different motivations for losing, are they all equally effec

backinthenines

I have read many threads on people's motivation for wanting to lose weight and obviously the spectrum is quite broad.

Some people have developed serious health problems and wish to be healthier. A few people have posted amazing insights about staring death in the face and this changing their outlook. Some people want to set a better example to their kids and have a healthy family. And of course most people would admit that we all like to look a bit better, wear clothes that fit better etc.

But a lot of women seem to be wholly motivated by appearance, and not in a very nice way. There is this constant edge of competition with other women that makes some posts come across as really unpleasant. You see a lot of posts about people going on and on about wanting to look 'smokin' in a bikini by summer and the posts suggest they're not doing this for themselves, not necessarily for guys either, it seems like their primary motivation is to be disliked by other women and to somehow make them jealous of them.

Similar other posts are when someone is motivated by competing with a woman at work or an ex female friend, again to somehow outdo them, outshine them, stick two fingers up to them by being slimmer than them.

I think one post that really stuck out for me was someone who was motivated by wanting to outshine the bride at her big day. It felt there was something mean about that sort of motivation.

Perhaps some women are more honest and open about this than others? Are most women like this underneath? Is there any such thing as 'sisterhood' or are all women just out to out-do each other? And if so why??

In terms of losing weight and keeping it off - surely a lot is to do with what motivates you. Are those motivated by positive factors more likely to succeed than those driven by jealousy?

sdwill1

I think a whole lot of us are competitive. We want to be 'the best'. We feel inferior. We don't feel good about ourselves on a base level so we have to be better than everyone else. I figure as women if we start there and accept ourselves as we are then the honest 'real' work starts. Then we can support others and get over our jealous feelings. Easier said than done though.

NotAllWhoWanderAreLost

i think those who practice gratitude are more positive and happy people and therefore more likely to achieve a long-term goal of health. I think a positive mental health is inseparable from a positive physical health. So there you have it, IMO: if you want to get to your goal and be a happy, healthy person, start working on whats in your head, whats in your heart and as much on what comes OUT of your mouth as what goes IN! :flowerforyou:

mariapuhl

The outshine the bride motivation easily could have been me, but I don't remember posting it on here... haha.

That motivation, is just an added incentive. It wasn't my original plan, my original plan was that I wanted to get healthy, I was tired of being tired all the time, etc. It just turns out that I will look smokin' hot for this girls wedding, and so that's making it even better! (she always talked down to me, told me I was fat and ugly, etc. just to make herself feel better, so I think it's an acceptable motivation to now look dang good at her wedding!)

So I have a nice mix of really good honest motivations (be healthier, self-confidence, etc.), but there are some jealousy ones in there too, and it's working so far haha.

Meggie_pooh

Let me start by saying that I have been overweight and awkward since my freshman year in High School. I got picked on...ALOT. I NEVER had a boyfriend cuz nobody wanted to "date the fat cick". So yes, I can understand the whole competition between women thing. I see alot of peeps I went to school with who were popular and skinny lil cheerleaders for their whole high school career...and now 19 years later...well, let's just say they're not skinny anymore *insert evil grin*

I have many reasons why I want to lose weight, mainly for my daughter and husband, but ya know....just once I would love to just walk up to one of those former cheerleaders and say...."how do u like it now that the shoe is on the other foot"? But I won't cuz I will be the "bigger" person they NEVER were to me! But ... the wanting to say something will always be there!

backinthenines

I can see the link between feeling inferior in some way and using appearance to try to address that.

But often it comes across like the main motivation is in a way a desire "to turn the tables", so that people who have felt in some way inferior due to their weight want to slim down so they can be the ones dishing out inferiority complexes to others?

I was just wondering whether that sort of motivation produces long term results when compared to people who make lifestyle changes for more profound reasons than just wanting to look better than other women.

At the end of the day most of us aren't models and we'll all get old eventually. LOL

jalyner

When I read this I was kind of shocked because I haven't seen anything like you're describing on MFP and I thought that certainly *I* have never had those types of feelings for another person. But then I remembered an old roommate I had. She thought she was a greek goddess and was very rude and put me down a lot. I saw her last year and she'd gained about 30 lbs. I didn't say anything to her regarding her gain, but inside I felt a jab of vindication. I was secretly glad that she'd gained weight because I wanted her to know what it felt like to be chubby. I'm ashamed of that, but it was there all the same.

fitnesspirateninja

i think those who practice gratitude are more positive and happy people and therefore more likely to achieve a long-term goal of health. I think a positive mental health is inseparable from a positive physical health. So there you have it, IMO: if you want to get to your goal and be a happy, healthy person, start working on whats in your head, whats in your heart and as much on what comes OUT of your mouth as what goes IN! :flowerforyou:

Agreed.

