO IT 2010!" Who knows, it may be the small spark you need to get yourself going in the right direction.

kimballtracy

yo CAN do it!!! i dont like to work out infron of my husband either....but my kids are 3 and 7 months so they really dont care...but i understand where you are coming from...maybe after dinner make your husband do the dishes and clean up the kitchen while you lock yourself in your room...and if he says something tell him that if your gonna get inshape you need to make time for it....i sometimes have trouble getting in a work out with kids and laundry and cooking dinner and my 3 year old likes to eat every ten minutes it seems...sometimes if i see that the kids are being quiet i stop what im doing and get on the treadmill....

rmkorama

Agreed with what's been said, that you need to start small and build on your successes. Don't try to change everything in your life all at once. That is a sure recipe for failure. Find one thing to change, and change it. Then add to it.


Second, you may have to sit down with your kids and have an honest and forthright conversation with them about kindness and cruelty. Making fun of people, no matter whether they're related or not, is not good IMO.

maurap26

Just start small, 10 or 15 min. of exercise to start
really, anything to start
keep track of your water & every week try to drink more
tackle your food issues slowly too
you can do it

knittnponder

"I can understand where your coming from....my husband has been known to be quite RUDE in his comments toward me and needing to loose weight"

You know, beating him to death will burn some calories. (Sorry, couldn't help myself!) :bigsmile:

Erica9903

OK fedup, here's the deal...YOU CAN DO IT!! You will only be successful if this is done for you. Do you want to lose weight?!?!?! IF so quit making excuses and do it. Don't lock the door to the treadmill- leave it open and when your kids see you trying to lose weight and start poking fun at you walk, jog or run even faster and harder. I go to our local YMCA and yes it can be uncomfortable but I just remind myself that everyone there including me is trying to acheive that same thing-to be healthy and in shape. I have 2 kids that all but demand my attention and a husband who at times can be just as bad. I also work a full time job and have all of the wife/mother duties of housework and such but I MAKE myself make time for this because I'm worth it...AND SO ARE YOU!!! Now, GET OFF YOUR *kitten* AND GET ON THAT TREADMILL!!! You can do this. Even if it's just a few minutes a day get on that treadmill, drink more water and cut back on your portions. The world doesn't stop because you're watching what you eat...you can still have the things you love just in moderation and portion control. I think it would help to change your profile name too. Maybe "I AM WORTH IT!". I wish you the best of luck on your journey to weight loss success!!

By the way, is your partner a major hottie or could he use a little work himself??? Sometimes the best way to combat the things they say or the way they make you feel is to give them back a taste of what they're giving you. My hubby can be very demanding of my time but he is very in tune to the changes I want to make for me and our family. We are in this together! Maybe if he sees you trying he will hop on board with you and you guys will get back to where you once were.

mvedas

There are people on this board with 5 kids, low incomes, no gym membership, no treadmill in a locked room, living in cold climates, severely obese....and they manage to do it. Think of them when your mind is playing tricks on you and piling on the excuses.

Step 1: Ask yourself if the pain of changing is greater than the pain of being overweight. For some, it is.

Step 2: If you truly do want to change, you will. Think of the people mentioned above, and when you start making excuses tell yourself to STOP. Say it out loud if you have to.

Step 3: Just get on that treadmill. Don't overthink it, just get on it. Tell your legs to move regardless of what your mind is saying.

And finally, tell your family to knock it off with the jokes. Tell them when you are that room they are NOT TO COME IN. Own your life, it's the only one you have. Don't let the silly laughter of a few kids stand in between you and your health.

Wow, REALLY well said!:glasses:

jennylynn84

thank you!! I guess I don't like people seeing me because I don't want them judging me. I don't know. I am weird.... lol.

Not weird at all. There are LOTS of people who are too embarrassed to be willing to workout at a gym. And to me, that's pretty natural. I mean especially us lady-folk have a tendency to think we should go out without make-up or dressed nice. But the gym? You're supposed to go in workout clothes (which have a tendency to be P.J. like unless you go for spandex, which I do not), no make-up, you sweat, your hair gets frizzy (okay, MINE does!) and its a hot mess.

But EVERYONE looks like that there. At least, everyone who's really rocking their workout. So there's really nothing to be embarrassed about, but it is almost being TOO open with strangers.

