Feeling like a failure with resolve

eHarris

Ok, so I don't really know where my motivation goes when I break down. I look in the mirror and am horrified by what I see. I don't hate myself, I don't want to stay in seclusion, but I don't like the way I look (hence me being here lol).

I started out well, Zonebar or weight control oatmeal for breakfast, kashi bar or nuts for a snack, salad for lunch with some protein, and dinner was small. And I'm not hungry, never hungry. But I feel deprived. I feel like I'm missing out. So I reason with myself....if I can get it into my calorie count it will be ok. And somehow I manage, and I feel like crap after. I know I shouldn't ....not because I shouldn't ever eat the stuff again, but because I recognize this decision as the first step in the erosion of my resolve.

I feel sometimes like I'm doing this alone. I have a wonderful husband who is as stubborn as an Alaskan winter. He's dead set on doing Adkins, thinks he needs to tell me how I should eat, but puts in no effort to find recipes, buy groceries, or cook. I know I need to be strong enough to do this on my own. And it was really easy to have that kind of resolve when I was single. But its so hard to do with no support. It seems doomed to fail when my husbands idea of taking care of dinner is ..."Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?" I know there are healthy choices everywhere but I just wish he would be more involved.

/sigh Sorry I'm venting lol. I know he needs to come to terms with it on his own, but I'm so tired of being personal nutritionist and chef. Loosing weight might be easy for me too if I had someone doing all the work for me.

Feel free to comment at will. And yes....I've tried talking to him...putting it in his lap....leaving him alone....I'm at a loss. Just needed a big virtual hug. I feel so defeated right now. :frown:

eHarris

Ok, so I don't really know where my motivation goes when I break down. I look in the mirror and am horrified by what I see. I don't hate myself, I don't want to stay in seclusion, but I don't like the way I look (hence me being here lol).

I started out well, Zonebar or weight control oatmeal for breakfast, kashi bar or nuts for a snack, salad for lunch with some protein, and dinner was small. And I'm not hungry, never hungry. But I feel deprived. I feel like I'm missing out. So I reason with myself....if I can get it into my calorie count it will be ok. And somehow I manage, and I feel like crap after. I know I shouldn't ....not because I shouldn't ever eat the stuff again, but because I recognize this decision as the first step in the erosion of my resolve.

I feel sometimes like I'm doing this alone. I have a wonderful husband who is as stubborn as an Alaskan winter. He's dead set on doing Adkins, thinks he needs to tell me how I should eat, but puts in no effort to find recipes, buy groceries, or cook. I know I need to be strong enough to do this on my own. And it was really easy to have that kind of resolve when I was single. But its so hard to do with no support. It seems doomed to fail when my husbands idea of taking care of dinner is ..."Where do you want to go out to eat tonight?" I know there are healthy choices everywhere but I just wish he would be more involved.

/sigh Sorry I'm venting lol. I know he needs to come to terms with it on his own, but I'm so tired of being personal nutritionist and chef. Loosing weight might be easy for me too if I had someone doing all the work for me.

Feel free to comment at will. And yes....I've tried talking to him...putting it in his lap....leaving him alone....I'm at a loss. Just needed a big virtual hug. I feel so defeated right now. :frown:

kerrilucko

*HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
:flowerforyou:
For the record, you are in the right mindset, please don't let him talk you into Atkins, sure the weight will fall off, but it will also pile back on when the "diet" is over, which it will be because nobody can do Atkins for the rest of their life! Eat your carbs, just eat the the right ones! And hey, if you're the cook in the family, then what you say goes. If he doesn't like what you prepare ha can make something separate for himself. Good luck to you, you can do this!

Carrie6o6

I dont know what you are talking about! Horrified by the mirror? I think your beautiful!! Man don't let your weight determine who you are! Plus just cause your a bit bigger doesnt mean your ugly, I struggled with that since puberty. There are so many plus size models who are beautiful! It almost makes me not want to lose weight to show others that big can be beautiful not disgusting like society makes it out to be. The only problem I see with it is health problems. I think you need to keep your eyes on the prize. Your going to look GREAT after all this hard work!! See your self there and run for it and don't look back. We may not be able to change others, but we can change how we react! Keep positive! YOU CAN DO IT! :happy:

AlliOops

I agree Kerrilucko. If you are the cook, then just cook the meals and portions that work for you. If he insists on going out to eat, then order a healthy alternative for yourself. After a couple of weeks, I bet he starts to lose weight too.

You have to do this for YOURSELF. You cannot expect your husband to jump on board with everything you do in life, so you may have to go it alone for a bit - and he will surely reap the benefits too.

You have already taken the first step, by coming here, and announcing your lifestyle change to the universe.

You are very brave and courageous. Don't forget that :flowerforyou:

ABARNHART

I know you are trying to follow a diet and I have nothing against them, as they do work for some, but they have never worked for me.

Have you thought about just limiting the amount of what you eat at your meals, writing down what you will eat, before you eat it, and never having seconds? Are you exercising? Could you take this one step at a time and just start with the exercise and never have seconds? It worked for me.

eHarris

Thank you guys so much! Totally what I needed to hear! I'm sitting at my desk at work and I've got tears in my eyes lol. Its so nice to have positive backup.


Abarnhart: Couple of answers to your questions....I am doing what you asked. I don't do diets, "diet" suggests that its temporary. I'm trying to get my life back on track. I don't do seconds, unless I feel that I'm in a "binge" kind of mood, and in that case I put less on my plate the first time so its not as bad when I go back for "seconds"

As for exercise, I have been trying. I keep having extreme dizzyness and fatigue. I've seen a doctor about it and have an MRI and sleep study scheduled for this month, but my blood sugar and thyroid are normal so I've been blessed. I had to cut out the exercise for about two weeks while the dizzyness was severe, I didn't want to look like one of those poor youtube people who go flying off the back side of the treadmill. I love working out. I love the power I feel and the strength I gain.

--> <-- this is the closest thing I could find to my "determination" gym face!

ABARNHART

I'm glad to hear you are checking things out with the doctors. Your health is very important. I'm also glad you aren't following a diet, I misunderstood your post. Just keep trying. I think it will be better once you find you can exercise again. Maybe you are just exercising too hard, but I'm with you on the docs.

Keep your chin up. We all have these set-backs. Do what's right for you. In the end our health is all we have or don't.
:flowerforyou: