My diet buddy keeps Cheating!

MoM2LayLa09

I have my best friend, my family member, she's everything! And we were doing awesome. I am down sick this week so its been tough for me but I keep pulling through it.

Her on the other hand, while i'm hard at work on eating healthy and working out... does nothing but complain about working out and she keeps cheating on her food!!! Its really making me mad!

I am trying to be positive and give her tough love, saying I am disappointed in her and she should be too but that i'm still here for her and any help she needs let me know... she has been owning up to her mistakes and says she feels terrible and then in a few days she's at it again.

She wants to lose all this weight by her wedding next year and I just don't know what else to say or do.... to help her out. I need some encouragement of my own but I can believe anything she says if she isn't practicing what she is preaching...


any advice?

she is my best friend - we do everything together and we talk hours a day through texting... i can't just let her go or say goodbye and i dont want to... but i dont know what else to say to keep her on track.

HopefulLeigh

If she doesn't want it like you do, there's nothing you can do to make her want it. And it doesn't sound like she wants it. The best I can suggest is to find an extra diet buddy to check in with, who won't cheat.

spottytoaster

The problem is if her hearts not in it she will keep cheating. Its difficult but the way to motivate her maybe to keep quiet and just do your best and she will see how well you are doing and it might motivate her. I know it sounds corny but it really does have to come from within her and you can't let her cheating effect you. I know you want the best for her but stepping back might be the way to go.

Hope that made sense and helped

dhiggins8

I have my best friend, my family member, she's everything! And we were doing awesome. I am down sick this week so its been tough for me but I keep pulling through it.

Her on the other hand, while i'm hard at work on eating healthy and working out... does nothing but complain about working out and she keeps cheating on her food!!! Its really making me mad!

I am trying to be positive and give her tough love, saying I am disappointed in her and she should be too but that i'm still here for her and any help she needs let me know... she has been owning up to her mistakes and says she feels terrible and then in a few days she's at it again.

She wants to lose all this weight by her wedding next year and I just don't know what else to say or do.... to help her out. I need some encouragement of my own but I can believe anything she says if she isn't practicing what she is preaching...


any advice?

she is my best friend - we do everything together and we talk hours a day through texting... i can't just let her go or say goodbye and i dont want to... but i dont know what else to say to keep her on track.

It sounds to me like your friend is not ready to make the change. I was in this same place and decided that I need this for myself. remember you are strong and you are not on your own we are here for you.

mariasheehan

I agree, if her heart isn't in it then no amount of encouragement will help. She has to want it BAD. Just keep focusing on yourself, because that's whats most important....YOU. I have someone like this is my life, who is very overweight and always complains about it but never does anything. She's just not motivated enough so I leave her be.

misskimlilac

She will figure it out, maybe not this time. Maybe this is your time to succeed on your own. You don't have to dump your friend, and I doubt much guilting her into anything is productive. Once you start seeing successes that may be a catalist for her and she will come back around. But don't let her stop you, you can do this! All this said remember in order for all these life changes to stick with you, you have to be doing this for you. It is nice to have company on this journey, use MFP there is tons of support here and add me if you want. I haven't been doing it for that long but I check in several times a day and I am having little victories every day

TiniTurtle

i'm sorry she is being cruddy. maybe she'll change once she see's you making progress & dropping weight while she isn't? it's going to be a nasty wake up call when she starts her wedding dress fittings soon & hasn't lost any weight. in the mean time, it couldn't hurt to find another weight loss buddy, not to replace her- but to support you in a way your friend isn't able to right now.

Aaronc909

The other suggestion is lead by example. As she watches you change over time it will actually increase her own motivation. Well atleast I hope thats what she takes from it .

Vicky14174

You have to do this for you and she has to do it for herself. You can't do it for her nor can she do it for you. With that being said, you just do what you feel is right for you and don't let her actions affect you.

Jizes318

(she is my best friend - we do everything together and we talk hours a day through texting... i can't just let her go or say goodbye and i dont want to... but i dont know what else to say to keep her on track.)


I AM CONFUSED... WHEN YOU SAY i DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? AS IN GOODBYE TO WHAT? NOT YOUR FRIENDSHIP RIGHT?

SHE JUST ISN'T SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR THIS AND UNTIL SHE IS THERE ISN'T MUCH YOU CAN DO. DON'T KILL YOURSELF STRESSING. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE DOING IT AND UNLESS SHE CAN STEP UP YOU AREN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH HER. FOCUS ON YOURSELF THE REST WILL COME INTO PLAY. SHE NEEDS WILLPOWER AND HASN'T FOUND IT YET!

thedeegan4

I have a friend who is the exact same way. We have been doing this for years now. I have pretty much given up on her and have come to realize that nothing I say or do is going to change her. She is the one that is going to have to want to do it and stick with it.

azlady7

i went through the same thing with my stepdaughter. (she is 20 and morbidly obese) She wants to lose the weight, but for all the wrong reasons....to look better for other people like her boyfriend. Basically, I just stopped expecting her to do what I do. I stopped saying ANYTHING about weight loss and went about my business losing my weight. I learned that if she isnt in it, NOTHING I say or do will change that. She still comes to me for advice and to discuss weight loss periodically, and I am nice and help her only when she asks. Dont let your healthy new lifestyle (and her unhealthy one) hinder the relationship. Drop trying to help her. Sometimes seeing others do it and succeed is enough. Hopefully your weight loss will inspire her. Good luck

LFern

The problem is if her hearts not in it she will keep cheating. Its difficult but the way to motivate her maybe to keep quiet and just do your best and she will see how well you are doing and it might motivate her. I know it sounds corny but it really does have to come from within her and you can't let her cheating effect you. I know you want the best for her but stepping back might be the way to go.

Hope that made sense and helped

I agree with this person whole heartedly - when she SEES the change in you, she will realize that it is only herself she is cheating. Be a friend but most of all be a friend to yourself first!

whittrusty

When you're not ready, you're not ready and it sounds like she's just not ready. That doesn't mean that she won't ever be, it just means that she hasn't quite gotten to the point when this is a change she's willing to make. It's hard to change everything about the way you live. Don't be too disappointed in her; it may not look like she's trying, but I can tell you from experience, it's hard in the beginning.

Just lead by example. Don't get on to her too much so that it won't hurt your friendship. She'll come around when she's ready. Instead of tough love, just love on her. She's trying. If she wasn't trying, she wouldn't have started this in the first place. She'll come around. Until then, concentrate on you and get your support from someone else or from all of us here at MFP!!

lainey137

willpower is down to self confidence- she isn't doing it because she feels like she can't, and therefore it isn't worth her effort trying. Instead of telling her she isn't doing well enough- tell her how brilliantly she has been doing, how gorgeous she already is, how wonderful a friend she is, and how proud you are of her.

you can only lose the weight for yourself- so you do it for you, and she will do it for herself when she feels like she is worth it.

MoM2LayLa09

Thanks everyone! Ya, know I think that you all are right. Maybe she just isn't ready and I am and I need to keep working my *kitten* off and prove to her that making the right choices comes with amazing results!

Thanks : )

thecanface

i have two diet buddys! one i work out with, because she is motivated in that department lol and the other i eat with!

with my work out buddy - food we don't talk about for some reason, when i bring it up she doesnt stay on the subject or share her food stories, nor did she sign up for MFP when i told her about it, but she WILL call me at 8 am on a saturday because we have kick box class, or we need to run. she motivates me when i feel down, and i do the same for her.

THEN......

i have my food buddy.. we are always watching what each are eating, while watching ourselves of course, telling eachother what we each ate, giving advise on low calorie foods, share recipes, each lunch together, encouraging eachother to make the right choices. like if she is craving something bad, i will offfer her a fruit. we do chit chat about working out here and there, but we do not go to the gym together, or tell eachother to make sure to go to the gym.

so far it is working out because i almost have someone watching me at all times so i can't cheat lol

lins00043

My sister and I made it competitive and it worked well for both of us. If we broke a rule we had to pay the other person $20, but you would really have to trust that the other person wouldn't lie about it. Some things we have given up (some just for a month, some for the last 6 months; pop, booze, cheese, ranch and blue cheese dressing, fried food, no eating after 8pm, pizza, chips, must drink water..etc (we used our own weaknesses))

Christine1110

My diet buddy....one of my best friends has done the same thing....I just have to leave her behind. She really doesn't want it as bad as you do. I feel bad for my friend....but if she doesn't want to put in the work...she won't get results. Don't let her hold you back, or bring you down!

thecanface

The problem is if her hearts not in it she will keep cheating. Its difficult but the way to motivate her maybe to keep quiet and just do your best and she will see how well you are doing and it might motivate her. I know it sounds corny but it really does have to come from within her and you can't let her cheating effect you. I know you want the best for her but stepping back might be the way to go.