And of course the ever-present potential to be judged.

But here's how I look at judgers - when I started out at 232 (there. I did it. That might be the first time.) I was HUMILIATED. I worked out at the local university gym with the young bohunk guys and the sorority girls. OMG, difficult start. But I stayed dedicated and 10 or even 6 months down the road I looked like a whole new person. And IF any of the same people were at the gym, then all I did was show them how hard I rolled. "Yeh, that's right. You had a good mental laugh when I had to use 2 lb weights, but I could kick your booty now!"

You have to be ready to do this for you. And you have to be ready to show the dissenters (including yourself!) what you're made of!

bfrice1

Here's what someone once said to me, that worked:

Act first, motivation will follow.

outersoul

Yes! When I see overweight dancers in my zumba class, I want to high five them. Nothing but respect.

+1. I wish I knew of a non intrusive, yet supportive way to say, 'Way to go. You're doing awesome!' If I'm staring it's because I'm proud of that person.

modernfemme

Have you tried eating lunch at your desk and actually going for 20-30 minutes brisk walks on your actual lunch break?? this could be the ticket!

bloodbank

Here's what someone once said to me, that worked:

Act first, motivation will follow.

Yes. YES!! I certainly don't bounce out of bed in the morning going "F#$k yeah, gonna work out!!", but I make myself do it anyway & a few minutes in I think "this isn't so bad" and by the end I'm feeling like a million bucks. And you know what? Over the months, I've moved a tiny bit closer to looking forward to work outs. It happens if you push through. And YOU can push through!

SmartFunGorgeous

Here's what someone once said to me, that worked:

Act first, motivation will follow.

I LOVE this. I totally agree!

You are so worth the effort. Look at all the feedback, encouragement and support you've been given- we all believe you can do it, but even if you don't- do it anyway. One day you WILL believe it.

As far as working out is concerned- so many people have said it- when I see someone who is overweight working out, it just inspires me to try harder, and it makes me proud that the person is taking control of their own life, rather than letting it be dictated to them by their weight.

This task before us isn't easy, but MFP offers soooooo much support. I love it, and utilize it a gazillion times a day. I know I'm going to do this. Come on, do it too!

(p.s. Feel free to send me a FR!)

dolphingirl1

as many of the others on her have said, just take it one step at a time. Tell yourself you are going to walk for 15 min a day, and do 5 push ups and do 10 sit ups. When you do that every day for a week, step it up. You will see changes, but make it manageable. And yes you need support, so get your family in your corner, you know they love you, so tell them you need positive comments.

BreeWilder

Here's the thing. It's hard. No doubt. Really hard. But you have to think you are worth it. And you can do this. You have to really want to though. We can all encourage you (and we will) but if you don't REALLY want to you won't do it. You will find a million reasons not too.

Start out small. Tell yourself this week you are going to exercise for 20 minutes 3 times a week. Next week make your goal that you will drink 8 glasses of water every single day. The following week tell yourself you are going to eat within your calorie goal everyday. You would be shocked how making these small changes will help you change.

You CAN do this. If I can do this anyone can. I've been unmotivated and packed on the pounds in the last 2 years. I have been lazy and have not cared for myself. But I'm worth this effort. I believe I am. And you should believe you are too.

mlb929

Well with that kind of attitude of course you are struggling, you are in the negative me mode.

Frankly, if my kids ever said things like I was the "fat" mom, I'd wash their mouths out with soap. My kids love me for who I am not what size I am. My guess, just a guess here, is they hear you say it and think it's acceptable. Sad really, it breaks my heart to think your kids are adding to your mindset.

Secondly, sounds like your partner is using your weight as an excuse too, you are the same person inside, not just outside.

I'd look into something to aid in depression, or at least seek assistance in getting a diagnosis, or a web search or something, It really sounds like you are focusing on the dark cloud, not the sunlight that shows between them.

Also, have you researched adrenal fatigue, or had your thyroid checked - It's so often that we have tired "every" diet and never been successful, it's time to think out of the box. Get a new perspective, maybe the weight gain/loss is out of your control because you have other health issues. It wasn't until I got my PCOS and hormones under control, found out my thyroid wasn't functioning correctly, and supplemented for adrenal fatigue, that I was able to feel good enough to want to exercise. Think outside the box.