Husbands input - rant warning

aaubrey

I had a long talk with my husband last night on the phone and we talked about the whole weight loss exercise thing. My husband is A. the guy who can eat whatever he wants and B. runs 6-8 mi a day. I told him about this site and what I am trying to do. He is happy that I am working out 5-6 days a week again, but he thinks I am not eating enough and that this is really unhealthy. I asked him what his take on it was. He told me to do what he does. Not eat crap, eat when I am hungry, eat till I am full and not to count every calorie. He said it is not only the calories I burn when I run or workout it is the metobolic burn for the rest of the day. He told me he doesnt want to hear anymore about it and that he is concerned that I am so obsessed with it...I dunno. I am afraid that if I dont watch every bite and keep track of it I will never lose the rest of the weight that I got stuck with from eating crap and eating when I wasnt hungry...:ohwell:

aaubrey

I had a long talk with my husband last night on the phone and we talked about the whole weight loss exercise thing. My husband is A. the guy who can eat whatever he wants and B. runs 6-8 mi a day. I told him about this site and what I am trying to do. He is happy that I am working out 5-6 days a week again, but he thinks I am not eating enough and that this is really unhealthy. I asked him what his take on it was. He told me to do what he does. Not eat crap, eat when I am hungry, eat till I am full and not to count every calorie. He said it is not only the calories I burn when I run or workout it is the metobolic burn for the rest of the day. He told me he doesnt want to hear anymore about it and that he is concerned that I am so obsessed with it...I dunno. I am afraid that if I dont watch every bite and keep track of it I will never lose the rest of the weight that I got stuck with from eating crap and eating when I wasnt hungry...:ohwell:

dsvflath

First, I hope you can appreciate his concern about your health. I'm afraid I have no advise regarding nutrition and/or exercise since I'm confused myself. However, I think perhaps there may be some middle ground. Some way that you can keep in mind calorie and fat content but also not be emotionally connected or bound to them either. Maybe think more about living healthy and caring for yourself as you would for you child (making sure he or she eats good food, has fun, gets outdoors...those kinds of things).

flachix

Lordy, don't you just want to smack 'em upside the head!!!:grumble: He means well, but could maybe be a little more tuned into your needs, the whole, I don't want to hear about it thing would frost me a bit. laugh. He's right though about obsessing and making a huge deal out of it. But it's probably because you just started again, in a week or two when you have your portions under control and a regular eating schedule, and are pretty much eating the same thing daily....hmmm, let me guess, skinless chicken breast, baked or grilled, a green steamed veggie, Oatmeal, yogurt, egg whites. the occassional sweet potato baked, I eat the weight trainers way, and love it. I am so happy to get back into it. I lost 20 on calories and gained most of them back, but am actually eating the same amount of calories, just counting them differently. (1gram of protein for every pound of body weight, 1 gram of carbs, per pound, the rest fat and essentials. ) no empty calories. you can do this, do it for yourself and in spite of his attitude. not everyone is a runner. find your own path. we are here to help. good luck

iftcheiaf

My husband said he was never conscious about his weight or what he ate until he met me. He said it drives him crazy. I think sometimes society (and our own mothers at times) influence the way we look at ourselves and how self-conscious we are. And for me, it's hard to do this without the support of my husband. I have asked and even begged, but about 12 hours into eating healthy, he's loading his plate up with two helpings of pasta with tons of cheese, no vegetables, and then eating chinese food later. That's why I was happy to find this site, because people here are supportive. Don't get too frustrated. Rant and rave to us and let us support you. I guarantee he'll appreciate this site alot more as you continue to get healthier and stronger for him and your beautiful baby. Keep up the good work.

aaubrey

He means well. I used to be a runner too but I broke a leg and then got pregnant so now he has heard me whining about this 30 lbs for 2 years. he is happy that I am doing something about it. He just thinks the attitude of I went 200 calories over today or I feel guilty I ate chinese for lunch 1x this week is ridiculous. He is a former SEAL so he has a low tolernce for whining and is not generally known for being a ball of sensitivity to the needs of others if he thinks they are silly (rolling eyes). I guess I just dont know where that middle ground is and I am so scared that I will NEVER lose it so I have become obsessed with it.

chelsey787

i know your husband probably means well with being concerned about you, but did you explain that what he does will not work for you? it is also so much easier for men to lose weight/keep it off than women and he may not understand it.

if he thinks you're too "obsessed" (which i think all us MFP'ers are haha) just dont mention it as much to him... the next time he comments on how good you're looking tell him all that food logging must be working! haha

shorerider

Keep in mind, too, that "doing what he does" won't work for you. He is a man--that means he has a higher metabolism (nature sucks!) so can get away with eating until he's full and not worrying so much.