Hope that made sense and helped

i agree with this, she will soon see your success and wonder why she doesnt have the same, then she will realize all the cheating adds up to failure. she will get on track with you soon when she sees that you two arent on the same page.

lutzsher

You gotta want it for yourself, no one can "talk" you into it so you will just have to be her shining example. Once she sees your results and how energetic you are she will come around.

nerdyandilikeit

Its not really that weird that your best friend is an awful diet buddy. I personally started this site specifically because my best friend and I (we have been best friends since high school, were roommates in college, sharing an apartment now and are just generally inseparable) have tried many times to be diet buddies, but we are awful at talking each other out of exercising and talking each other into eating too much bad food for the sake of hanging out and having fun. I feel exactly like your situation, where I'm motivated and she's just not into it. It did make me mad and frustrated for a long time, but like a week ago it just clicked that I can't make her do it if she doesn't want to do it the same way I do. So, I'd say find a new diet buddy, even if its someone online that you are accountable to (for me, just people being able to see my updates and stuff is enough to motivate me!), or you may end up losing a best friend

nerdyandilikeit

.

MoM2LayLa09

My sister and I made it competitive and it worked well for both of us. If we broke a rule we had to pay the other person $20, but you would really have to trust that the other person wouldn't lie about it. Some things we have given up (some just for a month, some for the last 6 months; pop, booze, cheese, ranch and blue cheese dressing, fried food, no eating after 8pm, pizza, chips, must drink water..etc (we used our own weaknesses))

haha thats funny !! - I definitely do trust her and think its amazing that she shares when she cheats when she could just keep it hush hush. but its kinda like temptation ya know? this little devil comes to my ear and says... see she cheated once you can too! and thats what makes me irritated. we give up stuff together also, pop, no eating 3 hrs before bed... but she isn't keeping her side of the deal i'm gonna tell her she owes me 20 bucks! haha

MoM2LayLa09

Its not really that weird that your best friend is an awful diet buddy. I personally started this site specifically because my best friend and I (we have been best friends since high school, were roommates in college, sharing an apartment now and are just generally inseparable) have tried many times to be diet buddies, but we are awful at talking each other out of exercising and talking each other into eating too much bad food for the sake of hanging out and having fun. I feel exactly like your situation, where I'm motivated and she's just not into it. It did make me mad and frustrated for a long time, but like a week ago it just clicked that I can't make her do it if she doesn't want to do it the same way I do. So, I'd say find a new diet buddy, even if its someone online that you are accountable to (for me, just people being able to see my updates and stuff is enough to motivate me!), or you may end up losing a best friend

thanks : )
its sucks doesnt it there is no one else in my immediate circle that even trys or wants to workout or eat good with me ... except her but ya know it lasts for a week and then done for a month. I found this site 17 days ago and my whole outlook has changed! she is on this site too but i see her slipping and i really want no part of it... i'm ready for a change!

PJilly

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

MoM2LayLa09

(she is my best friend - we do everything together and we talk hours a day through texting... i can't just let her go or say goodbye and i dont want to... but i dont know what else to say to keep her on track.)


I AM CONFUSED... WHEN YOU SAY i DON'T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? AS IN GOODBYE TO WHAT? NOT YOUR FRIENDSHIP RIGHT?

SHE JUST ISN'T SERIOUS ENOUGH FOR THIS AND UNTIL SHE IS THERE ISN'T MUCH YOU CAN DO. DON'T KILL YOURSELF STRESSING. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE DOING IT AND UNLESS SHE CAN STEP UP YOU AREN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS WITH HER. FOCUS ON YOURSELF THE REST WILL COME INTO PLAY. SHE NEEDS WILLPOWER AND HASN'T FOUND IT YET!

Thats what I mean... I don't want to say good bye to her as a diet buddy... when she is motivated its awesome! she keeps me on track and we scream and jump up and down when we lose weight... but lately she's been slipping and i keep trying to motivate her but its obviously not working... and seeing that she is eating popcorn at the movies with butter and salt and pizza (3-4 slices) for dinner... it really makes me think... hmm i do good 90% of the time and she is at 50% of the time.... this is not motivating me.. its bringing me down..

bhb301

I'm having the same problem with my mom. She was diagnosed as pre-diabetic in December. She needs to lose 60lbs. I have tried and tried, once I even *****ed at her. Recently I chose to not talk to her about it, I am doing this for myself. Hopefully your friend and my mom will see our success and soon follow. Good luck to you.

MoM2LayLa09

Thanks again! I am really trying to be positive : ) ill try harder !