Look, even if you reach your goal, you're still going to age. Your boobs will sag, you'll get wrinkles, grow facial hair, etc...even if you achieve perfection now, it will one day fade. What will you do then? What good is it to reach your goal if it's built on sand?

backinthenines

I guess motivation depends on priorities, and priorities maybe depend also on age to some extend.

The massive preoccupation of "one-up-manship" on looks seems more frequent in the younger girls here.

Hey maybe it's cos I'm 40 now that I don't care anymore what anyone thinks I look like, or perhaps feel different than I did in my 20s? I don't think I would like to go back to the perceived pressure of that young vain looks competition. I remember it well.

backinthenines

Your boobs will sag, you'll get wrinkles, grow facial hair, ?

I have one out of three so far.... :laugh:

No it's not the facial hair!! :huh:

Heather1776

The outshine the bride motivation easily could have been me, but I don't remember posting it on here... haha.

That motivation, is just an added incentive. It wasn't my original plan, my original plan was that I wanted to get healthy, I was tired of being tired all the time, etc. It just turns out that I will look smokin' hot for this girls wedding, and so that's making it even better! (she always talked down to me, told me I was fat and ugly, etc. just to make herself feel better, so I think it's an acceptable motivation to now look dang good at her wedding!)

So I have a nice mix of really good honest motivations (be healthier, self-confidence, etc.), but there are some jealousy ones in there too, and it's working so far haha.

Then why are you going to her wedding if she was so awful to you? Seems odd to me.

Lakerlady5747

I have read a lot about motivation to lose weight and keep it off since I have been struggling to lose weight for the majority of my adult life. From what I've read, people who want to lose weight to become healthier overall supposedly are better at keeping that weight off in the long run.

For me, my motivations to lose have changed probably in the last year. I am probably getting married within the next couple of years (most likely next summer), and while I do want to be able to look back on my wedding pictures and say that I looked good, I also realize that I'll be starting a family soon. I've read that being overweight and obese can make getting pregnant more difficult and it can also make your pregnancy difficult. Plus, I fear that I'm close to having long-term health problems (such as diabetes) if I don't lose weight soon. Another reason why I want to lose weight? I want to be able to play tag in the backyard with my young nephews (and eventually my kids) and not have to stop after a short time because I'm too tired.

The things I've listed above have helped me to start my journey towards a lifestyle change. I'm hoping that these things will help to keep me motivated to work towards my goals!

mariapuhl

The outshine the bride motivation easily could have been me, but I don't remember posting it on here... haha.

That motivation, is just an added incentive. It wasn't my original plan, my original plan was that I wanted to get healthy, I was tired of being tired all the time, etc. It just turns out that I will look smokin' hot for this girls wedding, and so that's making it even better! (she always talked down to me, told me I was fat and ugly, etc. just to make herself feel better, so I think it's an acceptable motivation to now look dang good at her wedding!)

So I have a nice mix of really good honest motivations (be healthier, self-confidence, etc.), but there are some jealousy ones in there too, and it's working so far haha.

Then why are you going to her wedding if she was so awful to you? Seems odd to me.

Because she invited me....... and I think it'd me more rude not go, considering we were best friends for 4 years in HS.

fitnesspirateninja

I guess motivation depends on priorities, and priorities maybe depend also on age to some extend.

The massive preoccupation of "one-up-manship" on looks seems more frequent in the younger girls here.

Hey maybe it's cos I'm 40 now that I don't care anymore what anyone thinks I look like, or perhaps feel different than I did in my 20s? I don't think I would like to go back to the perceived pressure of that young vain looks competition. I remember it well.

I feel like there a big difference between 20 and 25, and also from 25 to 30. I care a lot less about stuff that seemed really, really important to me a decade ago. But I never had a competitive relationship with my girlfriends, but I'm not a competitive person (don't pick me for your team when we're playing volleyball). I'm also married now, so there's no issues with my friends dating a guy I really liked. Maybe that takes some of the pressure off?

fitnesspirateninja

The outshine the bride motivation easily could have been me, but I don't remember posting it on here... haha.

That motivation, is just an added incentive. It wasn't my original plan, my original plan was that I wanted to get healthy, I was tired of being tired all the time, etc. It just turns out that I will look smokin' hot for this girls wedding, and so that's making it even better! (she always talked down to me, told me I was fat and ugly, etc. just to make herself feel better, so I think it's an acceptable motivation to now look dang good at her wedding!)

So I have a nice mix of really good honest motivations (be healthier, self-confidence, etc.), but there are some jealousy ones in there too, and it's working so far haha.

Then why are you going to her wedding if she was so awful to you? Seems odd to me.

Because she invited me....... and I think it'd me more rude not go, considering we were best friends for 4 years in HS.

I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to pay for your dinner and drinks if she knew how you felt...

helenamonks

My biggest motivator is my health and second is to be able to wear the clothes I like third is probably b/c I've never known what it was like to look hot (in my own opinion). Obviously I'm not trying to one up on anyone, but I've never been able to wear a bikini and I really want to!