You, on the other hand, are blessed to be a woman--which means lower metabolism, often fluid retention, and all those wonderful 'monthly' fun times we have!! :grumble:

Do what works for you--don't "obsess" about it with him and just let him see the results. We're here and we're happy to support you and listen to any "whining" you want to do--provided you listen when we whine back!!

aaubrey

I explained to him that I am a 30 year old woman that has had 2 children so it is a little different for me than it is for him. That is when he explained to me that women have screwed themselves up with starving and that 100 calorie packs are evil. I am gonna do what works. !400-1500 calories a day is a meal for him and I think that is why it sounds to him like I am starving myself. I will over time figure out what that middleground that I can maintain is. I told him that I dont WANT to not eat. If I didnt want to eat I wouldnt be in the predicament that I am in now

shorerider

So how much are you eating then daily--out of curiosity--because you have so little to lose. i wish I was that close to goal!

CyclingDiva

My husband does the same thing to me. He has always rode his bike, worked out a least 2 times a day and was once a body builder.
Now that he is retired he never sits down. He wakes up cleans the house, ride his bike to the park to walk to the dogs for 40 minutes, rides his bike to the gym, works out for 2 hours, rides home, eats, takes a nap, wakes up ride to the gym, works out another 2 hours, rides home, makes dinner, rides the stationary bike for 30 minutes, then does odds and ends around the house. This is his daily routine and he expects me to be able to keep up and workout as much....HELLO!!!! I have a full time job! I have 6 more years to work over here...It pisses me off sometimes! I still get in a good 2 hour workout everyday and if that isn't good enough...eeerrrrrr! :grumble:
We actually got into a little argument the other day about this site and me always counting my calories. He said, it must not work if you have only lost 5 lbs since April 2nd. I called him a few choice words over that comment!
He said, No matter what he'll always say the wrong thing! Yah think? hahahha!
He always says, it's not rocket science, you put in less than you put out and you will lose weight!
Even before I meet him I have always been obsessed with exercise and food, but it's not as easy anymore.
I just chalk it up to him being a man and he'll never understand the women's body...:happy:

aaubrey

With exercise I am eating about 1400-1500 a day average. Yesterday I worked out 2 xs and had a bad lunch so I had 2100. But I was only 300 "over". Thank you for saying 26lbs isnt much to lose and I know I am a lot closer to my goal than some but it looks climbing a mountain to me. (Its that time of month and I will probably have a totally different outlook on life tomorrow...lol)

shorerider

What's your daily deficit? Have you been losing at that level? Seems kind of low to me--not that I want to agree with your hubby!!--but 1400-1500 with exercise calories? So is your base level 1200 a day or what?

aaubrey

My base is 1200 and I earn 300-400 calories a day in excersise. I have lost a lb this week, but I think I am retaining water. I eat what the website says to.

shorerider

Holy cow! I just looked at your profile--you're active duty, mom, wife, and full-time student??

First--my hat is off to you! Don't know how you do it.

Second--Your activity level has got to be high! 1200 might be kind of low for you--are you ever hungry? I do 1200 a day but have a lot to lose and have a sedentary life--work at home in front of computer most days, so other than exercise, I don't get a lot of daily activity. if you're losing weight, that's good but don't push it too fast. You probably should be shooting for 1/2 pound loss a week at your level.

Again--not to agree with your hubby (us women got to stick together, right?) but just make sure you're getting your body what it needs to keep up with your active lifestyle.

Shoot, you probably burn 2x just with your normal daily routine what it takes me 30 miles of bike riding to burn!

thalli1

I wouldn't worry about being "obsessed" about calorie counting right now. I am a little bit too. But here's the thing. I was never conscious of what I was putting into my mouth before and it got me into trouble. I look at it like anything I've ever learned. At first I'm really working to learn it (or obsessed if you want to call it that). But after a while it becomes second nature and I don't even have to think about it. That's what I'm hoping will happen after I get to my goal weight and have been doing this for a while. Your husband is lucky enough to already be at the second nature stage. For him it's easy. It will be for you. Just stick to it if it's working and trust yourself.

shorerider

I wouldn't worry about being "obsessed" about calorie counting right now. I am a little bit too. But here's the thing. I was never conscious of what I was putting into my mouth before and it got me into trouble. I look at it like anything I've ever learned. At first I'm really working to learn it (or obsessed if you want to call it that). But after a while it becomes second nature and I don't even have to think about it. That's what I'm hoping will happen after I get to my goal weight and have been doing this for a while. Your husband is lucky enough to already be at the second nature stage. For him it's easy. It will be for you. Just stick to it if it's working and trust yourself.

Good point--actually, I'd rather be "obsessed" about what I am eating than "obsessed" with eating!

gabi_ele

I feel your pain:flowerforyou: , my husband is the same way. I just don't say anything, cook healthy and buy him his regular Cola and potatoe chips. I have been here about 5 weeks and I still measure a lot but luckily he isn't home to see it:bigsmile: . I know now what a serving size of meat , pasta and potatoes is and I fill my plate 1/2 with vegetables, 1/4 with pasta or rice or potatoes and 1/4 with lean meat. I eat 4 to 6 meals a day and am seldom hungry.
I'm so thankful for all the support here:flowerforyou: and the advice and I know that I can do this. It worked for a lot of people here and I'm no different. I figure that if I am at my goal weight he'll pay more attention.... since I think I will get a couple of compliments from other people:bigsmile: ( and for some reason that makes him work harder to keep me:laugh: )
Maybe you could find a friend to talk to and don't forget were here for you :drinker: