Mom trying to discourage me

mksgirl83

Ok, most of my life I have been "the fat girl"! I started taking my weight seriously last year, I decided I want to be comfortable with me and be healthy/happy for once in my life, I want to look in the mirror at me and not my fat!!! I started at 193, I am currently 159, (I am 5'5) I work out 4-5 times a week usually twice a day, I am super proud of myself and am aiming for between 125-130. I went to my moms today and she tells me, you dont want to lose too much, if you lose more your gonna start to see your ribs, your hip bones and well your collar bone even more... r u kidding me? I am still 159lbs... I am still considered obese... it seems like (sounds so bad but) the woman who are overweight around me are trying to make sure I stay fat too... my mom has gained quite a bit of weight in the last few years and I dont say well if you gain more weight your fat is gonna stick even more over your pants ( I WOULD NEVER EVER say something like that to her) and I feel like she shouldnt do the same to me.... am I wrong? should I just take it with a grain of salt it really hurt my feelings ...

Nikstergirl

I'm convinced Mom's don't always here the things they say to us daughters the way they come out to us. My Mom has a habit of nitpicking on everything I do.. my hair, my clothes, my weight... but I think she doesn't realize that it hurts!!! I think you're doing great and if you're happy and healthy (which is seems like you are) you should keep doing it and just say, well, this is the new me!!! Maybe she'll realize how happy and healthy she'd be if she joined you... just wait and see.

Keep going, don't let her get you down... it's hard for me sometimes too, but she is who she is, and I can't change that!!!! Love yourself... you'll never be sorry!!!!

CanAReallyGetThin

sounds like you are doing well. its never easy when you dont have a good support system. thank god you found this website! we are all here for you. 130 sounds reasonable to me although 159 is not obese, just overweight. good luck

Newfiedan

I feel bad for you, do not listen to your mother you are going to have to develop a thick skin when it comes to others discouraging you, listen to your heart, sometimes when ppl see the succces of others it makes them jealous and they do what they can to discourage you from reaching your goals. They superimpose their insecurities on you. My wife has done really well with her weight loss and I try my best to support her 100% to the point where I myself have started to get involved and lose weight and get back in better shape. I am really happy that I have managed to reach my half way point as has she. You keep up the good work and do what feels right for you, if you started this journey to get to a better place then stick to the path and if you need an encouraging ear then I will be more than happy to give advice that I can.

mksgirl83

TY, yes I can see that moms just want what "they" think is best right

I'm convinced Mom's don't always here the things they say to us daughters the way they come out to us. My Mom has a habit of nitpicking on everything I do.. my hair, my clothes, my weight... but I think she doesn't realize that it hurts!!! I think you're doing great and if you're happy and healthy (which is seems like you are) you should keep doing it and just say, well, this is the new me!!! Maybe she'll realize how happy and healthy she'd be if she joined you... just wait and see.

Keep going, don't let her get you down... it's hard for me sometimes too, but she is who she is, and I can't change that!!!! Love yourself... you'll never be sorry!!!!

wyze

Just as weight loss is an adjustment for you, it is an adjustment for others around you. Make excuses for people when the say hurtful things and move on. Its not easy seeing someone making changes that you should and cant for whatever reason. Its hard to brush off these comments, but i find that it is easier to deal with when i dont let it get to me.

On the other hand, if it really upset you, talk to her, she is ur mum

mksgirl83

according to BMI I am obese I do not see myself as obese... my hubby is an EXCELLENT support system, so thank goodness I have him!

sounds like you are doing well. its never easy when you dont have a good support system. thank god you found this website! we are all here for you. 130 sounds reasonable to me although 159 is not obese, just overweight. good luck

ryanross

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Newfiedan

Do not pay any attention to BMI its a useless tool to be quite honest it takes nothing into account for build, muscle mass or anything like that just the height and weight. According to my bmi I am obese and at 5ft8 and 180 pounds I am far from that, I fit into a size 34 jeans no problem. So just go with what feels good for you.

cmriverside

I think Moms forget that when we are grown they can push us away, not hear from us for months, and wonder what happened.

Family......grrrrrr

cheshirequeen

im 5 ft 5 as well, and also weigh 159, thats super weird, but you are not obese. technically we are considered a little overweight. so dont be down on yourself. have you told your mom. my mom says something to me sometimes and when it hurts i just have to tell her. then she stops. im sure she doesnt think shes being mean, just helpful. people that want to lose weight and notice that i am try to entice me with food, and i feel the same way sometimes, like if they are overweight they want me to as well. good luck to you and definitely dont let it discourage you. :flowerforyou:

meggonkgonk

according to BMI I am obese I do not see myself as obese... my hubby is an EXCELLENT support system, so thank goodness I have him!

No- according to the BMI thing on here the overweight range is 150-180. You are really close to being in a healthy weight range! (I'm 5'3" and coming up on that milestone myself!) It's exciting!

chauncyrenayCHANGED

I must admit, a few years ago, when a close friend of mine lost a lot of weight, I (plus others) talked about her by saying she was too thin. I agree with WYZE when she says that your weight loss is an adjustment for others. We weren't used to seeing her so small. A few years have passed, and I now am used to seeing my friend thin. I think she looks very healthy and most of all HAPPY. I'm so glad she didn't listen to the people around her. She knew her goals and she stuck to them. Now, she inspires others to achieve their weight loss goals. Hope that helped!

fitnesspirateninja

Okay, I don't know enough about your relationship with your mom to comment, but I know my mom thinks I am the most awesome, beautiful girl no matter what my weight is. She'll say things like, "You look so wonderful with all the weight you've lost! You don't need to lose any more!" My aunt will say things like, "Oh, you're wasting away!"

I don't feel like they're trying to undermine me at all. My mom truly believes that I'm amazing (she's been waiting for years for me to get famous so she can go on Oprah). But I know all of this because I've known my mom for 30 years. It doesn't bother me when she says stuff like that because I know she just loves me no matter how I look.

You may want to talk to you mom if her comments are bothering you. You can always say something like, "Mom, Dr. LastName and I have talked about my weight loss goals, and we agree that this is a healthy way for me to lose weight."

mksgirl83

Guess I didnt even notice that just made me super excited TY!!!!!!:bigsmile:

according to BMI I am obese I do not see myself as obese... my hubby is an EXCELLENT support system, so thank goodness I have him!

No- according to the BMI thing on here the overweight range is 150-180. You are really close to being in a healthy weight range! (I'm 5'3" and coming up on that milestone myself!) It's exciting!

Aeriel

Family......grrrrrr

Love that animation!

JaneZv

I think Moms forget that when we are grown they can push us away, not hear from us for months, and wonder what happened.

Family......grrrrrr

*like* lol :bigsmile:

jules_lives_outloud

You are not in the obese category. Our hieght, weight, and BMI are almost identical down to our start weights except I currently weigh 169 before I ate pizza for the Superbowl. Remember fat women feel more comfortable around other fat people and when one is working on being less fat anymore, they feel inadequate and sometimes can mis-communicate their feelings, I wouldn't sweat it Your mom loves you and wants you to be happy. Keep up the hard work, because remember who you are doing this for

Mrs_McFadden

A few things-
If you just want to end the whole conversation when she starts in with the whole "You're going to look too skinny" shtick, tell her confidently and calmly "You are right mom". That's it. No elaboration. Just agree. She will probably be so surprised that she'll shut up. This doesn't mean you actually agree with her internally- it's basically to make her stop lol. And it works- I've used that method in all kinds of situations to just bar stupid arguments and conversations from happening.

Another thing: she might very well be jealous. This is a possibility, I'm not accusing her outright of having that issue but it's definitely something to consider. She's older than you- you mention that there are other overweight ladies in her circle/your life, they may not feel empowered in their own lives to take the steps necessary to move on and get healthy and feel a ridiculous sense of rejection that is unwarranted and also petty jealousy. You could be the judge of that since these are people you know and you'll have to figure it out. If they are, what can you do but shake your head and live the life you need to? No use in feeling guilty or letting them drag you down.

You have been very successful in your mission to lose weight, get healthy and maintain a healthier lifestyle it looks like and congrats to you! This is about YOU and how you want to live and change- and sometimes people just react badly when their loved ones decides to step out of the comfort zone of that group.

It's interesting..I'm half Korean and my mother (and all of my best friends are Asian) and relatives have always, always, critiqued every single aspect of my looks and everything else for as long as I can remember. First it was I was too skinny and too tall and too outspoken- now it's wow look how fat she is! And I'm considered a SHAME in my family because of my weight gain. So my mother calls me on a regular basis to inquire about my clothing sizes and weight. But the thing is, in our culture, this isn't seen as 'rude' or 'invasive' etc according to the conversations I've had with my Thai and Vietnamese sister in law's and girlfriends. In our cultures mothers have the right to just interject about WHATEVER the hell they want whenever from what kind of undies you're wearing even though you're a married woman and damn don't you have a fat gut or drink a beer out of a bottle! I'm only mentioning all of this because we're essentially talking about mother daughter relationships. Just be lucky you aren't Asian, you white ladies. LOL I know I might get flamed for saying all of that but seriously- if you are, a lot of times it's just a recipe for your mother to chew you out for eternity.

nerual13

I feel your pain some days!!! My mom is doing Weight Watchers and I'm doing MFP and going to the gym 4 days a week. I started this whole thing the first week of 2011, I've lost 7 lbs so far but thanks to the workouts (nice mix of strength training and cardio) I am building muscle. My clothes fit better and I'm starting to have to pull my jeans up a lot during the day.

BUT my mom constantly tells me that its BS that muscle weighs more than fat and that I should be losing more. I find it so frustrating to have her constantly say that! The others are right, sometimes its just that she might be jealous of all the changes you're making. My Mom wants to lose weight, but refuses to drink water (all diet coke, all the time) and NEVER exercises. I think maybe we both have the same thing, our Moms see us being successful and making changes that will benefit us for the rest of our lives and they WISH they could do the same!!

SO, be proud of yourself and the changes you're making to be your best and know that you ROCK!!!

luvamig

You are not in the obese category. Our hieght, weight, and BMI are almost identical down to our start weights except I currently weigh 169 before I ate pizza for the Superbowl. Remember fat women feel more comfortable around other fat people and when one is working on being less fat anymore, they feel inadequate and sometimes can mis-communicate their feelings, I wouldn't sweat it Your mom loves you and wants you to be happy. Keep up the hard work, because remember who you are doing this for

I was going to say something along these lines. I know how I felt around people who were losing weight, before I started. Their success made me feel bad about myself, and in a twisted way, I felt like they were insulting me, or something.

I knew it was illogical, and there's no way that someone would put that much time and effort into a plot to make me feel bad about myself. But somewhere in the subconscious mind... that's what was going on.

boogbite

159 at 5'5 is definitely not obese, I'm not sure what BMI calculator you are using. I'm 5'5 & 157, and in the overweight category (haven't been in the obese category for at least 10 pounds). Anything below 150 is considered normal, so you're close to that!

regardless of this, good luck to you and your mama drama!

scagneti

I just got into the "normal" category and my husband is still in the overweight category (but he's working his butt off!). Every time he goes to visit his mother, she says how we're far too thin and this is dangerous to lose weight (we're on the 1lb a week plan) and we should go back to our regular eating habits (which was the husband was raised with massive portions of fatty meats, white carbs and veggies soaked in butter and salt. and huge sugary desserts). I'd figure she'd want him to avoid having diabetes like she does or being severely overweight like her and her husband, but something in parents seem to link losing weight with eating disorders and general unhealthiness. You'd think she grew up in the Depression or something (she didn't). Moms decide what they want and you just have to know that you're doing what's best for yourself.